Painful Memories

By Jean Williams


Part Twenty

The next couple of days were spent quietly, with Buck and Ezra, under Nathan's strict orders, settled on the shaded veranda while the rest of them went about arranging for the trip home and made a few more repairs to Abigail's house and barn.

Frequent visits from Katherine, Elizabeth, and Belle, and long entertaining chats with Abigail, had helped break up the monotony of their day. But by Wednesday morning, both men were getting restless and watched longingly as their friends all left to take care of some necessary errands.

Nathan and Josiah accompanied Abigail to the various stores as she did her weekly shopping. Nathan hoped to find some of the herbs he needed to restock his medical kit, and Josiah had a scribbled list of items the others had requested.

Chris and Vin headed to the Sheriff's office to let him know that they would be leaving on Friday, and to issue a thinly veiled threat that they would be back if anything went wrong with the upcoming trial for Kirby and the rest of Delacourte's men who had been captured. The town clerk had already taken Buck and Ezra's depositions and put them in safe-keeping awaiting the arrival of the circuit judge, and Katherine had given them her promise that she would send a telegram as soon as the trial was over.

JD waved the others off, and then, after telling Buck and Ezra to give him a shout if they needed anything, went out to the barn to feed and exercise the horses.

Buck heard a soft sigh and glanced over to see Ezra staring after Nathan, Abigail, and Josiah as they walked down the street.

"Don't worry, pard. In a couple more days, we'll be on our way home, and Nathan'll have to let us out from under his thumb." Buck reached over and gave the silent gambler a gentle nudge on the shoulder when he failed to respond. "It'll be good to get home again, won't it? After a good game of poker, a few shots of that fine whiskey Inez has got tucked under the bar for ya, an' a night in your good ol' featherbed, it'll be like we never left."

Ezra merely nodded and sighed again, his eyes never leaving their three friends as they entered the general store.

Buck took in the disconsolate slump of the Southerner's shoulders and the sad expression on his still too pale face, and realized it wasn't just their forced confinement that was bothering Ezra.

"What's wrong, Ezra? Ya feelin' okay?"

"I'm fine," Ezra replied softly as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

"Are ya tired?" Buck stared worriedly at the other man. "Ya aren't still havin' those nightmares, are ya?"

Ezra shook his head without opening his eyes. "No, Mr. Wilmington. Apparently young JD was correct in suggesting this little trip of ours. The nightmares and their resultant headaches have stopped. I've had several... unsettling... dreams about the events of the other day, but I would say that's to be expected."

Buck nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I've had a few of those myself." He continued to watch the gambler for a moment and then casually remarked, "Sure wish Abigail had decided to go home with us."

Buck saw Ezra's fingers tighten around the arms of the wicker rocker and knew he'd hit on the problem.

"You're gonna miss her, aren't ya?"

Ezra finally opened his eyes and looked over at Buck with a small, sad smile on his lips. "Yes, I am. Very much so. And I'm at a loss to explain why the thought of leavin' her is affecting me so deeply."

Buck returned the younger man's smile and gently reminded him of the tender care Abigail had lavished on him while he was in the grips of the fever. "I know ya can't remember most of it, bein' as sick as ya were, but after awhile, you got to where ya wouldn't respond to no one but her. Ain't surprisin' you're havin' motherly-type feelin's for her. An' I think she kinda feels the same way 'bout you."

Ezra had thought his memories of being rocked and held were correct, and he vaguely remembered being under the impression while he was ill that it was his mother that was there. He shook his head and chuckled softly at the idea of Maude doing anything that was even remotely that nurturing.

Buck shot a questioning look at the gambler. "What?"

Ezra shook his head and grinned. "I'm afraid that in my delirium, I thought it was Mother who was carin' for me."

Buck stared at Ezra for a moment and then grinned back at him. "Boy, you were sick, weren't ya?"

Ezra burst into a joyful peal of laughter and Buck immediately joined in, relieved to finally see something other than pain and sadness on his friend's face.


Josiah and Nathan followed Abigail into the store and were pleasantly surprised by the wide selection of goods that crammed the many shelves and counters. Maneuvering carefully around the other shoppers, they slowly made their way down the narrow aisles searching for the items they needed.

Nathan was wistfully inspecting a display of expensive medical equipment when Josiah moved in beside him and motioned toward the front of the store. The healer turned to look and frowned when he saw Abigail arguing with a haughty looking woman standing behind the main counter. Sharing a questioning look and a nod, they quickly moved toward the two women.

