Disclaimer: Don’t own ‘em. Really, really, really wished we did!
Rated: PG-13
for language.
Acknowledgements: Saaa would like to thank the Immortal and the Immortal would
like to thank Saaa! No beta-sorry bout
that! Thanks to Lauren for the actual mozzarella episode. This is
the result of massive snow fall in a place that it never snows and consequently
the writers (inhabitants of this fair town) both go stir crazy. God Bless
Williamsburg!(It’s not nearly as bad as the guys make
it sound!) And please let the snow melt! On with the story!
“What the hell is that?” Ezra Standish asked as he looked out the hotel window.
Buck ambled up next to the distraught agent who was lounging in an overstuffed chair. “It’s snow Ez. I believe that you’ve seen it before.”
Ezra glared back at the taller man, his green eyes narrowing. “Of course, I know what it is. I’ve been forced to live in inclement weather since I moved to that God forsaken state you call Colorado. But we were supposed to be escaping such dreadful conditions. That’s why we are in Virginia.”
“On the contrary, Mr. Standish,”
Ezra moaned as Josiah, Nathan and JD walked into the lobby bringing in with them a cold breeze. “I can’t believe that the city is closed. This isn’t enough snow to make a decent snowball.” JD mentioned as he stomped his feet to knock off the snow.
“Yeah it is.”
At the sound of Vin’s voice, JD turned and received a face full of snow. “I retract my earlier statement.” He said as he wiped snow from his face.
Buck laughed uproariously. “That’s what you get JD for making assumptions.” Another snowball came flying into the lobby and nailed Buck in the forehead.
It was JD’s turn to laugh. “You know what they say about assuming, it makes an ass out of you and me. You get it, assume, ass, u, me. Get it.”
“Shut up, JD” Josiah’s deep baritone voice startled the younger man.
“What’s the matter with you big guy? Have some bad ale at the Williamsburg Inn last night?” Nathan asked his best friend.
“Well, I just agree with Ezra. What’s with the big blizzard? It’s Virginia, it never snows here.”
“Never say never,” Vin grinned as he threw another snowball, this time nailing
“Vin, get in here.”
“And close the damn door, it’s freezing.” Ezra yelled also, his southern accent thick with frustration.
“Get in here Vin. I don’t want you
catching cold and being a bear on the plane ride back.” Nathan added.
Vin reluctantly entered the door and closed it
behind him.
“Yeah, when are we leaving anyway? No point in staying if we can’t train.”
Ezra jumped up from his chair. “Oh no, no, no, No! We are not venturing out in this ghastly climate so we can tromp around on the dilapidated cobblestone streets that are probably deserted anyway, and no preparations have been made. I don’t believe these people have ever heard of salt or sand for that matter. I’m not risking life and limb to see some retard re-enactors dressed in wool costumes who don’t even take their jobs seriously because when the work day is over, they climb into their heated vehicles, without four wheel drive, and toodle home. No, no, no!”
“Did it work at all?” Ezra asked sheepishly.
“No, get dressed.” The other five men laughed as Ezra reluctantly pulled his long black overcoat on. He shot them all a glare.
“Hey, isn’t there a college around here?” JD asked to no one in particular.
“There’s one down by the beach called Wesleyan something or other,” Vin answered in his slow Texan drawl.
“There’s one closer.” Nathan remarked. “The College of William and Mary. It’s the second oldest college in the country and one of the most prestigious.”
JD and Buck shared a grin. “College girls!” They yelled in unison.
“No Buck.”
Buck frowned. “Well, there should be some pretty ladies wandering around the colonial section.”
JD laughed. “Yeah Buck. You can hang out with the butter churner.” The other men snickered.
“Everyone bundle up. I don’t want to have to listen to your belly achin’ about being sick for the next week.” Nathan added as he wrapped his scarf around his neck and donned his gloves.
“Let’s shape up and ship out!”
