Once downstairs, the others placed their dinner orders with Inez and then sat at their regular table to enjoy a drink or two while they waited for their food. Josiah looked at his friends and smiled. "Well, I think Brother Ezra took most of what he heard tonight fairly well."
Nathan nodded. "A lot better than I ever thought he would."
"Gotta admit, I kinda liked seein' ol' Ezra embarrassed for a change... it don't happen very damn often." Vin grinned as he sipped at his beer. "Sure liked that look he got on his face when I asked 'im 'bout the baff."
JD nearly choked as he remembered the horrified look that had come over the gambler's face. "He got almost as red as his jacket!"
Chris smiled at the thought of Ezra's reaction and then his expression sobered. "I just hope he can handle the rest of what he's gotta hear."
JD nodded his agreement and looked at the others. "How much are we gonna tell 'im?"
Chris shrugged and looked at Nathan.
"Well... I guess if we're gonna get to the bottom of these nightmares of his we're gonna have t' tell 'im pretty much everything 'bout Matthew... everything Lit'l Ezra told us 'bout 'im, an' every rotten thing that he did when he was here."
JD frowned and looked around the table. "But we're not gonna tell him about his mother, are we? Findin' out what she did would probably kill 'im."
Josiah quickly agreed with their youngest. "JD's right. As rocky as their relationship is, finding out Maude tried to have him kidnapped... and by the man who abused him as a child no less... would completely destroy it. And it would probably destroy Ezra in the process."
Vin nodded. "I hate seein' ol' Maude get away with all she did t' Ezra, but it ain't worth havin' him hurt again jus' t' get back at her."
"And he definitely would get hurt. Ezra's heart is a lot more fragile than he lets on, and the truth about his mother would certainly shatter it. We'd lose him for sure if that happened." Josiah saw their expressions harden and knew that each of them was ready to do anything they had to to keep that from occurring... even if it meant lying through their teeth about Maude and her involvement with Matthew's plans.
Ezra awoke and lay quietly with his eyes closed, relieved to find that his headache was gone. Nathan had been right... it had been just the tension from trying to force his memories. That and forgetting to eat. His stomach rumbled softly and he realized just how hungry he was. Hopefully the others would return soon with his dinner.
Hearing a creaking noise somewhere in front of him, he slowly opened his eyes and saw Buck shifting on the chair he'd pulled up to the window. He sat with his long legs stretched out in front of him, booted feet propped up on the sill as he stared out at the quiet street. Ezra felt a warm comfort in knowing that his friend had been there watching over him while he slept.
Ezra took advantage of the quiet and Buck's distraction to observe the older man as he thought back on all he'd learned that afternoon. He had been rendered practically speechless when he'd heard the lengths they'd gone to in order to ensure Lit'l Ezra's happiness while he was 'visiting.' Now he understood the new feeling of belonging that he'd had ever since his memory had returned. Only a real family would have pushed aside their own inhibitions in order to give him the loving attention he'd needed to feel safe and secure while he thought he was a child.
Ezra smiled and blushed slightly as he stared at Buck. As good as the other five men had apparently been to him while he was sick, none of their efforts could even compare to what Buck had done for him.
Ezra had been embarrassed beyond belief to find out that he'd spent nearly the entire week clinging tightly to Buck. And Buck had allowed it... had actually encouraged it. He'd held him, rocked him, dried his tears, returned Lit'l Ezra's hugs and kisses... even slept in the bed with him to try and keep away his nightmares. Buck had done anything and everything necessary to help him through his ordeal, and Ezra finally understood why he felt so close to him now. Josiah told them they had made a connection of the soul and that it was a rare gift that they both should cherish and protect. As hard as it was for Ezra to accept that someone like himself could be blessed with that kind of gift, he had to admit that a 'connection of the soul' was the only way to describe how he felt about Buck.
Josiah had also been the one to fill in the missing pieces to his memories of Christmas. Ezra had remembered there being a tree... and even though his face had again flushed red with embarrassment at admitting it... he had told them he had a vague recollection of sitting on the bed with Chris, receiving a gift, and telling him he wished he were his father. That was when the preacher had told him all about Lit'l Ezra's 'first Christmas' as they'd referred to it. He'd felt a surge of warmth flood his heart when he'd learned how much trouble they'd gone to to try and make it as perfect as they possibly could. Especially touching was the amount of thought and care that had been put into the presents each of them had given him, and his mind had instantly turned to the inscription on the watch he'd received from Buck.
