Pranks

By: Heather F

Librarian Note:

We have tried to reach Heather F, but have not gotten any replies. This story has been rescued. Since Lady Angel's Library (now M7FC) was already hosting some of Heather's other stories, we assumed implied permission to host this one as well. If you know how to reach the author, please ask her to contact us.

Vin Tanner leaned the wood ribbed chair back against the outside saloon wall. His trim buckskin clad legs were stretched lazily out in front of him on a crate. A bemused smile crossed his stubbled face as he watched the scene before him. Chris Larabee sat to his right just outside the saloon batwings doors enjoying the beauty of the day and the antics of the other men. A humorous chuckle escaped Larabee’s lips. These were few a far between, Tanner silently thanked Buck and Ezra for providing the unexpected entertainment. JD leaned against the railing outright laughing. Vin noticed across the street Josiah and Nathan had stopped their repairs on the old church roof, to watch the chase that wove between buildings and down the main street. Both chaser and chasee had endurance, this game had been going on for sometime now.

 The sun hung lazily in the sky. It had been a beautiful fall morning. The early mornings and evenings had been crisp which bled into comfortably warm days. The town had been quiet for sometime making the seven restless. Idle minds and idle hands tend to lead to trouble. Chris had caught onto the brewing turmoil first, followed by Vin. The others soon saw the increasing number of coincidences and discovered a prankster lurked amongst them. Buck had been seemingly the unexpected target of mishaps. This had been building for weeks. Everyone suspected everyone else, yet no one else seemed to have fallen victim except Wilmington.

"I’ve got a double eagle says Buck catches him." JD spoke up not turning his attention from the street. Standish came barreling out from behind the mercantile his blue coat tails billowing in the air a confident smile plastered across his dimpled features. A few seconds later Wilmington rounded the same corner hesitating frantically searching left and right, spotted his fleeing prey and dug in after it. Buck had not been able to close the distance nor had Ezra created or misdirected his persistent pursuer.

"I don’t know JD, Ezra’s holding his own," Larabee answered. He and Buck had been friends for nearly a life time. He loved Buck as a brother but could not understand the man’s fascination with married women. Buck had once laughed and said marriage was not a prerequisite of his but it just seemed to work out that way. As a result, Larabee had watched his fair share of foot races, mostly Buck running from enraged husbands. The fact Wilmington still survived to this day was a testament to his foot speed. Chris watched the running pair. Standish appeared to be toying with the gunman. The gambler could be incredibly cocky. Someday it would be his undoing, maybe today.

"Ya, but Buck’s got longer legs, and he’s pretty mad." Dunne could not contain his chuckle at the memory of the debacle of a drinking contest, just a week ago. Of course, it had been arranged by Standish. The contestants were picked by the sly conman, bets waged and placed by the gambler but the drinks poured by Inez. The skinny teetotaler, Greisle, verse Buck Wilmington. It was sure thing, Buck would win hands down. Except cod-liver oil had found its way into Wilmington’s third shot glass full of whiskey. Whiskey and Cod-liver oil shot from the gunslingers nose, effectively knocking him out of the contest. Greisle won by default. No one knew who would be behind such a scheme but the big winners were Ezra, Vin and Chris as well as Greisle himself. Buck began to get suspicious just like the rest of the men.

"Yeah but you ever notice Ezra move?" Vin drawled out watching the two racing men. This got the other men’s attention. Tanner sighed and explained, he wondered how people could miss the obvious. "Buck moves full of motion, waving arms and a lot of noise." Vin leaned forward and placed all four legs of the chair on the boardwalk. Just then the gambler one handed vaulted over a hitching rail and hurtled a water trough then sprinted passed them oblivious to their presence. "Ezra just kind of glides, no extra energy wasted almost like a cat." Tanner chuckled. After a moments thought he added, "Besides, I bet Ezra’s used to being chased out of town." He stared pointedly at the young sheriff, "He did not always own Chaucer you know."

Buck tore passed his face set with determination, arms pumping fiercely. Both men had lost their hats at the onset of the chase.

JD turned back to Vin, shaking his head. "I’m puttin’ my money on Buck."

