Buck eased himself down on the bed beside Ezra and rubbed his back soothingly as he bent over and whispered in his ear. "Ezra? Come on now... it was just an accident. Nobody's mad at ya... honest."
Nathan knelt on the floor in front of the smaller man and gently pulled his hand away from his face. He frowned when he saw how flushed Ezra's face was, and reached out with a gentle hand to smooth the tears from his cheeks, checking for the fever that he suspected had returned. "Hush now, little guy... it weren't your fault, it was mine. I shoulda tucked a towel under your chin in case your hand slipped... I knew ya were still kinda weak."
Ezra stared at Nathan, his sobs slowly subsiding as he realized that the healer wasn't yelling at him... and, in fact, was taking the blame for the accident. His voice shook as he quietly argued against Nathan's logic. "But I sh-shoulda w'istened to you an' w'et you feed me d' b-bwoff w'ike you wanted to."
Nathan shook his head at Ezra as he continued to run his fingers along his cheek, smiling softly as he felt the gambler unconsciously nuzzle his face against his hand. The small child in Ezra was starved for any kind of affection, and seemed to be searching it out in even the simplest of touches. "You were jus' tryin' t' learn t' do for yourself... ain't nothin' wrong with that. It's jus' a part of growin' up."
Ezra hesitantly put his hand on Nathan's arm... his fingers nervously rubbing back and forth on the healer's sleeve. "You'rwe not mad at me, Nafan?"
Nathan heard the slight tremor in Ezra's voice as he fought against the fear of being sent away, and realized that it was a deep-seated fear that the Southerner still dealt with every day of his life. No wonder he kept them at a distance... why go to the trouble of building friendships when he was positive they would be ripped apart the moment he made a mistake. When your own mother refused to love you unconditionally, how could you possibly trust that anyone else would. And if this was any example of how Ezra was as a child, Nathan wondered how in hell Maude could ever have held that love back from him.
"Naw... I ain't mad at ya. Ya did darn good only spillin' that little bit on yourself... heck, Buck makes bigger messes than that when he's eatin'." Nathan was relieved to see a small smile brighten Ezra's face. He also noticed Ezra's eyelids drooping, and knew it was time for him to get some rest. Glancing up, he saw Vin and Josiah quietly enter the clinic carrying a few of the Southerner's nightclothes. "Now, how 'bout we sit ya up here an' put a nice clean nightshirt on ya before ya settle down for a little nap."
Buck helped Ezra sit up and smiled at the startled look that washed over Nathan's face as Ezra suddenly leaned forward, laid his head on the healer's shoulder, and hugged him with his good arm. "F'ank you, Nafan... I'll be morwe carweful next time... I pwomise."
Nathan only hesitated for a second before awkwardly wrapping his arms around the Southerner and hugging him. "That's alright, Ezra... you jus' try t' remember we all make mistakes an' we're not gonna get mad at ya for yours. Okay?" Nathan felt Ezra's head barely nod against his shoulder and realized he was probably falling asleep. He could feel the heat of his fever through the nightshirt, and knew he'd let him overdo it romping around with Buck and Vin. "Ezra? Sit back here on the bed an' will get that dirty nightshirt off 'a ya."
He eased Ezra away from him and saw that he'd been right. The Southerner was barely able to keep his eyes open, and never even protested when they eased him out of his soiled nightshirt and into a clean one. After they laid him down, Nathan re-bandaged his head and checked his arm... tightening the bindings on the splints when he found the swelling had finally gone down some. Ezra was sound asleep by the time he finished.
Josiah tucked the blankets up under the younger man's chin, and ran his hand gently across his tousled brown hair before moving over to join the others at the table, gratefully accepting the coffee that Nathan handed him. "He's awful warm."
"Yeah, his fever's back. I'm gonna have t' try an' keep 'im a little quieter for a while til he has a chance t' heal up... or til he comes back to us." Nathan stared into his coffee as he tried to think of something... anything... that he could be doing for Ezra. He hated feeling this helpless when one of them needed him so badly.
Buck and Vin shot each other a guilty look. "Sorry, Nathan... we shouldn't've gotten 'im so worked up. He's just so damn... well, he's..." Buck blushed slightly as he struggled to express what he was feeling about the gambler. "Damn it... he's cute, okay? I can't help it... he's just so damn... damn... lovable, it's impossible to resist 'im."
Vin and Josiah looked at each other and burst out laughing. Josiah saw Buck's blush deepen as he mistakenly assumed they were making fun of him, and hurried to reassure the mustached gunman. "Easy now, Buck... we're not laughing at ya. Vin and I were just discussing ourselves what a cute little guy Ezra is, and how he's gonna react when he finds out what went on while he was on his little trip into the past."
Nathan frowned and shook his head. "He might not remember much 'bout any of this when his memory comes back. Maybe bits and pieces, but probably no more 'n that." The healer glanced over at the bed, his frustration at not being able to help Ezra showing plainly in his sad brown eyes.