Ezra quietly reached down and withdrew the timepiece from his vest pocket and opened it. He traced his fingers across the words etched in the cover and recalled Josiah saying that 'Lit'l Ezra' was only one of the names they'd used for him. He stared at the watch... 'For My Little One'... 'Little One'... could that have been another?
Buck had heard the soft click of the watch opening and had looked around to see Ezra holding it with a trace of a smile tugging at his lips while running his long, slender fingers lightly across the inscription. "Figured it out, did ya?"
Ezra started at the sound of Buck's voice and glanced up at him. "This is why you were so insistent on my keeping the watch, isn't it? Was it really a gift from your mother?"
Buck moved the chair back over next to the bed and sighed as he grinned sadly at Ezra. "Yeah, it was. She gave it to me for my sixteenth birthday, only a few weeks before she died, but I had Mary put that writin' in there just for Lit'l Ezra. I wanted to give the little guy... um... you... somethin' that was special... because you'd become kinda important to me." Buck blushed slightly when he saw Ezra staring at him. "I guess Josiah was right... we must've made some sorta connection. Like our souls touched... or somethin'." He ran his hands through his hair in frustration at not being able to find the right words to express how he felt. "Hell, Ezra, I just ain't no good at explainin' this kinda thing. I guess it's just like we talked about when ya first came out of your amnesia... 'bout feelin' like real brothers now."
Ezra looked down at the watch again and nodded. "You explained it just fine, Buck. You know, I... I was alone a lot when I was a child, and I used to dream about what it would be like to have a big brother... to have someone who would always be there for me... someone to look up to." He closed the watch and tucked it safely back in his pocket before raising his eyes to stare shyly up at the other man. He hesitated for a moment, but Buck's warm smile gave him the courage to continue. "As you know, I'm not usually one to express my feelings openly, and I wouldn't be doin' so now, but it may become necessary for me to leave, and I... I just need you to know that you... that havin' you come into my life has been one of the most rewarding things that has ever happened to me." Ezra paused as he felt the heat of embarrassment rising up to warm his face, but forced himself to ignore it. "I had given up hope of ever findin' anyone I could... could... well, feel safe with... safe enough to be myself." Ezra shook his head in frustration as he groped for the right words.
Buck wanted to stop Ezra and put him out of his misery because he knew what he was trying to say anyway... it was everything Buck was feeling about him. But he also knew how important it was for the gambler, who was so unfamiliar with expressing his emotions, to actually put them into words. So instead, he smiled reassuringly and held his tongue, letting Ezra stumble through his explanation.
"I'm not sayin' this right. It's so much more than feelin' safe, but I don't know how to... tell you. I just don't know what words to say so you'll understand how much you've... how much you mean to me." Ezra's eyes never left Buck's as he held out his hand. "I guess I just want to thank you for... for bein' that big brother I always dreamed about and needed so desperately, for bein' my... my friend."
"You're welcome, Ezra, but ain't no need to be thankin' me. This all means just as much to me as it does to you, 'cause you're fillin' a big hole that was in my life, too." Buck grasped the younger man's hand in both of his and shook it warmly. "Thanks for lettin' me be your big brother, Ezra... an' I'm real proud to call ya my friend." Buck's smile grew even wider. "An' don't worry... you got the words just right, but it 'bout killed ya to say 'em, didn't it?"
"Was it that obvious? I guess I'd better work on my poker face... I seem to be losing my touch." Ezra shot Buck a look of gratitude for lightening the conversation and then grimaced as he realized how sentimental he must have sounded. "Sorry for gettin' a bit maudlin, must be a side- effect of the headache."
"Nah, that was just Lit'l Ezra peekin' out. He was real happy with the idea of havin' big brothers, an' he didn't have any problem with makin' sure we knew it." Buck grinned at the expression that came over the gambler's face, and then felt a bit of sympathy for him. He'd had to suffer through so much embarrassment in the last few hours, that it was a wonder the blush he was again wearing hadn't become a permanent condition. "This has gotta be kinda strange for ya, huh? Hearin' us talk 'bout Lit'l Ezra like he was a real little kid."
Ezra shook his head as he rolled over onto his side. "Strange doesn't even begin to describe it, Mr. Wilmington."