******

Josiah watched from the church roof. He sat with his arms resting across bent knees. "I would wager, Brother Nathan that you might be busy tonight."

"You think Buck’s gonna catch Ezra?" Jackson asked settling down beside the preacher. He wiped some sweat from his brow with a forearm. He was glad for the respite from the work.

"Yup." Sanchez smiled and added, "but I don’t see crows." Josiah observed the two younger been tearing up and down the street. Two complete opposites thrown together into a makeshift family. Seven strangers filling the roles of brothers. It seemed the natural order of things, brothers got on one anothers nerves from time to time. This had been building discretely for weeks.

*******

It had started off with a simple comment about cheating, followed by a subtle ‘accidental’ mishap. Who would have thought Buck’s boots would have become home to a garter snake. It had taken Vin awhile to discern what kind of reptile had invaded the foot ware because of Wilmington’s hollering and high step dancing. Buck had been calling for Nathan because he had been, ‘attacked by a rattler’ or something of the kind. Looking back now Josiah realized Standish had been awfully mute over the whole incident just laughing quietly in the background.

******

"Buck ain’t gonna catch Ezra." Nathan stated matter of fact. He watched as Standish cut through the livery’s open barn door only to dive through an open window on the southern wall a short time later. The flexible gambler landed hands first easily collapsing over onto shoulders and without missing a beat regained his feet and continued running. Buck was slowly loosing ground.

" ‘sides, Ezra’s to slippery. He’ll slither hisself out of this mess. Just like he always does."

"I don’t know what he did to Buck up at Molly’s might not be easily forgiven." Sanchez pointed out.

********

Two days ago. Ezra sat on the back steps of the hotel apparently hemming some pants. Vin had tripped across him, with threaded needle between lips as he prepared to ‘mend’ the second cuff on a pant leg.

"hey Ezra watch ya doing?" Tanner had asked placing a booted foot on the bottom step leaning against the railing. His only response was a raised eyebrow. The tracker tried another tack.

"Did not know you knew how to sew." Vin smirked out, seeing the gambler perform any kind of manual labor brought a certain amusement to the tracker. Especially if it fell under the auspices of woman’s work. Not that Vin did not know how to make a good stitch, hell half the stuff he wore he mended himself. The southern gentleman, however, did not strike the tracker as the kind to stoop so low as to pick up a needle and thread. (or a hammer and nail, for that matter)

"You have met my mother have you not Mr. Tanner?" Ezra had answered starting to stitch on the second pants leg. He gazed up and noticed the tracker nod his head. "surely you would agree my mother would not be caught dead stitching clothes, needle point yes, mending, no, so the chore, as often does, befell my shoulders." Standish replied without malice concentrating on what he was doing.

Vin merely nodded. Then he noticed something, "’ey aren’t those Buck’s pants." Then the events of the past few weeks tumbled into place for Tanner.

The sly conspiratorial smile that slinked across the gambler’s clean cut features confirmed his sudden suspicions.

“Will you keep my secret, Mr. Tanner?"

 "Sure Ezra." Vin leaned down across the railing and asked, "why Buck?"

 "Mr. Wilmington has taken it upon himself to accuse me quite boisterously of underhanded shenanigans when involved in games of chance. I have merely grown tired of it. If I’m going to be wrongfully found guilty of some indiscretion I believe I should at least oblige him in some way." Standish replied, putting the finishing touches on the mending job. Standish gazed up at the tracker considering the tracker for a moment and then asked, "could you carry out a favor for me as well."

Tanner hesitated not sure he wanted to get involved with the growing skirmish. Not much was happening in town so what the heck, "sure Ezra. Why not." Vin smiled the glint in his blue eyes matching the conman’s.

Josiah chuckled at the memory. He had heard the whole conversation from the back of the hotel. It was wrong to listen but some very important information was being conveyed. When he discovered the plot he kept it to himself and made haste to get a good seat. He had dragged Nathan with him. The healer had needed some cheering up at the time.

