Author's note: If you'd like an idea of how Lit'l Ezra sounds, I suggest you watch the Adam Sandler movie, "Big Daddy." Just imagine the little boy in the movie with a Southern accent,and you'll know exactly how Ezra sounded in the dream that inspired me to write this story.
Chris was sitting slouched in the chair, contemplating waking Nathan up so he could go get some sleep, when he heard Ezra begin to whimper softly. He moved over to sit on the edge of the bed, bending down slightly to look into the gambler's face, and saw tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. The gunslinger reached out and gently touched the hand that was wrapped tightly in Buck's shirt. "Ezra? You okay?"
Ezra opened his eyes slightly and stared at Chris for a few moments before finally whispering, "Who arwe you?"
"My name's Chris... is your head hurtin'? Do you want me to get Nathan for you?" Chris could tell he was in pain by the pinched look around his eyes, but Ezra shook his head no and pulled his hand away to swipe the tears off his cheeks. "Are you sure? Nathan's gonna want to know if you're not feelin' good."
"I'm aw'w'ight... I... ohh..." Ezra's eyes squeezed shut, and his fingers gripped at Buck's shirt again as pain shot through his head.
Buck jerked awake with a gasp as he felt Ezra's fingers dig into his stomach, his arms automatically tightening around the other man.
Chris laid a restraining hand on Buck's shoulder, holding him still until he got his bearings. He released him as soon as he saw the memory of what had happened wash over him.
Buck glanced down at Ezra, and seeing the fresh tears on his cheeks, shot a questioning look at Chris.
"He says he's alright, but I think he's fibbin' a bit." Chris smiled when Ezra's eyes shot open and a blush of guilt washed across his face.
Buck put his fingers under Ezra's chin and tipped his face up so he could look into his eyes. "Okay, pard... how come you're not tellin' us when you're feelin' bad? We can't help you if ya don't let us know when somethin's wrong."
"D'at would be compwainin', an' Mama tol' me I'm not s'pose to do d'at." Fresh tears welled up in Ezra's eyes, and they could hear the pain in his voice. They were still amazed at how much he looked and sounded like a little boy... the transformation was so complete there was nothing left of their Ezra except his body. Even his gestures were childlike now. They even saw his thumb drift toward his mouth the few times he'd actually let go of Buck... but of course Maude would never have allowed that, so he always ended up jerking it away before it got too close.
"It's not complaining if we ask you to tell us, is it?" Chris asked, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he watched Ezra's face scrunch up in concentration.
"I s'pose not... but you won't tewll Mama wiwll you? She stiwll might not w'ike it." Ezra spoke softly as if afraid his mama would hear him.
Chris glanced up when he heard the door click open, and watched as Josiah, Vin and JD quietly entered the room... then returned his gaze to the anxious face looking at him. "We promise we won't tell her."
"Pwomises don't mean nuffin'... grwown-ups neverw keep d'eirw pwomises." Ezra spoke the words matter-of-factly, as if it were just a proven sad fact of his young life.
Buck and Chris exchanged a questioning glance and came to a silent agreement... maybe they should find out whatever they could about the boy's life... it might help them understand the man better. Seeing Nathan join the group gathered around the bed, they glanced up at him.
Chris spoke quietly to the healer, keeping his eyes on Ezra. "Nathan... think it'll be alright if we ask him a few questions?"
Nathan thought a minute, looking down at the smaller man still leaning against Buck. "S'pose it ain't gonna hurt nothin'... so long as he don't get upset. Jus' let me check 'im over first." He turned his attention to his patient. "How ya' feelin', Ezra... does your head still hurt?"
Ezra looked up at the healer, started to shake his head no and then looked at Chris and Buck. Seeing them smile reassuringly, he turned his eyes shyly back to Nathan and slowly nodded his head. "Yes, Nafan... it huwts a w'ittle."
Nathan reached out and felt the gambler's forehead, relieved to find the skin only slightly warm. He gently checked the cut on the back of Ezra's head, and was glad to see that it was clear of infection... but he had a feeling he was playing down exactly how much pain he was in. Nathan knew he had to have one heck of a headache after the blow he'd suffered. He shifted Ezra's broken arm around gently until it was nestled more securely on the pillow, touching the fingers briefly to make sure they were warm. "How 'bout your arm... how's it feel?"
Ezra stared down at his splinted arm and thought a minute. "It huwts a w'ittle, too... kinda w'ike a toofache... but not a w'eal bad one."
Nathan nodded and lifted the blanket slightly to look at the deep purple contusions that ran down the length of the gambler's body. "Are these bruises botherin' ya much?"
