No Regrets
(aka Mary's Bed)

by krh


Part 1  |  Part 2  |  Part 3  |  Part 4


Part Four

Sidestepping to allow the people coming through the revolving door of the hospital entrance room to exit, Mary smiled tightly at them as she quickly took their place. Rapidly approaching the older woman sitting at the information desk, she impatiently waited for her to finish giving the couple at the desk directions to the admitting office. Finishing with them, the older woman glanced back at Mary and smiled. "May I help you?"

"Could you please tell me where I might find the Federal agents that were brought in this morning?"

Turning to the computer, the woman remained passive. "Do you have a name?"

Swallowing hard, Mary couldn't say it. She couldn't say the name of the person she feared the most would be one of the injured. Swallowing again, she compromised. "Buck... er... Bucklin Wilmington."

Typing in the name, the volunteer shook her head. "I'm sorry. I don't have Mr. Wilmington on my listing." Seeing the fleeting relief mixed with disappointment and fear pass over the younger woman's face, the volunteer sympathized. "Is there anything else I could help you with?" she encouraged.

Biting her lip, Mary tried to recall who she had heard Chris say was going in first that morning. She had remembered him saying something about Buck, but who else? "Ezra Standish?"

Typing in the name, the volunteer tried to maintain her calm, knowing that what she was about to say was not what the young woman at the counter wanted to hear. "I'm sorry, but I don't have Mr. Standish either."

One by one, Mary listed off the team members' names. Each time, the response was the same. Perhaps they weren't the federal agents that had been injured. As soon as that thought popped into her head, she dismissed it. Something in the volunteer's countenance bothered her.

After a few seconds, Mary decided to try another tact. "Please, I'm a close friend of some of the men who may have been injured in the shootout this morning. If you could just tell me where any of the Federal agents are and I'll...."

"Mary."

The sound of Vin Tanner's voice washed over Mary. Spinning, she saw the blond haired man standing behind her, balancing four styrofoam cups of coffee. Despite that, he still managed to return the hug offered to him.

Pulling back, Mary ran eyes over Vin's normally passive face and saw the stress and worry reflected in his eyes and in the set of his jaw line. "Who?"

"Ezra. He's still in surgery. Took a knife in the side. Doctors couldn't tell how much damage til they get in there," Vin explained, releasing some of the cups into Mary's hands as they started to move towards the elevator.

"The news said two agents had been injured. Who else?" Mary asked as they stepped into the empty car. Mary got her answer in the form of Vin turning away to resolutely face the front of the car. Even so, the misery that flashed over his face at her question showed in his profile.

Sucking in a panicked breath, Mary blinked several times to clear the tears that sprang into her eyes. "How bad was he hurt?" she whispered fearfully, the little color in her face draining from it. In less than 24 hours time she had had to ask that same question about her son and now the man she was in love with. It was too much.

Glancing apologetically at her, the sharpshooter herded her out of the elevator and removed the cups from her shaking hands. Waiting to make sure she wasn't going to pass out on him, he finally answered. "Not bad. Dislocated his shoulder. Already been released. He's with the others," Vin added, gesturing down the hall.

Moving the short distance to the waiting area, Mary felt numb. He had been hurt. But not bad. If that was true, why did Vin look like his world had just about come to an end?

All wondering about Vin became secondary when Mary walked into the waiting area. In one corner of the large room, the ATF agents had congregated. Other people in the room seemed to sense that they did not wish to be intruded upon because there was a perimeter of empty chairs around them.

Glancing over the group, Mary noticed the dirty smudges on Josiah's face and dress shirt, the torn knee of Buck's jeans, and the bulletproof vests tossed carelessly in the corner. As she had seen happen before, JD was sitting on the floor cross legged, within easy reach of Buck's comforting hand behind him. Nathan, sitting across from Buck, looked tired and haggard, something Mary couldn't ever remember seeing him before. And Chris...

As Chris slowly eased himself upright, she could see his left arm was strapped securely across his waist by the harness over the dark blue t-shirt he always wore under his vest. An angry scrape and bruise showed glaringly on his jaw line. His face reflected the somberness of the wait as well as the physical pain he had endured. Yet stopping in front of him, Mary saw something else reflected in his eyes, too. It was a glimmer of appreciation... a joy that she had come to be with them. With him.