They did not have to wait long. Chris, Josiah and Nathan were casually joined by the nonchalant gambler in front of the saloon. The hotel sat just diagonally across the street. Suddenly Vin’s muffled banging on a hotel door and shouted warning could be heard. "Molly! I saw Lawrence in the lobby! Get Buck out of there!" Buck quickly materialized at the open window facing main street. With pants in hand dressed only in his red Union suit he scrambled out the window hung from the eaves and dropped to the main street. He snapped his trousers out in front of himself and quickly tried to jam his legs down the appropriate pant hole. He hit a snag though. With his feet three quarters of the way through he toppled over unable to free his wool socked feet from the confines of the pant legs. The others watched from across the street laughing uproariously as Buck desperately tried to wiggle into his pants from a prone position on the dirt thorough fare. The more he struggled the more they laughed. Buck’s embarrassment matched his growing anger. He would get to the bottom of this.

*******

Now two days later, he chased the fleet footed gambler through town much to the amusement of the others. Josiah faced Nathan when he heard the healer sigh, "yeah, but still Ezra has slithered his way out of worse situations." So a wager was placed.

Ezra rounded the Clarion office still pacing himself. He thought Wilmington would have given up by now. Standish stole a glance over his blue coated shoulder. Nope, Buck seemed more tenacious than his usual self. Ezra had not really counted the chase lasting this long. He was beginning to feel winded. He had not had to run from the authorities for along while. Since acquiring his faithful Chaucer he had not had to depend on his lung capacity or muscle endurance. Damn he was falling out of shape. Ezra smiled as he stole one last glance at his pursuer. Buck was in worse shape. Standish nimbly side stepped a large sloppy mud puddle in the middle of the street and began to slow down a plan forming in his mind.

"See Vin, Buck’s gaining on him." JD observed giddily from his spot half seated on the railing.

"He seems to be." Chris agreed. The gambler had disappeared behind the church. Chris noticed Josiah and Nathan watching the festivities and touched the brim of his hat in acknowledgment. The two men waved back. Within a few moments, Standish reappeared from behind the church right back down main street. Buck rounded the building slowly but steadily closing the distance.

Chris and JD stared at the tracker incredulously when Tanner started laughing. Vin slowly rose from his chair and leaned against a support beam for the wood awning over head. "He’s letting Buck catch up." Chris stood and joined the tracker leaning against the twin beam across the small steps. "he sure does play dirty." The tracker muttered.

Larabee and Dunne held their tongues and waited.

"Well brother Nathan, you might as well hand over your money now. It seems our conniving brother has run out of aces." Sanchez remarked gleefully. He finally won a wager.

"I wouldn’t be so quick. Ezra’s got an ace tucked up his sleeve somewhere." Jackson responded he knew something was up. That twisted southern mind would not lose so easily.

Ezra slowed. He could hear Buck’s forced breathing. Standish took quick peeks over his shoulders gauging distances. Wilmington stretched out desperately reaching for the coated shoulder. His fingers curled just about to grasp his fleeing prey, putting an end to this chase. Then the shoulder disappeared. Buck found his legs suddenly knocked out from underneath him. He flew in a spectacular full out dive.....into the mud. He slid a few feet his momentum and near frictionless surface propelling him forward deeper into the foul mire. ( It was not all dirt you know. )

Tanner whooped and slapped his thigh. Chris laughed out right. JD, though having seemingly lost his bet, could not hold back the giggle. Nathan glanced over at Josiah and simply stated, "the ace must have been in his boot."

"Ezzzrrraaa!" Buck bellowed from the confines of the thick mud. He tried scrambling to his feet, slipped and fell face first back into the mud.

Standish struggled to his feet, but Buck’s knees had collided with his ribcage effectively knocking the wind out him. Fate and Lady Luck seemed to deal from the bottom of the deck, as well. He half crawled half staggered from his mired pursuer trying to create as much distance as he could. If he could just get his wind back. His legs crawled slowly his left arm giving out on him and his head hung below his shoulders his mouth working to take in great gasps of air, which would not come. Still he managed to propel himself away from the mud and its new resident, gamely heading toward the safety of the saloon.

"Looks like Buck knocked the wind out of him." Vin said watching the gambler. The man just never stopped.

