Upon entering the clinic, Buck ignored everyone's questioning stares and moved quickly over to sit beside Ezra on the bed. He immediately wrapped his arms around the younger man and tried to pull him into a hug, but hesitated when he felt him resist his efforts. Leaning forward to look into Ezra's face, he saw that the gambler was staring past him at the door... his eyes wide and unfocused, totally blind to everything that was going on around him.
Nathan laid a hand on his shoulder and spoke quietly. "Easy, Buck... he's in shock. Take it slow."
Buck released Ezra and moved around to sit on the bed in front of him. He tried to get the younger man to look at him, but couldn't get him to tear his gaze away from that damn door. He never even reacted when Chris and the Judge reentered the clinic. "Ezra? It's okay now. She's not comin' back... I promise." He reached up and gently placed his hand over Ezra's, just holding it there while he continued to talk softly to the frightened man.
JD sat beside them and began slowly moving his hand over Ezra's back. He could feel the tremors that shook the slender body and realized he'd never hated anyone as much as he did Maude Standish at that moment. The boy looked at Buck and felt an even deeper respect for his friend... he now knew how much strength it had taken for Buck not to have given into his rage. Turning his attention back to the terrified man beside him, JD leaned over to whisper in Ezra's ear... adding his gentle voice to Buck's in an effort to reassure the Southerner that he was safe now. "It's okay, Ezra... it's over. She can't hurt you anymore. Come on, Little One... come back to us now."
The Judge watched them as they unsuccessfully tried to pull Ezra out of his daze. Suddenly he had an idea and asked Buck to move over and let him try something. He sat directly in front of the young Southerner and gripping his chin firmly, forced him to look at him. "Ezra? Can you hear me, son? Just nod your head if you can, I've got something very important to tell you."
After a few tense moments, Ezra's eyes shifted to stare into the Judge's, and he slowly nodded his head.
"That's a good boy... now you listen to me. I'm leaving right now to go sign the papers that give Buck final custody of you." Judge Travis watched as Ezra's eyes seemed to finally focus on him. He couldn't miss the glimmer of hope that appeared in their emerald depths as what he'd said penetrated the fog the gambler was drifting in. "You never have to leave him, Ezra. No one... not your mother, or even your uncle Matthew, can take you away now... absolutely no one. Do you understand?"
Ezra's eyes moved to stare at Buck for a few seconds before once more fastening on the Judge's smiling face. He tried several times to speak and finally managed a hoarsely whispered, "Neverw?"
Orrin released the smaller man's chin and gently stroked the angry red hand print that branded his pale cheek. "Never, Ezra... you're a part of this family now for as long as you want to be."
The collapse when it came was heart-breaking to watch, and there wasn't a dry eye in the clinic when Ezra slumped into the Judge's arms and began to sob helplessly... his relief at it all being over so intense it nearly tore him apart.
Orrin held him tightly for a few minutes and then whispered gently in his ear. "Ezra? I want to go get those papers filed so we can make it all official... and I think there's someone here who needs to hold you."
Ezra raised his tear-stained face up and stared into the Judge's kindly brown eyes. "F'ank you, Judge Twavis." He leaned in for one more quick hug. "I wuv you."
Orrin blinked rapidly, trying to stave off the tears that suddenly flooded his eyes, but couldn't quite manage it. "I love you too, Ezra. And I'm very, very proud of you." He gently pushed the gambler away and stared into his eyes. "I want you to do something for me, Ezra... I want you to try to always remember how lucky you are to have this many people who love you so strongly. Now... you better hurry and give Buck a turn at you... I don't think he can wait any longer."
Ezra turned to face Buck and saw the tears streaming down the older man's face... saw the arms reaching out for him... and knew he was finally safe. With a strangled cry, he threw himself at Buck and sank into his warm, protective embrace.
"I wuv you, Buck... I w-wuv you so m-much..."
Buck clutched the smaller man against him and rocked him slowly back and forth. "I know you do, Little One... and I love you with all my heart."
Judge Orrin Travis felt every bit his age as he moved slowly toward the door. Stopping briefly beside Chris, he took one last look back at the six men gathered on the bed together. He turned and gave the younger man a weary smile.
