SERIES/UNIVERSE: SG-7
DISCLAIMERS: M7 characters belong to Trilogy, et al, SG-1 characters belong to Gekko, MGM, and Showtime. Original characters (mainly Adriana in this story, though others are mentioned) are all mine ... don't mind if you borrow them, just ask first, give them back intact and give credit where credit is due. Mindy belongs to herself and my neighbors, though she still thinks my family an ... elong to her.
SPOILERS: For Mag7, all twenty-one episodes are fair game, along with my previous stories, More than Friends, A Light in the Distance, Under the Sun, Days of Yearning, Sun, Fun, and Ezra on the Run, Full Circle, and Open House; also all five seasons of Stargate SG-1.
WARNING: The usual, violence and language. Quite possibly the most smarmy story I've ever written, but I'll try to keep it from becoming too syrupy.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I've been wanting to write a story for some time about Vin as a child, but every time I thought I had something, I'd come across someone who had used it. And then, the Gou'ald, for once, came to my rescue. Imagine that.
Just as an fyi ... this series, this universe, ignores the events of the latter fifth season of Stargate SG-1. Specifically, Meridian and Revelation. Which also gets rid of Jonas Quinn in sixth season.
He looked amazingly tiny, lying in the infirmary bed. And Chris thought at first that Kevin was asleep, until a tiny voice whispered, "Chris? I'm scared." Larabee found himself melting at the admission. Not just at the trust he heard in his brother's voice, but at the genuine fear. He remembered what General Hammond said to him when this all began. How Chris was getting a second chance to be a proper big brother to Vin.
The colonel stopped beside the bed, cupping the small face in his hand. He said softly, "There's no need for you to be afraid, Kevin. I'm right here. Dr. Janet's working on a way to make you feel better." Kevin nodded, trying desperately to be brave, and Chris continued, "But you know something ... when my little boy Adam was scared, he used to sleep with my wife and me. Just like you crawled into bed with Mary and me, after your nightmare."
He was rewarded with a smile this time, as he reminded the little boy of crawling into their bed two nights earlier, after another nightmare about the closet. Kevin whispered, "I wasn't sure if ya'll'd let me. Mr. & Mrs. Montrose, they didn't even let their kids get into bed with 'em, much less me." The child paused, then asked in a tiny voice, "Chris? Would you ... ?" The boy's voice trailed off, and Chris understood. He slowly eased into the bed beside the child, before pulling Kevin against his chest, and felt the child relax. Just like Adam ... and not like him, at the same time. Kevin whispered again, "'M scared, Chris. Don't wanna die."
Now Chris did feel his heart break. The poor kid was just five years old, he was hurting and didn't know why. The godawful pain had started suddenly, when he had been fine only a moment earlier. To his mind, it was only a few months since his mother's death. So of course he'd think he was dying. Chris replied softly, tenderly, "I'm not gonna let that happen, Kevin, and neither is Dr. Janet."
"I know ya'll would try ... but sometimes, grown-ups cain't do nothin.' They couldn't do nothin' for m' mama," Kevin pointed out. Chris was stymied, because he knew the boy was right. Grown-ups couldn't save Julia, Chris couldn't save Sarah and Adam. But it was then that he heard the same announcement as Buck, Adriana, and JD. SG-1 was back, and they brought back the cure with them.
Chris replied, "You're right, Kevin. But you know something? Some other people are making sure you get better, too. Not just me and Dr. Janet, but both General Hammond and General Travis. And we aren't gonna give up. But right now, we need you to go to sleep. Can you do that? I promise, I'll stay right here with you." Kevin raised his eyes to look at Chris steadily, then nodded slowly.
The tawny head lay back down on Larabee's chest and a soft sigh echoed out of the child. Chris just held his brother, images flashing through his mind. Images of a fictional past, a past which could have been. Pegeen learning of her husband's infidelity, and welcoming the boy-child of that straying into her heart and into her home. Chris carefully opening his heart to the little boy, until little Kevin was the center of his world.
Their lives could have been so different, both his own and Kevin's, but Chris understood that it was those lonely years after Julia's death which made his brother into the extraordinary man whom he had met more than three years earlier. He hated it ... both the understanding and the necessity ... but it didn't diminish the truth. He had his brother. He had nearly lost Vin once, and that would never be allowed to happen again.
And it wouldn't. Because only moments after hearing the announcement, Chris heard footsteps, and turned to see SG-1 charging into the infirmary. He reached around Kevin's sleeping head on his chest and held his finger to his lips, in the classical 'shhhh' gesture known to every parent. Then he dropped his hand back to the back of Kevin's neck, and saw a familiar pain in the eyes of the other colonel. Familiar, because he had seen the same pain in his own eyes every morning for so many years.
For the first time, Chris recognized how hard this had been for O'Neill. Losing Charlie shattered him and shattered his marriage. And Vin was as dear to him as he was to any member of SG-7 (except maybe JD at the moment). Jack said softly, "We got it, Chris. It ain't gonna be easy, but Skaara came through for us. Told us exactly what we need to do. I already told Janet. She says you should wait a few hours ... let Kevin get some sleep. He'll need all of his energy."
Chris looked at him questioningly, and Jack added, "It's a long story. When the message from General Hammond came through this morning, Skaara had just finished his memory search. He was still pretty wobbly. I was trying to get him to calm down when Carter told us about what happened to the poor kid. Just out of curiosity, is Dunne still in one piece?" The last time Chris checked, he was, but Chris was more concerned with his brother's health.
Jack continued, his face grim, "Well, he won't be for much longer, if Daniel and Teal'c get their hands on him. Hell, I thought the big guy was gonna go nuts!"
"Get in line, I think everyone on both our teams want a piece of him. If he doesn't straighten up and fly right, I"ll ask General Hammond to transfer him to another team. I need to have men who are reliable, and he's been anything but, during the last few days," Chris replied. Jack nodded his agreement, and Chris said more hesitantly, "Jack ... I owe you an apology. JD's not the only one around here who's been a jackass."
