The others left Mrs. Stokes happily fussing over JD, who seemed perfectly willing to lay back and soak up all the attention she wished to give him, and returned to their rooms.
Nathan looked in on Ezra and was relieved to find that his dream hadn't brought on one of his headaches. Apparently only the nightmares about his uncle did that. He offered to take over for Buck so the gunfighter could get some sleep, but Buck assured him that he was too wound up after all the excitement and that he'd just grab a nap tomorrow. Nathan stared doubtfully at him for a moment, decided it wouldn't do any good to argue, and left.
Buck breathed a sigh of relief when the healer walked out... he'd been sure he was going to fight him about getting some sleep. And he had to admit, he actually was exhausted, but Buck had been watching Ezra and had seen him staring down at his hands, his fingers nervously plucking at the sheets. The older man had come to recognize this behavior as a sign that something was upsetting the Southerner and knew that he needed to talk.
Pulling the chair closer to the bed, Buck settled back in it and stretched his long legs out, resting his sock-clad feet on the soft mattress. "Okay, pard... out with it. What's botherin' ya?"
"I'm fine." Ezra kept his eyes turned down, while his hands continued their nervous movements.
Buck just watched him.
Ezra scowled at Buck and shook his head. "What makes you think somethin's wrong?"
"I can tell by lookin' at ya," Buck chuckled. "Just the way ya sit there starin' at nothin'... worryin' at the sheets like you're doin' now."
Ezra's hands quickly stilled as he looked up at the older man and gave an exasperated sigh. "You, Mr. Wilmington, are becomin' entirely too adept at readin' me."
Buck grinned at him. "I am gettin' good at it, ain't I?" Then his look turned serious again. "Now talk."
Ezra stared at Buck for a moment, and then fighting to keep his voice light and casual, asked, "The dream I had earlier... it's another little tidbit about my mother's visit that y'all neglected to tell me, isn't it?"
Buck heaved a sigh of regret... they should have just told him everything to begin with. "Yeah, it was, Ezra. I'm sorry... we were just—"
Ezra raised a hand to stop him. "I know... you were just tryin' to protect me. I don't even know why I bothered to ask."
His voice seemed so tired and beaten that it hurt Buck to listen to him. He dropped his feet to the floor and moved over to sit on the edge of the bed, laying his hand lightly on the other man's arm. "Think about it, Ezra... an' be honest now... would ya have really believed us if we'd told ya all this stuff about your ma? Or would you have felt like we were tryin' to come between the two of ya." He held the gambler's eyes, refusing to let him hide his true feelings as he waited for an answer.
Ezra opened his mouth to blurt out a denial, but Buck's steady gaze wouldn't let him dismiss it so easily. He was forced to consider the question honestly and finally slumped back against the pillows as he realized the truth of what his friend had said.
"You're right, Buck... even after everything she's done to me in the past, all the pain she's caused me emotionally... I still wouldn't have wanted to believe she could actually raise her hand to me. Especially since I had no memory of the occurrence." Ezra laid his head back and wearily draped an arm across his eyes. "I'm sorry, Buck. I'm just so tired of it all. I want to go home an' play cards half the night an' sleep till noon without someone watchin' over me. I... I want to go back to pretendin' my mother's better than she really is. I want to go back to bein' a functioning member of our group, not a pathetic weakling that y'all feel you need to protect and coddle." He dropped his arm and sat back up in the bed, staring at his best friend with sad green eyes that seemed to hold a heart-breaking plea for Buck to make it all better. Gripping Buck's hand, he whispered brokenly, "Buck... I-I just want my life back."
Buck reached up and wrapped his long, callused fingers around the back of Ezra's neck and pulled him into a hug. Swallowing the huge lump that had formed in his throat at the younger man's words, Buck struggled to give him something to hold onto. "I know how hard this all is for ya, an' I swear to God, Ezra... if I could make it all go away, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I know you've always been able to take care of yourself, but this is one thing ya just can't do alone. You gotta let us help ya, pard... an' I promise ya, we're gonna get through this... together." Buck gave Ezra's neck a gentle squeeze and smiled softly at him. "Ya just gotta hang on a little while longer, okay?"