Ezra placed his hand on the edge of the blanket and pulled up slightly as he bent to see what Nathan was talking about. He startled all of them when he suddenly sat back up, jerked the blanket out of the healer's hand, and clutched it against his chest. His face was a bright red as he leaned over and whispered hoarsely, "Nafan! I'm naked underw d'erwe!"
They all tried not to laugh, they honestly did... but the look of total embarrassment on Ezra's face was just too priceless. And their efforts to stop were useless when his look of embarrassment changed to one of indignation. Even their usually imperturbable leader had tears in his eyes.
Ezra stared angrily at them, his green eyes flashing, until finally the pain in his head and his tender little boy's feelings got the best of him. His face began to crumple as his eyes filled with tears. "Y'all arwen't bein' verwy nice."
The laughter ground to an immediate halt when they realized they'd hurt his feelings. Buck wrapped his arms around the gambler and whispered soothingly in his ear. "We're sorry, little guy... we didn't mean to hurt ya... and you're right, that wasn't very nice. Forgive us?"
They were all kicking themselves for forgetting that technically they were dealing with a five year old, not the grown man they saw lying in the bed. They all mumbled an echo to Buck's apology, and watched as Ezra slowly nodded before leaning weakly back against the ladies man, still clutching the blanket to his chest.
Nathan grabbed the forgotten nightshirt that JD had brought from the gambler's room and carried it over to the bed. "Here Ezra, let's slip this on ya." Buck helped him slide it over the younger man's head and work his arms through the sleeves, carefully easing the material over the awkward splints, and then placing the arm back on the pillow that rested in Ezra's lap.
Buck leaned him back against his chest again. "How's that... better?"
Ezra nodded, staring solemnly at the men that surrounded the bed. Tugging on Buck's shirt and peering up at him, he pointed at JD, Josiah and Vin, and whispered, "Who arwe d'ey, Buck?"
Buck bent down to whisper back, "Well... the one with the funny hat there is JD, and the fella with the purty hair is Vin, and the big one is Josiah."
JD started to protest the comment about his hat until he saw Ezra's face light up and heard him laugh... suddenly he didn't mind the teasing so much. It was worth it to make that familiar grin of the gambler's appear.
Nathan watched as Ezra rested his head against Buck's chest and closed his eyes for a moment, his brow furrowing as he battled against the pain he was still feeling. The healer went and filled a mug with some of the herbal tea, and brought it back to the bed.
Ezra saw him coming with the disgusting concoction and pressed himself back against Buck. "No, Nafan! I'm aw'w'ight... it doesn't huwt d'at bad now... pwease, Nafan... don't..." Tears filled his eyes as he shook his head back and forth, his hand coming up to try and block Nathan's attempts to get the mug to his lips.
"Come on now, Ezra... I can tell your head's hurtin'... drink some of this for me an' it'll make it feel better." Even with Buck's help, Nathan was having trouble getting any of the tea into the gambler without spilling it all over him.
"Ezra! Behave and do as Nathan says!" Chris's voice cut through the argument between the two combatants on the bed.
Ezra froze. His mouth dropped open and his wide, panic-stricken eyes flew to Chris's face... widening even more when he saw the stern look the gunslinger was shooting his way. Finally he managed to tear his eyes away from Chris, and looked sheepishly up at Nathan.
"I'm sowwy, Nafan... I'll drwink it if you want me to." Ezra's face wrinkled up in disgust, but he quietly sat and drank every last bit of the tea. Nathan actually felt bad for him by the time he was done, because he practically choked trying to get it all down. But every time he hesitated, his eyes drifted over to Chris and he immediately started drinking again.
Nathan wiped the gambler's face off when he finished and smiled at him. "There now... that wasn't so bad, was it?"
Ezra just stared up at the healer for a minute as if he couldn't believe what he'd just heard, and then had everyone snickering again when he said, "Nafan... have you everw tasted d'is stuff?"
Nathan chuckled and then nodded. "I know it's pretty bad, but it'll make ya feel better, and then you'll be glad ya drank it."
Ezra looked doubtful, but didn't argue with him. Instead, he turned his attention to Chris. His face paled slightly, and his lower lip quivered as he hesitated and then finally apologized. "I'm sowwy I was bad, Chwis... arwe you... arwe you gonna make me go to Unca Maffew's?"
Chris saw the tears welling up in the gambler's emerald eyes, and immediately regretted speaking so harshly to him. This was definitely not how he had imagined Ezra to be as a child. If this Uncle Matthew was the one responsible for turning what had probably been a bright and precocious little boy into the timid and subdued personality they were all witnessing now... then heaven help him if he ever showed his face here.
