Universe: ATF
Main Characters: Buck, Ezra, Chris
Disclaimer: Don't own them but wish I did. Not making money off of this, wish I could.
Warning: Rated R contains sexual situations and rape scene If you are under 18 years of age, please do not read any further!
Thanks to all those who wrote in this universe before me, especially Sue Kelley. I hope I didn't step on any toes. Thank you Mog for this playpen. Marla and Katy, you've been great, thanks for the encouragement! Comments are appreciated but I barely got up the nerve to submit this one so please, no flames.
Josiah sat at his desk in the office he shared with the other six agents of Team 7. He tried to write his report while the details were fresh in his mind, but his mind kept recalling the details that Vin had relayed to Nathan and himself in the waiting room of the hospital. They had taken both Chris and J.D. to get checked out at the emergency room. The doctors had assured them that neither of their friends was physically injured but, the emotional shock that both of them had suffered, was beyond their control to deal with right now. Both men had been sedated and would be spending the night at the hospital. It would take several sessions with a psychiatrist to get them back to a point where they could look at what happened and not feel it was their fault. Chris had been warned by Ezra but J.D. didn't have any inkling of what had happened to Buck during his week in that basement room. Beddlington's vicious recounting of the night that Buck had been raped had devastated the older man but it had crushed the life out of the younger one. The psychologist in Josiah knew that the lad would probably be lost to them forever if Buck died. Even if the older man did make it, J.D. would never be the same if Buck was unable to forgive him for his fictional crime. Josiah had recovered the tape from Beddlington's basement and had listened to a part of it before logging it in as evidence in the trials of Kindra James and Frank Matheson. He had cringed himself, hearing Chris encouraging the lad and J.D. in the throes of passion. He could not begin to imagine what Buck, in his tormented state of mind, had thought during that night. Being helpless to defend himself and blind as to who was really in the room, he had to believe that his two closest friends were responsible for the soul killing, excruciating torture he had endured that night. It explained his terror at hearing Chris's voice that night at the hospital and his adverse reaction to J.D. later. Josiah sank back in his chair. His soul was tired and he so wanted the nightmare to be over. Why couldn't he wake up to find that the past two weeks had been nothing but a figment of his imagination? He feared that Team 7, which had become family for him, had died in that basement room.
Josiah looked up as Nathan came into the room. Did he see hope in the black man's face? He couldn't imagine what he had to be happy about but the look on his face was almost cheerful. Josiah's eyes narrowed in question of the agent who had been a paramedic before joining the ATF team of Chris Larabee.
"The little weasel was the chemist who created what he calls BMH. Vin and I convinced him that helping us find an antidote was preferable to murder one charges. He's hard at work breaking down his compound with an FBI chemist right now. I've got to reach Ezra and tell him the news. Help me find the phone number! Chris has to have put it somewhere in his office."
"Wait a second, Brother Nathaniel. What phone has Chris been using to contact Ezra? He would have kept it on him, just in case Ezra called. Where are his things from the hospital?" Josiah grabbed Nathan by the shoulders.
Nathan nodded. He caught his best friend's thought pattern and he knew that whatever cell phone Chris had been using would have stored Ezra's number in it as the last number called. "I brought his stuff back here and put it in his office." Nathan raced into Chris's office and grabbed the hospital bag sitting on the couch. He rummaged through it and came up with two cell phones. He recognized the older of the two and so he flipped open the new one and hit call history. Only one number came up. Nathan punched send and waited.
"Chris?" The voice on the other end sounded tentative.
"Ezra, its Nathan. We've had a busy day here in Denver. How's Buck ?" Nathan was overjoyed to hear the Southerner.
"What happened to Chris? Is he all right?" Ezra knew that Chris would never give the phone to anyone else. Something must have gone wrong with the arrest for Nathan to be calling him.
"Everybody's okay. Chris and J.D. are having a rough time of it right now. Ezra, we got the chemist who created the poison that's killing Buck. We convinced him that it would be in his best interest to aid in the hunt for an antidote. He's cooperating fully. We have the components of the poison and it's only a matter of hours before we have the antidote. You need to get Buck to a hospital we can work with. I'll meet you there as soon as I have the antidote. Where are you?"