Ezra took a deep, shuddering breath and closed his eyes, nodding slowly. "I'll try, Buck. It's just so damned hard."
"I know it is, Ezra, but you just remember that I'm here for ya whenever ya need me." Buck released his grip on him and moved back over to the chair while the gambler slid back down in the bed.
Ezra turned on his side facing the older man and gave him a tired smile. "I know you are, Buck... that's what keeps me goin'."
Buck smiled back and watched as the younger man's eyes slowly closed. Settling himself more comfortably in the chair, the lanky gunfighter picked up the book and returned to his reading. He thought Ezra had fallen asleep and was surprised to hear his gentle, Southern drawl drift quietly over from the bed.
"Thank you, Buck."
Buck glanced up and saw the gambler close his eyes again and snuggle his face down into the pillow. He grinned softly and nodded before returning to his book. "You're welcome, Ezra."
The next morning, just as Ezra and Buck left their room to head down to breakfast, JD stepped out into the hall. Ezra stopped and stared in dismay at the damage that had been done to the young man's face.
"Mr. Dunne, I am so sorry for what happened." Buck, knowing Ezra would find out anyway, had reluctantly told him about the note found in JD's room. Just as he'd expected, the gambler had immediately taken the blame for the incident upon himself.
JD shook his head at Ezra as he ran his hand self-consciously over his bruised cheek. "No need for you to be apologizin', Ezra, you didn't do this to me." Flashing the gambler a satisfied grin, he nudged him gently with an elbow and boasted, "'Sides... you should see the other guys."
The young peacekeeper kept them entertained with a blow by blow description of the fight as they made their way down to the kitchen. Buck sent him a silent 'thank you' behind Ezra's back, knowing that JD was just trying to take the Southerner's mind off the unwarranted guilt he was feeling.
While the seven men enjoyed the huge breakfast Mrs. Stokes had prepared, they made their plans for the day. Chris suggested a visit to the Standish farm Abigail had told them about, and after some discussion during which they agreed that it might be a bit intimidating if all of them appeared, it was decided that Chris, Vin, Buck, and Ezra would go, while Josiah, JD, and Nathan stayed behind at the boardinghouse. Josiah had noticed a few things around the place that needed to be repaired which he knew he and Nathan could easily handle. The widow readily accepted their offer, admitting that it was hard to find anyone in town willing to risk Delacourte's wrath by working for her.
JD asked why he had to stay behind and immediately argued that he felt fine when Nathan told him he wanted him to take it easy and rest his ribs. He quickly relented though when Abigail asked him if he felt well enough to help her pick some peaches so that she could make a cobbler to have with supper that evening. After all the fussing she did over him the night before, Abigail had JD wrapped right around her little finger.
Vin double-checked the directions with her while Chris quietly warned Josiah to keep an eye out for trouble, and then the four of them set out to hopefully uncover some information about David Standish.
Vin easily found the turnoff Abigail had described, and after a short ride down a winding road shaded by large, old oak trees, they came within sight of a small run-down farmhouse.
Ezra gently pulled Rebel to a stop and sat staring intently around him, hoping to spot something... anything... that he remembered.
The others all stopped and watched him.
"Recognize anything, Ezra?" Vin asked when he saw the gambler frowning at the house.
Ezra sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. It seems vaguely familiar, but I can't say for sure."
"Well, how 'bout we go ask them? They don't look too friendly, but maybe if we can get them to talk to us, they'll have some answers." Chris nodded at the two women who were now standing on the front porch of the house holding shotguns.
"Four strange men come ridin' up... can't say as I blame 'em for bein' cautious," Vin said as he looked over at Chris. "What do ya wanna do?"
Chris watched the women who, at least for the moment, had their guns resting across their arms, hopefully just as a warning. "Let's keep goin' an' see if we can at least get close enough to talk to 'em."
They made it as far as the last oak, and then the guns came up, and the younger of the two women ordered them to stop.