Standing in front of Chris looking into his eyes while blinking back her tears, Mary couldn't think of what to say to explain why she was there or the overwhelming relief that she was experiencing at knowing that he was alive and relatively unharmed. Even without the words, Chris seemed to know as he reached up to brush her cheek before sliding his arm around her and pulling her to him.

Mary soaked up the scent and feel of him against her, just as Chris clung to her. Nothing else mattered for those few minutes. Nothing but the fact that they were together. Nothing else mattered because both knew that together they could get through whatever life threw their way.

Finally pulling back, they shared one last look before Mary stepped to one side and helped Chris sit back down. Taking the lid off the cup of coffee JD handed to Chris, she asked "How long has he been in there?" She was trying to gauge how much longer they might have to wait before they would receive any news about Ezra's condition.

Glancing at his watch, Nathan replied, "Just under two hours. One way or the other, we should know soon."

"Can you tell me what happened?" Mary asked hesitantly. Watching the glances between each of the men, she wasn't sure they were going to tell her until she caught an almost imperceivable nod from Chris.

"Ezra and I went into the warehouse to see if a new shipment of guns was coming in as we suspected. McAllister showed up right after that. It was the break in the case we had been waiting for," Josiah started. "We were finally going to be able to make the link between him and guns."

"So what happened?"

"A total fluke," Josiah said, sighing loudly.

Seeing Mary's questioning stare, Buck picked up the story. "Ez's mike shorted out and started his shirt smoking. He didn't have any choice but to pull it off or he would of been totally on fire." Shifting and grimacing at the memory of the reaction in the warehouse when the targets saw a smoking microphone dangling from the undercover agent's hand, the mustached man added, "Needless to say, all hell broke loose."

"Chris sent everyone in but by the time we got in there, it was chaos. Ezra and Josiah were hiding behind the boxes of ammunition so the perps couldn't shoot at them," JD said, grinning at the audicity of the hiding spot.

"As Ezra said, it seemed like a prudent hiding spot," Josiah said, smiling back at the younger agent.

"Or a damn fool one," Vin snorted.

Watching the interplay, Mary was even more confused. "So how did Chris and Ezra get hurt then?"

"When we went in, we thought that we had become the focus of their attention," Nathan said. "Buck, JD, Vin and I tried to keep them busy while Chris worked his way over to Ezra and Josiah to get them out of there."

"I had almost made it there when I heard a yell from Vin," Chris said, joining in the tale. "Seems McAllister's top goon had decided he was going to take out the undercover cops that had caused all the problems. Trouble was, I was between him and them. About the time I heard Tanner, this guy grabbed me and decided to use me as a battering ram against the crates in his way."

"I took a shot at him, but I missed," Vin quietly interjected. "It's my fault you got hurt."

"Bullshit," Chris snapped back, his eyes boring into Vin. "If you hadn't shot the gun out of his hand I would of been dead."

"And if I would of hit him anyplace other than the hand, neither of you would of been hurt," Vin countered, glaring back at his friend.

"You mean this guy was the one who hurt Ezra, too?" Mary queried, watching the silent conversation occurring between the two men.

Finally breaking eye contact with Tanner, Chris glanced back at Mary and nodded. "When the guy slammed me into the crates, I blacked out. Ezra saw me go down and jumped on the guy after he pulled a knife and was going to finish me off."

"And that's how he got stabbed," Mary said quietly. Frowning as she thought about it, Mary glanced at the pile of vests in the corner. "Didn't he have his vest on?"

"Hold up there, Mary," Nathan interjected, knowing what she was thinking. It was a common mistake by civilians. "A bulletproof vest isn't like armor. It won't protect you from everything. And a knife thrust is one of 'em."

Nodding, Mary squeezed Chris' hand apologetically. "So what happened to this guy?" she asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I didn't miss the second time," Vin said flatly before standing up. "I'm gonna go see what's taking so long."


Taking her turn to rest on the spare bed, Mary watched as Chris shifted painfully in the chair beside Ezra's bed. She wished he would listen to reason and go home. Barring that, if he would at least take something to make himself more comfortable. The pain medication that the doctors had given had to have worn off hours ago. But he refused to do either until Ezra woke up.