"I'm in South Carolina. I can have Buck at Walter Reed in seven hours. Will that be satisfactory for you? Can you relay the ingredients to the FBI lab and have them ready to make the antidote as soon as you get it ready?" Ezra felt a glimmer of hope starting to bloom in his heart. He had watched Buck go steadily downhill for the past two days and he was sure that the big man was going to die before they could come up with a cure.
"That's an excellent suggestion, Ez. I know a doctor that works at Walter Reed. His name is Peter Chang. He's really a great doctor. I worked with him during the Gulf War. He's the best and I know he'll do whatever it takes to get Buck back on his feet. I'll call him and get him up to date on the poison and what's been going on. You just get Buck there alive. Ask right away for Dr. Chang. He'll be waiting for you. I'll fly out as soon as I can to help you out." Nathan asked the question that he dreaded hearing the answer for. "Will he make the trip, Ezra?"
"Have our resident holy man pray to whatever deity he thinks best, Mr. Jackson. I'll transport our comrade as quickly as the vehicle will go. Nathan, get on the chemist's ass if you have to but get me something quick!"
"Will do, Ezra, will do. See you soon."
Ezra ran into the bedroom and woke Buck up from a restless sleep. He got him sitting up and dressed and then he half carried him out to the van. Gently he laid him on the bed in the back of the van and covered him with a down quilt.
"What's going on, Ez?" Buck asked weakly. He clutched the quilt tightly around himself for he was constantly chilled now.
"We're taking a trip to get you well, Buck. Nathan just called. They arrested the chemist who made the poison in the first place and he's helping them come up with an antidote. Nathan's going to meet us in Washington at the hospital. All you have to do is rest until we arrive. Do you trust me, my friend?" Ezra touched the loveable rogue's face. It was so pale and drawn. The skin was almost translucent from the poison that ran through his body.
"Go." It was all he could force out before he slumped against the pillows, totally spent.
Ezra said a short prayer and got in the driver's seat. He didn't worry about anything but getting Buck to Washington alive. He left everything behind but his wallet and the cell phone that kept him in contact with his family in Denver.
Ezra pulled the van into the emergency drive of Walter Reed Hospital in Washington, DC. He stopped hurriedly in front of the sliding doors and ran inside. He hurried to the reception desk and impatiently waited for the nurse to acknowledge him.
"Yes sir, may I help you?" She was very starchy and reserved.
"Would you please page Dr. Peter Chang? He's expecting us. Tell him it's the two ATF agents from Denver. My friend needs help right away. I can't get him to wake up." Ezra was frantic. He had been calling Buck's name from the time they had reached the Washington city limits until he stopped at the hospital. Buck had never responded. Buck had been very still in the back of the van for the past two hours and Ezra was afraid he had slipped into a coma.
The nurse perked up and came around the desk. "Dr. Chang told us to be expecting you. Victor, bring that gurney outside. Mary, page Dr. Chang. Sir, we'll go get your friend and bring him inside. You say you can't get him to wake up?" Ezra ran to catch up with the nurse and the orderly who brought the gurney with him.
The nurse, whose name was Helen Bishop, took charge inside the van. She felt for Buck's pulse and nodded when she found it in his neck. She lightly slapped his cheek and got no response. She ordered Ezra to grab his shoulders and Victor grabbed Buck's feet and together with Helen, they got Buck onto the gurney. Helen and Victor raced inside with Buck and they immediately put him in an examination room. Others quickly joined them and Ezra was pushed out to the waiting room. He stood and watched hospital personnel enter and leave the small room where Buck lay, feeling utterly useless. He bit his lower lip and prayed that he wasn't too late for his friend. The time dragged on and no one was giving him any information. He sat for awhile and then he paced back and forth. The waiting room was not like those he was used to in Denver. There were only two other people in the waiting room. This was a military hospital and only military personnel and top government officials were admitted to this hospital. Between Nathan and Assistant Director Travis, they had arranged for Buck to be treated here. He was a government employ and he had been poisoned with a CIA commissioned drug. Nathan knowing Dr. Chang didn't hurt either. Ezra got a cup of fairly fresh coffee from one of the nurses at the front desk and he sat down to drink it.