"That's far enough. State your business and then leave." The one who'd spoken looked like she might be around Chris's age and was no taller than JD. She was dressed in men's denim jeans, boots, and had on a plain blue cotton shirt. The only thing feminine about her appearance was her shoulder-length hair that was worn loose and curled softly around her face... it was the exact same chestnut brown as Ezra's. In fact, even from where they were, they could see that she bore a remarkable resemblance to the gambler.
Buck looked from the woman to Ezra and then back again. "Damn, pard, she's the spittin' image of ya."
Vin glanced at Ezra and saw a look of confusion suddenly fill his eyes. "Your Uncle David have a daughter?"
Ezra never took his eyes off the woman as he answered the tracker. "Maybe...." He frowned and his fingers tightened on the reins as his hands began to shake. "I do feel like I should know her."
"You've got exactly one minute to tell me what you want." She may have been small in stature, but she was definitely not a person who was easily intimidated.
Chris caught Buck's eye and nodded surreptitiously at Ezra. The lanky gunfighter dipped his head slightly, silently acknowledging Chris's warning to keep an eye on their southern friend.
"We're just lookin' for some information, ma'am." Vin put a friendly smile on his face and kept his hands wrapped loosely around the reins and away from his gun as he spoke.
She glanced at the older woman standing beside her and then turned back to study Vin's face. "What kind of information?"
"About David Standish."
They all saw her pale slightly and take a small step closer to the other woman. Her voice held a distinct quaver when she spoke again. "Who are you, and what business do you have with David Standish?"
Ezra, who'd been hanging back, moved his horse up level with Vin and Chris's, and after nervously clearing his throat, said, "He's my uncle, and I'd just like to speak to him. I promise you, we don't mean him any harm."
Ezra's statement had left her visibly shaken. "Your... your name. What's your name?"
"Ezra. Ezra Standish." Ezra watched in horror as the gun slipped from her fingers, and she crumpled slowly to the porch floor.
The four of them sat frozen for a moment until they saw the older woman throw her gun down and drop to her knees beside her younger companion. As one, they jumped from their horses and ran toward the house.
"Katherine! My dear, are you all right?!" The woman cried out as she gently patted the other woman's cheeks.
"Katherine...." Ezra gasped, and would have stumbled and fallen if Buck hadn't been right there to grab his arm.
The tall, lanky gunfighter held Ezra on his feet and bent his head to look into the glazed green eyes. "Ezra? You okay, pard?"
Ezra gripped Buck's arm and stared at the porch where Chris and Vin were bending over the two women. "Oh God, Buck... I remember her. She is Uncle David's daughter... my cousin...."
The elderly woman looked pleadingly up at the two men, her eyes filled with tears. "Please, could you help me get her into the house?"
Chris crouched down beside them, and with Vin's help, settled the younger woman in his arms and carried her inside.
Buck gave Ezra a gentle nudge and started him moving toward the steps. "Come on, pard, let's go in an' see how she's doin'."
Ezra released his stranglehold on the older man's arm and shakily made his way up onto the porch, and after a moment's hesitation, stepped through the door.
Chris and Vin were standing near the settee where they'd lain Katherine. Her elderly companion had poured a small amount of brandy into a glass and was coaxing her to take a few sips when Buck and Ezra walked into the parlor.
Suddenly, Katherine's eyes flew open, and she looked dazedly up at the group of men standing around her. Her ivory cheeks blushed a becoming shade of red when she realized what had happened, and she bolted upright, grabbed the glass of liquor from the older woman, and downed it in one hard gulp. Then she stood on wobbly legs and walked slowly over to the sideboard where she poured and quickly slammed back another drink.
"Katherine! Do you think that's wise, dear?" The other woman frowned worriedly at her and received a sardonic look and sharp laugh in return.
"Under the circumstances, Grandmother, I would say it is very wise... and very much needed." She set the glass and decanter down and turned to stare at Ezra. The others were startled to see that her eyes were the exact same brilliant green as the gambler's, and right at that moment, they were glittering with undisguised anger.