"I gotta admit, it did take some gettin' used to, but after you'd been Lit'l Ezra for awhile, it was just kinda like dealin' with a five year old who happened to be big for his age." Buck saw Ezra's face turning red again and patted him comfortingly on the arm. "Come on, pard, it ain't nothin' to be ashamed of. Ya couldn't help what happened to ya, an' besides... ya didn't do nothin' too embarrassin' while you were our Little One. Well... except for when ya practically drowned Chris while he was helpin' ya take that bath. Or when ya nearly killed Vin an' Josiah tryin' to get away from that spider. Oh, an' the time ya—"
Ezra held his hands up to stave off Buck's torturous trip down memory lane. "If you're tryin' to make me feel better, you're failing miserably, Mr. Wilmington."
Buck laughed and nodded. "Sorry, pard, I'll stop. It's just that JD was right... you were just so damn cute—"
"Lord, y'all are just not goin' to let me live this down, are you?" Ezra's blush deepened, but he grinned in spite of his embarrassment.
"Oh, I reckon we'll ease up on ya... after we've had some fun with ya first." Buck laughed again when Ezra groaned and buried his face in the pillow.
Thankfully for Ezra, the others returned at that moment with their dinner and saved him from anymore of Buck's reminiscing. His eyes widened when he saw the amount of food on the plate Nathan handed him, but one look at the healer's face, and he knew it would be pointless to argue. To Ezra's chagrin, Nathan wouldn't even allow any discussion about the events that had occurred in the alley until after he'd eaten every bit of his meal.
Ezra felt as though he would burst when he shoved the last morsel of food into his mouth, but he had finally finished. "There, Mr. Jackson, will that suffice? Or do I have to lick the plate clean before you'll allow our conversation to continue."
Nathan shook his head at the gambler's sarcasm and took the empty plate from him. "Just hush or I'll go get ya another big helpin'... with a nice, big glass of milk t' go with it." They all laughed when Ezra shuddered and quickly gulped down his coffee as if to wash away the imagined taste of the milk.
Setting the empty mug down, Ezra stared nervously at his friends. "Now will you please tell me how much of my memory of that night is true?" His eyes focused on Buck. "It wasn't really a bank robbery, was it?"
Buck looked at the others questioningly. Since he'd stayed with Ezra during dinner, he had no idea how they'd decided to handle telling him. He was relieved to see Nathan reach out and touch the gambler's arm to draw his attention to him. This was one piece of Ezra's memory he didn't want to have to fill in.
"No, it wasn't. Ezra, it was... it was your Uncle Matthew." Nathan had kept his hand on Ezra's arm and felt the tremor that ran through the younger man.
The color drained from his face and there was a catch in his voice as he tried to deny what Nathan was telling him. "My— no... it couldn't have... been—" Ezra searched each of their faces for some signs of doubt, and his heart sank when he could find none. "But why was he here? And why was he in that alley?"
Ezra stood and began nervously pacing about the small room. The others could see his hand shake as he ran it continually through his hair and wondered if it was from the frustration of not being able to remember... or from fear.
Nathan glanced at Chris. This was where the explanation of what had happened got tricky because this was where Maude came into the story, and where they had to start twisting the facts to cause the least amount of harm to Ezra.
"Maude brought him with her," Chris spoke quietly, but his words hit the gambler hard, jerking him to a stop and leaving him trembling with shock.
"Mother was here? With... him? Did she... did she see me in that condition?" Ezra stood near the door, weakly leaning back against it as he digested this new information. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Nathan was standing next to the shaking gambler and put a large hand on his shoulder to try and calm him. "We thought it best t' let ya remember most of what happened on your own... t' only answer your questions an' not tell ya anything more than ya seemed ready t' hear." He saw the smaller man frown and tried to explain their actions better. "It was my idea, Ezra. I ain't never seen nothin' like what happened t' ya before, an' I wasn't sure how t' handle it. It jus' seemed like the best thing t' do." Nathan shrugged helplessly. "We were jus' tryin' t' make sure we didn't do nothin' t' hurt ya."
Ezra closed his eyes and wearily leaned his head back against the door. He raised his hand to cover that of the healer's lying on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "It's all right, Nathan... I know everything you've done was done to try and help me." He opened his eyes again and gave his friend a small smile. "I'm only sorry you had to deal with my dear mother at all. I suppose she made quite a scene?"
The others all exchanged a look and shook their heads at him. "She was jus' worried 'bout ya, Ezra. Wanted t' take ya home with her so she could get ya better medical help," Vin spoke softly and tried to minimize the turmoil that Maude's visit had caused.
