Disclaimer: All the characters from the "Magnificent Seven" TV series are property of Trilogy Entertainment, The Mirisch Group, MGM Worldwide.
Authors Note: This story is set between One Day out West and Working Girls.
Ezra left the Travis home after the excitement with Jenny Miller and the intruder who had met his end at Chris Larabee's hands, eager to put some distance between himself and the gunslinger who was in an almighty bad mood following the death of their only lead. Vin had opted to stay at Chris' side mostly because he wanted to keep an eye on Jenny and despite himself, Ezra did not have stomach enough to watch because he knew he would say something that might make matters worse. Earlier on he had felt as if he had acquired a partner in misery regarding his suspicions about the young woman but after the day's events, even Chris seemed to think that it was an unfounded accusation. As far as Chris was concerned, Jenny's near death had exonerated her and condemned Ezra's concerns to oblivion. Disappointed at being alone in his worries about Nathan and his trepidation regarding Jenny, Ezra decided the safest place for him right now was at the saloon, where a game of cards would allow him to contemplate his untenable situation.
As he walked to the saloon, his mind honed in on the entire episode with Jenny Miller and her would be killer. Ezra attempted to use deductive reasoning to support his belief that her life had never been in danger and it, like everything else was a performance for the benefit of the end she was attempting to reach. Whatever that might be. Her motives were the only thing that eluded him. Was she attempting to fool Vin or Mary or all of them? Her attachment to Vin made no sense unless it was a bounty she was attempting to claim and Ezra had real fears of that. A man in love did foolish things, let down his guard more than he should. Ezra had terrible premonitions of Vin being manipulated into a position that would leave him vulnerable. Yet despite the looming disaster, Ezra could do nothing to warn the younger man.
He hoped he was wrong but he did not think he was. Ezra's instincts about people were very strong and just as potent as his belief that Vin would not be able to see a woman's manipulations until it was too late, the belief that Jenny was dangerous was almost as lingering. The question of why she was in Four Corners was like a puzzle he could not solve. It was a fool that attempted to harm a lady in her own home when there were two other people present. What foolish assassin would not take the necessary precautions to ensure that she was alone in the house? Ezra convinced the assassin was someone associated with Jenny, who was here either as her agent or an associate. Whatever the relationship, he was convinced that she was never in danger and the entire purpose of the exercise was to erase any lingering doubts they might have as to her presence in Four Corners.
Telling Chris Larabee would serve no purpose because his standing in the gunslinger's eyes was not high despite their little tete tete previous. Chris still viewed him with suspicion, even more so now because he appeared to be wrong about Jenny. Chris was too much a friend to Vin Tanner to wish him ill or believe his reliable lieutenant might be swayed by someone who would break his heart. Chris himself did not want to believe that because he did not want to see the tracker hurt and giving credence to Ezra's doubt might anger Vin and harm their newly formed group.
Neither could Ezra tell Vin himself. The younger man despite possessing an instinct and intelligence that was far beyond his years or his upbringing had almost no experience with women and a cunning female could take advantage of his naivete.
And had.
Jenny Miller with her shy, unassuming nature and her sweet smile, was the kind of woman that would draw Vin in so easily. In fact, she was custom built and tailored to fit. How else was Vin to react when faced with that kind of arsenal, Ezra thought glumly and how was Ezra supposed to tell the young tracker without making him feel like a complete fool? Ezra groaned inwardly wondering how he had ever found himself in such a position to care about the feelings of others until he was tying himself into knots about it. Deep inside he knew why but was too proud to admit it to himself or anyone else. For the moment however, he faced the unenviable task of watching disaster approaching his friend and being able to do very little to stop it.
"Boy and I thought I looked depressed." A voice said behind him, snapping Ezra out of his dilemma.
Glancing over his shoulder, he paused for the speaker to catch up with him, knowing who it was even though he was not entirely comfortable about being in his company and uncertain or not whether it would be taken up. Nathan Jackson however, did not meet his eyes with the usual derision he reserved for no one else in the seven but him. Instead the healer's expression seemed neutral. Ezra stiffened in confusion at his manner but said nothing more to draw attention to it other than a slight tip of his hat in greeting.