Just as they reached the end of the aisle, they heard the shopkeeper exclaim, "We don't want your business anymore!"

Abigail shoved her money back into her handbag, turned, and with head held high and eyes flashing fire, strode angrily out of the store.

Nathan and Josiah looked around them in confusion and were startled by the glares of hatred and disgust they were receiving. Apparently not all of the citizens of Shelby were grateful to be rid of Matthew Delacourte.

"Go on, get! You're no more welcome here than she is!"

Both men raised their hands placatingly and quickly backed through the door as the shopkeeper and several of her patrons began moving toward them. They knew any attempt to reason with the angry crowd would be futile and would only cause more trouble for Abigail.

Upon reaching the street, a quick glance reassured them that Abigail was safely on her way back to the boardinghouse. As they moved to follow her, they were joined by Chris and Vin and quietly filled the two of them in on the unpleasantness that had just occurred.

Vin saw Chris tense up beside him. "Ain't gonna do no good, pard. You'd jus' be wastin' your breath on their kind."

Chris hesitated for a second, then with an angry growl of frustration, followed the others on down the street.

They were just climbing the boardinghouse steps when JD came through the front door.

"Something happen to Mrs. Stokes? She looks mad enough to spit nails an' barely spoke to me when I came in."

Ezra looked up from the cards he'd been idly shuffling and nodded knowingly when he saw the expressions of anger and disgust on his friends' faces. "I take it things did not go well at the store?"

Chris whipped his hat off and scraped his fingers through his hair. "Trouble's startin' for her just like we were afraid it would."

JD flopped disconsolately down onto the porch beside Vin. "I don't see why she just won't go home with us."

"Well, maybe we need to have another chat with our Sister," Josiah smiled widely at Ezra, who stared nervously back at him, "and see if our very own Ezra 'P. for persuasive' Standish can get her to change her mind."


It was discussed and decided that approaching Abigail while she was upset would get them nowhere, so they'd let the issue drop until the next morning.

But now breakfast was on the table, Abigail had finally settled down to eat with them, and Ezra found himself the subject of everyone else's nudges, winks, and pointed looks.

Ezra hesitated, trying to figure out how to broach the subject of her leaving with them without upsetting her. Clearing his throat nervously, he finally decided the direct approach would be best.

"Um... Mrs. Stokes... Abigail... about yesterday...." Ezra saw her pleasant features draw down into a scowl and swallowed hard before continuing. "We were hopin'... I mean, we think maybe you... well, that you might... reconsider...."

<<Good Lord, her glare is almost as unnerving as Mr. Larabee's.>> Ezra felt a shiver run up his spine as his words slowly died off.

The others stared at their usually silver-tongued gambler in consternation. The man could ramble on about nothing for hours, and now, when they actually needed him to talk, he couldn't seem to come up with even one coherent sentence.

Chris shook his head at Ezra and added his scowl to Abigail's before finally taking matters into his own hands. "What Ezra's tryin' to spit out is that we think it would be safer for ya if you changed your mind an' went home with us."

"Please? I know you'd love Four Corners, and..." JD bent his head shyly, hiding his rapidly reddening face behind a dark fringe of hair, "we'd... uh... we'd miss you a lot if you stayed here."

Josiah laid a gentle hand on her arm. "You know we'll help you in any way we can, Abigail."

As the others added their words of support, Abigail marveled at the kindness of these seven men. In just the short time since she'd met them, they'd become closer to her than anyone else she knew, aside from Belle.

And as if Belle had read her mind, she chose that moment to walk through the door.

The elderly woman smiled widely at the sight of Ezra sitting at the table with his friends and moved in behind him, hugging him carefully and kissing him soundly on the cheek. "Does my ol' heart good t' see you up an' around, Sweetpea."

"Belle! Welcome, darlin'!" Ezra leaned back against Belle and clasped a slender hand around her arm in a return hug. "You're just in time to help us reason with our lovely hostess."

Belle smiled up at Nathan and gratefully accepted the chair he squeezed in beside Ezra for her, then looked across the table at Abigail.

"Okay, Miz Abigail, what you bein' unreasonable 'bout now?"

"All right. Don't start, Belle," Abigail warned with a smile as she poured the other woman a cup of coffee and handed it to her. "The boys have this outrageous idea that I should go back with them and run the boardinghouse in Four Corners."

Belle narrowed her eyes and stared hard at Abigail. "Somethin' happened, didn't it?"