Josiah knew what Nathan was feeling, and placed a comforting hand on his arm. "Don't be blamin' yourself, brother... we all know you're doin' the best you can for him."
"'The best I can...'" Nathan laughed bitterly. "My best's jus' not good enough this time... an' my lack of knowledge could leave 'im trapped in this second childhood of his for the rest of his life."
"Don't be givin' up on ol' Ezra just yet, Nathan. We seen 'im battle back from worse 'n this before." Vin skillfully turned the healer's thoughts away from his feelings of inadequacy as he got them all talking about the knack Ezra seemed to have for getting himself in and out of scrapes. He knew Nathan was aware of what he was doing, but at least he went along with it. They all needed a break from the constant worry over what was going to happen to the gambler, and he'd just provided them with one.
Ezra's fever had come back down some by that evening, and Nathan was able to get some more broth into him, and even coaxed him into eating most of a biscuit and drinking a small amount of milk. Apparently Ezra's aversion to milk wasn't just an adult thing... he had such a hard time getting what little bit of it he did drink down, that Nathan finally took pity on him and told him he could quit before he'd even managed to drink half of it.
Nathan even convinced him to try feeding himself again. But even with a towel tucked under his chin to catch any drips, Ezra's nervousness at making another mistake had his hand shaking so badly, that Buck finally reached out and gently slipped the spoon from his fingers and finished the job himself. They'd wait till he felt more comfortable with them, and then see if they could get him to try again. For right now, it was more important that he ate so he could get his strength built back up.
When Ezra finally finished eating, Buck took the towel from under his chin, wet it, and proceeded to wash the gambler's face, even scrubbing in and behind his ears. He smiled as the gambler acted like a typical five year old, squirming and sputtering through the whole ordeal.
"You'rwe as bad as Mama, Buck!" Ezra grumbled at the older man as he finally released his face and allowed him to lean back against the pillows. The others had come in while Buck was wrestling with him, and couldn't help but laugh at Ezra's disgust with the gunman's treatment of him.
"What'd you want me to do? Leave ya sittin' there with food smeared all over your face?" Buck grinned as Ezra immediately began protesting. He loved the expression that appeared on the gambler's boyish face whenever he managed to get a rise out of him.
"I didn't have food all overw my face... and I surwe didn't have any in my earws!" Ezra argued as he dug his finger in his ear, trying to remove the water Buck had left in there.
Buck laughed and playfully scrubbed his hand across the top of Ezra's head. "Okay... okay... maybe it was only one little biscuit crumb on your chin, but I swear I saw potatoes growin' outta those ears of yours!"
Ezra stared at him for a moment, his mouth dropped open in surprise as his finger slowly felt around the edge of his ear. The whole room erupted in peals of laughter as the realization that Buck was joking with him slowly dawned on the Southerner and he smacked the older man on the shoulder, almost knocking him off the bed. Ezra's mind might have reverted to that of a child, but his strength was definitely still the same as before.
The laughter continued as Buck regained his balance and sat back up on the edge of the bed, gingerly rubbing his shoulder. "Dang, Ezra... you're a strong little sh-... um... little fella, ain't ya?"
Thankfully, Ezra didn't notice what Buck had almost said, and was concerned instead with the fact that he'd hurt his new friend. He reached out and hesitantly touched the larger man's arm, the worry evident on his face as he looked up into Buck's smiling blue eyes. "Did I huwt you, Buck? I'm sowwy if I did... I didn't mean to!"
"Naw... you didn't hurt ol' Buck, but I'm sure gonna have to remember to duck next time I start funnin' with ya. Ya pack a powerful wallop there! Let me feel that muscle." Buck gently squeezed Ezra's arm as he obligingly bent it, a huge grin spreading across the gambler's handsome face as the ladies man raised his eyebrows in feigned surprise. "Whooee, son... you been workin' out or somethin'? Or is it all that broth Nathan's been feedin' ya?"
Ezra giggled and just shook his head at Buck and the others as they all tried to feel his arm. "You guys arwe jus' kiddin' wif me, arwen't you. I'm onwy five... I don't have big muscwles."
JD laughed and reaching out, ran his hand across Ezra's chin. "You got whiskers at age five... why not big muscles, too?"
Buck reached up and whacked JD in the back of the head as they watched Ezra's grin quickly fade. His hand drifted up to his chin, and his eyes filled with confusion when he felt the soft stubble that grew there. "Buck?... Nafan? Why do I... how come I..." Ezra looked worriedly up at first Buck and then Nathan, his five year old mind working frantically to try and understand how this could happen.
The others quickly moved to soothe the distraught Southerner, carefully distracting him with a vague explanation of it having to do with his being injured. They finally got him calmed down when Josiah told him that it was just a sign that he was growing up, and that now he'd get to have his first shave. When he protested he didn't know how to shave, Josiah assured him that he could do it for him, and had to promise the younger man that he would take care of it first thing in the morning before Ezra would allow them to change the subject.