Larabee merely shook his head, it appeared like Buck met his match. Wilmington was not easily put off however, and the gunman struggled to regain his feet. Who would have thought Standish would drop to the ground in front Buck? Damn gambler had more tricks than a dog had fleas.

"You better hurry up Ezra, Buck’s getting up." Vin hollered out to the conman. Standish merely waved one hand still trying to get at least one elusive breath. Then it came. The panic soon left the clean features as fresh air finally found its way to screaming lungs. Oxygen flooded the body, great gulps of air found their way home and Standish was up and jogging. Hoarse laughter spilled from him. He made his way toward the saloon at a slow unsteady jog.

*******

Inez stood in front of the batwing doors and stopped the gambler before he gained the boardwalk. "Oh no senor, you are not coming in here, not until this is finished." Her arms were crossed with set determination. Chris could not hide his smirk when the shocked dumbfounded expression crossed Ezra’s face. So much for his infamous poker expression.

Without missing a stride he plastered a smile on his face, "Inez darlin’..." He spread his arms in innocence.

"Don’t start with me Senor Standish." Her tone left no room for argument.

"You better get moving Ezra." Vin warned watching Buck gain his feet. Wilmington rose from the depths of the mud like a giant bog creature.

Ezra peered over his shoulder and muttered a very ungentlemanly "aww hell."

The murderous glint in Buck’s eyes placed a whole new twist on the game. Standish suddenly realized the stakes just went up.

For a brief moment, Vin thought, Ezra looked like a deer caught in a rifle site. Soon the cool facade fell back into place and another plan formed.

Standish dodged left up the street, Buck quick off the line, hot on his heels, slick mud flinging off him. Ezra cut a quick button hole turn and came back down the street, sprinting for all his worth, creating as much distance as he could between himself and his impending doom.

"Think Buck’s gonna kill ’im." JD observed still laughing.

"Think ya might be right JD" Chris concurred.

Standish leaped up onto a water trough and jumped latching onto a support beam, very similar to the ones Vin and Chris leaned against. With motivation born out of survival, he rapidly ascended the beam lifting himself triumphantly onto the roof.

"He’s a gawd damn squirrel." Larabee laughed.

Buck tried to follow the fleeing passage of the conman but the mud prevented him from getting any purchase on the wood. Standish’s mocking laughter irritated him beyond reasoning.

Nathan and Josiah gazed at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they heard the laughter and Nathan shook his head, "He just doesn’t know when to quit, does he?"

"Nope." Josiah answered watching Buck disappear into the building. A knowing smile crossing his features. He might win this wager after all.

Ezra leaned back on the shakes, enjoying the autumn sun trying to catch his breath. He was just too good, or so he congratulated himself. He still had his touch. No one could catch him. He laughed again, enjoying his victory.

Then the window behind him slid open.

Buck scurried out the window as Standish tried to jump to his feet. The gambler tried to crab crawl across the shake roof but Wilmington threw himself at the gambler tackling him. "Gottcha you slimy sonofabitch." Buck whispered heavily in Standish’s ear. Both men landed solidly on the roof, the smaller southerner pinned beneath the larger man. Standish felt the wind whoosh from his lungs, twice in one day, hell within less than five minutes, he had his breath forcefully driven from him.

Nathan handed Josiah a double eagle coin, cursing the gambler. The darn fool was just too confident sometimes, Jackson berated the conman. Then a thought hit the healer, "Josiah did Mrs. Potter ever repair the roof after the beams had been cut?"

The answer presented itself before the preacher could say anything.

One minute Buck was hauling a protesting Standish to his feet and the next instant a loud cracking was heard then they were gone. The roof caved in, spilling the men and debris down to the next story.

Jackson and Sanchez immediately gained their feet. JD, Vin and Chris rushed out into the street. The cacophony of noise stopped at the storage space just below the roof then, more creaking and snapping and another loud bang and the noise immediately jumped down to the second floor. There it paused only briefly until that floor collapsed sending everything into the storage room on the main floor. Dust billowed from open windows and under the closed door.

"Oh shit." Vin muttered. Everyone scrambled toward the mercantile store.