The men all looked at Abigail whose attention was suddenly focused firmly on her plate. "Just the usual, Belle. Nothing I can't handle."

"They wouldn't serve her at the store," JD blurted out.

Belle shook her head. "Sound's like more'n 'jus' the usual' to me, Abigail. Maybe you best be thinkin' 'bout takin' these boys up on their offer. Wouldn't surprise me none if it got worse. Awful lot of people 'round here were in ol' Delacourte's pocket an' ain't none of 'em too happy 'bout what happened."

"Thank you all for worryin' about me, but like I said, I'll be just fine." Abigail stood and busied herself refilling bowls and platters. "Besides, I can't just up and leave. There's this place, all my things...."

"Pretty sure Mr. Rudder's plannin' on lettin' all the furnishin's go with the boardin'house when he sells it. He don't want t' have t' take nothin' with 'im when he leaves," Nathan said, looking to Josiah for confirmation.

"He'd probably even be willin' to dicker a little on the price," Josiah said as he sat back in his chair, sipped at his coffee, and studied Abigail as the others managed to find an answer for every objection she came up with. The same look of hope that shone brightly in his friends' eyes was beginning to flicker to life in hers.

Josiah sincerely hoped they were able to change her mind. The closeness that had developed rapidly between them all since they'd first met her had only grown and strengthened after Ezra and Buck's horrible ordeal. Abigail had not only played a crucial part in caring for their two wounded comrades, she'd also held the rest of them together... making sure they ate and slept, and just sitting quietly, listening as they talked through their worry and fear.

Josiah decided if it was God who sent her into their lives, he couldn't have picked a better time to do so.


Abigail dearly wanted to say yes to them and put an end to the loneliness she'd lived with since the day she lost her beloved Samuel, but her pride just wouldn't let her.

"I know you boys mean well, but I refuse to be a burden on anyone. I promise you, I'll be fine."

Buck wrapped his arm around Abigail's shoulders and squeezed gently. "You wouldn't be a burden, darlin'... the town needs ya. If ol' Rudder don't find a buyer soon, he's liable to just forget about sellin' the place an' just leave. That'd put me an' JD an' a whole lotta other townsfolk out in the street with no place to live." Buck widened his big blue eyes and gave her his best wounded puppy look. "Now you wouldn't want to see that happen, would ya?"

"Don't be turnin' your charms on me, young man, I'm way too old to fall for them," Abigail laughed as she smacked him lightly on the arm.

"Mr. Wilmington's questionable charms aside, he is right about it being a blow to the town if the boardinghouse closes," Ezra added, ignoring the dirty look Buck shot him. "You'd be doin' a great service by returning with us and takin' it over."

Abigail finally gave up arguing when she realized they simply weren't going to give up. "All right, I admit that I would love to go with you, but you're forgettin' one very important thing... I can't buy that boardinghouse without selling this one first, and with the way things stand now, I doubt I'll ever be able to find anyone here to buy it."

"Surely there's someone who would be interested," Ezra said.

Abigail shook her head and opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Belle's quiet voice.

"There is."

Everyone turned to stare at the diminutive black woman who sat calmly spreading honey on a biscuit.

After a few anxious moments, Ezra huffed out an exasperated breath and asked, "Well, are you goin' to leave us in suspense all day, Belle?"

Belle finished with her biscuit and then smiled up at Abigail. "Jackson Barnett."

Abigail stared speculatively back at her friend.

"So who's this Barnett, an' do ya really think he'll be interested in buyin' this place?" JD asked excitedly.

She glanced over at JD and nodded. "It's possible. Jackson was a friend of my husband's, a fellow attorney, and has a very successful practice in New Orleans. He's kept in touch with me ever since Samuel was killed."

"An' been tryin' t' buy this place ever since, too," Belle added.

"Sounds like he's pretty serious about it then," Chris commented quietly.

"He and his wife have never been happy in the city, and now that Jackson's gettin' older, he'd like a smaller practice that would take up less of his time. They thought if they bought this place, his wife, Claudia, could run it, and I could stay on and help her for free room and board."

Belle snorted and gave Abigail a knowing look. "Uh huh, I can jus' see you sittin' back an' lettin' someone else be in charge 'round here."

Abigail laughed and nodded in agreement. "Exactly why I haven't taken them up on the offer."

"When's the last time you heard from him, Abigail?" Josiah asked.

"I received a letter from him about a month ago." Abigail shook her head at the expectant looks she was now receiving. "I know what y'all are thinkin', and yes, Jackson probably would jump at the chance to buy me out, but there's no possible way I could have everything settled in time to leave with you."