"No, I'm not making you go to Uncle Matthew's. I promise." Chris saw the doubt and mistrust in the Southerner's eyes, and asked softly. "Ezra... did Mama leave you at Uncle Matthew's a lot?"
Ezra nodded as the tears slowly began to trickle down his cheeks. "But not jus' at Unca Maffew's... w'ots of pwaces."
"What sort of places... with other relatives?" Chris kept his voice low and reached out to gently hold the gambler's hand.
Again Ezra nodded, his eyes never leaving Chris's as he talked. "She w'eft me even if d'ey didn't want me. Most of d' time d'ey jus' pwetended I wasn't d'erwe." They watched as a shiver shook his slight frame. "Except forw Unca Maffew."
"Weren't any of them glad to have you stay with them, Ezra?" Josiah found it hard to imagine that not one of the relatives who had kept him had realized what a sweet child he was and treated him accordingly.
"Jus' Unca David." Ezra's expression brightened slightly. "He was aw'ways nice to me. But Mama neverw w'eft me d'erwe verwy w'ong... she said he spoiwled me too much." Ezra looked up at the men and quickly explained. "He didn't w'eawy spoiwl me... he jus' wasn't mean to me. I stiwll had to help wif chorwes an' stuff w'ike d'at, but it wasn't 'cause he made me... it was 'cause he tol' me we all had to worwk togeverw. He said d'at was what w'eal famiwies did."
It was obvious to the other men that this Uncle David was probably the sole reason Ezra hadn't ended up a bitter and angry young man. It had to have been where he had developed all the good and decent traits that had surfaced in him since he'd become a part of their group. Lord knows, he hadn't learned anything that redeeming from Maude or this Uncle Matthew they were hearing about.
"I'll bet you wish you could have stayed there all the time, don't ya? Sounds like a pretty nice place to live." JD could see how much Ezra's Uncle David meant to him, and wondered why Maude hadn't just left him there since she obviously didn't want him with her.
"Uh-huh. I wuvved stayin' wif Unca David. He neverw got mad at me, orw hit me, orw nuffin'. An' he aw'ways espwained when I didn't un'erwstand why he made me do somefin'... he said he jus' wanted me to grwow up to be a good perwson, an' he was jus' twyin' to teach me how to do d'at." Ezra's face fell as he continued. "He wanted to keep me forw aw'ways 'cause he saw d' brwuises d'at I got at Unca Maffew's... Unca David was w'eawy mad d'at Mama kept takin' me d'erwe instead of w'ettin' me stay wif him. He tol' me he was gonna get Mama to sign paperws so d'at I'd neverw have to w'eave him again."
Chris saw the tears start welling up in those sad green eyes and hated to ask his next question, but they needed to know what had happened to Ezra to make him so mistrustful and suspicious of everything they tried to do for him. "He didn't get to keep you, did he?"
Ezra shook his head sadly. "Nuh-uh. Mama showed up one day wif Unca Maffew an' said d'ey werwe takin' me wif d'em. I starwted crwyin' and Unca David tol' me not to worwy 'cause he wouldn't w'et d'em take me. But Unca Maffew made him go in d' wibrwarwy wif him and when d'ey came out, Unca David was crwyin'. He hugged me and tol' me he was sowwy, but I'd have to go wif d'em... he couldn't keep me d'erwe anymorwe. I didn't w'ike seein' Unca David crwy, so I pwetended I didn't carwe d'at I had to go... but it didn't worwk, 'cause he was stiwll crwyin' when we w'eft. I neverw got to see him again."
The other men glanced at each other, wondering what this Matthew had used to blackmail Ezra's uncle David with.
Ezra began to tremble as he thought about what came next. "I had to go stay at Unca Maffew's forw a w'ong time afterw d'at. He was w'eawy mad at what Unca David had trwied to do... an' he bwamed me an' punished me w'eawy bad when he got me back home."
"Ezra... what did Uncle Matthew do to you?" Chris felt the other man's fingers tighten around his, and watched as he began to rock slowly back and forth.
"Not s'posed to tewll." Ezra's voice had dropped to a hoarse whisper, and he began to tremble as he struggled against the memories of the dark times he'd spent at his uncle's plantation.
Buck began gently rubbing his hand in small circles over the younger man's back and leaned forward to whisper soothingly in his ear. "It's alright, Ezra... we won't let your uncle hurt ya anymore."
Nathan kept a close eye on his patient, ready to stop the questioning if he thought it was becoming too much for him. He wanted him kept as quiet as possible, but he also wanted to know exactly what he had been put through as a child. He'd seen the faint scars that were scattered over Ezra's body... the worst of them being the all too familiar ones that crisscrossed his back... and he had a feeling he was finally about to find out where they'd come from.