Josiah and Nathan for such big men entered the mercantile just behind the others. The five men waved their arms in the air trying to clear the rising dust. The ceiling and floor debris covered everything. The carefully surveyed the mayhem. Finally JD yelled,

“Over here." Dunne began pulling wood off a figure on the floor.

Buck lay face down half buried under the remains of the roof and subsequent floors. He stirred dust cascaded off him. His dark black hair had become a greyish tan. "Easy Buck just keep still." Chris said as he and the others hurriedly removed the debris.

"Anyone see Ezra?" Nathan asked. This stopped everyone. Where the hell was the gambler? Then a small slightly slurred, irritated southern drawl spoke from somewhere near by.

"Will someone get this giant oaf off me?" Standish began trying to wrestle himself out from under the offending weight.

"Found him." Buck muttered trapped between the failed construction and the gambler.

"Ezra just hold still." Josiah said. They quickly freed Buck’s legs and removed the planks that crossed his torso.

"Buck you hurt anywhere?" Jackson asked concerned, some of the boards were quite heavy.

“Not as much as Ezra’s gonna be when I get my hands on him." Buck hissed between clenched teeth.

 "Now easy Buck," Vin intoned chuckling, "Ezra, here broke your fall. You should probably be thanking him."

Nathan and Chris gently peeled the large gunslinger off the gambler and seated him against the wall. Buck grimaced as his arms were moved, gawd his ribs hurt.

Ezra tried to sit up but found that incredibly more difficult than it should have been. His head hurt, now why’s that? He rolled onto his stomach and with Josiah and Vin’s help managed to make it to his knees.

"You alright Ezra?"

"I’m just fine Mr. Tanner." Ezra assured the tracker. He no sooner got the words out, when his eyes rolled back and he collapsed falling forward into Josiah.

"Oh and you look just fine too." Sanchez mumbled bemused.

*******

Buck Wilmington lay on the cot in Nathan’s clinic. He glared over at the still unconscious man of chance.

"Giving him dirty looks ain’t gonna make him wake up any faster." Nathan said from across the room. Night had fallen and the others had left for the saloon. Buck wanted to follow but Jackson and Chris easily halted that foolish idea.

"Ya busted two ribs Buck and have a good size knot on your head." Jackson had reminded him none to gently, "drowning your pain in whiskey is not the way to go."

"Who said anything about whiskey there’s a fine young blonde down there that needs my attention." Wilmington smiled knowingly.

"Shut up Buck." Chris had said with exasperation. The man was incorrigible.

Josiah and Vin had carried Ezra up to the clinic. They had stripped him of his torn coat and shirt, the vest had been spared, and cleaned him up while Nathan and Chris tended Buck. JD had lurked behind them harassing Wilmington the whole time. "You know Buck ,I noticed you had been packing on the weight but geez to collapse a whole roof." The young man would smirk and add, "that’s just down right embarrassing." Chris and Nathan tried and failed to hide their amusement.

Once they had the two men settled in it was decided the others would retire to the saloon. Jackson stayed behind. He needed to keep an eye on Buck, to ensure the lady’s man stayed put, and to watch over the conman. Standish had survived the fall with a nasty laceration to his temple area and cracked ribs. Josiah and Nathan had wrapped the ribs tightly, just as they had done Buck previously, and cleaned the head wound. Ezra had moaned and moved about some but then quieted down. The wound was deep and long but had not appeared that serious, still the gambler had not fully woken. That concerned the healer.

Ezra woke with a start. That was dumb he berated himself as his had exploded with pain. Nausea rolled through him like thunder. He closed his eyes waiting the storm out. When things settled back down he cracked his eyes open again and found the concerned features of Nathan Jackson staring down at him. "Aww hell." he groaned out. This did not bode well. "What happened?" He did not think he vocalized the question until Nathan answered.

"You hit your head, falling through the roof." Nathan said watching Standish. It was well past midnight, Buck had finally fallen asleep. Chris had stopped by earlier to check on the others and offered to relieve Nathan. The healer declined, he wanted to evaluate Standish for himself. Chris would just stare at Ezra with his normal glare and probably intimidate the poor gambler into sneaking back to his room before first light.