"Mr. Standish?"
Ezra looked up to see an Oriental man in his mid forties, wearing a green lab coat and paper hat. He held out his hand and Ezra stood and shook the man's hand. "Are you Dr. Chang?"
"Yes, sir, I am. I'm sorry we left you out here so long but your friend was very unstable and he needed my complete attention. As you know, he's very sick. Nathan Jackson called me several hours ago and told me that it was a poison that had never been dealt with before. He told me it was effecting Mr. Wilmington's organs and that his kidneys were already shut down. I'm afraid several other organs have also been effected. His spleen is gone. His liver is almost non-functional and he's having trouble breathing. I'm afraid his heart may also be effected. His heart beat is very erratic. We have him on a respirator and we are giving him antibiotics in his IV. I understand that the FBI lab is making the antidote as we speak and it should be here within the half hour. I believe we can keep Mr. Wilmington alive for that long, and then we have to hope that the antidote is quick acting. Nathan called and said he was leaving Denver on the ten o'clock flight so he won't be here until morning. That's about all I can tell you right now. We are transferring him to ICU and we are giving him the best care possible. He is technically comatose at this time, Mr. Standish, so he won't know if you are at his side or not. May I suggest that you get a motel room and get some rest. You don't look too good yourself."
"I promised I wouldn't leave him alone, Doctor. I would like to keep my promise if you don't mind. I haven't left him alone for more than a few minutes since last Saturday and I don't intend to leave him now." Ezra, no matter how tired he was, was not about to leave Buck's side now.
Dr. Chang could see the determination in the ATF agents face. Nathan had told him the story of Ezra's abduction of the sick agent and how he had tended to him ever since. "Come with me and I'll arrange for you to stay with your friend. I'll have someone bring you some food."
"Thank you, Dr. Chang."
Ezra slept with his head resting next to Buck's arm on the bed. He had fallen asleep within twenty minutes of sitting by Buck's side in the ICU. He had wolfed down the turkey sandwich a nurse had brought him and then, he had laid his head down just to rest for a few minutes. That was six hours ago. The nurses had worked around him, taking Buck's vitals every half hour, changing his IV bag and starting Buck on the antidote which had arrived about one thirty in the morning. He was given an injection of the fluid every two hours but so far, there had been no change. The nurses smiled at Ezra's sleeping form every time they came into the small room.
A hand was shaking him and he heard a familiar voice, but he was still so tired he didn't want to pick his head up. "Ezra, wake up!" The voice insisted and finally, Ezra opened his eyes and looked around the small, dimly lit room. He saw Buck and the machines that he was hooked up to. He heard the steady beeping of the heart monitor and silently thanked God that Buck was still alive. Finally, he turned his head and there, beside him, stood Nathan. He breathed a sigh of relief and stood up, hugging the black man he had never hugged before.
"It's good to see you too, Ezra. You kept him alive, Mr. Standish. You did real good." Nathan smiled at him, hugging him back.
"I didn't think we were in time last night, Nathan. He was so still and almost blue in color. They were in the emergency room so long, I thought he had died. But his heart is still beating steady and he's looking better. I know that's hard to believe but he does. Did they get the antidote?" Ezra stepped back and looked directly at Nathan.
"They've given him three doses so far. He's still in a coma but he's stable for now. Dr. Chang was just in here, checking on him. He was hoping for a little more change than has happened so far, but he says it may take a long time to act. We really have no idea if it's going to work. There was no way to test it. And, as you know, Buck was pretty far gone. But like you said, he's hanging in there. How are you doing? You were dead to the world for six hours, the nurses ratted on you."
"I'm fine, just tired from the drive. I want to hear about Chris and J.D.? You said they weren't hurt but something's wrong, isn't it?"
"Yeah, Beddlington got in one last shot before he blew his brains out. He played the tape for Chris and J.D. heard part of it. They are both in shock, Ezra, and they spent the night in the hospital, sedated. I don't know if J.D. will recover from it. If Buck doesn't make it, he'll be lost for good, I'm afraid." Nathan placed his hand on Buck's leg as he talked. "Ezra, how is Buck dealing with this?"