"I should hardly wonder why you would be depressed," Ezra remarked amiably, determined to be civilized towards the tall dark man in the hopes of being treated in kind. "After all, you among us had the unsavory task of handling the unfortunate soul who met his end today."
"Dead bodies don't bother me much," Nathan shrugged as he joined Ezra on the boardwalk after coming from his infirmary. "Besides he had it coming."
"Then what pray tell has you in such a melancholy?" Ezra inquired as the day turned slowly into evening. An amber curtain of color had overtaken the sky and it was not only lovely to look at but also soothing, particularly to two people who often found themselves as opposite ends of a spectrum.
"I'm missing Rain." He confessed. "I thought it would be good to give us some breathing room when I came back here from the Seminole village. We got so close together in so short a time, I thought it might be a good idea if I took a step back and got my head together."
Ezra was somewhat surprised that Nathan was confiding to him something so personal and attempted to be of some help since he was making the gesture. "The lady was fair and I sensed a real connection between you. Sometimes its good to dive head first into the affairs of the heart. In most occasions it is too much work but when it does flower well, I have been told that it is worth the effort."
"Maybe you're right," Nathan sighed. "Maybe I'm thinking with my head too much when I ought to be listening to my heart. People have disappointed me in the past Ezra, I'm not use to trusting them so easily."
"I noticed," Ezra responded almost automatically and then wished he had not said that.
Nathan sucked in his breath. "I suppose I deserved that."
Ezra was not about to refute him. However, he was not about to be ungracious about Nathan's admission. "My conduct upon our first meeting did justify much of your distrust. I do not blame you for your behavior since."
"That's kind of you," Nathan replied. "Unfortunately, I can't say the same for myself. I'm sorry Ezra, I've been hard on you and it was wrong."
"Apology accepted Mr. Jackson," Ezra responded astounded and moved by the gesture. The healer was a proud man by nature; it could not have been easy to apologize for his behavior especially when it was he who occupied the moral high ground.
"I can't say I won't come down on you when you behave like cheat but I'll try to keep it in perspective," Nathan added quickly because a complete change in his attitude would take time and Ezra's willingness to prove he was worthy of Nathan's trust. "Besides, I like to think of you as my special project."
"Oh wonderful," Ezra rolled his eyes. "Am I to assume you believe me redeemable now?"
"We'll see," Nathan grinned mischievously, showing Ezra a great deal more warmth than he had ever had for the gambler previously. "Now I've told you why I'm so down, why don't you tell me why you look like someone stole your favorite pack of cards?"
Ezra frowned, not knowing whether or not he trusted Nathan to tell him about what he thought about Jenny Miller. Then again, he realized that Nathan had made an overture to him tonight and if they were to have any lasting friendship, he would have to take a gamble on the healer. Besides, Nathan was very level headed and impartial. It was possible that he might be able to counter Ezra's beliefs about Jenny with some legitimate arguments. If so, no one would be more pleased than Ezra himself.
"What do you think of Miss Miller?" Ezra asked gingerly testing the waters with that simple question first.
"Miss Jenny?" Nathan looked at him and noted that he was serious about the question. "She's nice I guess. I don't know her enough to offer much of an opinion. She's kind of quiet like Vin I guess, probably why they get together so quickly."
"You do not find her manner a little theatrical?" Ezra probed gently again.
"I haven't been around her long enough to notice," Nathan retorted. "Why?"
"She makes me uneasy," Ezra confessed after a noticeable silence. They had reached the saloon but had paused outside the door in order to discuss the subject at hand. In the background, the sounds of revelry offered a distant siren song calling to them.
"How so?" Nathan raised his brow and stared at the gambler who seemed earnest in his discomfiture about the whole subject.
"I do not trust her," Ezra admitted, "I think her motives in Four Corners is not what we believe it to be and nowhere innocent."