JD stood rubbing his head as he scowled at Buck and the others fussing over Ezra. He jumped when Vin whispered in his ear. "Think before ya open your mouth, Kid. Ya gotta remember... he thinks he's only five... don't be scarin' 'im like that."
JD backed away from the bed, a flicker of resentment for the gambler taking hold in him. How could they think he'd actually do anything purposefully to hurt Ezra? Did they actually think that little of him? And how come no one noticed that his feelings had been hurt by their actions... didn't they care about him anymore?.
No one even noticed when JD quietly slipped out the door, closing it softly behind him.
The rest of them stayed huddled around Ezra for the remainder of the evening, talking and joking with him to take his mind off what JD had said. They were doing a good job of it too, until Josiah happened to mention the fact that it was only a couple of days til Christmas and he had yet to decorate the church.
Ezra looked puzzled and a little sad as he stared up at Josiah. "It's Chwistmas time?"
"Sure is, little guy." Josiah glanced uneasily around at the others, not sure how to proceed. "Don't you like Christmas?"
Ezra just shook his head and looked sadder. They watched as he slid closer to Buck, leaning his head tiredly against the older man's shoulder.
Vin smiled and patted Ezra's leg as he sat down on the other side of the bed. "Aw, come on now, pard... all little kids like Christmas. All those presents from Santa an' the tree decorated up all purty... what's not t' like?"
Ezra stared solemnly at Vin and shook his head again. "Mama aw'w'eady tol' me d'erwe's no Santa Cwause... d'at mamas and papas give d' pwesents."
"But didn't ya like the presents your mama gave ya?" Nathan asked the question, but was afraid he already knew what the answer was going to be.
Buck felt Ezra press even tighter against him and slipped his arm around him. "She said she couldn't be wastin' herw money on pwesents forw me. 'Sides... I was bad again an' was at Unca Maffew's forw Chwistmas an' had to stay upstairws in my w'oom in d' attic." His face brightened slightly and he smiled up at them as he continued. "But I snucked out and peeked frew d' w'ailin's while d'ey sat awound d' twee and opened d'eirw pwesents." The Southerner's expression grew wistful as he stared back down at the bed. "It w'ooked w'eawy nice."
The others exchanged looks of grim determination over Ezra's head as they each began thinking of ways to give the gambler his first real Christmas. Ezra might not remember it when he was back to normal, but they would.
They had hoped to begin taking turns spending the nights with him to give Buck a break, but Ezra became so distressed when Vin remained on the bed and the ladies man attempted to leave, that Buck quickly relented and returned to take the tracker's place.
"It's okay, Ezra... I ain't goin' nowhere." Buck eased himself back down beside the smaller man, and couldn't help but smile as Ezra immediately curled up against him, his head pressed tightly against Buck's chest, and his broken arm resting carefully on his stomach.
"F'ank you, Buck... I don't feel so scarwed when you'rwe wif me." Ezra sighed and finally let his eyes drift shut when he felt Buck's arms close around him.
Buck looked helplessly up at the others and shook his head. He knew in his mind that this was the same Ezra Standish who was a master at hiding his emotions... the same one who would rather die than admit he needed anything from anyone... but his heart was telling him something else entirely.
Buck's heart was telling him that this was the real Ezra Standish he was holding in his arms... not the one presented to the world as confident, self-serving and independent. This was the one that had been neglected and abused by everyone who should have loved him... who was so starved for any signs of affection and kindness, that he had latched onto the first person who'd finally shown him some. And apparently he had no intentions of letting go. But what amazed Buck the most about the whole situation... what kept him there in that bed beside the gambler... was that he had come to realize that he didn't want him to let go. Lit'l Ezra had wrapped himself right around the gunman's heart, and had captured it completely.
"Guess y'all might as well go on home an' get some sleep. Looks like I'll be stayin' here for awhile." Buck eased the blanket up over Ezra's shoulders and tucked it around him before settling himself back against the pillows.
"You sure, Buck? We could probably ease him up enough for you to slip out and one of us to slip in." Chris moved toward the bed, but Buck shook his head at him.
"Nah... he's liable to be a mite upset if he wakes up an' finds me gone. 'Sides... I'm kinda tired myself an' was gonna turn in anyhow. I can sleep just as well here as in my own bed." Buck blushed slightly as Chris gave him a knowing look, a slight grin playing across his lips.
"He's got to you, hasn't he?" Chris stared at his long-time friend as Buck struggled unsuccessfully to find words to deny what he was feeling.