"Go join them, Chris. Ezra needs all of you now. I'm going to go file those custody papers and then go home and try to forget, at least for the rest of this day, the ugly scene we just witnessed. I just hope with the help of all of you, Ezra will eventually be able to do the same."
"Thanks for everything, Judge. I hope this is the end of it." Chris opened the door for the Judge and waited as he slowly moved out onto the landing.
"I hope so too, Chris." Orrin shook his head as he walked away. "But knowing the redoubtable Mrs. Standish, I highly doubt it."
Chris hated to agree, but he knew the older man was probably right. But at least for tonight, they would concentrate on trying to heal Ezra... nothing else mattered at that moment... only their Little One.
Maude swept into the hotel and completely ignored the startled looks she drew as she stormed up the stairs. She hesitated outside MJ's door, but decided she'd had enough confrontations for one day. And she definitely wasn't up to hearing the 'I told you so' lecture she knew she'd be receiving from him as soon as he found out what had happened.
She hurriedly unlocked her door and was just slipping inside when Delacourte's door opened and he stepped out into the hall. Maude sighed and realized she should have known he would have been listening for her return. He just stood and stared at her for a moment and shaking his head, pushed past her into her room.
Maude wearily followed him and closed the door, leaning back against it as she glared at him. "I don't even want to hear it, MJ... you were right, I was wrong... I've admitted it and I want nothin' to do with any of your useless recriminations." Crossing to the window, she stared down the street at the clinic. "The only thing I want from you now, are suggestions on what we can do to change or over-ride the Judge's decision. I will not let this so-called new family of Ezra's, or an insignificant backwater judge, beat me... that boy is goin' home with me. And when he does, he'll definitely need to be taught a lesson in respectin' his mama."
"Oh, don't worry... I'm sure once we get him back to St. Louis and away from these ruffians, he'll return to the unquestioningly obedient child you remember. After you explain what happened this afternoon and fill me in on why Judge Travis has decided against you, I'll tell you if we have a leg to stand on in any appeal we might make. Now what say I go down and fetch us some coffee from the dinin' room, and then you can give me all the sordid details?"
Maude started to tell him she just wanted to rest, but decided she might as well get it over with. She told him to go after the coffee and to grab a light repast for them while he was down there. Maude knew she was going to need some nourishment if she was going to make it through the dressing down she was about to receive once she finished her recital of the day's events. MJ was never one to miss an opportunity to point out her mistakes... and she knew he was going to have plenty of ammunition against her this time.
Ezra had allowed each of them to give him a warm hug as they officially welcomed him into the family, but after that he attached himself to Buck and refused to let go even for a moment.
Chris and Josiah sat at the table watching Nathan tend to Ezra who was still obviously shaken by what had happened. Buck had been able to get them moved around on the bed so he could prop himself against the headboard, with Ezra leaning back against his chest. He had one arm wrapped tightly around the younger man and was gently smoothing his hair back while keeping up a steady stream of soothing reassurances.
Ezra had his hand clamped tightly around Buck's arm, still too afraid to even think about letting go. He submitted to Nathan's ministrations without any argument or complaint... almost without any talking at all. The gambler's responses were limited to nods and shakes of the head, with an occasional whispered word or two.
"Damn it, Josiah... he's right back to the way he was when he first showed up. I'm beginning to wish I'd let Buck tear into that bitch after all." Chris hated it. They'd worked so hard to get Ezra to open up to them, and Maude had come in and completely destroyed everything they'd accomplished with one vicious slap and a few hateful words.
Josiah stared over at Ezra... he could still see an occasional shudder run through him even though he was wrapped tightly in Buck's arms. "Give him time, Chris... he just needs a chance to understand that he's safe now. He'll come around."
Chris watched as two fat tears trickled slowly down Ezra's face when Nathan placed a cold cloth against the swelling on his cheek. He hoped Josiah was right... he hated seeing their Little One this way again. Then he remembered Ezra's recent flash of memory and his panic at finding the scar on his shoulder. "Yeah, maybe, Josiah... but how much time does he have left here? What if Lit'l Ezra leaves us before we get him convinced again that he's safe and cared for?" The blonde gunslinger turned his worried eyes on the preacher. "What's he gonna remember... the hate that his mother just threw at him... or the love that we've tried so hard to fill him with?"