Moving carefully, Katherine slowly approached Ezra. The Southerner hadn't been able to tear his eyes away from her since he'd remembered that she was indeed his cousin.
Ezra smiled at her and started to reach for her hand. "Katherine, it's been—" His words were cut off suddenly as she drew her hand back, and with every ounce of strength she possessed, viciously slapped him across the face.
The others watched in shocked silence as his head whipped around, and he actually staggered backwards from the force of the blow. Ezra's hand automatically went up to rub his throbbing cheek as he stared in amazement at the angry woman. "Katherine?... why..."
Her grandmother stood quickly and put a restraining arm around her shoulders, forcing her away from the stunned gambler. "Katie, darlin'... this isn't goin' to help anything."
"Oh, I don't know... it felt pretty damn good to me." Katherine tried to pull away so that she could go after Ezra again, but the older woman refused to let go. So instead, she had to satisfy herself with glaring at him coldly as she questioned him. "Why the hell are you here, Ezra? Did you decide after all these years to come and see if Daddy left something to his... now what was it he always used to call you? Oh, yes... how could I forget... 'his precious little man'?"
Ezra paled and swayed slightly as her bitter words washed over him. He shook his head and stared at her as his mind tried to wrap itself around what she'd just said. The others had surrounded him, and Buck had a hand pressed tightly against his back, steadying him. He knew they were there, but his whole being was focused on trying to understand what his cousin had meant when she'd asked him if he'd come to see if Uncle David had left him anything. But wouldn't that mean his uncle was—?
Katherine managed to wriggle an arm loose and reached out to poke Ezra painfully in the chest. "Well, I've got news for you, Ezra Standish, he didn't leave you a damned thing when he died... nothin'! And if he had, I'd have fought you tooth and nail for it!" She was crying now, and the unwanted tears were only making her angrier. "After all, why should you get anything of his when it's your damned fault he's dead!!"
Ezra felt as if she'd slapped him again. The fact that his uncle was dead, and the accusation that it was somehow his fault, had delivered a devastating blow to the Southerner's heart. He sagged weakly against Buck as he tried to make sense of what was happening. His voice when he finally spoke, was ragged and hoarse with emotion. "I don't want anything, I just...." Ezra's voice trailed off as he tried to cope with the news of his uncle. "He's... dead? Did you— Uncle David's dead?"
"Hell yeah, he's dead! He died tryin' to get you back! Are you gonna try and tell me no one ever told you he was gone?" Katherine finally was able to wrench herself loose from her grandmother's clutching hands and moved across the room to pour herself another drink. She turned to stare at the gambler, saw the look of total confusion on his face, and grudgingly tipped her glass to him before draining it again. "I've gotta give you credit though, Ezra... you sure learned your lessons well from old Maude. You've almost got me believin' that you didn't know."
"Well, if he ever did know, he don't now... he can't remember much of nothin' from back then. He didn't even remember you till just a few minutes ago!" Buck could feel Ezra shaking and glared at the woman who was deliberately hurting him.
"Well, I remember! I remember Daddy cryin' for two days after you left with your mother and uncle! And I remember tryin' to talk him out of goin' after you and bein' ignored completely. All he cared about was gettin' you away from your Uncle Matthew... not what I wanted or needed! For twelve years, ever since my mother died, it was just the two of us, and then you have to show up and ruin everything! I told him to leave you there, that you were probably happy livin' in the lap of luxury like you were, but he just told me I didn't understand and left."
Katherine's voice shook as she shouted out all her hurt and jealousy at Ezra, who stood and silently took it, his face lined with guilt and sorrow, his eyes glittering with unshed tears. Her voice sank to a pain-filled whisper as she continued. "And I remember the terror of seein' his horse racin' into the yard without him. I was so scared, I never even thought about gettin' my own horse... just took off runnin'... pleadin' with him to be okay." Her eyes were glazed as her mind took her back to that horrible day. "I found him about halfway to Matthew's... layin' on the edge of the road... his eyes open and starin' at nothin'. I screamed and threw myself on his body, shakin' him and cryin' for him to talk to me. I didn't want to believe he was dead, but when I moved him, I could see the blood on the rock he'd landed on and the ugly gash in the back of his head." She glared at Ezra again. "I was only fourteen and havin' to deal with my daddy bein' dead, kneelin' in that road beside him and screamin' out my pain, and hatin' you because I knew you were safe and sound at your uncle's, bein' pampered and protected, and because I knew Daddy wouldn't have died if he hadn't gone after you. It was all your fault that he was dead... all your fault that I was left alone. God, how I've despised you for that!"