Buck glanced down at Ezra's face, so innocent and childlike in sleep, and couldn't stop his arms from tightening protectively around the gambler. He knew he should feel uncomfortable and embarrassed at lying in a bed with another man, one who was at that moment snuggled tightly against him, but it just didn't seem wrong somehow. Ezra was his friend and he was in trouble... and anything he could do to help, Buck knew he was prepared to do. He looked back up at Chris and shrugged. "He needs me. He's so vulnerable right now and been through so damn much in his life, I just can't stand the thoughts of lettin' anything else hurt 'im. If all it takes is me layin' here with 'im to keep 'im feelin' happy an' safe, then I guess it's the least I can do for 'im. I think he'd do the same for me... or any one of you."
Chris gazed thoughtfully at the gambler, and then finally nodded in agreement. He'd thought at first that Buck was just acting out of guilt, but he could see that the ladies man was really becoming attached to Lit'l Ezra. Besides, maybe they'd be good for each other. Buck had an overwhelming need to be a big brother, as poor JD was constantly reminded of, and Ezra was definitely in need of someone to take care of him right now. As his thoughts turned to the youngest member of their group, he frowned and looked around the room, finally noticing that he was missing. "Where's JD?"
They all shook their heads and said they hadn't even noticed he'd left. Chris's frown deepened as he remembered the look on JD's face when he was reprimanded for bringing up the subject of Ezra needing a shave. He looked at the others still fussing over Ezra and realized the gambler wasn't the only one they'd have to be careful of. Poor JD was used to being the youngest and now he was being displaced by one of his older brothers. He'd have to have a talk with the boy in the morning and apologize for them over-reacting. The last thing Chris wanted was for them to lose JD while they were trying to find Ezra.
Chris took one last look at the pair curled up together in the bed before he and the others headed home for some much needed sleep. They had a lot of work to do over the next few days if they were going to make Ezra's Christmas a memorable one.
Nathan stopped at the door and looked back at Buck. "Anything ya need 'fore I leave?" He'd decided to make use of Ezra's bed since the Southerner didn't need him around the clock anymore. The extra cot he had was just too small to fit his larger frame comfortably.
"Ya wanna put a cup of water over here where I can reach it? He woke up last night needin' a drink, an' it took me forever to get 'im back to sleep again. I think it'll be easier if'n I don't have to jostle 'im around too much to get it." Buck waited til Nathan had left before blowing out the light and pulling some of the blankets over himself.
The moonlight coming through the window shone on Ezra's pale face, softening his features even more. Buck watched as he frowned slightly, a soft whimper escaping his lips as the beginnings of a nightmare disturbed his peaceful slumber. Stroking Ezra's cheek lightly, he bent his head closer to the gambler's and whispered, "Rest easy, Little One... Buck's here to protect you." The frown instantly disappeared as the smaller man snuggled tighter against Buck's body, and both men sighed contentedly and slowly drifted off to sleep.
JD had hesitated at the bottom of the stairs after leaving the clinic. He knew he should go over to the jail and check on the drunk they'd had to throw in the cell earlier, but he just didn't feel like doing what was expected of him at that moment. They thought he was such a kid and totally incompetent, well then he guessed maybe he'd just go ahead and act that way. The young sheriff turned his steps toward the saloon, and after one last glance back at Nathan's window, pushed his way through the bat wing doors.
Inez watched JD stride toward the bar and knew immediately something was wrong. She couldn't remember ever seeing the young man wearing such a forlorn expression before, and hoped Ezra's condition hadn't worsened.
"I'd like a whiskey please, Inez." JD saw the shock of his request register on her face, and knew she had been all set to pour him his usual mug of milk.
"A whiskey, JD? Did something happen to Ezra?" Inez was taken aback by the reaction she received to her question.
JD's mouth dropped open and he emitted a short, harsh laugh as he shook his head disgustedly. "Geez, is that all anyone can talk about... Ezra and his condition? You know, other people have problems too, and - " He stopped when he saw the surprised look on Inez's face and immediately regretted snapping at her. There was no reason to take his hurt feelings out on her, and he wearily apologized before turning to leave. "Sorry, Inez... I'm just tired. Ezra's doin' 'bout the same... forget the drink, okay? I think I'll just go turn in and get some sleep. 'Night."
Inez watched JD dejectedly make his way back out of the saloon and decided she'd better mention his behavior to one of the others when she saw them. Something was definitely not right with the boy, and she would make sure someone found out what was bothering him.
Buck brushed a hand drowsily across his face, batting away the fingers that were playing with his mustache. "Millie... not now, darlin'... I need more sleep." Suddenly he became more alert and smiled slightly as he heard a familiar masculine giggle.
"Buck... arwe you awake yet?" Ezra whispered as he reached up to pry open one of the gunman's eyes.
Buck stared blearily at the wide green eyes that hovered in front of him, and laughed softly as he replied, "Well I am now, pard. What do ya need... a drink of water?" He could tell by the soft light coming through the window that it was barely dawn, and he definitely wasn't ready to get up yet. His hand fumbled across the table, searching for the glass Nathan had left there, hoping that a drink was all it would take to get the gambler to settle back down.