Josiah shook his head slowly. "I don't know, Brother Chris... hate's a powerful emotion. But I think the love of a family is strong enough to win out over anything... and Ezra certainly has that now."
Nathan hated seeing Ezra so compliant and timid... he wanted his feisty, contentious patient back. He was even hiding how he was really feeling again. "Ezra? Ya know ya can tell us the truth an' nothin'll happen t' ya. Remember?"
Ezra hesitated, his fingers tightening around Buck's arm. "Yes, Nafan... I w'ememberw. But Mama said... she..." His words trailed off... just the thought of his mama made him want to cry again.
Buck leaned over so he could look into the smaller man's face. "Tell us what Mama said to ya, Ezra... what she threatened ya with that's got ya so scared again. Please?" Buck felt him tremble and thought for a minute that he was going to refuse to answer... but finally he nodded, and began to speak softly, his voice hoarse and raspy, and obviously painful. Nathan stopped him long enough to give him a few sips of water to try and ease his sore throat, and then told him to go on.
"She tol' me d' courwt wouldn't take me away frwom herw an'-" Ezra stopped when Buck quickly reminded him that she'd been wrong, because the Judge had just given him to them and was making it official. "What's 'ficial mean?"
Buck smiled at him and hugged him a little tighter. "It means the law says you're our little brother for real now an' no one can take ya away from us."
Ezra nodded but Buck could see that there was more bothering him. "What else did she tell ya, Little One? I can see there's somethin' else that's scarin' ya."
Ezra's voice shook as he spoke and his eyes darted nervously between Buck and Nathan. "Mama said... she t-tol' me d'at if I didn't say d'at I wanted to go wif her, she was gonna have Unca Maffew come herwe an' get me. She tol' me y'all might get huwt when you trwied to stop him... an' d'at it would be my fauwlt." He began to cry softly as he stared into Buck's eyes and tried to force the next words out. "I trwied to be b-brwave an' tewll you I wanted to go wif herw... but d'at was when y-you w'ooked at me an' s-said 'I wuv you'... an' d'en I jus' c-couldn't say it. I w-wanted to be brwave an' prwotect awll of you, but I was jus' too scarwed... an' I wuv y-you too much to w'eave you, Buck."
His last words came out as a muffled sob as he twisted around and buried his face in Buck's neck. "I'm sowwy forw not bein' brwave enough, Buck... pwease d-don't w'et Unca Maffew huwt you... pwease..."
Buck had tears in his eyes when he looked up at Chris and Josiah. They'd moved closer when they'd heard him begin questioning Ezra, and now sat down on the side of the bed and tried to help comfort the Southerner. Their hatred for Maude was burning brightly again with the knowledge that she had placed this kind of guilt on a child... her own child at that.
They'd finally gotten him calmed down when Josiah had told him that Uncle Matthew wouldn't dare come after him now... but if he did show up, they'd all stick together and protect each other... because that's how families worked.
Ezra turned around to look at Josiah, his face hopeful. "W'eawy?"
Josiah reached out and stroked his face gently. "That's right, Little One. We wouldn't have wanted you to try and stand up to your mama and Uncle Matthew alone... but you were very brave for wanting to do that. Besides... having you go away would have hurt much worse than anything your uncle could do to us."
Ezra's face brightened considerably as he realized they still loved him and didn't think badly of him for being afraid of his uncle Matthew. He looked at the men who surrounded him on the bed and smiled. "Ya know what? I'm gwad I fewll off d'ose stairws an' got huwt."
They all looked at him in surprise... he was remembering the accident. At least Maude's irresponsible actions hadn't impeded his recovery. They'd been worried he would suffer a setback in the memory flashes he'd been experiencing because of the shock of what his mother had done to him, but obviously that hadn't happened.
Chris grinned back at him. "You are, huh? Why is that?"
"'Cause... if I hadn't got huwt, I neverw would've come herwe, an' I wouldn't have six new bwuvvers!"
Vin and JD returned with the dinner they'd been sent after just as Ezra made this last announcement. JD knew just how the gambler felt. He still marveled at how his life had changed since coming to Four Corners, and gaining these six men as his brothers had definitely been the best part. "So how do ya like having six older brothers, Ezra?"