"Maybe," Jack allowed, "but he's been the bigger jackass. It was a helluva shock, Chris. And you know I wouldn't have handled it real well, if that happened to Daniel. Shit! If that happened to Daniel, I would have taken the commander in charge apart, piece by piece!" Chris grinned in acknowledgment, knowing just how important the Egyptologist was to O'Neill. Josiah wasn't the only one who could get a little Old Testament.
"Then tell me, Jack. Tell how we're gonna get my baby brother back," Chris said softly. Jack nodded, his eyes promising they would do just that, and proceeded to explain what Skaara told them. It sounded deceptively simple. But Chris learned the hard way that with his team, nothing was ever simple. Nothing was ever easy. Because nothing in this world, or any other, that was easy was worth having.
It sounded entirely too easy, the way Sam Carter explained it to them. Buck Wilmington didn't trust easy, any more than he liked ugly. And he did hate ugly, as he had told people on more than one occasion. Looking around at the faces of his team members, he could tell they were experiencing the same wariness. Well ... at least most of his team, though after the last few days, Buck wasn't sure if JD qualified for that.
However, it was Josiah who said, "Sounds simple ... too simple. Simply take him back to the device, turn it on and tell him to wish to be an adult. If that was the case, a djinn would work just as well, don't you think?" Buck heard his sister stifle a giggle at Josiah's observation. He wasn't the only one. Josiah glared at the young woman, though a smile played about his lips, and added, "Somethin' you wanna add, sister?"
"Naw ... just thinking about how funny if we came across a planet where Djinn actually existed, that's all. Thinking about ... well, I'm sure you can imagine what can happen with SG-1 and SG-7 on a planet ruled by Djinn," Adriana answered impishly. From Sam Carter's expression, it was obvious she could imagine exactly what his sister was talking about. And Ezra ... Ezra's eyes lit up, and Adriana added, "I mean, it's obvious what Ezra would wish for! And my brother ... Buck, I mean ... eek!" This wasn't in response to a mouse or a spider, but to Buck squeezing her shoulder.
"Yeah, we get the point. Both of 'em. I don't see what the problem is. I mean, let's face it ... every little kid wants to be a grown up. Just tell Kevin to wish that he's a grown up, razzle dazzle, and boom, we come back with Vin. No worries," JD put in. The kid was immediately silenced by several dark glares, and Buck realized it would take a long time before anyone forgave JD for his behavior in recent days.
"The holes in your logic are big enough to drive a submarine through, Corporal Dunne. In the first place, no, not every little kid wants to be a grown up. In the second place, the desire machine, as Skaara called it, doesn't work like that. It has to be something Kevin wants, and it has to be worded in a very specific way. The reason Vin was transformed in the first place was because he truly wished his mother was alive to meet Adriana. The machine can't bring the dead back to life, so it returned him to his childhood, instead," Daniel retorted.
"In other words, puttin' words in his mouth ain't gonna do no good," Nathan observed and Daniel nodded. Which left them in something of a dilemma. Daniel had just said that the wish had to be specifically worded. If Kevin just asked for the pain to be taken away, that was all that would happen, and he would remain in a child's body ... and they would go through this entire thing all over again.
"So ... the question is, how do we get a little boy to wish to return to what he was, and mean it?" Adriana asked softly. She nodded in acknowledgment as Carly Tanner joined them, Elizabeth attached semi-permanently to her side. Carly looked exhausted, and it occurred to Buck this was the first time he had seen her in days. He knew she had been helping Janet and Josie, so she had been here.
Maybe she had been avoiding him, because she figured he would be with JD. It wouldn't be the first time that happened. Over the last few days, he'd often been stopped by women within the SGC, surprised that he wasn't with JD. A few even were affronted that he hadn't been with the kid, though Buck really didn't see that was any of their business. And that had nothing to do with the current situation.
Instead, Buck went back and considered his sister's words of only a moment before. How exactly did you get a little boy to wish to be what he was once? That would only confuse the child, especially since, to his five year old mind, what he once was a baby. And no self-respecting five year old that he knew wanted that. On the other hand, it had recently been pointed out to him that there were a lot of children he didn't know ... some of whom probably did wish they were babies again.
Hell, put like that, it was easy to see why this wasn't as simple as it first sounded, when Sam Carter outlined what Skaara had learned during his trip down memory lane. Sure, they could tell Kevin what to wish for. But if he didn't want that for himself, it wouldn't work properly. Then ... Buck remembered something. Something ... a conversation he had with Kevin one day after Buck returned to the house, after work. Kevin was sitting in his lap, almost half asleep as they watched Chris playing touch football with Billy. The man and child were sitting on the back porch with Ezra, Nathan, and Josiah.
The women, he remembered, were inside. Yes, that was right. Adriana was in the kitchen with Mary ... Buck had no idea what they were talking about, and he was afraid to ask, with the way they were laughing. He could hear them laughing through the screen of the kitchen window. If he concentrated, he could feel the breeze on his face. And he remembered how familiar it felt, though with different players.
Kevin had said something about Adriana being the other Vin's girlfriend. Why was that so important? Buck focused on the conversation. The little boy was quietly playing with Buck's fingers, when they all heard Mary and Adriana laughing. Kevin looked up at the same time Josiah and Nathan did, but where their expressions reflected the same 'uh-oh, now what' sentiment Buck felt, Kevin's eyes reflected curiosity.
"Major Buck," the little boy asked, "does the other Vin make Drina laugh like that?" Buck looked down at his companion, who was now looking up at him with great earnestness. The boy continued, "Mama ... someone once told her that she needed a boyfrien.' She said that she hadn't found anyone who could make her laugh like I done. Is it 'portant? For a boyfrien' to make his lady laugh?"
Buck had to think before he answered the question, and then he said, "Yes ... yes, he does make her laugh. And she makes him laugh, too. I ... you know, I never really thought about it, but I suppose it is important." Kevin fell silent, once more inspecting Buck's fingers on his free hand, as the other combed through the light brown hair. Kevin was silent for such a long time, Buck thought the child was satisfied with his answer, until Kevin asked, "Major Buck? What other thin's does a boyfrien' do?"