"Who told you not to tell, Ezra? Uncle Matthew... or your mama?" Chris didn't want to believe that Maude knew what was going on and left him there anyway... even she couldn't be that uncaring... but he had to ask.
"Unca Maffew... he said if I tol' anybody, he would huwt my mama." Ezra's eyes darted toward the door as if he expected his uncle to come crashing through it at any minute.
Vin placed his hand on the gambler's shoulder, and squeezed gently. "It's okay, pard... he ain't here, you're safe with us."
"Ezra?" Chris waited for Ezra to turn his gaze back to him before asking his question once more. "What did Uncle Matthew do to you?"
Pain, real and remembered, darkened the wide green eyes that stared out at Chris. The terrifying memories of what had happened to him at the hands of his uncle flooded his mind and intensified the headache that had been plaguing him since his fall. The tears fell harder, and he began to whimper as he finally answered Chris. "He gave me a whippin' wif his belt... he said he was teachin' me w'espect forw my... my..."
They could see him trying to puzzle out the word his uncle had used, and Nathan finally took a guess at it. "Elders?" He watched as Ezra trembled and ran his fingers lightly over the pale scars on the back of his wrist. The healer reached out and pulled the gambler's hand away, moving his splinted arm back onto the pillow, and then gently placed his own dark hand over the scars, smiling sadly at the Southerner as he looked up at him. God, he hoped his suspicions were wrong... but he had an awful feeling he knew what had caused those marks and exactly what kind of whipping Ezra's uncle had given him.
Ezra nodded and leaned weakly back against Buck, his whimpers turning into soft sobs. "Uh-huh... d'at's d' w-worwd he used. He said I needed to be taught a w'esson on how to w'isten to orwderws. S-said Unca David had spoiwled me and h-he was gonna b-beat it outta me."
Josiah placed a large hand on Ezra's head, gently smoothing his hair back. "Did he do anything else to you, son?"
Ezra turned haunted eyes up to the big man and began to tremble violently. "I... I don't w'ememberw." He turned to bury his face against Buck's chest, and began to cry harder. "It huwts to w'ememberw, Buck... pwease don't make me."
Buck held him tight and began rocking him gently. "Shh... you don't have to remember anything... you just stop thinkin' about it an' try to sleep now. It's alright, little guy... Buck's got ya an' no one's gonna hurt you anymore."
Josiah stared sadly down at Ezra sobbing in Buck's arms while his mind went back over all he'd just learned about Maude. He'd known she wasn't the perfect mother, but he'd never imagined she was this cold and uncaring. Josiah wanted to deny what the gambler had said, but he knew in his heart that this five-year old version of Ezra was telling the truth. Any feelings Josiah'd had for Maude Standish died as it became apparent exactly how miserable she'd made his young friend's childhood.
Nathan looked at Chris and Josiah and shook his head. "He's had enough. That tea he drank should be makin' 'im tired now, so let's leave 'im alone so's Buck can try an' get 'im t' sleep."
They all followed Nathan outside and hovered around the door, wanting to be near in case Ezra needed them.
Buck continued to rock the gambler until he finally felt his body relax. "Ezra?" When there was no response to his whisper, he looked up and caught Vin's eye, motioning him to come in. "He asleep?"
Vin leaned over, looked at Ezra's face and nodded. "Yeah, he's out. Ya want me t' help ya lay 'im down?"
"Yeah. Pull that pillow over a little bit, and we'll just slide 'im off onto that." Between the two of them, they managed to get Ezra off of Buck and stretched out on his stomach on the bed. After tucking a pillow carefully under his broken arm and pulling the blanket up snugly around his shoulders, they stood for a moment looking down at him, waiting to see if he was going to stay asleep.
He squirmed around in the bed a little, and Buck quickly bent over and rubbed his back, whispering soothingly in his ear until he settled down again.
Vin frowned as he saw Ezra's thumb make another move toward his mouth and stop just short, coming to rest on the bed beside his face. Even that small piece of childhood comfort had apparently been denied the gambler. Vin couldn't resist it... he reached down, slowly slid Ezra's arm over, and slipped the thumb into his mouth. He chuckled softly when he saw the Southerner's lips curve up in a small smile and begin sucking gently.
Glancing up, he caught Buck grinning at him. "Nice touch, pard."
He shrugged and grinned back. "Just seemed like the thing t' do. Seems t' be makin' 'im happy and I guess that's all that matters."
Buck nodded... and after one last look at the contentedly sleeping gambler, followed Vin out of the clinic.