Ezra's expression grew serious as he answered the young peacekeeper. "It's grweat, JD! Y'all have been so good to me!" His eyes slowly moved over each of the men who had come to mean so much to him. "Chwis is w'ike d' papa I neverw had an' w'eads grweat storwies to me, an' Vin's taught me how to find music in my hearwt. 'Siah pways chess wif me an' keeps d'ose itchy whiskerws off my face an' gives d' bestest hugs, an' Nafan takes w'eal good carwe of me when I'm sick... even if he does worwy too much 'bout me." Ezra's eyes returned to JD's and he smiled. "An' you'rwe gonna teach me how to fish an' have fun... but d' best f'ing you do forw me is d'at you sharwe Buck wif me. F'ank you, JD."
JD handed Josiah the box of food he was carrying and leaned down to give Ezra a hug and whisper in his ear. "That's okay, little guy... you and I need to share Buck... otherwise he'd drive us crazy with his mothering."
"Hey, I heard that!" Buck felt some of the worry lift off his heart when he heard Ezra giggle at him. "And what about me? Ain't ya got nothin' special to say 'bout good ol' Buck?"
Ezra's smile softened as he turned to the man who they all knew meant the most to him. "Surwe I have, Buck. I was jus' savin' d' best forw w'ast." He reached his hand up to rub lightly over Buck's whiskered cheek. "You showed me what it feewls w'ike to be wuvved... an' I'll neverw forwget you forw d'at."
Buck just stared at him for a minute and then pulled him into a big, warm hug. "I'll never forget you either, Little One." He sat the smaller man back up and grinned at him as he swiped away the tears that were threatening to fall. "But ya gotta quit tryin' to make me cry, Ezra... or else you're gonna ruin my reputation as a tough-as-nails lawman."
Ezra laughed and hugged Buck's neck. "You'rwe not tough, Buck! You'rwe awll soft an' cuddlwy w'ike a big ol' stuffed bearw when we snuggle up in bed togeverw!"
Buck blushed when everyone burst out laughing at Ezra's description of him. "A stuffed bear?!"
Ezra giggled and glanced at JD before continuing. "Yeah... you even sound w'ike one when you snorwe... GRRR!"
Even Buck had to join in the laughter when Ezra tried to imitate one of the ladies man's loud rumbling snores. He grabbed the Southerner and pressed his face against the smaller man's neck... growling and tickling him with his mustache... until Ezra dissolved into a helpless fit of the giggles as he tried to squirm out of Buck's arms.
Nathan finally called a halt to the roughhousing and suggested they all eat before their food got cold.
They spent the rest of the evening quietly enjoying Ezra's official entry into their little family... playing games, telling him stories, and then just before he dropped off to sleep, comforting him as his cold symptoms worsened.
Nathan told them it was a natural thing... that for some unexplainable reason illnesses like that always worsened at night... and that Ezra would probably feel much better in the morning. But it had taken his announcement that he was going to spend the night in Ezra's room again to finally convince them that he really wasn't worried about the gambler. They knew nothing could pry Nathan out of the clinic if he thought anything was seriously wrong with him.
Trusting in the healer's word that their Little One was okay, they all finally left him in Buck's excellent care and headed home to their beds to get some sleep. It had been one long, rough day, and they were all relieved it was finally over.
Sleep was still a long time coming for Buck though. All he could do was lay and watch Ezra while thinking about how close they'd come to losing him... and how it would have destroyed each one of them if they had. As Buck stared at him, he couldn't help but think about the fact that they really were losing him... at least a part of him... and probably soon. Ezra had had several more small instances of remembering during the evening, and had accepted them after only a slight pause in whatever he was doing or saying at the time. The memories seemed to be getting easier for him to handle, which they were thankful for, but it also seemed to indicate that Lit'l Ezra would be slipping back into the past soon and their Ezra would be returning. A fact that both saddened and thrilled them all. After an hour of lying there, he tucked himself tighter around the gambler, wrapped his hand around the smaller one resting on his chest, and finally dropped off to sleep.