As his sister would have said, if she heard the question ... Lord and Lady , that's a loaded question! But Buck struggled to keep his answer simple, for a child. He said, "Well ... he makes her laugh, like ya said. He ... " How did he explain this? Then something had occurred to him, and he added, "He makes her laugh ... he makes her feel better about herself ... and he protects her, when someone wants to hurt her."
Kevin straightened in Buck's eyes, his bright blue eyes reflecting wonderment ... and sadness. He breathed, "Coulda boyfrien' kept m' mama from dyin,' Major Buck?" The big major silently cursed himself as he shook his head. The tiny shoulders slumped and he whispered, "Shoulda knowed that. Nobody coulda made m' mama better. Was a stupid question." Buck hugged the little boy, kissing the top of his head.
"No, Kevin, it wasn't a stupid question. Not in the least. Only God coulda made your mama well again. No, Vin looks out for DeeDee. Like the way Alex looked out for ya, when those bad men were chasin' ya. He holds her when she's sad and needs to cry, he makes her feel special. And I imagine she does the same thing for him. I never really asked him," Buck admitted. And now, he was wishing he had.
Kevin was again silent, though for a shorter time. Then he asked, "Major Buck? What's the other Vin like? Can ya tell me what he's like?"
Aw hell, here they went. Up until now, Kevin asked very few questions about the man who shared his name. But Buck told him anyhow. He told him about Vin almost dying during the attack on the 'wagon train,' and about the first time Vin met DeeDee, almost eight years earlier. And it was then that inspiration truly hit. What's the other Vin like? Buck looked at the other members of the two teams, gathered now in the hall.
"Y'all," he said slowly, trying to get the words out coherently, despite his rising excitement, "I think I might have an idea about how to get Kevin transformed back into Vin. It may be a longshot ... but hell, what else is new with us?" All eyes turned to him, and Buck began by outlining his conversation with Kevin, then told his companions what he thought would bring their Vin back to them.
"Do you think this is gonna work?"
The dark head of her companion remained down, but Carly Tanner didn't retract the question. It was a perfectly fair question ... just because she was probably asking the wrong person. The wrong person, if she wanted to know about quantum physics and such. But she wasn't asking if it was possible, scientifically speaking. She wanted to know, from someone who knew her brother, about gut feelings.
"It makes sense, Carly," Adriana replied without turning around, "the other boys seemed to agree that Kevin is ... if not jealous of, then fascinated by ... Vin. It makes sense that by wishing he was like Vin, the machine would restore him to himself. Especially if they take Daniel's suggestion, and tell him that he'll be Vin when he grows up. It's like they said. Saying 'I wanna be a grown up' won't work, because none of us are sure that's what he wants. But saying he wants to be Vin, or be like Vin ... that I can buy."
Carly regarded her longtime friend's back. When Sam Carter and Daniel Jackson agreed that was probably the key, Adriana offered to pack a change of clothes. For when Vin was returned to himself, to his adult self. That told Carly that her friend believed her brother was right, and she offered to help. It wasn't for the company, because Adriana was more quiet than she usually was. But Janet had things in the infirmary under control, and staying anywhere near JD Dunne wasn't even likely.
"Is it strange for you? Going through Vin's clothes like this?" Carly asked, and at that, Adriana turned around. Despite what Carly had been thinking, Adriana wasn't crying. She didn't even look like she was about to cry. In fact ... her face was expressionless.
Which, for some reason, worried Carly. Adriana's face was only expressionless when she was hiding something. When one of her masks dropped into place. She only had something to hide, when her emotions threatened to get in the way. Like when she was talking about her bastard father. Her memories of those years. Sometimes, when she talked about her mother, depending on what she was remembering. Or ... or, Carly realized, when she was struggling against the wall which had been dissolving before Vin got kiddified. Oh ... shit.
But Adriana replied quietly, "Not really strange. Mainly because I'm not letting myself think about it. It's something that has to be done, and as long as I make myself concentrate on that, I'm okay. When Vin returns to himself, he'll need more than a blanket." Adriana looked at Carly more fully, adding, "He's had enough taken from him, Carly, during the last week. If I can possibly help it, nothing more will be taken from him. It's just sweatpants and a T-shirt and some underwear, but it's better than coming back to the SGC in just a blanket."
Carly couldn't argue with that. She knew her brother ... Vin wasn't someone who took himself seriously, but he did have his pride. Adriana inspected the contents of the backpack one last time, murmuring, "Sweatpants, check ... T-shirt, check. Underwear, check ... shoes ... damn. I need to find a pair of sneakers for him, or maybe moccasins." She began looking around, but Carly immediately found a pair of sneakers peeking out from under her brother's bed.
She swooped in and scooped them up, handing them to her friend, who looked on the edge of panicking. While walking back through the gate in bare feet wouldn't have been nearly as damaging to Vin's pride as coming back in just a blanket, it would have been rough on his feet. And Carly was starting to suspect that Adriana felt somehow guilty about what had happened during the last few days, though she couldn't have said why.
That theory was proved correct when Adriana took the sneakers with a soft 'thank you,' without ever meeting Carly's eyes. The biologist was silent as Adriana eased the sneakers into the backpack with the other clothes, then asked, "Why should you feel guilty, Drina? You didn't do anything to hurt that child? If anyone should feel guilty in this room, it should be me ... you at least spent time with Kevin!"
Adriana replied softly, her back once more to Carly, "I suppose I feel guilty for not protecting him better. For hurting him on the way to the infirmary this morning ... I was driving, you know. And ... if I hadn't gone to pieces that day, the general wouldn't have had to ask JD to escort him to the infirmary. I would have taken care of him, Carly." At that, Adriana did turn around to face Carly. The biologist sighed and put her hands on her friend's arms, forcing Adriana to meet her eyes.
"That, Adriana Kathleen, is a bunch of unmitigated bullshit, and you know it. I know you know that, because my brother told me about the briefing. You know damn good and well, the general had already chosen to ask Corporal Dunne to be Kevin's escort to the infirmary. You know that, so why do you still feel guilty for not protecting him? Drina, if that was true, Kevin wouldn't trust you at all. He would have never reached out his arms to you, when you and Aunt Jo found him that day. You know that," Carly said.