"Why'd she bring my...." Ezra shuddered as he struggled against the memories just the mention of his uncle evoked.
"He was here as her lawyer." Chris saw the confusion in the smaller man's eyes and continued. "Maude knew we'd put up a fight against her taking you away, so she brought him with her to argue her case to the Judge."
"You... you fought to keep me here?" Ezra's gaze was almost shy as it traveled from one man to the next, his heart clenching at the thought that they cared enough about him to take on Maude and his uncle. Knowing this helped ease some of the pain he felt at his mother's continued association with the man who had tormented him as a child... the man who, to Ezra's shame, still sent a small frisson of fear and dread rippling up his spine.
Buck stood and walked over to lean against the wall beside the gambler. He smiled at the incredulous look on his friend's face. "Hell, pard, after all the time an' effort we put in to makin' you one of us, ya don't think we'd actually let her just waltz in here an' take you away, do ya?"
"Bucklin here was gonna haul your butt off t' Mexico if the Judge couldn't find a legal way t' let us keep ya." Vin smiled at the look of astonishment that washed over Ezra's face. "Course, that woulda left the Judge with no one t' take care of the town, 'cause there was no way in hell we were stayin' behind."
Ezra could only shake his head, too stunned by this further evidence of their loyalty to him to find the words to respond.
"Besides, Ezra," JD looked up at him earnestly. "We promised the Little One that we wouldn't let nobody take him away from us... an' keepin' promises was real important to 'im."
"I-I don't know how to thank you for... everything y'all did while I was...." Ezra's words trailed off. There was nothing he could say that would even come close to expressing how much this all meant to him.
Buck saw the difficulty he was having and wrapped his arm around the younger man's shoulders. Giving him a light hug, he led him over to the bed. "We know, pard. There ain't nothin' ya gotta thank us for... it's no more than you'd do for any of us." He pushed Ezra down onto the edge of the bed and sat down beside him. "Why don't you just sit here and take it easy while we try an' explain what all led up to that incident in the alley. Then once we get that outta the way, we'll figure out what we're gonna do to get rid of your nightmares."
Vin pushed himself away from the wall and headed toward the door. "I think we could all use a drink while we talk... considerin' who we're gonna be discussin'." He saw the grateful smile Ezra shot him and gave him a wink as he walked out.
Ezra slumped forward, propping his head in his hands, thankful for the brief respite before hearing the details of Maude and Matthew's visit. He really wasn't sure how much more information he could handle, but he was determined to hear it all... no matter how ugly it turned out to be.
Once Vin returned and they'd all fortified themselves with a good stiff drink, they resumed their talk. For some reason, aside from the shooting in the alley, Ezra had experienced no flashbacks that involved Matthew or, more importantly, his mother. Nathan suspected it was just too painful for the gambler to have to deal with the things Maude had said and done to him during her visit.
Ezra naturally looked to Buck to furnish the explanation for his shooting, and even though it was something that was still hard for the older man to talk about, he told Ezra everything that had happened that night. The only thing he was careful to leave out was the fact that Maude was in that alley, too... helping her brother instead of him. At least, that was the last recollection Buck had of the incident. He'd finally lapsed into unconsciousness, and Ezra was beyond knowing what was happening to him by the time Maude had stepped in to save her son's life, which left the evidence of her change of heart known only to her and Matthew. A fact that may have made hearing the horrible details of Matthew's attack on him easier for Ezra to bear. As it was, he found himself being flooded with all the terror and pain that he'd experienced as a child at the hands of his sadistic uncle as he listened to Buck talk.
By the time Buck got to the actual shooting, Ezra was pale and shaking... barely able to hold his emotions in check as memories of his childhood under that monster's control filled his mind.
Nathan had been watching the Southerner carefully and was just about to call a halt to Buck's recounting of that horrible night, when suddenly Ezra stiffened and what little color was left in his cheeks drained away. "He was goin' to kill me...."
Buck slipped a supportive arm around Ezra's waist and tried to reassure him. "No, pard... it was me he was tryin' to kill... not you. He was gonna take you with 'im."
Ezra turned to stare at him, his eyes wide and glittering with the pain of his memories. "No, you don't understand... I-I remember what happened."
Chris laid his arm across Ezra's shoulders and winced as he felt how hard the younger man was shaking. "You're remembering that night in the alley?"