"Nuh-uh... I'm not f'irwsty, Buck... I'm jus' w'onewy. Can't you wake up an' talk to me?" Ezra patted the gunman's cheek and added sweetly, "Pwease, Buck? Talk to me?"
Buck sighed and nodded drowsily. "Okay, little guy... what do ya wanna talk about?"
"Who's Miwwie, Buck?" Ezra asked, leaning heavily across the older man's chest, staring up into his face. "Is she yourw girwlfrwiend?"
Buck moaned and eased Ezra back a little, taking some of the pressure off his ribs. The gambler didn't look that damn heavy, but he sure felt it now. "Well... she's a girl... and she's a friend, but she's not exactly my girlfriend."
Ezra frowned and leaned back over Buck. "What is she d'en... z'actly?"
"Well... she's... she's..." the ladies man sighed once more and rubbed his eyes. "She's just a friend, okay?"
"Okay." Ezra was quiet for a moment. "Buck?"
"Hmmm?" Buck was finding it hard to stay awake, even with Ezra's elbows digging sharply into his ribs.
Ezra ran his fingers across Buck's chin. "Does it huwt to get shaved?"
"Not if you're careful... ain't you gettin' tired, little guy?" Buck peeked at the younger man and frowned when he saw those bright green eyes still staring wide-eyed at him. "Guess not," he mumbled as his eyes drifted shut again.
"Buck?" Ezra waited a minute, and when there was no answer, tried again... this time poking none-to-gently at the larger man's chest. "Buck?"
"What, Ezra?" Buck was trying to be patient, but he was tired and just wanted to sleep. Somehow he managed to keep his voice even and not snap at the gambler.
"Wiwll 'siah be carweful when he shaves me?" Ezra rubbed his fingers across his own chin and then across the ladies man's again, comparing them.
"Who?" Buck's brow wrinkled in confusion, his sleep-fogged mind finding it hard to decipher some of Ezra's childish talk.
" 'siah! He said he'd shave me in d' morwnin'. W'ememberw, Buck?" Ezra was beginning to get frustrated and it was making his accent thicker and harder to understand.
"Oh... Josiah, Ezra," Buck corrected, sleepily.
"Buck... d'at's what I said! 'siah... you'rwe not w'istenin' to me, Buck." Ezra was starting to get tired again, and a definite whine was starting to creep into his voice now.
"You're right, little guy... I'm sorry. Don't worry, Josiah'll be careful not to hurt ya. Now... can we go back to sleep?" Buck pried his eyes open once more and gazed pleadingly at Ezra.
"I don't want to s'weep anymorwe. Isn't it time to get up now, Buck? It's gettin' w'ight outside. Can't we get up now?" Ezra's weight thankfully left Buck's chest, and he was able to breathe a little easier while he tried to get himself woke up.
"What time is it anyway?" Buck grunted as Ezra leaned across him for a minute, and then yawned and stretched before opening his eyes fully and looking at the gambler. Ezra was sitting beside him, a confused look on his face, holding his pocket watch which Nathan had left lying on the night table along with some of his other personal belongings. The ladies man mentally kicked himself for forgetting that a five-year old wouldn't be able to tell time. "Here, Ezra... let me see it." Buck pulled himself up in the bed and leaned back against the headboard as he reached for the timepiece.
Ezra continued to stare at the watch as Buck eased it out of his hand, and then raised his questioning gaze to meet the older man's worried blue eyes. "Buck? D'is is my watch, isn't it? How come I can't tewll what time it is if I have a watch? I should know... shouldn't I?"
Buck swore to himself as he saw Ezra's eyes stray back down to the watch. It was obviously jarring a memory in him and making him nervous. "Naw... you're too little to know how to tell time. I just wasn't awake all the way yet an' didn't think about it when I asked ya." Buck looked at the watch and saw it had quit running, and figured it must have been damaged when Ezra fell. "Look... it don't work anyhow, so it don't even matter that ya can't tell what time it is."
Ezra couldn't seem to pull his eyes away from the watch, and he slowly reached out one trembling finger to trace over the numbers.
"Ezra? You okay, little guy?" Buck asked as he placed a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder, and then quickly wrapped his arms around the smaller man as he pushed himself back against his chest.
"I used to know how to..." Ezra's body began to tremble as he whispered softly, his eyes still glued to the watch. "I f'ink I should know how - Buck... I'm scarwed..."
Buck closed the watch and slipped it back onto the table. Then rocking the gambler gently in his arms, he whispered soothingly, "Shh now, Little One... it's all right... everything's gonna be okay. There's nothin' to be scared of... I'm right here an' I'll keep ya safe."
"Why don't I know anymore, Buck? I should know." Ezra's tortured whisper tore at Buck's heart as he clung tightly to the younger man, desperately trying to find a way to calm him. He knew Ezra wasn't ready for this memory... that it was only confusing him. Damn, he wished Nathan was here to help... he didn't have any idea how to deal with this, and he was scared he would just say something to make it worse.