Running her eyes covertly around the room, she paused at each of the men sprawled around it. On the other side of the bed,Vin was sitting on the floor against the wall with his head resting on arms laying over his knees, apparently sleeping. Buck was sitting on the floor not far from him staring unseeingly at the ceiling, uncharacteristically quiet and somber. On the other side of him, JD was curled up asleep. Nathan and Josiah were both sitting on the same side of the room as Mary in the other two available chairs. Although each had their eyes closed, Mary didn't think either of them were really asleep.

Throughout the course of the long afternoon vigil that began with Ezra's return from the post-surgical recovery room, all had taken turns in the chairs and resting on the spare bed. All but Chris that was. He had resolutely spent the entire time in the chair he now occupied. With each passing hour, the creases in his face caused by the pain in his shoulder etched a little deeper into his features. It tore at Mary each time she looked at him.

And now, watching as he once again shifted in a vain attempt to find an escape from the discomfort, Mary had had enough. Rising from the bed, she smiled slightly at the six set of inquiring eyes that were suddenly on her before she slipped out the door. In a few moments, she was back with a glass of water in her hand.

Walking over to Chris, she reached into the pocket of his t-shirt and pulled the packet of pain pills the doctor had given to him earlier in the day. Opening it, she shook one of them onto the palm of her hand before closing the small envelope and dropping it back into the blonde haired man's shirt. Picking up the glass of water, she held it and the pill out to Chris expectantly.

When somber eyes were raised to look at her questioningly, she simply said, "We're never going to get any rest tonight if you don't start getting on top of that pain."

A telltale snort came out of Buck's mouth. He had not missed the "we" comment.

Before anyone could react to the mustached man's reaction, a whispered, "She's right," from the bed brought everyone to the bedside.

Sleepy, green eyes swept each of the smiling faces that surrounded him before landing on Chris. After locking eyes with the team leader for a few minutes to convey his relief that he had been successful in stopping any further harm from befalling his friend, the undercover agent closed his eyes briefly and drawled gruffly, "I hope I look better than you do."

Shrugging off the comment and the raised eyebrow from Vin, Chris laid a hand on Ezra's arm and leaned closer to the bed. "How are you feeling?"

Blinking his eyes to try to clear them before lifting his arm to see the IVs in it and then craning his head to look at the various machines above his head, the southerner finally gave up. "You tell me."

"Lucky, that's how you should be feeling," Nathan said. "The knife missed your liver. Had to take out your gall bladder but you can live just fine without it."

Nodding, Ezra swallowed hard at the news. He did feel lucky. The memory of how much pain the knife had caused going in his body flashed through his mind. Likewise, he remembered thinking that at least his last act on this earth was a noble one and that mother would never forgive him for it.

Seeing the frown that creased Standish's face, JD laid a hand on his leg. "You in a lot of pain? I could get the doctor for you?"

Shaking his head, Ezra knew he would soon be slipping into the darkness that kept calling for him. "We get McAllister?"

"Yeah, we got 'em," Vin soothed, watching Ezra's struggle to stay awake. "We'll tell ya all about it later."

As if another thought suddenly popped into his mind, Ezra's eyes flew wide open and landed on Mary. "Billy?"

"He's fine Ezra. He says to tell you that you don't have to pay him right away since you're so sick. You wouldn't happen to know what he's talking about?" Mary asked, smiling at Ezra's chuckle.

Ezra allowed his eyes to close again. "This morning... lost a game of Frogger to young Master Travis. Had a trip to Dairy Queen riding on it," he slurred out, starting to loose the battle against the sleep, while around him, the others chuckled at the thought that the undercover agent had lost a video game to a one-handed eight year old. None of them believed that it was because of the youngster's skill.

Seeing Ezra drifting off, Chris squeezed his arm. "Rest. We'll talk later."

A mumbled, "You, too," came back before a long sigh signaled Ezra's defeat.

Sitting back, Chris' eyes lingered on the southerner until he realized that Mary still had the pill and water in her hand. Glancing up into her eyes, he read the silent message that he had no more excuses for not taking it. Conceding, he popped the pill into his mouth and followed it with the water, grimacing at the aftertaste.