"Vin likes her," the healer pointed out. "He seems to trust her."
"I know," Ezra sighed and Nathan began to see the reason for his depression. "However, he does not appear to have a great deal of experience with the fairer sex, he may not know how to recognize the kind of deception she is practicing."
"That's true," Nathan had to concede Ezra's point on that issue. "Vin is a bit shy around the ladies. Did you tell Chris?"
"I did," the gambler answered. "However, after what happened to the lady with the scoundrel in Mrs. Travis home, it is difficult for Mr. Larabee to believe that she is guilty of anything."
"Well she did almost get killed." Nathan reminded.
"Did she?" Ezra countered immediately. "Did she really? Think about it? The assassin attacked her in a house where Mr. Larabee was bound to appear, in broad daylight? We both know Chris would not allow her to be harmed."
That was true, Chris Larabee could be deadly serious when it came to protecting anyone under his care. His determination to protect those around him did not merely include this occasion but all situations when those he cared about were in danger. Even though he had been the most indifferent one among them to begin with; in the end his leadership had a great deal to do with ensuring that his friends were safe. Perhaps after losing a wife and child to what he perceived as a neglect in his vigilance, Chris was determined never to underestimate any situation again and had a fierce desire to control everything in order to achieve that end. The only difference now was he guarded his friends as he might have guarded his lost family. While Jenny certainly did not fall into that category, she was someone whom Vin felt deeply about and under those circumstances, Chris would do anything to protect her because of what she meant to Vin.
"You could be right Ezra," Nathan agreed begrudgingly. While it would be so easy to assume that the gambler was being overtly suspicious of a sweet young woman, the point he had brought up was valid and worthy of scrutiny. Unfortunately in accepting the possibility that Ezra was right, it left them with the uncomfortable dilemma of what to do about it. "Do we tell him?"
"We cannot," Ezra declared. "She has worked her wiles upon him with expert handling. If we told him now, he would only think us worse for it."
"So what do we do?" Nathan asked pointedly. "If she is what you think, we can't sit by and do nothing."
Ezra could appreciate his exasperation. He was experiencing a great deal of it himself and the lack of an answer was infuriating. "Unfortunately, all we can do is watch and hope that we can save him from himself when the times comes."
"That's not much comfort," the healer remarked and Ezra had to agree with him. "But you're right. I just hope that we won't have to do that literally, saving him I mean."
Ezra hoped the same but somehow he doubted it because he could see no way out of this predicament that did not involve Vin getting hurt in some way.
"Chris you should go," Buck said to the gunslinger that had remained in the Travis household for almost the whole day following the incident with the intruder he had inadvertently killed.
"No," Chris shook his head as he and Buck sat in the kitchen. Upstairs, Mary was getting ready for bed while Vin and Jenny were outside in the darkness, taking a moment alone. "I'm staying here. I'll be fine."
Buck swore inwardly, knowing exactly what was going on with his old friend at this moment. He had seen this behavior on numerous occasions before and after how he had pointedly told Buck to mind his own business in their first few days in Four Corners, Buck debated whether or not he wanted to say anything. However, as much as it hurt Chris shunting him aside, the man was still his oldest friend and Buck would not relent in trying to help him, no matter how of a jackass he behaved. He knew that his motivation to stay was not merely because of protecting the widow but the way Chris looked at her which surprised Buck a little.
Buck knew women enough to know that Mary Travis had some measure of feeling for Chris. Even though that feeling was merely a flicker now, probably derived from the fact that she knew how he felt at losing a loved one, it was still there and it reflected in her eyes whenever she looked at him. She was a headstrong, determined woman who spoke her mind and was not intimidated by Chris, (at least not much) and as far was Buck was concerned, just what Chris needed to remind him that life had not ended with the death of Sarah and Adam. It could begin a new if he just gave it a chance. Lately, there seemed a proprietary interest in his manner towards her and Buck started to wonder just how deeply the lady affected him.