"Ezra? You trust me, don't ya?" Buck felt the gambler nod once and continued. "Then ya gotta believe me when I tell ya everything's gonna be okay. You're just not old enough to tell time... it's not somethin' you're s'posed to know yet. Okay? Ya hear me? You're just not s'posed to know yet."
"Arwe you surwe, Buck? I feewl funny... w'ike I need to w'ememberw -" Ezra's words trailed off and his hand slid up to grip the gunman's arm tightly.
Buck closed his hand firmly over Ezra's and whispered reassuringly in his ear. "I'm positive, Little One... five year olds don't know how to tell time, that's all. Now... how 'bout ya curl back up here with me, an' we'll try an' get a little more shut-eye. I'm still pretty tired, aren't you?"
Ezra turned his face up to Buck's, and the older man had all he could do to hold back the tears as he saw how scared and confused the gambler looked at that instant. Ezra stared into Buck's eyes for a moment, and finally nodded. "I f'ink I'm tirwed too, Buck... maybe d'at's why I feewl funny, huh?"
"Yeah, pard... that's probably all it is. Why don't ya slide back down here an' let's try an' go back to sleep." Buck eased himself back down against the pillows and pulled Ezra over until his head was cradled securely against his shoulder. He reached up and slowly stroked his hand over the tousled hair until he finally heard the gambler's breathing slow and even out as sleep claimed him once more.
But sleep eluded Buck as he lay there holding Ezra tightly in his arms. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was the fear and confusion that the gambler had suffered through with that one tiny memory. What the hell was it going to be like for him when it all started coming back? How would his mind handle it... and what if it couldn't? What would happen to him then? A tear slid down Buck's cheek as he thought of the real possibility that Ezra may be lost forever, and he spent the rest of the night praying they'd be able to help their friend find his way safely back to them.
Nathan and Josiah entered the clinic together talking softly, making plans for Christmas, and were immediately silenced when they saw Buck's anxious look and his finger pressed against his lips. They hurried over to ease Ezra off him when he motioned for their help and at his insistence, followed him back out through the door to the landing. Buck stood where he could keep an eye on the sleeping gambler, and finally tore his eyes away from him long enough to hand Nathan Ezra's pocket watch.
"Put this thing up where he can't see it," Buck ordered as he practically shoved the watch into Nathan's hands.
"What the hell happened, Buck? Is he alright?" Nathan asked as he looked back in at Ezra, searching for any signs of what had Buck so upset.
Buck scrubbed his hands tiredly over his face and sighed deeply. "He woke me up earlier because he was lonely an' wanted to talk. I was only half awake an' wasn't thinkin'... I asked 'im what time it was. When I opened my eyes an' looked at 'im, he had that in his hand an' was just sittin' there starin' at it."
Nathan and Josiah both looked down at the innocent looking timepiece the healer held, and then back at Buck, waiting for him to finish.
"He kept askin' me why he didn't know what time it was an' insistin' that he 'should know'. I tried to explain to 'im that I just wasn't thinkin' when I asked 'im that. Then I told 'im that he wasn't old enough to know how to tell time yet, but he just kept starin' at the damn thing an' repeatin' that he should know, an' that he was scared." Buck glanced worriedly back in the clinic at Ezra as he heard him moving about in the bed, but he merely rolled onto his stomach and settled back down again.
"It triggered a memory for 'im... an' I think it's probably a good sign that he'll come back... but it sounds like he ain't ready for it t' happen jus' yet." Nathan sighed despondently as he realized just how difficult it was going to be to get Ezra through this experience intact. There was just so damn much he didn't know or understand about what the gambler was going through, and he was terrified he was going to make a mistake and cause him irreversible harm in his bumbling attempts at healing him. "Josiah, could ya gather up anything ya can find that's Ezra's an' put it away where he won't see it? We're goin' t' have t' be even more careful with what he's exposed to. We'll give 'im a few more days, an' then try gettin' 'im to remember, but we're gonna have t' take it real slow, if we can. I don't think we should be floodin' his mind with too many memories at once. Oh, an' Josiah? Ya better hang a rag or somethin' over my shavin' mirror. If jus' seein' his watch upset 'im this much, I'd hate t' think what seein' his adult face in that mirror would do t' 'im."
Buck moved aside so Josiah could enter the clinic, and then turned back to Nathan. "I think I was 'bout as scared as Ezra was... not knowin' what to say to 'im... 'fraid I was gonna just make it all worse instead of better."
"Well, ya must've said somethin' right... ya got 'im back t' sleep an' he looks pretty peaceful." Nathan moved back into the room and walked quietly over to look down at the gambler.