"Yes ... I do. In here. Not here," Adriana replied, indicating first her head, then her heart. She slung the backpack over one shoulder and said, "They're waiting for us in the Gate Room. We should get going." Which was typical of Adriana. Not so much that she wouldn't face her demons, but she would deal with whatever was bothering her later. The trouble was, right now, Kevin was their first priority.
And, Carly decided, I can work on her while they're gone ... SG-7, I mean. It had been decided, once Buck's suggestion was relayed to General Hammond, that the little boy would be returned with SG-7, not SG-1. He knew SG-7, felt comfortable with them ... well, except for the little brat. And as Carly followed her friend to the Gate Room, she felt a guilt all her own. Guilt for not allowing herself to spend more time with her brother while he was a child. She had been given the same gift as Chris, and chose not to use it.
She had said she was trying to find a way to get him back to himself, but the truth was, she was afraid. As afraid as Nathan Jackson was of loving that child, and then losing him. So maybe, it would be a good idea to stick with Adriana, after SG-7 left. The two women arrived at the Gate Room fifteen minutes later, after dealing with various well-wishers. A soft aside from Adriana told Carly the same thing happened after Vin was nearly killed by Ella Gaines.
They found SG-7 waiting for them, along with Mary. Like Adriana, she would be remaining here. The boys didn't need them along, to be blunt about it, and both women knew it. But Mary was holding Kevin one last time before they went back through the Gate, his tawny head resting on her shoulder as she kissed the side of his head. She managed a weak smile as Adriana and Carly entered.
The nearest member of SG-7 was JD Dunne, but as Adriana approached with the backpack, Josiah Sanchez stepped forward with an outstretched hand. Adriana handed him the bundle of clothes, saying softly, "He should have everything he needs in there, 'Siah. I put a change of clothes in there, and you can carry the blanket back in it." She sighed, straightened her shoulders, then extended her hand to Josiah.
The big man reciprocated and Adriana slipped her fingers around his forearm, the same way Vin did. The familiar gesture forced a lump to Carly's throat as Josiah gripped Adriana's forearm in response, before pulling her forward to kiss her forehead. He said softly, "Don't you fret, Miss Drina. We'll bring him back. To all of us." Adriana nodded with a weak smile of her own, and turned her attention to Kevin.
A somewhat stronger smile took over as Kevin reached for her. She carefully took him from Mary, settling him on her hip, and whispered, "You be good, Kevin Parris Tanner." Kevin responded by winding his arms around her neck and resting his head against her shoulder. He looked like he was about to fall asleep, but a quick consultation with Janet before she left to help Adriana told her this was what had to be done. Something about the workings of his subconscious mind. Whatever. Carly was a biologist, not a psychologist. Adriana said after a moment, "I can't go with you, honey ... but my heart will be." Right, Carly thought, and say no more. Before things get really complicated.
"G'bye, Miss Drina ... I'll see ya soon," came the little boy's soft voice. Adriana hugged him a little tighter, but briefly when he gasped. Then she kissed the top of his head and looked at Carly. For a moment, remembering her guilt of only a moment before, Carly was tempted to take the precious child from her friend. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead, she joined the pair and gently kissed the side of his head.
Chris took the sleepy child from Adriana's arms, murmuring, "Let's go, Kevin. We're gonna make the pain go away, and you'll feel much better." Kevin nodded and Adriana stepped back as the Gate initialized. Carly put her arm around her friend as the other five men closed ranks around Chris and Kevin ... JD keeping at least an arm's length from the little boy and the man. Mary joined the two college friends, three friends watching in silence as SG-7 stepped through the wormhole. When they returned, they hoped, they would be whole again, in numbers if not in spirit.
But for now, Carly found tears sliding down her cheeks. Sorrow and guilt for squandering her own second chance with her brother. And as was so often the case when they were in college, the tables turned. She found herself being pulled into a tight embrace, with two sets of hands stroking her hair and her back. Carly buried her face against Adriana's shoulder, sobbing quietly. Would she never learn to take her chances where she found them?
He hurt everywhere now. Not like before ... when it hurt so bad, he felt like he was on fire. But it still hurt. Not just his tummy anymore, but his arms, his legs, his neck, his head. Everywhere, he hurt. But they were gonna fix that. Kevin didn't understand exactly how they would do that, but Chris said they would fix it, and Chris wouldn't lie to him. Not about this. Not about anything.
He wasn't sure how he knew that. That little voice inside his head, the one that told him to run when the bad men were chasing him, that he would be safe with Alex ... that was the same voice which told him Chris wouldn't lie to him. The voice sounded a little like Alex's voice, now that Kevin thought about it, but not exactly. There was something ... different about it. But thinking about that made Kevin's head hurt even more.
The exhausted little boy rested his aching head on the shoulder of the man who carried him. He was so tired. He slept for a while, then woke up while Chris undressed him, then wrapped him in a blanket. Chris whispered that they were taking him to a place that would make him better. Where he could stop hurting. After that, Kevin stopped protesting at the removal of his clothing, especially since Dr. Janet wasn't watching.
In the big room he remembered from his first time, Kevin was hugged first by Miss Mary, then by Miss Drina. Miss Mary seemed sad, but she smiled when he asked why. Said that she wasn't sad. She was crying because she was happy he would get better. Kevin decided then and there he would never understand girls. Chris laughed when he said that. Told him that he had learned the greatest lesson any man could ever learn.
Chris carried him through the water, just like Daniel did the first time. He carried him and carried him, and carried him. Until they got to the same place where Kevin woke up the first time, and Jack scared him. Kevin remembered that, remembered hearing Daniel tell Jack that he was scaring Kevin. And now Kevin was scared again, because he was afraid they would leave him here. Leave him alone. Just like his mama done.
But then Chris said softly, "We brought you here to make you better, Kevin. We won't leave you." It didn't surprise Kevin, that Chris knew what he was thinking. Like Dr. Janet, Chris was an adult, so he knew what Kevin was thinking. Besides. That little voice inside his head, the one that told him Chris wouldn't lie, that he would be safe with Alex ... was also telling him that Chris always knew what he was thinking. Well ... almost always.