Vin saw the dazed look on Ezra's pale face, saw him trembling, and knew that he was right on the edge of collapsing. He stepped up beside the gambler and pushed Katherine back. "Why the hell are ya doin' this to 'im? He was jus' a little boy when all that happened! Ya can't blame 'im for causin' that accident."
Ezra shook his head and tried to explain. "I swear, Katherine, I don't remember any of this. I can't even remember him... him comin' after me...." Ezra blinked away tears of grief as he thought of his uncle dying and of his cousin going through it all alone. "I-I seem to have blocked out most of my memories of you, and... and Uncle David—"
"Oh for God's sake, will you just stop with that 'uncle' crap?! I know Daddy was your father, too... there's no reason to keep up the stupid pretense any—" Katherine stopped when she heard Ezra gasp and saw the look of startled confusion on his face.
Ezra's eyes widened and his face lost what little color was left, turning nearly as white as the fancy shirt he wore. "M-my father? What are you—" He shook his head slowly, his eyes never leaving Katherine's. "But he wasn't my—" Ezra's voice was a choked whisper as he tried to deny what she'd said.
"Good Lord... you're serious... you really didn't know!" Katherine stared at him in amazement.
"But Mother told me—" Ezra's mind was whirling as he tried to figure out what was true. "My birth certificate... it has my father's name on it... Charles Edward Standish...."
"That's only because Uncle Charles and your mother were married by the time you were born. I found Daddy's journal after he died... he wrote about all of it. About fallin' in love with Maude and proposin' to her. About how she turned him down time and again because he was just a poor farmer, and she wanted more out of life. He wrote how happy he was when he found out she was pregnant, because then he thought for sure she'd marry him and we could all be a family. That's when I first learned who you really were... when I read it in that damned journal. Then all his feelin's for you finally made sense." She shook her head and laughed bitterly. "That mother of yours was some piece of work though... she still refused him and ended up runnin' off with his brother Charles to New Orleans instead because he was supposedly goin' to buy a gamblin' house and make it big. Apparently Charles always hated Daddy and knew takin' Maude and his baby away would destroy him. And it just about did... it broke Daddy's heart. I remember how torn up he was when he found out she'd gone. I didn't think he'd ever get over it."
Her grandmother tried to stop her, but Katherine refused to listen.
"She got hers though. After marryin' ol' Charles, she found out just how different he was from Daddy. He beat her, beat you after you were born, and she finally left him when you were four and moved back home before he killed you." Katherine grinned as she happily went about destroying everything Ezra had always believed to be true. Finally, after all these years, she was getting back at him for taking her daddy away from her... giving him back some of the pain she'd had to live with. "That's when she started dumpin' you at the house occasionally so she could keep searchin' for that rich, respectable husband she thought she had to have. Accordin' to the journal, Daddy tried to talk her into lettin' him openly claim you as his son so he could raise you since it was pretty obvious she didn't want you, but she told him she'd be damned if she'd disgrace herself by admittin' that she'd had a child out of wedlock. Told him it was bad enough she knew you were a bastard... she sure as hell didn't want the whole world to know, too. Daddy wrote that he'd wanted to legally fight for you then, but he was too afraid that he'd lose, and that she'd take you away and never let him see you again." She shook her head as she watched Ezra's supposedly shocked reaction. "I can't believe she hasn't told you the truth after all these years."
Ezra stared at her as he felt his world slipping away. His stomach lurched and his legs threatened to give out beneath him with the realization that his whole life had been based on a lie. "So David... really was my... my...."
"Your father. And thanks to you... he's gone."