As much as Maude hated to, she gave Delacourte a blow by blow description of her meeting with Ezra. To his credit, he actually sat quietly eating his meal and made no comments til she was finished. And then he let her have it.
"You couldn't listen to me for once in your life, could you?!" Delacourte angrily raked his hands through his wavy brown hair as he stormed around Maude's room. "You thought you were so much smarter than those... what is it you called them? Oh yeah, uncivilized thugs. Well, who's got custody of your son now? It sure as hell isn't you!"
"Will you calm down, for heaven's sake?" Maude knew he'd be a bit upset with her, but she certainly hadn't expected this. "Surely we can appeal Judge Travis's decision... a higher court maybe..."
MJ looked at her like she'd completely lost her mind. "Maude... you slapped him... in front of all of them, for Christ's sake. And you know damn good and well that Ezra's probably told them the exact nature of your threats by now, too. No judge in his right mind would even attempt to upset Travis's decision after hearing what happened in that clinic today."
Maude's face paled. "So that's it? You're tellin' me I've lost?"
Delacourte turned his back to stare out the window, hiding the sly smile that tugged at his cold, hard features. "Well, you've lost him legally..." He threw out the bait, knowing her urge to win would force her to take it.
Maude heard him hesitate and knew he had an alternate plan to get Ezra away from his friends. She stared at his back, contemplating what exactly those plans might entail. Knowing MJ as well as she did, she wasn't at all sure she even wanted to hear what he had in mind, much less get involved in one of his schemes. She also knew this one would definitely cost her... she remembered the payment he'd mentioned earlier. Maude had a feeling she was about to find out what he'd meant when he said that... and knew she probably wouldn't like it. But over-riding all these doubts was her absolute hatred of losing at anything. So ignoring the little voice inside her head that was warning her to drop the whole thing and go home... she bit.
"What do you have in mind, MJ?"
Delacourte allowed himself a moment to enjoy his victory before turning to face her. Smiling, he walked over to the small table that still held the remains of their meal and poured them each a cup of tea. "Sit down here with me, Maude dear, and I'll explain how I'm goin' to get your darlin' baby boy back... and exactly how you're goin' to repay me for my services."
Even after Buck finally managed to drop off to sleep, his mind continued to be haunted by the ghastly details of Maude's visit. He moaned softly as his head tossed back and forth on the pillow, visions of his Little One's ordeal filling his dreams until finally, the loud crack of Maude's palm against Ezra's tender flesh echoing through his mind drove him from his troubled sleep.
Buck awoke and immediately missed the warmth of Ezra's body curled up next to him. His heart began to pound as he sprang up in the bed, his eyes searching frantically around the clinic for his Little One as he reached over and turned up the lamp. Buck's eyes swept past him at first, and then returned quickly to the silent figure huddled in the corner.
Ezra was slumped against the wall beside Nathan's dresser. He sat with his legs pulled up to his chest and his forehead resting on his knees. His arm was drawn up over his head as if he was desperately trying to shut out whatever had frightened him enough to leave him cowering on the floor instead of sleeping peacefully beside Buck.
Buck approached slowly and hunkered down in front of him. "Ezra? What are ya doin' sittin' here?" When he got no response, he reached out and placed one of his large hands over top of the gambler's, his fingers stroking lightly across the soft skin. "Did ya have another nightmare, Little One?"
Ezra finally responded by wearily shaking his head, but refused to speak or look up at the older man. Buck could feel the tremors that ran through him and wondered if he'd had the same dreams he himself had been tortured by and was slipping into shock again.
"You're scarin' me, Little One... could ya please look at me? Tell me what's wrong?" Buck just wanted to wrap his arms around the frightened Southerner, but knew that pushing him might do more harm than good... so instead, he sat down in front of Ezra and continued to stroke his hand as he talked softly to him. "It's okay, baby... we can just sit here til you're ready to talk about it. Take your time."
Buck could feel him shivering and left him long enough to grab a blanket off the bed. Once he had it wrapped snugly around the gambler, Buck resumed his former position in front of Ezra and tried again to get him to respond to him.
"Ezra? Are ya ready to talk to me yet? It'll make ya feel better if ya tell me what's botherin' ya." Buck thought he was going to continue to ignore him, but Ezra finally brought his arm down and raised his head, staring forlornly at the ladies man a moment before finally speaking.