Kevin didn't question the little voice inside his head. Chris settled him next to the big machine he remembered, and said softly, "We need you to do something very, very important for us, Kevin." Okay ... ? Chris gently caressed his cheek, his eyes filled with the sadness which always made Kevin sad, and continued, "We need you to think about the other Vin. Think about what we've told you about him."
Kevin looked at the mean man who left him ... the others called him JD ... warily. While Chris was getting him out of his clothes, and into the blanket, he had come into the infirmary and walked right up to the bed. Kevin had cringed away from him, curling back into Major Buck's arms, while Chris rounded on the mean man. Kevin wasn't sure what was worse ... how scared Chris made him, with how angry he looked; how scared Kevin was, just seeing that mean man; or how badly his tummy hurt when he jerked back.
Chris turned his face away from the mean man and forced Kevin to look at him. But it was 'Siah who said softly, "Think about him, son. Think about everything we've told you about him, ever since you came back from this place. We need you to remember what we've told you, if we want to make you better. Not just what we've told you, but Miss Mary, and Billy, Miss Drina, and Dr. Janet."
Kevin didn't understand that, but he trusted 'Siah. He trusted Chris, and Major Buck. He trusted Dr. Nathan and Mr. Ezra. He trusted all of his companions, except JD. And he could tell none of the others trusted JD, either. That made Kevin feel better. Better enough to do exactly what 'Siah and Chris asked him to do. And Kevin did just that. The other Vin was tall and strong. He was Drina's boyfriend and Chris' little brother. He was smart and brave and funny. And, though he didn't have the courage to say so, what he was told about the other Vin was everything he wanted to be when he growed up. He remembered the story about how Chris met his little brother, how Chris and Vin stopped those mean men from hurting Nathan.
Yes, that was just what Kevin wanted to be when he grew up. When he opened his eyes again and nodded to Chris, the man said, "I also want you to think about what Alex told you. About what you would be like when you grew up. Do you remember that?" Kevin nodded, though he was still doubtful about what Alex said. Sometimes, it felt like he would never grow up and be a big person. It wasn't just that Kevin hated being a little kid, though he did sometimes. But if he was a big person, he could do a better job of taking care of himself, and Miss Mary and Miss Drina. The way they took care of him.
But that little voice inside his head came to his rescue once more. It said, laughing softly, Don't ya be doubtin' him, little fella. Jus' keep listenin' to Chris and to Alex, and y'all be jus' fine. Trust me, Kevin. The boy did just that, never questioning why it felt so right to listen to this voice. It was like having an imaginary friend, only better. Kevin knew the imaginary friend wasn't real ... and he knew the little voice was real. The voice said again, and again laughing, There ya go. Gonna be jus' fine, Kevin. Jus' gotta keep listenin' and learnin,' an' yer gonna be jus' fine. Promise ya that.
And as he did as the voice told him, a picture formed in his mind. A picture first of Alex ... then the hair grew. It grew and grew and grew ... until it was as long as Drina's. Maybe a little shorter. The figure shifted weight, wrapping his fingers around what looked like a belt, and regarded Kevin with a gentle smile. His eyes were blue ... like Kevin's. Like Alex's. His hair was the same color as Kevin's, and the little boy remember what Alex told him. How he would look like Alex when he grew up, only his hair would be longer.
Without realizing he was doing it, he asked his little voice in awe, Is that what I'm gonna look like when I get growed up? The figure nodded, that gentle smile never wavering. Kevin dimly felt something on the top of his head. Heard Chris whispered, "I'll be waiting for you on the other side, little brother. I love you, Kevin. Don't ever forget that." And then the machine or whatever it was ... started humming.
He heard someone ... 'Siah, maybe ... saying, "Back away, Chris, we can't do this again, with you next time." Do what again? Then his growed-up self drew Kevin's attention back to him. And Kevin felt something happening to him. Slowly ... little by little, he wasn't hurting anymore. First his feet ... then his ankles ... and on up through his legs. His growed-up self just smiled at him, keeping Kevin's eyes focused on him and him alone.
But over the whir of the machine, he heard the men talking to him. "Think about being brave, Kevin. Think about being smart. Think about being strong. Think about Drina. Think about Chris." The little boy could barely make out each voice, only the words. "Think about us. Think about Mary. Think about the people who love you. Think about Vin. Think about going back to yourself."
Going back to himself? That was a strange thing to say. But by this time, it no longer mattered, because Kevin couldn't have stopped the machine to ask Chris what he meant by that. And for some reason, he knew it was Chris who had said something about 'going back to yourself.' He just knew that.
Now the pain was gone from every thing but his neck and his head. Kevin started to look down at his legs and his arms, but the voice said, No ... ya gotta keep your eyes straight ahead. It's part of the magic. Kevin did as he was told ... then the pain in the back of his neck eased. He could breathe without hurting. Deep breaths which didn't hurt his lungs or his chest, or any other part of his body.
As one realization dawned, another came right behind it. Chris had called him, 'little brother.' And as one final, blinding pain shot through his head, rendering his world first white, then black, Kevin Tanner understood why. He understood everything. What the men had said to him. And why the voice inside his head sounded so familiar ... so reassuring. As the growed-up image of himself faded and Kevin's world turned slowly to darkness, he understood that he was the other Vin ... and the other Vin was the voice in his mind.
One minute, the machine was glowing blue, with the barely conscious child on the ground in front of it ... then there was a blinding white flash, which literally knocked everyone to the ground. And Chris suddenly understood exactly what Jack had meant. That was another apology he owed the SG-1 commander. Chris forced himself into an upright position, or what felt like an upright position, and called out hoarsely, "Can anyone see Vin? Did it work?"
He blinked a few times, trying to bring his vision back into focus. His ears also seemed to be ringing, but he heard a distinctly adult voice groan, "Awww ... hell." They were the sweetest words Chris Larabee could have heard in that moment. The voice belonged to his younger, but adult, brother. Still unable to see, the colonel moved on his hands and knees toward the source of the voice, stopping when his hand hit skin, and an indignant voice blurted out, "Dammit, Chris!"