As soon as Buck and Vin had joined them, Chris turned his attention to the healer. "Any idea what's going on with him, Nathan?"
Nathan shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "I don't know what t' tell ya, Chris. I've read about stuff like this happenin' after a severe blow t' the head, but I ain't never actually seen no one go through it. I got no idea what's gonna happen with 'im... he might be back t' normal when he wakes up, but then again it might last for days or even weeks."
Vin stared through the door at Ezra, taking in the boyish features which, relaxed in sleep, only enhanced the illusion that the gambler was a small child now. "Nathan... how is it that Ezra don't notice how big he is? That he's the same size as us... not little like he should be if he was really five?"
The others stared at the peacefully sleeping form of their friend and were amazed that they hadn't thought about that before. Nathan thought a minute, and then tried to explain the best he could.
"Well, I don't rightly know for sure, but I figger his mind jus' blocks that part out so's he ain't gotta deal with it. It's gonna protect 'im by lettin' in only as much information as he can handle an' no more. At least, that's what I think's happenin'... I jus' don't know 'nough 'bout this kinda stuff t' really be sure 'bout it. An' I think we gotta be real careful not t' say anything that's gonna make 'im realize he's different than what he thinks he is. That might jus' destroy his mind completely."
"Would it do any good to take him to the doctor over in Eagle Bend?" Josiah asked, knowing the healer was doing the best he could, but grasping at anything that might help Ezra.
"I doubt it... nobody really knows much 'bout these types of head injuries. Maybe at a hospital in some big city back east or in San Francisco, but there's no guarantee that they'd be able t' help 'im either... an' right now, the trip would probably be too much for 'im." Nathan stared morosely at each of his friends, and they saw in his eyes the helplessness he felt at not having better answers for them.
JD struggled to blink back a sudden rush of tears as his guilt at his part in this whole mess threatened to overwhelm him. "He is going to come out of it though, isn't he, Nathan? I mean, eventually?"
Nathan could hear the desperation in JD's voice, and glancing at Buck, saw the same emotion reflected in his sad blue eyes. He wanted nothing more than to be able to guarantee them that everything would be fine... that Ezra would wake up soon and be back to his old self... but he couldn't. It would just be an empty promise because he had absolutely no way of knowing when or even if the Southerner would recover his memory.
"There's jus' no way of knowin', JD. Ain't nothin' we can do but wait." Nathan couldn't remember ever feeling so useless. Aside from keeping Ezra comfortable, there was absolutely nothing else he could do for him.
"You mean he could stay this way forever an' there's not a damn thing we can do about it?!" Buck was angry... not with Nathan for his lack of knowledge or answers, but with himself for causing the damn accident. If he hadn't started horsing around with JD in the first place, none of this would have happened.
Nathan knew Buck's anger wasn't really directed at him, but he still couldn't help feeling a stab of guilt at not being able to do more for Ezra.
"Easy, Buck... this is no one's fault... and getting angry isn't going to help Ezra. The best thing we can do for him right now is to make him as comfortable and happy as possible. You heard him in there... he had a rotten, lonely childhood. Maybe this is our chance to fix that." Josiah glanced through the door at the peacefully sleeping gambler. "Maybe we can give him back some of what he missed out on as a child."
"Josiah's right." Chris placed a soothing hand on Buck's shoulder and squeezed gently. "And who knows, the memory of what we do for him now might just carry over when he comes out of this."
Everyone heard Chris stress the word when, and knew he wasn't ready to give up on Ezra coming back to them. They all felt a little hope flicker in their hearts at the confidence he seemed to be feeling for the gambler's full recovery. Heck, even Ezra Standish... as stubborn and bullheaded as he was... didn't stand a chance against Chris Larabee when he was determined to make something happen.
Nathan saw renewed hope in the faces around him, and felt a little of the weight of responsibility lifted from his shoulders. He knew they were all going to be working together to take the best possible care of their friend, and if there was any possible way to bring Ezra back, they would find it.
After much discussion, it was decided that at least for now, they would keep Ezra confined to the clinic. Nathan knew how careless and cruel people could be with their comments, and he didn't want any stress placed on Ezra by any of the curious townsfolk. Not to mention what could happen if any dissatisfied losers from his previous poker games found out what condition he was in. The gambler had made a few enemies since he'd come to Four Corners, and they wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of his current vulnerable state to exact their revenge on him. Besides, if Ezra failed to remember his time spent as a five year old, which is pretty much what Nathan thought was going to happen, then they didn't want anyone mentioning it to him afterward.