Ezra sat back down and took Buck's hand in his. He looked at the pale face and took a ragged breath. "He told me about what happened on Wednesday. The doctor in Greenville had to operate to repair the damage the ogres caused. It didn't repair the damage done to his mind and spirit though. Emotionally, he's destroyed. Mentally, he still doesn't comprehend that it was Beddlington and not Chris or J.D. that did this to him. He wants to die, Mr. Jackson, but something deep inside him keeps holding on to life. I've tried to keep his spirits up but, when he told me what happened, I was overcome with sorrow and rage. I'm afraid at that point, I was not of much assistance to our fallen comrade. He's going to need time and so much understanding on Chris's and J.D.'s part. I don't know if he'll ever be the same, Nathan."
"We have to be there for him, you, me, Vin and Josiah. Maybe we can pull him through."
"Perhaps we can. Let's keep him alive first."
Ezra held the glass of water and put the straw in Buck's mouth for him. He pushed the hair back from his forehead and smiled at the man, who sipped thirstily from the straw. When Buck had his fill, he set the glass back down. Buck had awoken on Sunday morning. The doctor's were pleased with the way his body was responding to the antidote. Buck's pulse and blood pressure were almost normal, his liver was fully functional and his lungs had cleared enough for him to be taken off the respirator. Nathan and Ezra had both been there when he opened his eyes for the first time and he had smiled when he heard Ezra's voice. Ezra had thought that was the best smile he had ever seen.
Ezra ran his hand across Buck's cheek. "It's about time for a shave, Mr. Wilmington. You look positively disgraceful. What would the women think?" Buck turned his head away from his friend and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry Buck , I wasn't thinking."
Buck had been almost as petrified of any woman that came near him as he was of Chris and J.D. So far, there was only one nurse that Buck seemed to accept and she was on the graveyard shift. Her name was Grace. She was an older lady and she talked to Buck in a gruff, but caring, tone. For some unknown reason, she seemed to touch some corner of Buck's soul that was still undamaged. Ezra got out the electric razor that one of the nurses had provided for them and he ran it over Buck's face. He had just finished when he heard someone at the door. He looked up as the door opened and he turned to Buck and said, "You've got company, my friend."
Buck turned his head toward Ezra and whispered, "Who is it?" Ezra heard the fear in his voice and wondered if he would ever get past the anxiety that seemed to be a constant for him now.
"It's Vin and Josiah. They just flew in to see you. Can they come in?"
Buck motioned for Ezra to get closer and he whispered, "They're not here to take me back, are they? I don't want to go back, Ez. Please, don't make me go back there."
Ezra laid his cheek on Buck's forehead and softly drawled, "I promised no one would hurt you again. They are here because they are your true friends and they are worried about you. Nathan didn't try to take you back, did he? Vin and Josiah won't either. No one is going to force you to do something you don't want to do. Okay?"
Buck thought it all over for a minute and then he nodded. Ezra turned in his chair and motioned for Nathan to bring the other two men in with him. Josiah stepped right up to the bed and took Buck's hand. Vin held back, almost afraid of hurting Buck with just the wrong word. Ezra urged him closer with a wave of his hand.
"Hi, you old scoundrel. How are you?" Josiah asked softly. He held Buck's hand in his two big hands and sat down in the chair Ezra had just vacated.
Buck grinned ever so slightly and answered, "Alive, sort of. I've missed you guys."
"And we've missed you. I prayed for this moment, Brother Buck. God answered and brought you back to us. You look terrific!" Tears rolled down Josiah's cheeks. The man before him was a ghost of the lively, loveable rogue who was constantly pulling practical jokes and telling tall tales. Josiah could see him, throwing paper wads across the bullpen at Vin and then, with a look of sincerity, he claimed that J.D. did it. He pictured him, dressed in his brand new suit that Ezra had helped him pick out, saying that the women of Denver would never be able to resist his "animal magnetism" now, spinning to show off the whole package. He had been laughing as he said it, and Ezra had been chuckling, but looking as proud as a peacock himself. Josiah looked at the sunken face, the empty eyes, and wondered if they would ever see that gregarious friend again.