Buck shook his head and reached out to pull the blanket back up over Ezra's shoulders, brushing a few wisps of hair off his forehead before settling himself down in the chair by the bed. "I didn't know what the hell to do, Nathan. I just finally asked 'im if he trusted me, an' when he said yes, I told 'im he just wasn't s'posed to know yet. He said he felt funny an' I got 'im convinced he was probably just still tired." Buck looked up at Nathan, his usually cheerful countenance lined with worry. "He's scared, Nathan... an' I hate it, 'cause I know it's only gonna get worse."
"I wish t' hell I could tell ya it wouldn't, but... yeah... you're right... it's probably gonna get worse with every little thing he remembers. An' bout all we can do is be here for 'im t' try an' help 'im deal with it." Nathan sat on the edge of the bed and ran his hand lightly over Ezra's back as he saw the gambler begin to stir.
"What if it all comes back at once, Nathan? Is he gonna be able to handle it?" Buck moved to make sure he was in Ezra's line of sight when he awoke.
Nathan watched as Ezra's eyelids twitched and slowly opened. "There's no way of knowin', Buck... we'll jus' have to wait an' hope it doesn't happen that way. An' if it does, an' he can't handle it, then we'll have to be here t' pick up the pieces an' take care of 'im."
Buck nodded and reached out to lay his hand over Ezra's as it slid across the bed toward him. "Mornin', pard. 'Bout time ya was wakin' up."
Ezra yawned, and then smiled at Buck. "Guess I was s'weepy, huh, Buck?"
"Told ya so. Ya ready to get your lazy butt up an' eat some breakfast now? Ya gotta be hungry... ya slept the whole mornin' away." Buck and Nathan helped him up when he nodded and settled him back against the headboard, piling pillows behind him to protect the still tender bruises on his back.
Josiah walked over to the bed and nodded at Buck and Nathan to let them know he'd gotten everything that could be a reminder to Ezra out of sight. He squatted down beside the smaller man, and patted him gently on the arm. "Hey there, little fella... how ya doin' this mornin'?"
"I'm fine, 'siah... you gonna shave me now?" Ezra's eyes twinkled at the prospect of getting to do something as grown-up as shaving.
"Well, how 'bout I go get us all some breakfast, and then we'll see what we can do about gettin' those whiskers off that handsome face of yours." Josiah ruffled Ezra's hair as he stood back up and looked at the others. "What's everybody want to eat?"
Buck rubbed his rumbling stomach and smiled up at Josiah. "I don't know 'bout anyone else this mornin', but I'm starved. I'll have some ham, eggs, potatoes, bacon, an' a couple of biscuits. That might do me til dinner. Oh yeah, an' ya better grab some mugs of coffee since someone forgot to buy some." Buck grinned at Nathan as the healer began to grumble.
"Well, somebody would still have coffee if a certain person didn't guzzle it all day." Nathan looked pointedly at Buck, and then grinned as he looked down at Ezra and noticed his reaction to the gunman's breakfast order.
Ezra's jaw dropped and he stared incredulously at Buck. "You'rwe gonna eat all d'at?!" His wide green eyes dropped to stare at the gunman's flat stomach, and he shook his head slowly. "How can you eat d'at much, Buck? Don't all d'at food make you sick?"
"Hey, I'm a growin' boy... I need to eat to keep up my strength." Buck laughed at the look of disbelief that washed over the gambler's face.
"Buck! You'rwe teasin' me again! You'rwe all grwowed up... you don't need to eat as much now." Ezra giggled and poked at the older man's belly. "You'rwe gonna get fat eatin' d'at much food!"
Nathan and Josiah laughed and agreed with Ezra, assuring him that they'd been trying to tell Buck that for a long time now.
Buck stared at the other three men in mock indignation. "So you're all gangin' up on me, huh?" He leaned in close to Ezra who was giggling even harder at the look on his friend's face, and poked him several times in the stomach. "An' what do ya call this? Feels to me like I'm not the only one who's gettin' fat... must be that biscuit an' jelly you ate last night."
Ezra immediately stopped laughing, stared down at Buck's finger for a moment, and then quickly burrowed under the blankets to peek at his stomach. Suddenly a muffled "Buck! You'rwe foolin' me again!" drifted out at them, and Josiah and Nathan collapsed together on the bed, laughing helplessly while Buck doubled over on the chair, his head and arms resting on the bed beside the gambler as he laughed until tears streamed down his cheeks.
They'd finally started to get themselves under control when Ezra's head popped back up, and the sight of the usually fastidious gambler sitting there with his hair sticking up wildly in every direction and an accusatory look of disgust on his rosy cheeked face, set them all off again.
"What arwe y'all w'aughin' at?!" Ezra exclaimed as he watched the others rolling around holding their sides, their laughter ringing through the clinic.
Buck managed to point at Ezra's head and gasp out, "Sorry... little pard... can't help it... you're hair... it's... it's..."
