Their last day in Shelby dawned bright and clear, and everyone was up with the sun, wanting to get an early start before the worst of the summer heat set in.
Breakfast was a raucous affair, with everyone's eagerness to be going home getting the best of them. Buck was good-naturedly tormenting JD, while the others laughingly offered up advice on the best way for the younger peacekeeper to retaliate. Their antics even drew a chuckle out of Chris when JD hid behind Abigail, playfully begging her to protect him, and she jumped right in without missing a beat, threatening to take away Buck's breakfast unless he behaved.
Vin was the first to notice that Ezra was being uncharacteristically silent. Instead of joining in as he usually would, he sat staring out the window while pushing his food idly around his plate with his fork.
Shifting slightly in his seat, Vin leaned over and spoke quietly to the gambler. "You feelin' okay, Ezra?"
Chris heard the tracker's question and turned his attention to the two men, waiting quietly for Ezra's reply.
Ezra sighed, noticed what he was doing with his fork, and let it drop onto his plate. "I'm fine, Mr. Tanner. Just not very hungry this mornin'."
"Something else botherin' you, Ezra?" Chris asked. Normally the Southerner would be adding his sarcastic wit to the bantering, egging both men on until even Buck and JD were doubled over with laughter at some of his more outrageous comments. But this time he acted like he hadn't even noticed the noisy exchange taking place right across the table from him.
Ezra started to shake his head no, but then changed his mind and asked, "Mr. Larabee, have you decided exactly what time we shall be makin' our departure today?"
Chris was fairly certain Ezra was troubled about something and wished he would look at him, but the younger man kept his eyes cast down at the table as he waited for Chris's answer. "Thought we'd leave outta here 'round ten or so... give ourselves plenty of time to make the train."
Ezra didn't say anything, but Chris and Vin saw him give a little nod of acknowledgment.
"Unless you'd like to leave earlier. We could always—"
Chris's offer was abruptly cut off when Ezra finally looked up and said, "No! Um... no. Ten o'clock would be quite satisfactory." Ezra cleared his throat nervously before continuing. "Since I know Mr. Jackson is most likely goin' to refuse any offers I might make to help in loadin' the wagon, I was wonderin' if I could take that time to pay one last visit to my... to the... er... cemetery."
Chris hated that Ezra thought he even had to ask, but didn't call him on it. Now that he could see the gambler's face, it was clear that all the wall's were down, and Ezra was in pain. Chris hoped saying a final good-bye would help ease that. "Sure. Take all the time ya need."
Ezra's relief was evident in the small smile he gave Chris. "Thank you, Chris. I promise I'll be back well before we're scheduled to leave." He went to push himself away from the table and stand, but Nathan's hand on his arm stopped him.
Nathan saw the other man's smile fade and hurried to explain. "I ain't tryin' t' keep ya from goin', Ezra. Lord knows, I wouldn't do that. I was kinda hopin' ya might try to eat at least a little bit of your breakfast first. We gotta long day ahead of us, an' I jus' don't want ya gettin' sick on us again."
Ezra started to tell Nathan that he wasn't hungry, but he saw the worry in the healer's dark eyes and just couldn't bring himself to refuse his request. So instead, he forced himself to eat most of the food on his plate and was glad he'd made the effort when he saw a warm smile replace the worried look on Nathan's face.
Finishing off his coffee, Ezra excused himself and headed for his room to retrieve his coat and hat. Nathan rose with him and followed him toward the stairs. When Ezra paused to give him a questioning look, the healer waved him on and told him he just wanted to put a few more bandages on his legs. Most of the cuts were healing up fine, but there were a couple of deeper ones that Nathan felt needed a little more protection before Ezra went riding.
Ezra rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything as he turned and continued on to his room. He hated the delay, but knew Nathan was right and that he'd be glad of the extra padding once his legs started rubbing against the horse and saddle.
Nathan had just started wrapping Ezra's right leg when Buck appeared in the doorway.
"Ezra? Um... you mind if I tag along an' keep ya company when ya go?"
Buck stood shifting from one foot to the other while Ezra sat and stared at him. Just when he thought the younger man wasn't going to answer, Ezra nodded shyly and said, "I'd like that, Buck."
Buck grinned and slapped his hat against his leg. "Well, all right then. I'll go get the horses saddled while Nathan finishes wrappin' ya up."
"That'd be fine." Ezra glanced at Nathan who assured him he was almost done and then looked back at Buck. "I'll join you in a few minutes."
Buck gave a satisfied nod and left before Ezra had a chance to change his mind.
Nathan finished tying off the last bandage and stood up. "Good t' see ya finally allowin' us t' help ya once in awhile."
Ezra blushed and ducked his head as he quickly re-dressed himself. "I'm sure he would have just followed me if I'd turned him down, and since Mr. Wilmington is not very adept at subterfuge, I merely thought I'd save him the embarrassment of being discovered before we even left the yard."
"Uh huh. You keep tellin' yourself that, Ezra. But I gotta warn ya, you're the only one who'll believe it," Nathan laughed as he patted Ezra reassuringly on the shoulder and followed him out of the room.