Ezra could only nod as he struggled to regain some hold over his emotions. He hated being so out-of-control and hated even worse that the others were witnessing it. He couldn't believe that his uncle, after all these years, could still inspire this irrational fear in him.
"It was like wakin' up from a deep sleep. I didn't know at first where I was, and I had no idea what was happenin'. Buck was...." His eyes stared into Buck's and his fingers clutched at the hand the older man slipped into his, as if to reassure himself that Buck had indeed survived his uncle's bullet in that alley. "He was lyin' on the ground, not movin'. I-I thought he was dead. I looked back up, and Uncle Matthew was there and had a gun pointed at my head... and he was smilin'."
They all saw him shudder and, remembering his uncle, could imagine just how evil and terrifying that smile probably had been to Ezra as he had moved from one reality to another.
"He said somethin' to me as he aimed the gun." Ezra flinched as the words suddenly came to him. "He said he was s-sorry and... and that I was one loose end that he'd... that he'd left dangling too long." He paused as he worked to push aside the haze that surrounded the images in his mind, and then looked up in surprise. "Mother was there. She... she stopped him." Ezra's voice reflected the shock that appeared on the others' faces at this new revelation.
Vin glanced at the other men and then gave Ezra a skeptical look. "Ya sure 'bout that, pard?"
Ezra nodded slowly. "I remember hearin' her voice tellin' Uncle Matthew to... to put his gun down...." He tried to recall more details, but finally just gave the others a small shrug of apology. "I'm sorry... everything's still blank after that."
The others were silent as they digested this new bit of information. Maude had saved Ezra's life. Apparently the woman did have a tiny morsel of maternal instinct buried in that hard, cold heart of hers. Thank God it had shown itself when it did, or they would be missing a very important part of their family now.
Seeing the pleasantly surprised look on Ezra's face at the realization that his mother had actually stood up to Matthew for him, Buck was relieved that he hadn't given in and told the younger man any of the negative aspects of Maude's visit. Hopefully, those painful memories would stay buried in Ezra's mind so that he never had to deal with them.
Chris stood up and walked around the room, one hand slowly rubbing at the back of his neck as he thought over everything Ezra had just told them. He finally stopped and stared at the gambler. "Ezra, do you have any idea what Delacourte meant by you bein' a loose end?"
Ezra thought a moment and shook his head. "I don't remember anything that would—"
Chris crouched down in front of the Southerner so he could stare into his eyes. "Think, Ezra... this could be important. It might be what's causin' the nightmares."
Nathan saw the look of confusion Ezra gave the black-clad gunfighter and placed a hand lightly on the older man's shoulder. "Easy, Chris."
Holding Ezra's gaze with his own, Chris asked quietly, "Could it have something to do with the whippin'? Is the whippin' maybe what you're dreamin' about?"
Ezra grabbed at the edge of the bed as he felt a wave of dizziness wash over him at their leader's words. His voice dropped to a whisper and his drawl thickened noticeably as he struggled to speak around the lump that had formed in his throat. "The... the whippin'? Oh... God...."
Chris reached out and grasped the gambler's arms to keep him from pitching forward onto the floor.
Nathan quickly poured a generous portion of whiskey into a glass and pressed it into the smaller man's hand.
Ezra shakily raised the shot to his lips and tossed it back, shuddering slightly as the fiery liquid hit the back of his throat. He closed his eyes and sat with his head down, waiting for the calming warmth of the whiskey to spread.
Chris felt the Southerner finally begin to relax and loosened his grip on his arms. "Okay now?"
After a moment, Ezra nodded and looked up. Chris flinched at the raw pain he saw shining in the jade green eyes staring back at him, and gently ran his hand along the smaller man's arm before releasing him and sitting back on his heels.
Buck's hand began gliding over his back again, and Ezra heaved a sigh of relief as he felt the terror that had seized him with the sudden memory of his uncle's vicious punishment begin to ease.
His voice shook slightly and still held traces of the fear that had surged through him, but Ezra finally regained enough control to speak. "I seem to have managed to bury the memories of that particularly vile incident quite effectively until now." He rubbed tiredly at his eyes before returning his gaze to Chris. "How is it you know about the... punishment? Uncle Matthew? Did he—"
"No, you told us. Or rather... Lit'l Ezra did." Chris watched him carefully to see how he'd react.