The six of them would treat Ezra as the five year old he believed himself to be with absolutely no mention of his real age, or what had happened to him. Nathan was afraid if they tried to push him into remembering, he might suffer even more emotional damage and slip further away from them. If he did start to remember something, they'd encourage it as long as it didn't seem to be upsetting him. And there were to be no more questions about his uncle or what he'd done to Ezra. If he brought it up himself, they would listen to what he had to say, and then gently change the subject. They just wanted him happy at all times. Chris also insisted that he never be left alone, not even for a minute. He remembered all too well what sorts of things five year olds could get into, and he knew Ezra, in his present state, would be no different. If anything... with his quick mind, he'd probably be worse.
"So are we clear on everything then?" Chris asked as he stood and got ready to head off for some much needed sleep. They'd decided that since Ezra had become so attached to Buck already, he would be relieved of his duties as peacekeeper for now so that he could spend as much time with him as possible... at least until Ezra had had a chance to get comfortable with the others. Nathan was going to stay with the gambler while the ladies man left to have a quick bite of breakfast and gather up what he'd need for an extended stay at the clinic. Vin was headed to bed to get a few hours sleep before coming back to spend some time with Ezra, Josiah was off to take Buck's turn at patrol, and JD was going to take guard duty at the jail.
Everyone nodded at Chris and turned to leave, but were suddenly stopped in their tracks by Josiah's quiet voice. "What about Maude?"
Chris turned to stare at the preacher, and shook his head in amazement. Shit... how could they have possibly forgotten about Ezra's mother? The gunslinger's expression hardened as he thought about what they'd learned of Ezra's childhood. "Well, first of all, we haven't heard a thing from her, so maybe if we're lucky, she's off on some con and my message will never catch up with her. But if it does, and she shows up, she's not to be allowed near him. Whoever's on watch when she comes in on that stage, come and get me and Nathan." He saw the skeptical looks on their faces as he looked at each one, and then turned back to the healer. "Nathan, you'll give her the medical facts about what happened to Ezra, and I'll give her my opinions on her lousy attempt at motherhood. Then we'll inform her that she's been relieved of her motherly duties, and that we're taking over."
"But, Chris... she's his mother... shouldn't she at least be allowed to see him once?" JD was obviously nervous at the thought of trying to keep Maude separated from her son.
"If we decide she can talk to him, it will only be in the presence of the six of us. He has a hard enough time dealing with her when he's thinking like an adult... he wouldn't stand a chance against her now. I don't care if you have to throw her in the jail to prevent it... she's not seeing him until Nathan and I've talked to her. You all got that?" Chris waited until every one of them had nodded, and then pushed past them and headed for his room. He may have sounded confident to them, but his head was already beginning to throb at the prospect of having to deal with Maude Standish. Damn... why the hell did he ever send that telegram in the first place?
Nathan had gone to fetch them some lunch, leaving Buck alone in the clinic with Ezra. He was sitting in the chair by the bed watching the gambler, when he finally saw his eyes quiver and then slowly open. He blinked several times, took a few more pulls on his thumb, and let his eyes drift shut again. Buck was just reaching out to touch his arm and speak to him, when suddenly Ezra's eyes popped open. The gunman watched as the realization that he was sucking his thumb struck the younger man. He snatched the offending digit out of his mouth and shoved it quickly under the pillow, shooting a panic-stricken look at Buck. "I'm sowwy... I didn't mean to do d'at."
Buck smiled reassuringly and pulled Ezra's hand back out from beneath the pillow. "That's alright, pard... nothin' wrong with it."
"Mama says men don't suck d'eir f'umbs... orw crwy... orw..." Ezra stopped when he saw Buck shake his head at him.
"First of all, you're not a man... you're a little boy. And second, your mama's not in charge of what you can or can't do anymore... we are. And- " Buck was interrupted as Nathan and Vin walked in, each carrying a tray of food.
"And... we just want ya t' be happy." Vin smiled at Ezra as he set the food down on the table, and then moved to squat next to the bed.
Ezra smiled shyly back... and then frowned as what Buck had said finally sunk in. "Mama's not in charwge of me now?"
Buck shook his head and watched Ezra carefully to see how he was going to react to the idea. "Nope... you're part of our family now, so ya have to go by our rules, not your mama's."
Ezra struggled to sit up, crying out softly as he forgot and leaned on his left arm. Buck and Vin hurried to help him up, holding him until his arm stopped hurting, and then easing him back against the pillows. They watched sadly as he quickly dried his tears while shooting them nervous glances... as if he expected them to start yelling at him at any moment. "I'm sowwy... I..."