Chris just laughed helplessly and made a second attempt, this time touching his brother's face. He just kept repeating Vin's name over and over again, and slowly, the stars cleared from his vision. He found himself looking into Vin's tired but familiar face. Vin gave a tired variation of his usual grin and said, "Hey cowboy. Good to see ya." Chris wrapped his hand around the back of his brother's neck and drew Vin into a fierce embrace.
Vin didn't pull away as Chris whispered, "It worked. You're back." He felt Vin's arms slip around him, and the brothers just held onto each other. At least, until Chris heard a throat being cleared and he looked up to see Josiah grinning down at them. Chris pulled back to look at his brother, asking, "Think you can stand?" Vin nodded and Chris rose to his feet, drawing his brother up with him. He kept Vin steady, painfully aware of the way Vin's legs trembled with the effort of standing, and gave all of his own strength.
Vin made a game effort to stay on his feet, but started to fall, and he groaned, "Aw hell!" Chris and Josiah caught him before he hit the ground, and the blanket started to slip, drawing another 'aw hell' from the young man. Chris held onto his brother, saying with a laugh, "Josiah, you might wanna get those clothes out, the ones Adriana packed." Josiah looked at Chris, totally befuddled, and Nathan slapped his hand against the backpack resting over Josiah's shoulder.
Josiah's expression changed from befuddlement to embarrassment. Nathan stepped to Chris and Vin, holding up the blanket as Josiah knelt and started to pull clothes out of the backpack. The anthropologist said in amazement, "Lord love the girl, she thought of everything! Sneakers, sweatpants, shirt, even underwear!" The broad grin which had been threatening to crack Nathan's face in two gave way to laughter, even as Josiah began handing over the mentioned pieces of clothing.
Vin's face burned with embarrassment, especially when Buck stepped forward to hold the other part of the blanket, protecting him from prying eyes. Buck beamed at him, holding the blanket with one hand and cupping the back of Vin's head with the other, and said, "It's good to see ya back, Vin. Real good." The embarrassment gave way to a smile that lit up Vin's eyes as he began to dress. Chris held him steady, careful to look at anything but his brother.
Ezra stood in the corner, his smile nearly blinding everyone a second time. As Vin finished dressing, the blanket was dropped and Ezra came forward. He stared at Vin for a long moment, then with a very un-Ezra-like gesture, wrapped the guide in a fierce embrace. Ezra whispered, just loud enough for Chris to hear, "Welcome back ... my dear brother. Welcome back!" Then he pulled away, saying, "I shall proceed to the Gate, so we all may go home."
"Thanks, Ez," Vin replied quietly as Buck folded up the blanket, "and goin' home sounds real good." Chris nodded. Yes, it did. He kept his arm supportively around Vin's waist, and Vin looked around. Chris watched his brother, half afraid that if he looked away, this all would be a dream. He watched as Vin's eyes flickered over each of them. He watched as his brother reached his hand out to Buck. Watched as Vin's blue eyes froze when he saw JD, and his face turned utterly expressionless.
He remembered, then. He remembered everything. Buck took the hand Vin gave him, handing off the blanket to Josiah, who stuffed it back into the backpack. Then the big major put a supportive arm around Vin's waist, drawing his arm over the back of Buck's shoulders. Buck muttered that JD should go first. The boy stared at Vin, his huge hazel eyes filled with a silent plea. Vin wouldn't even meet his eyes. And at last, JD did as Buck said, leaving the chamber ahead of them.
Vin muttered, "Don't even ask, Bucklin. I ain't ready to fergive 'im, and I ain't 'bout to 'pologize to him." Chris looked around at his brother, to Buck, whose face was equally cold as he looked at JD. And together, the three men started forward. But that wasn't to last very long. Vin took only a few steps, and even with aid from Chris and Buck, his legs gave way under him. The two men caught him, easing him to the ground. Chris kept both arms around his brother protectively, feeling him shake.
Buck motioned to Chris that he had Vin, and scooped the guide into his arms. Vin didn't look happy, but he also looked too tired to argue. Buck eased himself to his feet, Chris steadying them both, and said quietly, "Wouldn't ask ya to forgive him, Vin. I ain't ready to do that m'self, and I ain't the one he hurt. Wouldn't ask ya to apologize to him, neither. Relax now. We're gonna get ya home."
And that was exactly what they did. By the time they reached the Gate, Ezra was engaging the final chevron. Vin took one last look around, and said softly, just loud enough for Chris and Buck to hear, "Reckon next time a team needs a guide to this here place, they can ask Chanu. 'Cause ain't no way I'm ever comin' back here." Chris just patted his brother's shoulder. He had nothing to worry about there.
One by one, they stepped through the Gate ... first Ezra, then JD, Nathan, then Josiah, then finally Chris and Buck approached, side by side. Vin whispered, "Put me down, Bucklin. Wanna get home on my own two feet." Buck gently eased Vin down, until his feet reached the ground, and the two old friends resumed their supportive grip on the third man. The three men stepped through the Gate, side by side by side.
And then ... they were home. Vin almost pitched forward, but righted himself as General Hammond said, a smile in his voice even if it wasn't on his face, "Welcome back SG-7. It's good to have all of you home." Chris looked up then, and did see that the general was smiling. Not a small smile, but a broad, welcoming grin. That wasn't the only thing he saw. In almost exactly the same spot they were when SG-7 left with Kevin, stood Mary, Carly, and Adriana.
The three women stood together, arms around each other. Chris heard his brother breathe, "Drina." Chris and Buck exchanged a glance over his head, then carefully guided him down the ramp until he was standing face to face with his lady. Carly and Mary backed off, though Chris could see that both his sister and his own lady wanted their own reunion with Vin. But he could also see they would step back ... for now.
Adriana's hands rose to cup his face. No words were spoken. Not at first. But as Vin removed his arms from Buck and Chris to wrap them around Adriana, the two men and two women heard Vin whisper, "I love ya, Drina." And then, they were enfolded in each other's arms. Mary slipped around the pair, to stand beside Chris, while Carly took up position beside Buck ... flanking them. Protecting them.