When the room immediately erupted in a rousing chorus of renewed promises of help and assurances that the trip home could easily be delayed a few days, Belle took one look at her friend's face and knew it was time to step in.

"Okay, I think Abigail's had jus' 'bout enough of you fussin' at her for now," Belle said as she stood and flapped her hands in a shooing motion at the seven men.

Chris and the others took only enough time to grab their coffees and mumble a sheepish apology to Abigail before moving obediently out of the kitchen.

Once they'd left, Abigail smiled and breathed a deep sigh of relief. "Thank you, Belle. I know they mean well, but their enthusiasm was gettin' to be just a bit overwhelming."

Belle sat quietly with Abigail while they finished their breakfast and then started helping her clear the table.

"All right, my friend, I know you're just achin' to throw your advice in, so go ahead." Abigail laughed at the guilty grin that spread across Belle's face.

"Nope. I ain't offerin' up my thoughts on the matter till ya look in your heart an' tell me what you be wantin' t' do," Belle stated firmly as she crossed her arms and leaned back against the counter.

Abigail shook her head slowly and sank onto one of the chairs. "I honestly don't know what to do, Belle. Heaven knows, with what little business I've had since Samuel's troubles with Delacourte started, this place isn't worth hangin' on to. Except for you, there's absolutely nothin' holding me here."

"But you still not sure 'bout leavin'?"

"It's a very big step to take, Belle... especially at my age. Basically starting over in a strange place, so far from anything I've known...." Abigail shrugged helplessly at her friend. "I guess I'm just scared."

"The way things are goin' 'round here, I'd be more scared of stayin'," Belle said.

Abigail looked skeptically at the other woman. "What happened to that speech you gave Nathan about not runnin' away?"

"This ain't the same, an' you know it." Belle wagged a chastising finger at Abigail.

"But... Samuel...." Abigail whispered, "how can I just leave him?"

"You know jus' well as I do that he'd rest easier knowin' you was somewheres safe with people who be watchin' out for ya."

"You're probably right."

"'Course I am," Belle stated with a firm nod of her head.

Abigail laughed, and Belle quickly joined in, relieved to see her friend's mood lightening a bit.

Leaning her elbow on the table and propping her chin in her hand, Abigail smiled softly at Belle. "So you really want me to go."

Belle grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight. "Now you know better'n that. I be missin' you somethin' fierce when you leave, but I want ya away from this mess an' somewheres you can be happy."

"And you think this is goin' to make me happy?" Abigail asked.

"It might. Happier than ya are here anyway." Belle thought a moment. "I think the good Lord brought y'all together for a reason, an' the way things are happenin', maybe he's meanin' for ya t' stay together."

"That would explain why we became so comfortable with each other so quickly," Abigail mused.

"I think y'all fill a hole in each others' lives." Belle smiled at the other woman. "All men sometimes gotta big ol' need for the kinda fussin' only a mama or gran'mama can do, an' seems t' me that you be needin' somebody t' do that kinda fussin' over."

Belle waited a few moments while Abigail thought over her words.

"All right, now you take another look in that big ol' heart of yours an' tell me what you truly want."

Abigail stared at her for a moment, then nodded as a satisfied smile slid slowly across her handsome face. "Think the town of Four Corners is ready for a crotchety, stubborn, old biddy like me?"

Bell laughed, delighted with her friend's choice. "I think I knows seven men who'll make sure it's ready." Slapping a hand on the table, she pushed herself slowly to her feet and pulled Abigail up with her. "Now, let's go tell 'em that so's they can stop frettin' an' start celebratin' instead."


JD whooped with joy when Abigail announced her decision, and the others immediately started making plans, just as Belle knew they would.

Telegrams flew fast and furious over the wires for the next few days, and to everyone's immense relief, each of the replies carried good news.

Jackson Barnett assured Abigail he was still very serious about buying the boardinghouse, and for a very generous amount.

After several messages to Mary, they finally received the welcome information that Mr. Rudder hadn't found a buyer for his place yet and was willing to wait and sell to Abigail when she arrived in town. And as an added bonus, the price he was asking was considerably lower than what she would receive from Barnett.

The Seven had to postpone their return home by almost a week in order to complete all the necessary preparations for Abigail's last minute addition to the trip. But, even though they were all anxious to get home, the delay was still welcome as it gave Buck and Ezra more time to heal. Which was something Nathan, especially, was grateful for.