"Is Vin here too?" Buck's voice was weak but the words were sweet to Vin's ears.
"Yeah, Pard, I'm here. Just not much room in here. I'm going to talk to Ez for a minute outside and let Josiah have his time with you. There's a lot I want to tell ya. I'll be right back, okay?" Vin's voice broke as he touched Buck's knee, reassuring himself that Buck was truly alive and improving.
"Okay, buddy."
Vin escorted Ezra out to the waiting room of the ICU. There sat J.D. Ezra walked over to the young man who looked so young and fragile, sitting with his head down. He stood before him and waited until J.D. raised his head. The eyes looked so old in the young face. Ezra held out his hand and the young man stood and put his arms around the normally cool con man. Ezra surprised Vin by hugging J.D. back. They stood that way for several minutes.
"Thank you for saving his life, Ezra. I know that he don't wanna see me right now but I wanted to come anyway. Just to be close to him, ya know. I heard the tape. I heard me doing things, saying things ... I would have killed that bastard if Chris hadn't stopped me." He chuckled grimly, shaking his head. "He shot himself while Chris and I lay in a heap at his feet. He even took away vengeance, that son of a bitch. I wanted to see that mother get the death penalty but he didn't even let us have that. He took away the best part of my life and I don't know how to get past that." He paused and wiped away the ever present tears. "There's a big hole in me that just aches all the time. I can't even imagine what Buck must be going through. How is he doing? I guess he's all right with Nathan, Josiah, and Vin, huh?"
Ezra squeezed his shoulder and sat down with him. "No, J.D., he's not. He's afraid of everybody, even his closest friends. It's not easy for him to have even the nurses around him right now."
"He likes you being with him, though, right?" J.D. looked hopeful.
Ezra smiled at him. "Yes, my young friend, he likes me to be with him. And he'll accept Nathan now. He understands that I can't be with him all the time. He still suffers severe panic attacks if he finds himself alone, however, so one of us is always with him. The hospital staff understands and leaves us pretty much alone with him. He sleeps a lot still but he's getting stronger. Dr. Chang is amazed at how well his body is responding to the antidote. The liver is doing very well and his lungs have cleared up almost completely. The doctor even thinks his kidneys may start working again. His spleen and his eyes are not responding at all, but, one of the best ophthalmologists in the country is going to examine him tomorrow. The ophthalmologist that is in residence here thinks some surgery may repair the eyes to where he can see again. Dr. Chang wants to remove his spleen so it doesn't cause further problems. Over all, he's doing remarkably well physically." Ezra hesitated before continuing. He wanted to break the news to J.D. as gently as possible. "J.D., you have to understand that emotionally and mentally, he has a long way to go. He may never be what you want him to be again. Beddlington destroyed everything he loved, everything that he believed in, including his manhood. He was betrayed by a woman, and by his best friends. Every stranger that he comes in contact with causes him to withdraw into his tight little world. He's going to be here for a long, long time, working with doctors and counselors. We have to give him time, J.D. I am sorry but his seeing you now would be disastrous. I hope you can understand that."
J.D. looked down at his shoes and didn't respond right away. Ezra looked up at Vin, seeking help in getting the young agent to see the truth of things. Just as Vin was going to speak up, J.D. raised his head and nodded at Ezra. "I don't like it but I know that's what's best for Buck. Chris knows that too. He's at the motel. He said that he didn't want to hurt Buck anymore but he wants to see ya, Ez. He wants to hear it from you that Buck is going to be all right eventually. I heard the tape, Ez. I understand that it's going to take a long time for Buck to heal from the evil that was done to him. I guess I just need someone to tell me that there is some hope. That maybe some day, Buck can look me in the eye and not be scared out of his mind. Do you think that might happen, Ez?"
Ezra laughed. J.D. had a way of amazing them all. Just when they thought he was too young to understand the ways of life, he would say just the right words to astonish them with his wisdom. "Yes, J.D., I think that just might happen. Our friend has the biggest heart of anyone I know and if forgiveness can be found, he will be the one to do it. Mr. Wilmington has survived so far and I would wager that our loveable rogue will reemerge and be stronger than ever. We must find the patience in ourselves to allow him the time he needs to come back to us. Can you do that?"