Ezra let out an anguished cry of pain that tore through his friends' hearts and then turned and stumbled blindly toward the front door. The three men left in the room were so stunned by what had just been revealed, that they merely stood and watched as the stricken gambler left.
"Oh God, what have you done?" The older woman sank down onto the settee and just stared sadly at her granddaughter.
Her whispered words of dismay shook Buck out of his daze, and after uttering a harsh curse at Katherine, he hurried out of the room to find Ezra, with Vin close on his heels.
Chris strode over to the younger woman who was still leaning drunkenly against the sideboard, and jerked the glass out of her hand. "Real proud of yourself, ain't ya? Feel good knowin' you got back at Ezra after all these years?"
Katherine just grinned at him.
Grabbing her roughly by the arm, he turned to her grandmother and said, "Your granddaughter needs some coffee. I want her good and sober when I give her the real facts concerning Ezra's so-called life of luxury as a child, and the actual reason we came here. Then we'll see just how proud she still is."
The elderly woman nodded tiredly and led the way to the kitchen, ignoring Katherine's angry struggle to escape the man's grip. Maybe these men would be able to drive her granddaughter's unreasoning bitterness away and help her finally let go of the past.
Buck and Vin followed the agonized sounds of their friend's retching around to the side of the house and found Ezra on his hands and knees in the tall grass bordering the yard.
Buck wrapped one arm around Ezra's shoulders and cupped his other hand against his forehead to help support him, while Vin knelt beside him and smoothed his hand gently over the Southerner's back.
"Hang on, pard, we gotcha. You're gonna be okay." Vin felt the rigid muscles beneath his hand begin to relax and knew the sickness was finally passing.
Ezra coughed and spat one last time and then turned his head to stare at Vin. His bright green eyes were filled with a crippling combination of pain and sorrow. "Okay, Mr. Tanner?! How could anything in my life be okay now?!" He pushed himself back to sit on his heels and then had to stop and take a few deep breaths before moving the rest of the way to his feet. "I've just been told my father wasn't who I thought he was, that my real father died a long time ago and apparently I'm responsible for his death, and that I've had a sister all these years that I knew nothing about... who unfortunately hates my guts! I sincerely doubt that I'll ever be okay again!!"
Ezra's voice trembled as he shouted at the tracker, and they could tell he was bordering on the verge of hysteria. He shook off their attempts to calm him, cried out for them to just leave him alone, and staggered off across the yard.
Vin looked sadly after him and then glanced at Buck. "Think one of us oughta go back t' town an' get Nathan?"
Buck watched Ezra stumble and almost fall, and shook his head at the tracker. "Not yet. Let me try talkin' to 'im. Why don't you go in an' see how Chris's makin' out with Ezra's bitch of a cousin... or sister... or whatever the hell she is. We'll be back in as soon as I get 'im calmed down."
Vin nodded, and after one last worried look at Ezra, returned to the house.
Katherine was on her fourth cup of coffee, and although she was still sullen and angry with them for forcing her to sober up, she was at least not fighting them anymore.
Her grandmother, who Chris and Vin now knew as Margaret Sullivan, apologized for everything that had happened and tried to explain Katherine's behavior, but was quickly stopped by the younger woman who claimed to have every right to feel the way she did.
Chris glared at her as he reached over and refilled her cup with the strong black coffee. "You think so, huh? Well, I think maybe it's time you heard exactly what Ezra's childhood was like, and then we'll see if you still feel the same way."
Buck trailed along behind Ezra, keeping him in sight, but not closing the distance yet. He wanted to be there for his friend, but not until he was ready. Right now, Buck knew he needed some time to recover from the shock he'd just been delivered.
The path Ezra seemed to be following was obviously used on a regular basis. It wound its way across a small field of wild flowers, through a stand of pines where the air was thankfully much cooler, and finally opened out onto a small pond.
Buck watched as Ezra hurried toward a large weeping willow and disappeared behind its drooping canopy of branches. The tall, mustached gunfighter started to follow him, but stopped when he heard the gambler's heart-wrenching sobs fill the air.