"Okay, Pard," Vin interrupted Ezra, gently taking his hand and holding it. "First rule ya gotta learn is that it's okay for ya t' cry when ya need t'. You're just a little boy an' little boys are allowed t' cry. Okay?"
Ezra stared suspiciously at them, but they saw a glimmer of hope in his shiny green eyes. "You won't get mad an' send me away if I crwy?"
Buck sighed and took the smaller man's chin in his hand. "Ezra... you gotta understand... when we promise ya somethin', we mean it. And we promise that there is absolutely nothin' you can do to make us send ya away."
Nathan stood over by the table listening to the exchange going on between the three huddled together on the bed. He wanted to try and get Ezra to eat something, but he was willing to wait if they could get him convinced he was safe here with them.
Ezra stared hopefully back at Buck as he thought about what he'd said. "Nuffin'?"
Buck smiled and shook the gambler's chin gently. "Absolutely nothin'. Now, how about some lunch? You gotta be gettin' kinda hungry by now."
Just then Ezra's stomach growled, causing him to look down in surprise.
Vin laughed and gave the Southerner a playful poke in the belly. "Guess that answers that question."
Ezra squirmed away from Vin's finger and let out a burst of giggles that echoed gleefully around the clinic. The three men stared at him in wide-eyed amazement. They were seldom lucky enough to get so much as a chuckle out of the gambler, much less anything as heart-warming as this. And they were still worried sick about his condition, but at the same time it was nice to get a glimpse at what Ezra might have been like if he hadn't been cursed with a mother like Maude.
"Aha... somebody's ticklish!" Buck raised his eyebrows at Vin, and when the tracker nodded, they attacked the gambler... gently tickling him until he was doubled over with laughter and gasping for Nathan to help him.
"Alright you two, mind his bruises now... ya hurt 'im an' you're gonna have t' answer t' me!" Nathan tried glaring at the two men, but they immediately jumped off the bed and shot him a look of such pure innocence that he couldn't help but laugh.
Ezra took advantage of Nathan's distraction to carefully scoot himself back against the headboard, and sat there catching his breath while reassuring the healer that he was alright. "It's okay Nafan, d'ey didn't huwt me. I w'iked it!"
"Oh, ya did, did ya?" Vin nodded at Buck and they started creeping toward Ezra again, their fingers stretched out in front of them wiggling threateningly.
"Nafan!! Help!!" Ezra squealed and frantically pulled his feet out of their reach, sending Vin and Buck to their knees in a fit of hysterical laughter.
Nathan stared at the three men and found himself just as amazed at Vin's transformation as he was at Ezra's. Vin was usually quiet and reserved, keeping his feelings and past to himself almost as much as the gambler did. Now here he was entertaining Lit'l Ezra with all the unabashed fervor that Buck was showing. But as much as Nathan enjoyed seeing Ezra and Vin having fun for a change, he knew it was time to call a halt to the play. The Southerner's body was still recovering from the shock of the fall, and he was going to need plenty of rest and quiet for a while yet.
"Why don't you two go eat 'fore that food gets cold, an' let me get some of this broth into my patient." Nathan carried the bowl of broth over and sat on the bed beside Ezra. "Ya ready t' try an' eat somethin' for me?"
Ezra leaned over and peered into the bowl, wrinkling his nose as he saw the brown liquid that Nathan was stirring. "What is it, Nafan?"
Nathan hid a grin as he looked up and saw the face the smaller man was making. "It's jus' some beef broth... it'll help ya get your strength back." He scooped up a small spoonful and moved it towards Ezra's mouth... which was now firmly shut. "Ezra... come on now... ya gotta eat if'n you're gonna get better."
"I can feed mysewlf, Nafan... I'm not a baby, you know." Ezra grumbled as he moved his head back out of the healer's reach.
Nathan scowled at the gambler, waiting for him to give in and eat the broth. But Ezra merely screwed his face up tight and shook his head as he held his hand out for the spoon.
Nathan stared at him for a moment, then finally relented and handed it over. He heard Vin and Buck laughing as they watched the confrontation, and shot them a venomous look for encouraging the Southerner.
Buck nudged Vin and whispered loudly, "Looks like Ezra's always been bull-headed. Chris'll be glad to know he's not just doin' it to aggravate 'im."
Nathan shot the gunman a warning glance, but Ezra was too intent on getting the spoon to his mouth without spilling anything to notice what was being said. He took a small taste of the broth, seemed to decide it was okay, and continued on to slowly empty the bowl the healer held for him.