Buck did his best to keep their pace slow and easy. The rocking motion was uncomfortable enough for him, he could only imagine what it was doing to Ezra's legs. He was just glad Nathan had insisted on the extra bandages for the gambler and that it was a short ride to the cemetery.
"Ya doin' okay over there, pard?"
Ezra merely nodded, and Buck quickly took the hint that he didn't want to talk and left him alone for the rest of the ride.
When they arrived at their destination, Buck held back as Ezra started up the path leading to the cemetery.
When he finally noticed Buck wasn't following, Ezra reined Rebel to a stop and shifted in his saddle to look at him.
Buck gave a little shrug. "Thought you might wanna be alone."
Ezra nodded and turned back around, but just sat staring ahead at the cemetery gates, not moving. Buck saw a shudder ripple up the ramrod straight spine.
"Buck?" Ezra's voice seemed so small and hesitant as it drifted back to Buck on the still morning air. Nothing like his usual self-confident drawl.
Buck nudged Babe and moved up beside the gambler. "Ezra? You want me to stay with you?"
Ezra's eyes, dark with sorrow, met Buck's briefly before darting away again. "If... if you wouldn't mind."
Buck sighed in mild exasperation. "Hell no, I don't mind. Anything ya need, pard... you know that."
Ezra nodded, but didn't say anything as he continued on to the open gates.
Both men dismounted and tied their horses off on the fence, and then Buck trailed a few steps behind Ezra as he made his way slowly over to the grave of David Lawrence Standish.
Ezra stood twisting his hat restlessly in his hands as he stared down at the pile of fresh dirt covering the grave. Tears burned in his eyes when faded images of his father began running through his mind. The last one... the vision he'd seen... dreamt?... while he was being whipped had him choking back a sob as he remembered his father saying those cherished words... "I'm proud of you, son"... "I love you"....
Ezra had never been a particularly religious person, had no idea what, if anything, he believed in, but right now he would give anything in the world for the stories of Heaven and life after death to be true, and for that image of his father to have been real.
"Buck? Do you... do you believe in Heaven?"
Buck stared at the back of the gambler's bowed head as he thought about the unexpected question. "I ain't real sure, pard. I know I believe that there's something... more... after we pass on, but the Heaven you hear about in church, with clouds an' angels? I just don't know if I can believe in that exactly."
"But... you don't think we just... die... and that's it?"
Buck could hear the silent plea behind Ezra's words... the desperate need for Buck to give him something to hold onto... some kind of hope that would keep his father's death all those many years ago from becoming so final, and Buck immediately felt a similar need to give Ezra that hope. In fact, he felt it so strongly that he decided to share something with Ezra he'd never shared with anyone before.
"I gotta believe there's more, Ezra... 'cause of my mother."
A little of the despair had left Ezra's voice when he spoke again. "Your mother?"
"I feel her sometimes... like she's someplace close, kinda watchin' over me." Buck blushed and scuffed his boot lightly in the grass when Ezra didn't answer right away. "Crazy, huh?"
Ezra shook his head and swiped an arm across his eyes. "Not unless we're both crazy." He turned and stared wide-eyed at the other man. Buck's admission gave Ezra the courage to share his own secret. "I-I think I saw my father, Buck... when Uncle Matthew was... when I almost...."
Buck could have finished Ezra's sentence for him because he knew exactly when he was talking about, but he could barely stand thinking about his brother almost dying, much less putting it into words. "You thought ya saw him? Ya mean like in a dream?" Buck knew Ezra had been nearly out of his mind with pain at that point and wasn't surprised that he'd pulled up the image of his father to help him through it.
Ezra could see that Buck didn't understand what he meant. "Buck... I wanted to die. I truly did, but he got me to come back by... by showin' me that you were blamin' yourself." Ezra saw all the color drain out of Buck's face and knew the truth of what he was saying was finally sinking in. "He touched me... let me feel your pain. I heard you, Buck... 'Oh God, I'm losin' him.' That's what you were thinkin' then, wasn't it?"
Buck nodded slowly in amazement. There was no way he could have known that. It hadn't been a pain-induced dream. Ezra's father must really have been there... had sent the young Southerner back to them. Now it was Ezra's turn to give Buck hope. Maybe it really was his mother's spirit that he felt around him... maybe it wasn't just wishful thinking like he'd sometimes feared.
Ezra turned away and looked back down at the grave. "Are we both crazy, Buck?" he whispered.
Buck saw the gambler trembling and stepped forward to rest a comforting hand on his shoulder. When he spoke, his voice was soft and reassuring. "Not crazy, pard... just lucky if ya ask me. Looks like we got our own guardian angels, an' I'm just damn glad yours was there that day to keep ya from leavin' us."
"He said he was proud of me...."
"'Course he is. Why wouldn't he be?"
Ezra shook his head in frustration. "Come on, Buck. You know my past," his voice sank to a whisper again as he continued, "I've done things...."
"Shit, Ezra, ain't a one of us don't have stuff like that in our past. That don't mean we can't still be proud of the good we've done since then." Buck smiled down at the younger man and slid his hand over to gently rub the back of his neck. "Maybe that's part of why we all got thrown together... to give us a chance to make up for some of those bad things."