“Single file boys!” Buck shouted. That earned him another snowball in the face from Vin. Buck wiped the snow from his face. “Vin!” He took off after the sharpshooter, trying to keep his feet on the two-inch thick ice that had formed on the sidewalk. The lithe tracker easily escaped the bigger man, sliding gracefully across the ice. Buck wasn’t as lucky. He found a particularly slick patch and after a small flailing episode, and a string of “whoa’s,” gravity won. Unfortunately, for JD, he found himself the nearest stable body. As a last ditch effort, Buck grabbed for the youngest agent and pulled him to the ground.
“Real graceful, Buck.” Josiah laughed.
“Have a nice trip?” Vin laughed from his safe position on the snow.
“See you next fall!” Nathan added.
Ezra covered his eyes and shook his head. “Oh this is going to be a wonderful outing.”
“Buck, JD, quite
clowning around!”
“Me?” JD squeaked. “I didn’t do anything. This big oaf pulled me down.”
“Consider yourself guilty by association.”
“You know what they say JD, you can pick your friend’s and you can pick your nose but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.” Ezra smiled.
JD rolled his eyes. “Thanks Ez. I’ll remember that next time you have a booger.”
“Touché.” Ez’s smile widened. Maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad three days after all. All they had to do was enjoy each other’s company.
“Come on, Ez, you’re slower than the
molasses in January.”
Or maybe not. “It IS January, Mr. Larabee.”
“Shut the hell up.”
“Road closed from 8am to 10 pm.” Buck
read from the sign on South Boundary Street. “How the hell do these people get
around?”
“It’s called the other streets, Buck.” JD quipped. He got a snowball in the back of the head from Vin for the comment.
“Vin!” JD moaned back. “Will you stop please?”
“What’s gotten into you?”
“um…because. I guess because it irks yall.”
“Does that mean, Mr. Tanner, that if we ignore you, that you’ll go away?” Ezra turned his back on the tracker and promptly received a snowball between the shoulder blades.
“Guess not, Ez.”
“You’re hopeless.”
Six of the seven men sat in the back pew of Bruton Parish Church while their seventh member walked around the magnificent structure. JD wearily laid his head against the wall. “Remind me again of what we’ve done today.”
Ezra sighed. “We’ve walked all of Duke of Gloucester Street, we’ve seen the original capitol, the apothecary, the Governor’s Palace, the wigmaker, the Virginia Gazette, the butter churner, oh and thanks to the nice detour, the elementary school, the Tucker gardens, the courthouse and the gallows, the shoemaker, the barrlemaker…”
“The butcher, the baker and the candle stick maker…” Vin added.
“Not to mention that JD has fallen
seven times, and four out of those times have been because Buck has pulled him
down. Vin has hit Ezra with six snowballs, Josiah eight,
“We’ve stepped in four oxen patties and
Ezra has sprained his ankle on the cobblestones.”
“Oh and let’s not forget JD trying to cross the street with the college students and almost getting hit. Trying to pull off being a local,” Buck smirked.
“Shut up Buck. At least I can keep my footing besides pedestrians have the right of way.”
“That doesn’t mean the cars have to stop.” Buck retorted slipping into his mother hen routine.
Ezra leaned on Nathan as they both rose from the pew. “I’m famished as well.”
“Buck, find Josiah and meet us outside.”
“Westward ho!” Vin yelled and pointed back to the end of the street.
“Where?” Buck asked as he stumbled on the ice.
“Please don’t fall on the ice, again, Buck. My butt’s wet enough as it is.” JD whined as the group walked down the street looking for food.
“Yeah Humpty Dumpty, we don’t know if we can put you back together again.” Nathan admonished.
Ezra hobbled behind the six other men, grunting in pain at every step. “Could ya’ll slow down?”
“Damn it Ezra. You’re just doing this so we can go back to the hotel.”
“I take umbrage at that remark.”
“Mr.
Lara….AH!" He cried
as
“What was that?”
“PUT ME DOWN!”
“Hey,
“No! No, no!” Ezra yelled his eyes widening as he saw Buck barreling toward him. “That would be adding injury to insult.”
Vin nailed
“Ow!” Ezra exclaimed. Nathan, in a random act of kindness helped Ezra off the ice and offered to give him a piggyback ride.
“Hey Ez?”