Ezra's face tightened for a moment at the knowledge that he'd disclosed a portion of his fiercely guarded past to them, but then he realized that it didn't matter. These men were his family and could be trusted not to turn around and use what they discovered about him to hurt him. They only wanted to help.
"Did the... er... little fellow perhaps impart any of the details of that... unpleasant incident?" Nathan noticed that Ezra was unconsciously running his fingers lightly over the pale scars encircling his wrist while he waited for someone to answer.
"He wouldn't talk much about it. Just said it was supposed to be a lesson about followin' orders. Apparently it was sometime after he and your mother took you away from your Uncle David and—" Chris stopped when he saw the anguished expression that appeared on the gambler's face. "Ezra? What is it? Are you okay?"
Ezra swallowed convulsively as he fought against the tears that suddenly flooded his eyes at the mention of his uncle. He opened his mouth to assure them that he was fine and then stopped. No, he wasn't fine... and he decided he was just too tired to even try and pretend that he was. The hell with his precious rule of always being in control and never showing his true feelings. He hurt, damn it. Just thinking about his Uncle David brought a sharp stab of grief to his heart. Ezra had no idea why it did since he really couldn't remember much about him except that he had stayed at his farm on occasion, and that he had been kind to him, but it did... and he just couldn't hide it. All Ezra could do was shake his head in response to Chris's question of concern. He knew if he tried to speak at that moment, he'd start crying, and he really wasn't at all sure he'd be able to stop again.
Josiah moved to the bed and settled his large frame down next to Ezra, and wrapping his long arms around him, pulled the smaller man into a comforting hug. After only a moment's hesitation, Ezra surprised them all by moving into the touch instead of pushing it away.
Chris laid a supportive hand on the gambler's leg. "You want us to leave, Ezra?"
Ezra shook his head and took a few deep breaths before answering. "Just give me a minute, Chris... please? I want to f-finish our talk, but I-I just—"
"Take as long as you need, Ezra. We'll be right here." Chris gave him a reassuring pat and then moved to stand beside Vin and Nathan while they waited for the Southerner to collect himself.
"What do ya think, Nathan... should we quit for the night or is he gonna be okay?" Chris's worried gaze never left the three men huddled together on the bed. Josiah whispered words of comfort in Ezra's ear as he gently ran his hand over the gambler's tousled chestnut brown hair. At the same time, Buck continued rubbing his back, occasionally leaning in to speak quietly to his friend.
Nathan stared at Ezra and shrugged. "He's a lot stronger than we give 'im credit for sometimes, but everyone has his limits. I think Ezra might be 'bout ready to reach his."
"But if we don't figger out what t' do 'bout those nightmares of his, he's gonna leave." Vin knew they wouldn't allow that to happen, but he'd rather find a solution to the problem than to have to force Ezra to stay.
Chris shook his head in frustration. "Hell, all we got so far is a bunch of guesses at what might be causin' those damned dreams. He can't seem to remember any of it for sure, and I got a feelin' that the only thing we're goin' to accomplish by pushing him harder is to get him even more upset."
JD stood just to the left of Vin, watching Ezra, his hazel eyes filled with compassion for his friend. "Why don't we take him back there?"
Vin turned to look at their youngest. "Back where?"
JD kept his eyes on Ezra who had finally pushed himself away from Josiah's shoulder and was wearily rubbing his hands over his face. The boy frowned as he realized just how spent the gambler looked. "Back to his Uncle Matthew's plantation. We know for sure that whatever happened to him to make him start havin' these nightmares had somethin' to do with his uncle, an' prob'ly happened when Ezra was stayin' with 'im. So why don't we just take him back an' see if bein' there would maybe jog his memory or somethin'?"
It took a few minutes, but JD finally noticed the silence that had befallen his friends after he'd made his suggestion. He turned to look at the other three men and found them staring at him.
"Damned good idea, kid." Vin clapped the boy on the shoulder and smiled at the look of pride that filled his eyes.
Chris just shook his head and looked at their healer. "Nathan? Think it could work?"
Nathan stared down at the floor as he contemplated JD's idea. "It might." He raised his eyes and looked at Ezra. "I don't know how he's gonna feel 'bout goin' back though... lotta bad memories for 'im there."
Vin heard something in the former slave's voice and wondered if Ezra was the only one who might be reluctant to go back home. "I gotta feelin' that if there's even a chance it could get rid of those damned nightmares, he might be willin' t' do it."