"Since you're in such a cooperative mood there, how bought you lettin' one of us take you home?" Vin suggested, stepping back to lean against the wall before hooking his thumbs in the top of his waistband. "We'll make sure Ezra ain't alone."

When a look of resistance crossed the team leader's face at the suggestion, Josiah tried another tact. "Mary here ain't gonna go home until you do and she looks exhausted," he said, flashing Mary a quick look, asking for forgiveness for using her this way.

Seeing Chris begin to give in to the pressure, Mary returned his assessing stare and allowed her fatigue to show. The emotional roller coaster of the past 24 hours was taking its toil. Now that Ezra had awakened, she would like to go home. But more than that, she wanted Chris to go home to rest. And if that meant she had to emphasis her own exhaustion to do that... so be it.


Closing the door leading to Billy's room, Mary let a small tired smile cross her face. He had finally lost the battle to the sleep that had been tugging at him for over an hour. He had simply been too wound up when he had seen Chris come in with Mary. Then his excitement even increased when he realized that Chris had an hurt arm 'just like him' and began to fire questions at his hero at a rapid pace. Despite his own fatigue and pain, the ATF leader had patiently explained everything that he could to the young man.

After listening to Chris answer what seemed like a million questions, Mary had finally told the youngster it was past his bedtime. Even then, she had to answer many of the same questions again while helping him take his bath and get ready for bed. It wasn't until he was in bed that Mary realized that he was simply seeking reassurance that the man who he thought could not be hurt was going to be okay. Only when Mary realized this and promised her son that Chris would definitely be here when he woke up did the youngster nod and allow himself to go to sleep.

Now, walking into her own bedroom, Mary found herself seeking out Chris' form on the bed for her own reassurance that he was still with her. Today had been a big test. It had forced her to face her own fear that he might be hurt in the line of duty. While this possibility remained, she at least now knew she could face it.

Watching him lie on the bed with his eyes closed, Mary saw the remnants of the earlier pain still reflected on his face. The second pill she had given him before she had put Billy to bed was helping him to feel better, but he was still not pain free. The last thing he needed was to have someone bump him. And he had said he was having trouble last night stretching out in a bed which was smaller than he was used to. No, it would be best if she slept on the couch.

After going into the bathroom and slipping into a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt, she quietly moved across the room to the closet. Easing the door open, she pulled an extra blanket from the shelf and turned around to leave the room. Moving beside the bed, she was just about to shut the bedside lamp off when she was pinned by green eyes watching her movements.

"Going someplace?"

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you," she said softly.

Shaking his head to indicate that either he hadn't been asleep or that it didn't matter if she had awakened him, he watched as she eased onto the side of the bed facing him. As she toyed with the edge of the blanket in her arms, he laid a hand on hers to still it's movement.

"What's wrong?" he asked, scanning her face for some sign of why she was planning on not sleeping in her own bed. If it was because of him, he would be the one to leave it, not her.

Flashing her eyes upward in surprise at the gravity of his tone, Mary captured his hand and squeezed it. "Nothing's wrong. I was just going to go sleep on the couch so you could get some rest," she assured him.

"That's not necessary. There's room for both of us," he said. Allowing a lazy grin to tug at this lips, he added, "Even if we don't spend half the night on top of each other like last night."

Smiling in embarrassment at his teasing, Mary allowed her eyes to run over his features and drink them in before she leaned forward and captured his mouth with his for a slow kiss. When it was over, she pulled back slightly and said, "I thought you said my bed was too small?"

"It is," he countered, taking the blanket off her lap and giving it a toss off of the side of the bed. "Now come on, woman. Let's go to sleep. It's been a hell of a long day."

Waiting until she had turned off the lamp and was settled in the crook of his uninjured arm, being careful to not jar the arm lying across his stomach, he kissed her one more time before closing his eyes and letting out a loud sigh. The last thought that crossed his consciousness was the fact that there wasn't a bed too small as long as he was sharing it with her. Not that he'd ever tell her that.

The end.


Part 1  |  Part 2  |  Part 3  |  Part 4


Feedback to Author