"Really? Why would I be on a roof?" Ezra asked raising a shaky hand to his head.

Jackson easily pushed it back down, "Leave it alone." He admonished. "Buck tackled ya."

Ezra tried to furrow his brow, but it hurt too much. Why would Buck do that? His silent musings faded as he drifted back to sleep under the watchful eyes of the healer.

Nathan saw the confusion and chuckled quietly. Definite concussion. Maybe he should have had Chris stay the night.

*******

Ezra woke to an argument. This irritated the gambler. It was bad enough Nathan had taken it upon himself to roust him from a slumber every couple of hours and ask him endless questions. Now he had to endure a heated disagreement from someone else in the room. Standish kept his eyes closed hoping the pounding headache and aching side would dissipate, but like the argument the pain just seemed to grow.

"Will you two shut up?" He gave in and hissed out. If he hoped to gain solitude he should have kept his mouth shut. When he opened tired burning eyes he slowly focuses on the grinning features of JD.

"Ey Ezra. How’s the head?" Dunne plopped himself down on the bed inadvertently jostling cracked ribs.

"Just fine thanks." Standish breathed out closing his eyes trying to stem off the wave of pain.

"You don’t look too good. Want me to get Nathan?" JD asked his volume echoing through Standish’s skull. He stood to get the healer, again creating undue movement. He watched as Standish sucked in a breath, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Leave Nathan alone JD." Vin chuckled. The kid’s over exuberance was going to be the death of the gambler.

"Why don’t you go bug Buck."

 Dunne skittered past the tracker, Ezra groaned when he heard JD exclaim, "Hey Buck..."

 "You ok pard’?" Tanner asked settling down in the rocker by the bed. He could not quite hide his smirk.

 Ezra peeled open one blood shot eye and stared at the tracker. "This amuses you?"

 Tanner laughed softy and nodded, "Yup."

Standish shut his eyes and slowly reopened them. "you have a warped sense of humor my friend." Jackson had tried to explain to the gambler the past day’s events but Ezra found it very difficult to hold onto a thought.

"Me? this coming from the same person who somehow managed to sneak a polecat into Buck’s room?" Vin’s smile broadened when Ezra’s green eyes snapped opened in surprise.

Nathan had explained to Vin and Chris that Ezra suffered a concussion, and could not recall the day’s events. It seemed to Vin, Ezra was having difficulty recalling much of anything.

Vin watched a slow smile slinked across the pale complexion, "That was pure poetry my dear friend."

Maybe his memory was not as pot marked as Vin had thought. Tanner eased himself out of the chair and petted the conman’s blanketed shoulder , "Get some rest Ezra, you’re gonna need it." Vin stepped away from the slowly drifting off conman, "cuz Buck’s gonna kill ya." Tanner chuckled when he heard the groan and headed out the door.

Two days later, after peace negotiations, the seven men enjoyed a quiet game of poker. Chris and Josiah had managed to dissuade Buck from ripping Ezra apart limb from limb. They had been forced to lock the lady’s man in a cell for a night until he was convinced it was within everyone’s best interest if Ezra survived. While Buck boisterously vocalized the unfair treatment and favoritism bestowed on the conniving gambler, Vin and Nathan worked on Standish. That did not take much persuasion. Ezra easily saw the error of his ways, cracked ribs and pounding headache made it impossible for him to argue with to any great degree. Besides Wilmington was on to him, and he would not be outrunning anyone for awhile. With a stifled yawn and watering eyes Ezra agreed with the conditions. Leave Buck alone and he got to live without the fear of retribution from Wilmington.

Today, on a cloudless fall day, a wisp of a breeze putting a chill into the air, the seven men engaged in a friendly game of chance. Once again Ezra smiled brightly and dragged the meager winnings toward his slowly but steadily increasing pile.

Buck swore and threw down his cards and declared, "I know your cheating, I just can’t figure out how."

A vengeful devilish smile crossed the dimpled clean cut features, green eyes narrowed. Vin groaned. JD uttered an, "ohno." Nathan just shook his head, Josiah offered up a prayer for the foolish and the unthinking of the world, and Chris smiled. The game was back on.

The End