"Buck? If I ask you somefin', wiwll you pwomise to tewll me d' trwoof?" Ezra's voice shook, and Buck could tell he was on the verge of losing the control he was struggling so hard to maintain.
The ladies man nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving Ezra's as he answered him. "I told you, Little One... I'll never lie to ya... I promise."
Ezra took a deep, ragged breath and whispered brokenly, "Am... am I goin' away?"
Buck stared at him for a moment, puzzled because he'd been sure they'd finally gotten him convinced that no one could take him away from them now. "Of course not, Ezra... remember? The Judge told you that your mama could never-"
"No, Buck! D'at's not what I mean." Ezra shook his head in frustration as he tried to explain, his voice choked with emotion. "Not d'at kind of goin' away." Ezra released Buck's hand and tapped his fingers lightly against his own head. "In herwe, Buck... I'm goin' away in herwe... arwen't I?"
Buck could swear he felt his heart break as he stared into Ezra's eyes. Where they had been bright and shiny with his newfound happiness before, they were now filled with a combination of fear, confusion, and a devastating sense of loss that was almost painful to look at.
"Buck? Pwease tewll me... pwease?" Tears glistened in his emerald eyes and slowly began a meandering trail down his rosy cheeks as he begged his best friend to explain it to him. "B-Buck? Pwease? Hewlp me... I d-don't un'erwstand what's h-happenin' to me." Ezra slipped his hand into Buck's and gripped it tightly, his voice dropping to a hoarse, pain-filled whisper. "I'm scarwed, Buck... I'm so scarwed."
The pain that lanced through Buck when he heard Ezra's anguished plea absolutely stole his breath away. All he could manage for a few minutes was trying to breathe again, and making a frantic search for the right words to take away the terror that was obviously threatening to overwhelm the Southerner.
Buck blinked several times, trying to clear his vision of the sudden rush of tears that were threatening to fall. He so desperately wanted to be strong for his Little One, but he was terrified that he was going to fail him by not being able to find a balance between telling him the truth, and giving him more information than his five year old mind was able to process.
Squeezing Ezra's fingers with one hand and reaching up to brush away his tears with the other, Buck slowly nodded. "Yeah, Ezra... you are." He saw the gambler's breathing quicken and all the color drain from his face, and hurried to reassure him before he became too panicked to listen. "Easy, baby... it's gonna be alright. There's nothin' to be afraid of."
Ezra tried to focus on Buck's words, but all he could think about was leaving him... how could anything possibly be alright again if he lost Buck now? "Why is d'is happenin', Buck? Why am I w'ememberwin' awll d'ese f'ings?" Ezra began to sob softly as he released his hold on the older man's hand and pressed it tightly against his head. "Everwyfing's awll mixed up in herwe... an' it's scarwin' me."
Buck wanted nothing more than to be able to go after Josiah or Nathan for help, but he knew leaving Ezra alone would be the worst thing he could do right now. He'd just have to try and handle it himself and pray he didn't hurt him. Buck reached out and gently pulled the gambler's hand away from his head, rubbing it slowly between his own larger hands when he felt how cold it was. "Ezra? Why don't ya let me tuck ya back in bed and we'll talk about this. You're freezin', Little One."
But Ezra merely shook his head and pressed his back tighter against the wall.
Buck eased himself down onto the floor and tugged on Ezra's hand. "Okay, we don't have to do that, but will ya at least slide around here an' let me hold ya? Please?" He was relieved when the smaller man finally nodded and shifted his body around until he was leaning against the wall beside him. Buck slipped his arm around the slender shoulders and pulled him closer while retaining his hold on the trembling hand that lay limply in his.
Placing his hand on Ezra's head, Buck decided to try drawing the memories out of the younger man's tortured mind. "Let's see if we can't make some sense outta what's in here that's got ya so confused, okay? Then I'll try an' explain what it all means... an' maybe then ya won't feel quite so scared."
Ezra felt Buck's fingers running gently through his hair, massaging lightly at his scalp and felt a little of the fear leave him. Leaning his head back against the larger man's shoulder and heaving a shaky sigh, he nodded.