Ezra's eyes rolled up as he tried unsuccessfully to peer up at his hair, causing the others to dissolve once more into hysterics. He finally reached up and felt his head, his face breaking out in a huge grin when he realized why they were laughing. Leaning forward, he rubbed his hand over first Buck's and then Josiah's heads until their hair was just as wild looking as his own. He turned to Nathan and the gleeful look on his face turned to one of consternation as he stared at the healer's head. "No fairw, Nafan... you'rwe hairw's too shorwt!"
Nathan wiped the tears of laughter from his cheeks and reached out to quickly wrap one arm around Ezra, his fingers digging gently into the gambler's stomach while running his other hand back and forth across his head, creating an even bigger mess of his hair than before. "Yeah, but yours ain't!"
"Nafan! Stop!!" Ezra's giggles escalated until they were merely gasps for breath, punctuated by hiccups of laughter. "Pwease, Nafan... stop!"
Buck and Josiah stared at the usually impassive healer, their mouths hanging open in astonishment at seeing this new side to him. It was beginning to look like Lit'l Ezra was working his magic on even the most stoic of the group. An image of Chris laughing and playing with the usually fractious gambler flashed through Buck's mind, and he couldn't help but smile at the idea that Ezra might even be able to worm his way into their fearless leader's heart if given half a chance.
Nathan finally stopped tickling Ezra and pulled him back against his chest in a huge bear hug, holding the Southerner still until they both finally caught their breath and stopped laughing. "Ya okay, Ezra?"
"Yeah, Nafan... I'm fine... but I surwe am hungwy now. I f'ink I could eat aw'most as much as Buck!" Ezra tilted his head back to look into Nathan's smiling face, and gave him one of his infamous Ezra Standish grins, gold tooth flashing in the sunlight pouring through the window. The childish innocence that was now included in that grin instantly captured the healer's heart right along with Buck's.
Buck smiled widely at the sight of the former slave falling captive to the Southerner's charms, and couldn't help rubbing it in a little. "Hard to resist, ain't he?"
Nathan just shook his head in disbelief. It was so hard to remember that this was a grown man sitting beside him in the bed and not the sweet little boy that his words and actions made him seem. "That's for sure... never thought I'd see the day."
Ezra looked quizzically at him. "See what day, Nafan?"
Nathan just laughed and gave him one more hug before sitting him up in the bed and straightening out his nightshirt and blankets. "The day when your hair would look worse than ol' Buck's there. Come here an' let's see if we can't straighten it up some while Josiah finally goes an' gets us that breakfast he been promisin' us."
Josiah laughed as he ran his fingers through his wiry hair, smoothing it back down somewhat. "Well, what do you want to eat, Ezra... the same as Buck?"
Ezra giggled and smiled up at the ex-preacher. "I was just kiddin', 'siah... I couldn't w'eawy eat d'at much. Could I jus' have some biscuits and jam and some coffee, pwease? Is d'at aw'w'ight, Nafan?"
"Coffee? Don't you think milk would be better for a growing boy?" Josiah asked, glancing at Nathan to get his opinion.
Nathan shook his head. "He has a problem with jus' plain milk. How 'bout we compromise, Ezra... Josiah can put milk in your coffee, that way ya can't really taste it."
"Com... comp... comprwomise? What's comprwomise mean, Nafan?" Ezra tried to look up at Nathan, but he had a firm grip on his chin as he tried to brush out the tangles in his hair without hurting the cut on the back of his head.
"Well, it means you give a little and Nathan gives a little and then you're both happy." Josiah explained.
"Oh, I get it... Nafan w'ets me have my coffee, an' I w'et you put d' milk in it d'at he wants me to drwink. W'ight, 'siah?" Ezra winced as Nathan hit a particularly tangled clump of hair, before smiling up at Josiah.
"You got it, little guy. So, you want biscuits and jam and some coffee with milk in it. Is that it?" Josiah knew Nathan's usual order and didn't even have to ask... eggs, biscuits and coffee. Everyday, never fail.
"And sugarw, 'siah... w'ots of sugarw. D'at's how Mama fixes it forw me. 'Kay?" Ezra had to lean around Nathan as he checked the splint on his arm to make sure Josiah got the part about the sugar, and the preacher couldn't help but smile at those big green eyes peering up at him.
Josiah reached out a big paw and touched Ezra's cheek before nodding at him and turning to leave. When he got to the door, he turned back and motioned for Buck to follow him out so he could explain the plans they'd made for the gambler's Christmas surprise.
Buck saw Ezra's eyes widen as he got up and moved away from the bed. "It's alright, pard... I'm just gonna make sure Josiah got my order right. Nathan's stayin' right here with ya, an' I'll be back in just a minute, okay?"
Ezra nodded and reluctantly turned his attention back to Nathan, who was asking him if he hurt anywhere. He showed the healer which bruises were still sore and answered his questions, but his eyes strayed constantly to the door, watching for Buck's return.