What Buck wanted to do was to rush to Ezra's side, wrap him up in a big old hug, and hold him while he cried. But what he actually did was walk slowly down to the edge of the pond, lower himself down onto the soft grass, and allow the younger man time alone with his grief. Ezra knew he was there, and Buck hoped that he'd tell him when he was ready to be comforted. Until then, he'd just have to wait.
Chris hesitated, hating the fact that he was about to discuss Ezra behind his back. After all, one of the rules he lived by was that a man's past was his own, but he knew deep down that it was vitally important to Ezra's emotional well-being for this woman... his half-sister... to understand how wrong she'd been about him all these years. And he knew Ezra well enough to know that instead of explaining, he would just accept her judgment of him, blame himself for everything, and just walk away from her.
Chris stared down at his hands resting lightly on the table, thought briefly of Ezra, and prayed he would forgive him for what he was about to do. He looked up at Katherine and shook his head. "You seem to think Ezra had everything a little boy could want when he was stayin' with Delacourte. The truth is, he had nothing. He was beaten, starved, and then when he finished his chores and wasn't needed anymore, he was locked away in a room that, from the sounds of it, was no better than a jail cell."
Katherine tried to interrupt to deny the truth of what she was hearing, but Chris ignored her and kept on talking.
"The loving attention you seem to think he was receivin' was an act. His mother either ignored him, used him for one con or another, or spent their limited time together teachin' him the fine points of bein' a gambler and con man... never trust anyone, never let your emotions show, an' never let anyone get close to you. Ezra became real successful at learnin' those lessons... so successful in fact, that his life has been spent basically alone and friendless." He watched as her face paled, and he thankfully saw some of the anger slowly leave her eyes. It was a start.
"I didn't realize..." Katherine spoke softly, her voice reflecting the doubt she was beginning to feel.
"Wait... that was just the mild stuff... just the neglect. His Uncle Matthew's loving attentions turned his childhood into a livin' nightmare... a nightmare that started when he was just a young boy, and it's still haunting him an' threatenin' to ruin his life."
Buck was pacing just outside the curtain of leaves that Ezra had disappeared through over an hour before. The alternating sobs and angry cries against himself, God, his uncle, his mother, and even his newly discovered father, had stopped at last, and Buck was trying to decide if he should approach the gambler now or not. He'd distinctly heard the sound of flesh connecting with something solid at least once, and he was worried about what kind of damage Ezra may have done to himself in his fit of anger.
Finally, Buck could stand the waiting no longer and hesitantly parted the drooping branches and stepped through. He stopped and blinked several times while his eyes adjusted to the sudden change from bright sunlight to the darkness of the shade. Once his vision had cleared, he scanned the area around the base of the tree, searching for Ezra. Frowning when there was no sign of the gambler, he glanced up and finally found him.
About four feet up, the trunk split into several large branches that ran level with the ground for a short ways before sloping gradually toward the sky. Ezra was settled in the natural seat formed by the split with his legs pulled up in front of him, his arms wrapped tightly around them, and his forehead resting on his knees.
"Ezra? You okay, pard?" Buck felt like his heart was breaking in two when Ezra slowly raised his head and looked at him. His eyes were red and swollen and filled with a sadness that seemed to reach straight to his soul. He swiped his arm across his face, trying to remove the tears that still stained his flushed cheeks before attempting a small smile and a shaky nod at Buck.
"I'm... fine. I just... just...." Ezra gulped convulsively and took a few shuddering breaths before trying to continue. Tears were again welling up in his eyes, and he turned his head away while he struggled to stop them from falling. "I'm s-sorry. I c-can't seem to...."
Buck's expression softened and tears filled his own eyes as he moved slowly toward his grieving brother. "Ezra...."
Ezra refused to look at Buck as he climbed up into the tree and sat down beside him, knowing the sympathy he'd see on the older man's face would be his undoing. But it didn't matter, because once Buck slipped his arm around Ezra's shoulders and whispered, "Let me help, pard," the gambler's fragile hold on his emotions began to crumble.