"Well, we're not gettin' anywhere this way," Chris sighed and pushed himself away from the wall. "Can't hurt to put it to him and see what he says."
Chris eased himself down in front of Ezra again, resting his hands on the gambler's legs as he smiled sadly at the emotionally exhausted man. "How ya doin', Ezra?"
"Better, thank you, Mr. Larabee." Ezra frowned when he noticed the expectant looks on Nathan, Vin and JD's faces as they stared at Chris.
"JD may have thought of a way to solve the mystery of your nightmares." Chris grinned when he saw Buck, Josiah, and Ezra all turn surprised looks on their youngest.
"JD? What'd ya come up with, son?" Josiah smiled at the boy and encouraged him to reveal his plan.
JD blushed furiously at all the attention he was receiving and cleared his throat nervously before blurting out his idea. "I just thought it might be a good idea to take Ezra back to his Uncle Matthew's place. Maybe bein' there would help him remember what his nightmares are about."
Josiah and Buck stared at each other over the top of Ezra's head for a moment and then nodded their approval of the idea.
Buck slapped Ezra on the back and leaned over to look in his face. "Sounds like a damned fine idea to me... what do ya—"
But he got no further as Ezra jumped up from the bed and backed away from his friends, his eyes wide and filled with panic, his voice a hoarse, terror-filled whisper. "No... God, no... I... can't... I can't go back there. Please... don't... don't make me go back...."
Buck was immediately off the bed and by Ezra's side trying to calm the frightened gambler. "Easy, pard, no one's gonna force ya to go... we just want ya to think about it."
Ezra had his back pressed tightly against the wall and kept his eyes on his friends as he continued to plead with them. "Y'all don't understand. I can't go back there... he'll kill me. He knows I saw... I saw him—" They watched sadly as he shuddered and closed his eyes, trying desperately to get control of the fear.
Chris moved closer, but stopped when Ezra's eyes sprang open, and he held his hands out as if to ward him off. "He knows you saw what, Ezra?" Chris kept his voice low and steady and stayed where he was, his eyes locked onto those of the younger man's. "What did you see?"
They all waited anxiously for his answer knowing this could be the key to his nightmares.
Ezra stared intently at Chris as he struggled to remember. Sweat beaded his forehead and he gasped for breath as he tried to break through the wall his mind had put up to protect him from the awful memories of his uncle.
A light seemed to come on in his eyes, and just when they thought he was about to reveal what he'd seen, Ezra's face twisted into a mask of agony and his hands flew up to clutch frantically at his temples. "Nooo... not now... please God, not now... I need to... I need to remember!"
Everyone in the room shivered as the pain-filled moan of despair was wrenched from Ezra's lips. Buck was the first to react, immediately recognizing the onset of another headache. Moving quickly, he managed to get his arms around the smaller man before he collapsed and eased him gently down to the floor, waving the others away before they could even get close to him.
Settling beside Ezra and pulling him tightly against his chest, Buck looked up and began issuing orders. "It's one of his headaches. Someone put some water in that basin an' give it to me, then empty out that pitcher an' set it down here on the floor... he'll be needin' it in a few minutes." Buck whipped his bandanna off and hurriedly soaked it in the water JD gave him, then after wrapping his hand around Ezra's wrists to restrain them, began bathing his forehead with the cool cloth.
Buck put his mouth close to the gambler's ear and began whispering to him, letting him know he wasn't alone in his pain.
Ezra pressed his head back against the larger man's chest and struggled to speak over the waves of agony that swept through his mind. "Please, Buck... don't let... them s-see me... like this."
Buck raised his eyes to the others and saw they'd heard the Southerner's plea. He nodded his thanks as they slowly backed out the door, never stopping the litany of comforting words that he was whispering to ease Ezra's torment.
"You sure ya don't need me, Buck?" Nathan questioned softly as he hesitated to leave. He wanted to examine Ezra now more than ever, but thought this probably wasn't the time for it.
"I can handle it, Nathan... we've done this before." Buck gave the worried healer a sad smile and heaved a sigh of relief when he finally relented and left, closing the door quietly behind him. Looking down at Ezra and smoothing back the tendrils of hair clinging damply to his forehead, he softly whispered in his ear, "Okay, pard... it's just you an' me. Now let's get you through this damned thing, an' then we're gonna talk about that trip."
Ezra nodded weakly against the older man's strong shoulder and with a soft moan, let the tears he'd been holding back fall. He was with Buck... he could finally give in to the pain.