Buck felt him relax slightly and keeping his voice soft and steady, began asking Ezra questions. "Why don't we start with the accident, Little One? What's the first thing ya remember about it?"
"You mean when I fewll?" Ezra looked at Buck, saw him nod, and then frowned as he tried to untangle the memories that were beginning to fill his mind. "I... I w'ememberw walkin' down a hawllway..." he hesitated and Buck slipped in another question to try and help him along.
"Were you alone?"
Ezra thought about it and then shook his head. "Nuh-uh... someone was..." Suddenly his face brightened a little. "You an' JD werwe wif me... w'ight?"
Buck nodded, but kept silent... he wanted the young gambler to remember as much of it on his own as he could manage.
"But why werwe you guys wif me?" Ezra's face drew down into a puzzled scowl as he tried to make sense of all the crazy images in his head. "I 'member JD tellin' me I was in twouble... um... Chwis was mad at me... wasn't he?"
Buck felt Ezra tremble with the effort he was making to work his way through it all. "Yeah, kinda... do ya remember why?"
Ezra nodded slowly. "I f'ink so... but it doesn't make any sense, Buck." He shuddered as the memory that popped into his head brought the fear back with it. He stared into the older man's eyes as he spoke, his voice barely a whisper. "Chwis was mad 'cause I... 'cause I was s'posed to be on patrwol. Buck? I'm onwy five... why would... Chwis wouldn't make me..." His fingers tightened painfully around Buck's as a scene suddenly began to play itself out in his mind.
Buck frowned as a change seemed to come over Ezra. His eyes lost their focus and a wide range of emotions swept across his face as whatever he was seeing slowly unfolded. Buck moved his hand down to grip the Southerner's shoulder firmly as he felt the first tremors of panic ripple through him.
Ezra had lost all sense of where he was as he got caught up in what he was witnessing in his mind. He saw a man striding down a hall in front of Buck and JD, pulling on a fancy red coat as he walked. Ezra's trembling increased as he realized the man looked familiar, but he had his head down as he struggled to get his coat on, and Ezra couldn't quite see his face. When the three of them reached the top of the stairs, he saw Buck and JD scuffle, then watched in horror as the man with the red coat was knocked over the railing, landing with a sickening thud on the table below.
Buck finally realized what Ezra was seeing when the gambler pulled his hand away and raised it slowly to touch the still healing wound on the back of his head. He was reliving the fall... and from the stricken look on his face... it was scaring him to death. "Ezra... it's okay, pard. I'm right here with ya." Buck tried to reassure him, but could tell that the young Southerner wasn't listening. He thought about trying to bring him out of his trance, but decided to wait and just try to make sure he knew he wasn't alone.
Ezra's heart began to thunder in his chest as his view of the injured man shifted... and suddenly, with a terrifying moment of clarity, the man's face was revealed. "Nooo... nooo... d'at's not... it can't be... me..."
Buck felt Ezra begin to shake uncontrollably and saw his eyes widen in shock as he wrapped his arm around his middle and tried to fold in on himself. He began to moan and shake his head as his mind refused to believe what it was seeing.
"Buck! Buck, hewlp m-me... pwease... dat's not me... it's n-not me..." Ezra's voice sank to a tortured whisper. "I'm five... I'm jus'... five..."
Placing a hand on each side of Ezra's face, Buck forced the smaller man to look at him. "Ezra! Come on now... you gotta calm down an' listen to me."
Ezra's hand came up to clutch at Buck's shirt as the gunman's words finally got past the rising panic he was fighting. "I'm onwy five... arwen't I, Buck? D'at can't be m-me d'at fewll... d'at was a grwown-up... but... I s-saw him, Buck... I saw his f-face... I don't un'erwstand any of d'is."
"Shh... easy now, baby... just calm down and I'll try an' explain so's ya can understand it." Buck kept his hold on Ezra's face, his thumbs gently stroking the gambler's cheeks in an effort to calm him. Staring into those green eyes swimming with tears, Buck wanted nothing more than to pull Ezra into a tight hug and just cry with him. This was absolutely the hardest thing the ladies man had ever had to do in his life... and it was hurting him every bit as much as it was Ezra.