“Yes, Mr. Jackson.”
“Well, I just wanted you to know
that
“Crap.”
“Exactly.”
“Nice triple lutz there cowboy.” Vin said as he pranced around on the ice just out of his boss’ reach.
“More like clutz.” JD snickered.
JD landed heavily on the ice. “Why doesn’t anyone latch onto Josiah? He’s big. He’s stable. He’s balanced, poised, fixed, set, solid, sound, steadfast, and secure. He’s the rock of Gibraltar.”
“You’ve been hanging around Ezra too long.” Nathan noted.
“My that was an impressive list of synonyms.”
“You’ve been reading the Thesaurus again. Haven’t you?”
Josiah smiled. “Rock of Gibraltar, eh? That’s quite a compliment. Thank you.”
“So, Josiah. Eh? When did you become Canadian, eh?” Vin laughed then threw another snowball.
“Bout the same time you became psycho.”
JD pulled himself up off the ice. “Hey look a CANDY STORE!” The youngest agent sprinted off.
Buck rolled his eyes. “Oh great, just what he needs. More sugar.” He gingerly followed JD, trying not to slip yet again on the ice.
“Hurry up, Humpty.”
“Why not at all, triple klutz.”
The four men and one gimp ambled to a nearby bench that had one other occupant. The other man seemed to be lost in thought writing on a tablet. Nathan approached the man on the bench. “Excuse me sir, do you mind if I…” Nathan blinked. “It’s a statue of Thomas Jefferson.”
“Then I don’t think he’ll mind just watch out for the quill.”
Vin,
“Oh, just drop him Nate.” Vin said as he packed another snowball and put it in Thomas Jefferson’s non-writing hand.
Nathan turned around and dropped Ezra missing the bench all together. “I said watch out for the quill not watch out for the bench.”
Meanwhile, JD and Buck exited the candy store and Vin immediately began pelting them with snowballs from behind the statue.
“Vin! Gosh darn it! Stop throwing shit.”
“I believe it’s called snow,” Ezra threw back Buck’s words from earlier that morning.
“And it wasn’t me. It was Jefferson. See, he’s holding a snowball…”
“Or shitball if you prefer.” Ezra interjected.
“Watch out, he’s a mean one. He already pushed Ez off the bench.”
“Whatever guys. Anyway, the people inside said that ‘A Good Place to Eat,’ isn’t really a good place to eat. It’s just a glorified Burger King.”
“Sounds right up your alley,” Ezra stated sarcastically.
“Shut up, Ez. I think you might be upsetting Jefferson. No telling what he’ll do with that quill.” Vin smiled as the southerner threw him an evil glare.
“Anyway, they said to try the ‘Trellis.’ It is supposedly really good but expensive.” JD continued.
“Expensive means snotty,” Buck added.
“Well, Ez. Sounds right up your alley.”
Ezra smiled broadly back at his boss. “Thank you.”
So, the seven men walked down the remainder of the street to the expensive restaurant. (Or as JD would say: sauntered, ambled, moseyed, strolled, roamed, bustled, scurried, crawled.)
“So Buck, what did you buy?”
Buck smiled nervously. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?” JD shouted. “That’s not what you told me in the store.”
Nathan raised an eyebrow. “What’s in the bag, Humpty?”
“Nothing.”
Vin snuck up behind the tall mustached man and grabbed the white bag from his hand. “Nothing huh?” He reached down in the bag and pulled out a jar. He read the label and burst into laughter.
“Well, Mr. Tanner? What does it say?”
Vin snorted. “Chocolate….Body paint!”
“Wow, they used that in colonial times?” JD asked.
“I do not believe that is historically accurate Mr. Dunne.”
“I beg to differ Mr. Standish,” Buck sneered. “it has stood the test of time…and time again.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
The rest of the group moaned. “That was disgusting, Buck.” Nathan reprimanded.
As they neared the building, Ezra
stayed near the back of the group.
“What the hell are you doing,” he
asked as he neared the agent. Ezra put a finger to his lips and nodded toward
the roof.
A smile graced his lips, an idea forming. “Hey, Vin, go ahead into the restaurant and make us a reservation.”