The three men smiled at the look of total concentration on Ezra's face, and silently cheered him on as he struggled with the spoon. Watching the usually poised and graceful Southerner awkwardly trying to feed himself, they realized sadly just how little of the adult Ezra was left. And even though they were thoroughly enjoying their visit with Lit'l Ezra, they'd give anything they had to have him back the way he was before the accident.
Ezra had almost reached the bottom of the bowl when it happened... his hand tilted too soon and soup spilled down the front of his white nightshirt. The color drained from the gambler's face as he looked down at the spreading stain, and they could all see the fear that shone brightly as he quickly jerked his eyes back up to Nathan's.
Nathan reached out to take the spoon from Ezra, but stopped suddenly as the smaller man ducked away from his outstretched hand as if anticipating a blow. The spoon fell from Ezra's fingers as he pulled himself to the far side of the bed and lay down. They all watched in dismay as he curled himself up in a ball, his body shaking uncontrollably as heart-wrenching sobs tore through him.
Nathan stayed back as Buck hurried over to try and console the heartbroken Southerner. He reached out and touched Ezra lightly on the shoulder, and uttered a silent curse against Maude, Uncle Matthew and anyone else from the gambler's past who had hurt him when he felt the smaller man flinch. "Hey, pard... it's okay... it's only a little soup. Nothin' some soap an' water won't fix."
Vin watched Buck trying to console Ezra for a moment, and then slipped quietly out the door. His face was dark with anger as he crossed the street, entered the saloon, and ran lightly up the stairs to the second floor... his thoughts so focused on the sound of Ezra's weeping echoing through his head, that he never even noticed Josiah as he passed him.
Josiah saw the look on his face and instantly knew something had happened with Ezra. He followed quickly up the stairs behind Vin and stopped in the doorway of the gambler's room, watching in amazement as the tracker stood in front of the dresser, jerking the drawers open and slamming them shut again as he angrily mumbled to himself.
"Vin? You all right? Something happen to Ezra?" Josiah worriedly questioned the younger man as he moved up behind him and placed a calming hand on his shoulder.
Vin stopped his frantic searching, gripped the edge of the dresser, and took a few deep breaths to try and get his anger under control. Finally, when he thought he could handle a conversation with the preacher without shouting, he turned and looked up at him.
Josiah was startled by the fury still evident on Vin's usually placid face. His fear for the gambler's well-being tripled the moment he stared into the younger man's eyes. "Ezra? He's not..."
"No... he's the same." Vin sighed and ran his hands wearily over his face. "I'd just like to get my damn hands on this Uncle Matthew of his and dear old Maude for what they did t' him as a kid. He's over there right now, sobbing because he accidentally spilled soup on hisself. He actually ducked when Nathan reached out t' help him... ya could see he thought he was about t' get smacked. And now he's convinced we're gonna send him t' his uncle's because he was bad. I came over t' get him a clean nightshirt t' see if it would calm him down some... besides, I just had t' get outta there 'fore I lost it completely and scared 'im more than he already is."
Josiah moved to the dresser and began searching for Ezra's nightshirts as he struggled to clamp down on his own anger at the thought of what the gambler had been put through in his young life. Not just at the hands of his abusive uncle and his uncaring mother either. They... his so-called friends... had not treated him much better. They had all given him a hard time about the walls he kept around his emotions... about his inability or unwillingness to fit in. And instead of trying to find out why he kept them shut out, they had just allowed him to stay on the fringes of their group... claiming they wanted him to join the family, but not making any effort to help him. So in their own way, they had contributed to his feelings of loneliness and insecurity. But maybe this was their chance to rectify their mistakes... they at least owed it to Ezra to try.
Pulling a couple of soft, cotton nightshirts out of the drawer, Josiah turned to find Vin watching him closely with a small crooked grin on his face. It was only then that he realized that he'd been muttering the whole time he'd been digging through the dresser... sharing his thoughts on the gambler without even knowing it. He smiled sheepishly at the tracker and shrugged his shoulders.
"That's okay, Josiah. I think we've all been havin' those same thoughts. We got a lot of makin' up t' do when it comes t' Ezra and this sure seems like a good time t' get started." Vin headed for the door, waiting for Josiah to pass through into the hall before pulling it closed behind him. "And who knows... maybe Chris is right an' Ezra'll remember on some level what we're doin' for 'im now. It might make a difference in how he feels about hisself when he's back t' normal if we can give 'im some of what he missed out on before." Vin smiled up at Josiah as they started down the hall. "An' I don't think it's gonna be all that hard for us t' do that either. Lit'l Ezra sure is a cute little cuss, ain't he?"
The thought of Ezra's reaction to being called a 'cute little cuss' made them both grin and their laughter echoed through the saloon as they made their way down the stairs and out into the street.