"You really think that, Buck? That we're bein' given a chance to redeem ourselves?" Ezra gave him a shaky little snort of laughter. "Or are you just tryin' to make me feel better."
"Well, Josiah's always claimin' that we was all brought together for a reason, guess that's as good a reason as any." Buck felt the trembling under his hand ease and gave Ezra's neck one last squeeze before letting go. "So what do ya think, pard... you 'bout ready to head on home? There's a few fillies I left back there that are just itchin' to help me do some more of that there redeemin' you mentioned."
The laugh this drew from Ezra was much steadier, and the wide, sparkling grin that accompanied it eased the worry from Buck's heart and replaced it with the certainty that his brother was really going to be all right.
Ezra looked once more at the grave and said a final farewell and heartfelt thank you to his father before turning back to Buck and slapping him lightly on the shoulder. "The very last thing I would want to do is stand in the way of your salvation, Mr. Wilmington. By all means, let's go home."
By the time Ezra and Buck returned to town, the wagon was almost loaded and Belle, Katherine, and her grandmother had all arrived to see them off.
A final round of hugs and kisses were exchanged and more than a few tears were shed, but by ten o'clock, as planned, they were on the road.
Abigail, riding with Josiah in the wagon, took one final look at the boardinghouse and was relieved to discover that leaving it behind was a lot less painful than she'd thought it would be. Instead of regret, all she was feeling was an eagerness to start her new life.
The trip back to Henderson was fairly quiet. Everyone was focused on getting home and, hopefully, having their lives get back to normal.
Buck rode close to Ezra at the rear of the group, just in case the younger man felt the need to talk some more, but when Nathan caught his eye and gave him a nod, he gladly eased his horse back and let the healer take his place. Nathan asked the lanky gunfighter if he was okay, and after receiving an affirmative response, moved in next to Ezra and began talking quietly to the gambler.
Buck smiled and slowed his horse even more to give the two men some privacy. The success of their trip would be complete if it were only possible for Ezra and Nathan to mend their differences. Buck hoped with all his heart that that was about to happen.
Ezra was half-dozing as he rode and looked up, startled, as Nathan rode up alongside him. He took a quick look around to see where Buck was and then turned back to the healer.
"Mr. Jackson."
"Ezra. How ya feelin?" Nathan knew he had to be in at least a small amount of pain and wished again that the stubborn Southerner would have agreed to ride in the wagon with Abigail and Josiah. Nathan was shocked when Ezra actually answered him honestly.
"Tired and sore, Nathan... and extremely relieved to be goin' home." Ezra couldn't help but laugh at the look of shock on Nathan's face.
"It sure been a hard trip," Nathan agreed, "but a lot of good come out of it, too."
Ezra thought about Katherine and his father, then looked up at Abigail talking with Josiah, and smiled. "Yes... yes, it certainly did."
"Ya got rid of them nightmares, too, didn't ya?" Nathan was relieved to see Ezra nod his head. Buck had told him they had stopped, but he felt better hearing it from the gambler himself.
Ezra grimaced slightly as he shifted in his saddle, searching for a more comfortable position. "I do believe I have finally put my past where it belongs, Mr. Jackson... behind me."
Nathan sighed and stared off into the distance for a moment before replying softly, "I think I might finally be able t' say the same... thanks t' your friend, Miz Edwards."
Ezra's brow furrowed in confusion. "Belle?"
Nathan turned back to the Southerner and nodded. "I s'pose if she can let go of all the hate an' anger while still bein' here where all the ugliness happened, then I guess I oughta be able t' do the same livin' far off from it all an' surrounded by my friends."
A warm grin slid onto Ezra's face as he reached over to give Nathan's arm a gentle squeeze. "Well, then... since it seems we've both been able to conquer our demons as we'd hoped, I would have to say our little trip was definitely successful. Would you concur with that, Mr. Jackson?"
"I surely would, Mr. Standish." Nathan placed his hand over Ezra's and returned the squeeze. "An' I'm mighty grateful that ya didn't give up on me."
"I assure you, Nathan, the feeling is entirely mutual," Ezra assured him.
Feeling a soft tug on his coat sleeve, Ezra swiveled carefully in the saddle to find Buck had ridden up beside him and was staring at he and Nathan with a huge grin on his face.
"You two kiss an' make up?"
Nathan smiled and nodded. "Reckon ya could say that, Buck."
Buck heaved an exaggerated sigh of relief. "Good... we was all gettin' tired of listenin' to you two quarrelin' all the time. You were worse'n an' ol' married couple... always fussin' an' frettin' over nothin'. Maybe now we can get some peace an' quiet."
Nathan and Ezra stared at Buck for a minute, and then burst out laughing at the mere idea that there would ever be a moment's peace as long as Buck Wilmington was around.
The others looked back and then exchanged smiles at the sight of the three men joking and laughing. With a signal from Chris, they all willingly picked up the pace, every one of them eager to get on the train and headed for home.
The nightmare was over and their family was whole again. Life just didn't get any better than that.
The End