“Roger that. 10-4 good buddy.”
As Vin neared the door, the rest of the men threw snowballs at the roof, dislodging the mountain of snow. It fell on the unsuspecting tracker and pinned him to the ground.
“And the meek shall inherit the earth.”
A collective “what?” followed Josiah’s statement.
“um..I was trying to think of something biblical. I guess it didn’t work, eh?’
The other men shrugged their shoulders and turned to walk away.
“You can’t leave me here! ‘Come you blessed of my father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave me food; I was thirsty and you gave me drink; I was a stranger and you took me in; I was naked and you clothed me; I was sick and you visited me; I was imprisoned and you came to me. Matthew 25:34-36’”
“Wow, impressive.” Josiah noted.
“So yall going to help me up or burn in hell?”
“If you and all that snow went with
us then hell would freeze over.”
Vin glared at them. “You gonna help me or not?”
Ezra smiled. “Maybe
if we strike a deal of some kind.”
“What do you want, Ez?”
Ezra’s smile broadened. “Can we persuade you to stop throwing snowballs at us?”
“Or shitballs if you prefer.” Buck added.
“Alright, hurry up. I’m getting cold.”
“With pleasure.”
The rest of the team dug out the sharpshooter. Vin stood and brushed the snow off his jacket. He turned and faced the grinning undercover agent. “You set me up.”
Ezra put on a face of mock innocence. “It wasn’t us.”
“It was Jefferson.” Buck interjected. “You have to watch him. He’s a mean one.”
“Maybe we should just order in.” Nathan stated as he took in his friends’ appearances.
“Smartest thing we’ve done all day.”
Ezra turned a shocked gaze to his boss. “As I remember dear illustrious leader it was your idea to venture out in the bitter snow to, and I quote, ‘do Williamsburg.’”
The seven each ordered individual
Stromboli’s from Sal’s pizza and settled down in the living room of the suite
where
Nathan looked at his hand and had force himself not to gag. “I think I’ve lost my appetite.”
“Me too.” Buck added.
“Three.” JD raised his hand.
The rest of the seven took a temporary break from their food and tried to not laugh at the incident- finding that task impossible they stuffed their faces.
“Don’t forget to chew.” JD offered his word to the wise.
As soon as they finished their meal
“Good news boys, we head for home tomorrow morning.”
“Thank God” was the southern response.
“Bout time “ came from Buck’s direction.
“Ah man!” everyone turned to look in the trackers direction. “What I love Williamsburg! Come on guys you know you’ve had a good time.”
Josiah had to agree, “Bruton Parish Church was beautiful.”
“The colonial atmosphere was rather relaxing.” Nathan remarked.
“The butter churner wasn’t too bad!”
“Gee, let me think. What was the best part of this trip? Was it me twisting my ankle on the cobblestone, me being tossed unceremoniously next to a replica of Thomas Jefferson, seeing Vin pummeled by the snow off the roof.”
“Oh pick C, pick C” JD laughed.
“Or was it watching JD do the magic trick with the mozzarella?” Ezra couldn’t resist rubbing it in; JD obviously was embarrassed by the earlier incident.
“Well maybe next time we take a
vacation, say to the Florida Keys, we’ll leave you at home.”
“By all means please do, I would rather be cold in Denver yet healthy than in the Keys with you guys half drowned, shark bit and trying to keep Vin from splashin’ me with water.”
Nathan sneezed.
“My point exactly.” Ezra smiled as he handed a tissue to the ex medic.
The stewardess voice came over the
intercom to announce the time and the weather in Denver. The plane landed
and the passengers began to file off.
“This is more like it 73 degrees and sunny, how do you like that Mr.Larabee?” Ezra grinned showing off his gold tooth.
“I find it hard to believe.” The leader responded. He knew for a fact that is was snowing in Denver. He had flirted with the stewardess until she had agreed to play along and help him mess with the southerner.
The seven filed off of the plane. Ezra held out his hand as the large white flakes accumulated in his palm. “Shit”
“Or snow if you’d prefer.” The other six responded.
THE END