Adriana said nothing. Words could have only gotten in the way. She just held onto Vin, held onto him and held him upright. At last, she pulled back to give him a brilliant smile, never mind the tears rolling down her face, and whispered, "Think we should get you to the infirmary before you fall on your face, Tanner. Janet would have my hide if we got you back, only for you to collapse in a heap."
That broke the ice, and everyone laughed. Everyone, including Vin, who answered in a raspy voice, "Reckon that might be a good idea, Miss Drina. M' legs ain't feeling real steady. Feel like I'm walkin' on sticks a' Jell-O."
Everyone laughed again, everyone in the Gate Room and the control room. Vin turned his head to see his sister and Mary. He smiled at them both, saying softly, "Mary ... Carly ... good to see ya both. Carly, reckon ya kin help me and Drina out here? Reckon Chris would like some time alone with his lady." This was said with a smile and a wink toward Chris. The colonel glared at his brother ... at least, he would have, if he could have stopped smiling.
But no matter what threat he might have made, no one would have believed it. SG-7 was once more complete. They had their guide and sharpshooter, friend and brother, second in command and their rock, back with them. He was a little shaky now ... leaning heavily against both his lady and his sister as the entire team headed for the infirmary. Nathan and Josiah walking behind him, ready to catch him, if it became necessary. But he was back ... and somehow, they would made SG-7 whole in spirit, as well as in number. Somehow. Once they all forgave JD.
It really was good to be back. Kevin Parris Tanner allowed himself to relax against the cushions of the infirmary bed. The beds were still hard as rock, and just as unyielding. But he was so glad to be back. So glad to be Vin once more. In the three days since his return to the SGC with his team, Vin had done little besides sleep. He couldn't do much else, he was too damn tired. Couldn't even talk.
Janet said that was to be expected. According to what she said during one of the few times he was able to keep his eyes open for more than a few minutes, the transformation required a lot of energy both ways. So, he would sleep a lot for a while, and his muscles would continue to ache, but it wouldn't be the agony from before. Vin didn't ever want to go through that again. As he would have said when he was a little fella ... never, ever, ever.
At the moment, he had been awake for about thirty minutes, the longest he had been awake in the last three days. He told General Hammond that he remembered everything from when he was Kevin, and that his memories remained pushed to the back of his mind. He, Vin, was the little voice which Kevin heard, telling him to run when the civilians chased him after he left the bathroom ... telling him that Alex Larabee could be trusted to take care of him. In effect, a piece of the adult Vin remained active within the child, and guided him.
One by one, during the last few days, each of his family had come to see him. The visits never lasted more than a few minutes, because he usually couldn't keep his eyes open. But he knew they were there, he knew they would be nearby if he needed them. All except one. The one now standing in the doorway of the infirmary. The two youngest members of SG-7 stared at each other for a long time.
And during that time, neither spoke. Then Vin broke eye contact, and looked toward the office where Cassie was entertaining Tansy Richmond. JD whispered, " What do I gotta do to make things right with you, Vin?" Vin didn't answer, even though he heard the corporal moving further into the room. He never took his eyes from five year old Tansy. In those hours before they left to return Vin to adulthood, Vin remembered the little girl coming into the infirmary.
Charlotte brought her, he remembered, lifted her onto the bed so she could see Chris and Vin properly. Tansy peered down at him, then started stroking his hair. The way, she explained, her mama did when she wasn't feeling well. Then, still held by her mama, Tansy leaned over to kiss his forehead, whispering, "I hope you feel better soon, Kevin." Then Charlotte left the room, with a backward glance to the brothers, her worry showing clearly in her eyes.
Tansy had come to visit him again, once he was returned to his adult status. And again, she kissed his forehead, again stroked his hair. Vin was just awake to feel that ... and to hear Charlotte gently teasing her daughter about having a crush on Vin. Tansy retorted, "But Mama, he's pretty! An' he's nice an' he's funny an' he's brave!" The child's voice followed him into oblivion, and made him smile in his sleep.
A smile which disappeared as Vin looked back at JD, who was now standing beside his bed. Somewhere deep inside him, Vin knew he should let the kid off the hook. Knew he should tell the boy not to worry, that everything was fine. But he couldn't. The memory of JD shoving Adriana to one side, looming threateningly over five year old Kevin Tanner, was too fresh. The memory of JD's attitude when Kevin needed so desperately to go to the bathroom was just as fresh. It wouldn't be easy to forgive the kid.
What do I gotta do to make things right with you? Vin finally said, "Don't know. Who's the real JD Dunne ... the one standin' before me now, or the one who acted like such a jackass durin' the last few days? What the hell was wrong with ya, JD? Do ya got any idea at all what them bastards had planned for that child? Huh? Any idea at all? I do. I kin tell ya, chapter line and verse, what they was gonna do to that boy. And ... it ... weren't ... pretty."
JD looked down, whispering, "I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry." Vin closed his eyes. During the last few days, he heard bits and pieces of conversation. Drina mentionin' how the other five were each takin' a bit out of JD's hide. Vin didn't have the energy to do that ... hell, he was already gittin' tired again. But he also didn't have the energy to lower his shield and allow himself to trust the boy a second time.
"I believe that much has been established, Mr. Dunne. However, I believe what Vin is asking for something more than that. And weren't you told to leave him alone until he was stronger?" Ezra asked, entering the infirmary. Vin found his mouth quirking into a half smile at the sight of the books. The same ones Ezra had been reading to him, most likely. Warmth spread through him, remembering how those five men took care of him and loved him. He knew it was difficult for Chris and Nathan at first, but they were there for him, too. And the young guide wondered where the others were. The exhaustion of only a moment earlier cleared away, though he still felt tired. Just not as tired as he was earlier.
JD started to sputter, but Ezra cut him off, saying coolly, "I see. So. Once more, your feelings and needs come first. Did it ever occur to you, Corporal Dunne, that perhaps Vin wasn't ready to speak with you? No, of course not. You needed to speak with him, so of course anything he might need took a backseat." Vin watched as JD's expression went from contrite to angry, then back again.