"Yeah, Ez, I think I can do that. I know he loves me a much as I love him. Maybe that will help him."
Ezra put his hand on the shoulder of the man beside him and then, he looked up at the other young man with them. "How about our fearless leader, Mr. Tanner? Do you think he can deal with Buck's need for solitude at the present time?"
Vin shook his head. "He's really hurtin' over this, Ez. That son of a bitch didn't just hurt Buck, he destroyed a lot of Chris's insides too. Chris spends most of his time beaten himself up over stuff that he didn't do. For some reason, he's blamin' himself for Buck's kidnapping. He just keeps wishin' that Beddlington had taken him instead of Buck. He wishes that he had taken the time to deal with issues between he and Buck long before this happened. Ah hell, Ez, he's just got to get better."
"I hope so too, Mr. Tanner. They may not always be each other's best friend but they are still brothers. The two of them, well, I do believe that they belong together."
The stranger made his way into the ICU and walked directly to room #4. One of the young nurses got up and was going to stop him before he entered the room, but the head nurse, Grace Caruthers, stopped her. She put a gentle hand on the young woman's arm and shook her head. Instead, Grace got up and followed the stranger into Buck Wilmington's room. This was the first night that Buck's friends had felt safe in leaving him alone. Ezra, whom all the nurses loved and admired for his dedication to the big man, had asked Buck if he would be all right with Grace taking care of him at night. Buck had just smiled. Grace thought it was the most radiant smile she had ever seen. She had smiled back at Buck and silently promised him that she would take good care of him while Ezra slept. Buck had sent Ezra on his way when Grace had given him his medication for the night. The sedative was a strong one and Grace assured Ezra that Buck would sleep through the night. So tonight, she was on guard duty, protecting the fragile man from any harm. Instinctively, she knew that this stranger would never hurt her patient. She quietly entered Buck's room and saw the blonde man standing at the foot of the bed. She quickly checked Buck's vital signs and then moved to stand beside the silent man.
"You must be Chris?"
He nodded but never took his eyes from the sleeping man in the bed.
"He's doing really well, considering. He let Ezra leave for the night which is a giant step for him. Just give him a little space. He's a fighter, he'll be just fine in the long run. You know, he calls for you during his sleep. Sometimes, he seems scared to death of you, but mostly, he just wants you to be there for him."
Chris moved to Buck's side and gently touched his face. "He saved my life so many times. We're leaving in a couple of hours. I just wanted to see him, make sure that he's really getting better. Can I have a minute alone with him?"
"Sure, he's heavily sedated so I doubt if he'll wake up. Take your time." She smiled at him and left the room.
Chris sat in the chair that was still beside the bed. He took Buck's hand in his and softly whispered, "I wish there was something I could do for you, Pard. I'm so sorry this happened to you, Buck. If I could have changed things, I would have. But it's done, nothin' I can do now. We're leaving in a couple of hours, headin' back to Denver. Don't worry, Ezra's staying for a while longer. You behave yourself, ya hear me. Just get well, Pard." Chris felt the tears start to fall. There was nothing else that he could do and he felt totally useless. Standing by Buck's bed, seeing how damaged his long time friend was, Chris could feel the rage start to build within him once again. "Goddam son of a bitch, why you? Why not me? Why?" He paced frantically around the small area. His head throbbed and his chest constricted so much, he thought he wouldn't be able to breathe. "It's not fair, it's not right, Buck. Don't let him win! Don't you dare let that bastard win!" He sat heavily in the chair that sat by the head of the bed. He took a deep breath and tentatively, he reached up and pushed the dark hair off of the pale forehead. "Good bye, Buck. I miss ya, buddy." Chris laid the cell phone that he had bought to stay in touch with Ezra on the table by his bed. A note was taped to it that said, When you are ready. Chris got up slowly and left the room.
Buck held his breath until he heard the door close. "I miss ya, too, Chris."
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Epilogue
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