Ezra tried to resist, but he was emotionally exhausted and the pain of betrayal and loss he felt was more than he could cope with on his own. With a soft, gasping sob, he leaned back against Buck and allowed his best friend to give him the comforting he so desperately needed. "It hurts, Buck... it hurts so d-damn much."
"I know it does, pard." Buck held the gambler tightly as he slowly rocked them back and forth.
Chris poured himself a mug of coffee and stared at Katherine as he sipped at the steaming brew. He could see she still didn't believe him and hoped he wasn't baring Ezra's past for nothing.
He and Vin took turns describing all they knew of Ezra's abusive childhood at the hands of his Uncle Matthew. They told Katherine that what she had thought of as doting on Delacourte's part was probably him warning Ezra to keep his mouth shut about a recent beating or punishment.
Katherine tried to hold onto her hatred by convincing herself that they were lying for Ezra, but watching their faces as they talked, she could see the all-to-real pain in their eyes for what their friend had been through and knew that everything they were saying was true. She thought back to the time Ezra spent with them as a boy, and now that she was no longer blinded by her bitterness, Katherine could see all the signs of trouble she'd missed before.
He'd been so quiet for a four year old, rarely speaking unless spoken to... following her father around like a silent, little shadow. She remembered now how easily startled he was, jumping nervously at loud noises or sudden movements, how he'd begged to have his bedroom door left open at night and how panicked he'd gotten the time a sudden gust of wind had slammed it shut. He'd been nearly hysterical when she and her father had finally roused enough to answer his cries or help and found him crouched on the bed, sobbing. She'd been disgusted by his tears and demanded to know why he didn't just get off the bed and open the door back up. Katherine remembered him just staring at her from the safety of her father's arms, looking smug, and she'd been convinced that he'd done it all just to get Daddy's attention. Now she realized that smug look had been one of fear and helplessness instead. He probably hadn't opened the door for fear of the whipping he was sure he would get... a whipping like the one he would have received from his Uncle Matthew for daring to defy his orders by leaving his bed.
Katherine felt her heart breaking for the hateful way she'd treated Ezra as a boy because of her petty jealousy, and by the time Vin and Chris had finished telling she and her grandmother the details of Ezra's current battles with his nightmares and crippling headaches, including the memory of the whipping and the two faceless bodies that kept haunting him, the two women were in tears, and the skepticism and anger in Katherine's eyes had been replaced by shame for the way she'd misjudged Ezra and the situation he'd been in.
"Oh my God... I'm so sorry," Katherine whispered as she realized how wrong she'd been.
Vin shook his head at her and smiled sadly. "Ain't us you should be sayin' that to."
Chris nodded in agreement. "You've held onto twenty-three years of hate for a little boy whose only crime was wantin' someone to love 'im. Maybe it's time you let that all go an' get to know the man that little boy became. I think you'll like 'im if you just give 'im a chance."
Katherine started to smile in anticipation, but it quickly faded as she remembered all the harsh words she'd flung at her brother. "He'll never want to talk to me now... not after the way I just treated him."
Margaret Sullivan put her arm around her granddaughter and gently wiped away her tears. "Whether he'll talk to you or not, you still need to apologize to him and at least let him know you'd like another chance. Besides, he seemed like a very caring and compassionate young man... he might just surprise you. You don't want to spend another twenty-three years regretting that you never tried, do you?"
Katherine thought for a minute and then hugged her grandmother and looked at Vin. "Do you know where he went?"
Vin shrugged. "Well, I'm not rightly sure, but the last time I saw 'im he was headed off across the yard toward that field out behind the barn."
Katherine smiled and nodded. "I think I know where he'll be. I've got to get a few things he needs to see first, and then I'll go after him." She stood and hurried out of the room, pausing only long enough to ask Margaret if she would mind putting together lunch for them and their guests. At least, Katherine hoped they'd be having guests.
As she quickly made her way along the path Ezra had taken, she prayed that her little brother could forgive her. Her little brother... Katherine smiled as she suddenly realized how good that sounded, and that there was nothing she wanted more than to have him be a part of her life. She could only hope that Ezra would feel the same.