The boy put his hand on Vin's shoulder, saying softly, "I'm sorry. I'll let you get some rest." Then JD quietly left the room ... but the contrite expression dropped as he glared at Ezra. The negotiator simply ignored him and came further into the room. During the three years he had known Ezra, there were few times when the man's mask dropped. This was one of them. As Ezra approached the bed, his smile was warm ... even affectionate.
"Hey Ez ... come to read to me some more?" Vin asked hoarsely. Ezra placed the books on the stand beside Vin's bed, nodding to Janet as she emerged from her office. The man was on the verge of replying, when the three heard raised voices in the hallway. From the sounds of it, Buck was ripping JD a new asshole, and JD was fightin' back. Vin sighed. It looked like there was a long road back for SG-7. He murmured, "Bucklin ain't ready to fergive the kid, neither?"
"None of us are," Ezra admitted openly, "not even Mr. Sanchez. Your two sisters continue to employ that most useful of tools when indicating displeasure with someone, the cold shoulder. I do believe they learned that from the lady Dr. Richmond." Vin had only to remember how icy Charlotte was to Will during SG-7 and SG-1's escort duty, and he nodded. Ezra continued, "Although, I suspect your twin knew of it before."
"Reckon she did, Ez," Vin acknowledged, "she used it 'nough times on Claire. 'Specially after Claire forged Drina's name and signature on a credit card application." Ezra blinked, and Vin realized that wasn't a story which Ezra had heard. And rather than explain that, Vin continued, "The ladies all been here at least once. Drina don't say much when she's here. Reckon there's a lot Kevin didn't see ... with the way it affected her."
"Well, Miss Adriana also doesn't wish to tax your energy. Nor does she wish to encroach upon your time with us. Is that not correct, Buck?" Ezra asked as Buck entered the infirmary, looking more than a little upset. In fact, to be totally honest about it, the man looked downright pissed off. But some of the anger left his face when he saw Vin sitting up in bed. Nor was Buck alone. Chris was right behind him.
But during the last few days, there weren't many times when Chris was away from his side for too long. The brothers exchanged a smile, but neither spoke. Not out loud, at least. But Chris said with his eyes, good to have you back, little brother. It was good to be back. They flanked him on either side ... Chris on one side, Buck and Ezra on the other. Buck told him, "We hear you're stayin' awake for longer periods of time."
"Yes, just so long as Mr. Dunne doesn't push him into something he's not ready to do," Ezra replied, rolling his eyes. Vin saw anger flash across first his brother's face, then Buck's, but both held their tongue. Chris didn't say no more than three words a day, but Buck ...
Vin started to close his eyes, to rest them a minute, and Ezra said softly, "I shall allow you to sleep. You need that, more than anything else." He patted Vin's foot, and the guide opened his eyes as Ezra went into the next room, to ask Janet something. Vin didn't ask. He didn't think he wanted to know. And now, it was just Buck and Chris, both staring down at him as if they were afraid he would disappear ... or regress again.
Surprisingly, Buck said softly, "I don't know how much you remember 'bout when you was a little fella. But I want you to know ... those things we gave you. They're yours to keep. Everyone should be able to keep a piece of their childhood. Even if it is their second childhood." Vin laughed at that, and so did Buck. The big man grew serious, saying, "There's one other thing. The night you were sick ... "
"I 'member, Buck. I 'member ya takin' care of me. I 'member what ya said. I 'member what I said. I meant it, too," Vin said quietly. As big-hearted as Buck was, saying the words were as hard for him as they were for Chris. He knew the words were true. He had known that for a long time. And he also knew how difficult the last few days had been for his friends, for his brothers, for his family.
He had yet to talk with his lady or his sisters, or his aunt. But that would come. For now, he and Drina had said everything that needed to be say when they were reunited in the Gate Room three days earlier. They would talk again. It was necessary. Just as it was necessary to tell his brothers certain things. Like, he remembered what had been said ... what had been done. And nothing more needed to be said.
Buck rested his hand on Vin's shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze. Vin put his hand over Buck's, then the big man leaned down and enveloped Vin in a fierce hug which threatened to take his breath away. Buck whispered, "I meant what I said, too, Vin. Every goddamn word, I meant." Vin returned the embrace. He knew that. Buck released him at last, saying softly, "I gotta check on my baby sister. Been a few hours since I hugged her. She may be feelin' neglected." Vin just laughed and Buck added, "I'll hug her for ya. And tell her it's time to get her butt in here."
The major strode from the room, leaving Vin and Chris alone. Except for Ezra, who was still talking to Janet. There were more conversations to be had. With Josiah and Nathan. With Mary and Billy. A lot more talking to do with a lot more people. But Vin was a patient man. For now, Chris leaned forward, whispering, "You remember everything? Including having breakfast with us that first morning?"
Vin did remember ... but what exactly was Chris saying? His brother went on, "You know how Ez feels about 'butchering perfectly fine and beautiful pieces of music." Vin nodded. It took a half second after that for his brother's meaning to sink in. Vin looked at Chris, who simply raised his eyebrows, and the young guide began to laugh. Chris simply grinned at him, his green eyes twinkling with laughter and affection. And if Vin had still been Kevin (the guide found it easier to think of his younger self as Kevin. It saved a lot of headaches from occurring), he had no doubt that his brother would have kissed the side of his head. But he was Vin now, not Kevin.
So, when Ezra left Janet's office a few minutes later, Vin was ready. With a wink to his elder brother, who smirked in response, Vin began softly singing, to the melody of 'Ride of the Valkyries,' "Kill da wabbit, kill da wabbit, kill da waaaaaaaaabbit, kill da wabbit!" Both brothers, plus Janet, convulsed in laughter as Ezra sped out of the infirmary, hands over his ears, wailing, "Mistah Tannah!!!!"
Vin collapsed back against his pillows and his brother, still laughing. He was back. Kevin would remain within him, and that was how it should be ... but Kevin's time has past. He would carry those memories with him ... of a Sit and Spin, of books, of a sailboat, and so many other things ... for the rest of his life. And while the guide learned a great deal about this family, during his return to innocence, that return to innocence had ended, and Vin had returned to himself. He was home.
The End
Completed August 5, 2002
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