He had been reluctantly going to allow the two of them to travel before, even though he'd known Ezra wasn't really ready for it. The gambler had put on a brave face for everyone, but Nathan had seen the signs of pain and weakness that leaked out from behind the stoic mask whenever he was allowed out of bed. After the extra rest, he felt much more comfortable with Ezra safely making the trip home.

Now, the day before they were supposed to leave, Nathan stared worriedly at the couple strolling arm in arm under the shade of the big old trees lining the yard, and wondered if their southern friend would be making that trip after all.


Katherine felt the slight tremor in the arm that was wrapped around hers and slowed her pace even further. She'd tried to get Ezra to sit while they talked, but he'd insisted that he'd been still long enough and needed to stretch his legs.

Ezra blushed slightly when he felt his sister tighten her grip on his arm and realized she'd sensed his show of weakness.

"Ezra, are you sure you—"

"I'm fine," Ezra assured her. "I promise, as soon as we finish our talk, I'll return to my seat on the porch and allow our good Mr. Jackson to resume his infernal fussin' over me."

Katherine smiled and playfully chastised him with a light pat on the hand. "Now, Ezra, they only fuss because they're worried about you. Surely it can't be that bad."

Ezra laughed, his gold tooth gleaming brightly in the morning sun. "Katherine, you have no idea just how bad it can get. Our Mr. Jackson has become a master at fussin' and frettin', and the others are almost as adept at it as he is. But I'm sure they understand that even though I may grumble occasionally, I do truly appreciate their concern." Ezra knew that Katherine was right about his friends being worried, but he also knew it wasn't his health that was the cause of that worry at the moment.

Ezra's expression grew serious as he looked briefly at the woman walking by his side, and then looked nervously away. "Katherine... I want you to know just how deeply sorry I am about what happened with... Father."

"It wasn't your fault, Ezra, and I won't have you blamin' yourself for it," Katherine insisted when she saw him stiffen and shake his head.

"Of course it was my fault. Uncle Matthew never would have committed that... vile act... if I hadn't come back here."

Katherine stopped suddenly, startling Ezra, and pulling him around to face her. "Now you listen to me, little brother. From what you and the others have told me, you've lived your whole life carryin' around a load of guilt that rightfully belonged to that horrible, vicious uncle of yours, and it's high time it stopped. If it weren't for you and your friends, ol' Delacourte would still be runnin' roughshod over this town and probably never would have been stopped. You need to be forgettin' about all that guilt now, not pilin' more on top of it."

"I'm workin' on it, but I must admit, it's hard to let it go after all this time."

"I know, but promise me you'll keep tryin'." Katherine reached up to gently touch his cheek. "And just remember, if you hadn't come back, I never would have found out the truth about what happened all those years ago... or gotten to know you. You helped heal the anger and hurt I carried in my heart, Ezra, and I'll always be thankful for that. My only regret is that our time together has been so short."

"I promise to keep tryin'." Ezra smiled at her and, taking her hand in his, started them moving slowly across the lawn again. "And I, too, wish we had more time. There's so much more I want to know about you."

Katherine stared wistfully up at Ezra and said, "You could stay, you know. Grandmother and I would love to have you with us."

Ezra wrapped her up in his arms and hugged her tight. "I'd love to remain here with you, but I'm afraid I have... obligations... back home that I can't ignore." He laughed and shook his head ruefully. "Home and obligations... Mother would never believe those words came out of my mouth."

Ezra frowned thoughtfully. "In fact, it still amazes even me that those words have become a part of my vocabulary, or an actual part of my life."

Katherine nodded at the six men watching them closely from the veranda and said, "I don't suppose they've had anything to do with that change."

Ezra glanced over his shoulder at his friends. His voice held a touch of wonder as he softly replied, "Everything."

Seeing the depth of emotion that flooded across Ezra's face as he spoke, Katherine knew nothing she said would convince him to stay. "They've become a family to you, haven't they?"

Ezra hesitated for only an instant. "Yes... yes, they have."

Katherine hated letting go of her brother so soon after she'd found him, but remembering all she'd learned about his childhood, she decided to just be glad that Ezra had found somewhere he could be happy, and that he was with people who so obviously cared about him. Katherine envied Abigail and wished she could just pack up and go with them also, but knew it was too much to ask of her grandmother.

So resigning herself to settling for a long distance relationship with Ezra, Katherine forced a smile onto her face, extracted a promise from him to write often, and began mentally preparing herself for the pain she knew she was going to feel when he left.


Continued