"Vin and I are gonna be here," Buck insisted, not wishing to let this go when it was obvious that Chris was becoming tired. His dropping his guard was never in question because Chris had the devil's own concentration when it came to the protection of someone he cared about. "You don't have to stay. Get some rest and come back in a couple of hours."
"I'll be fine," Chris growled under his breath.
"Chris," Buck sighed wishing he was not so stubborn about such things. "We won't let anything happen to her."
Chris bristled immediately, disliking the implication that Buck was making. "It's got nothing to do with her." He said tautly.
"Sure it doesn't," Buck replied gently, accustomed to dealing with Chris when he was in denial about things, especially personal matters.
Chris caught the look in Buck's eyes and immediately flushed with annoyance. "Buck, how many times do I have to tell you to mind your own business?"
Buck felt his own ire emerging at Chris' word. "If I had minded my own business, you'd be lying in a grave somewhere with a bullet in your brain."
Chris shot a murderous glare at his friend and stood up. "Well I don't need your help anymore." He hissed. "I can take care of myself just fine."
"I'm sure you can," Buck's expression became hard. "I don't know why I give a damn. I mean its not like I haven't learnt that I ain't the one you listen to anymore am I?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Chris asked and realized that they were getting to the heart of the matter regarding their quarrel.
"I think you know," Buck returned, filling a torrent of emotion escaping him like a tidal. "When Sarah and Adam died, they took the best of you with them and the best of our friendship. I understand that its gone and I can accept it. I know that things will never be what they were again. We've both moved on but don't you for one minute think that I will ever stop being your friend, no matter how much of a bastard you behave."
"You had no right to tell her!" Chris hissed.
"She asked!" Buck roared back. "What was I supposed to do? Lie that we were friends? Although I supposed that ain't half wrong now is it?"
"You don't like things the way they are, then leave!" Chris shot back, cursing himself as he had said it because he knew he should not. His temper had gotten the better of him once more and now it had led to him saying something unforgivable. He could see the hurt in Buck's eyes and the big man sucked in his breath as if Chris had hit him although its effect was not that different
"Maybe I will," Buck said straightening up. "Maybe I will."
With that, Buck retreated from Chris and strode out of the kitchen without saying another word. He slammed the door as he left and the sound startled Chris even though he should have expected it. After he had gone, Chris wondered how he allowed things to deteriorate so badly and felt angry with himself for allowing it to transpire that way. Taking a deep breath he lowered himself into his seat, wondering if Buck would indeed leave. He rather doubted it because JD had become Buck's project and the older man would not leave the kid when he was so needed. Still, knowing that the rift between them had suddenly became wider did not please Chris at all.
"You handled that well." Mary remarked walking into the kitchen, obviously having heard a great deal of what had happened between the two men. She had not meant to eavesdrop but they had not exactly been quiet.
Chris retreated into his hard exterior shell, not wishing to discuss such a personal matter with her and feeling somewhat embarrassed that she had overhead them. "Its nothing."
"It didn't sound like nothing." She pointed out.
"Just a little disagreement." Chris grumbled, suddenly needing to get out so that he could avoid the subject.
"It doesn't sound like that," she persisted. "You told him to leave? How could you do that?"
"Its none of your business!" He snapped at her.
Mary was not at all intimidated. If anything, she rose to the challenge beautifully. "Can't you see how hurt he is? He's not stupid. He knows that your relationship with Vin has supplanted the one you had with him. He accepts that but he still cares about you and the problem with you and Vin, is that you're both too much alike. You'll never hear Vin say the things Buck says because he feels the same way you do about privacy, but there are some things that cannot be left unsaid Chris. There are some things that must be spoken because of friendship and nothing else, no matter how much they hurt or displease you. Mr. Wilmington knows that and he's willing to risk your anger to be honest because that is what a true friend is."
"He had no right to tell you about my wife and son," Chris barked.
"That fault was mine," Mary returned automatically. "I shouldn't have asked. It was my meddling and some desire of his to see you happy that made him tell me about your family. Don't you see, I've lost someone and you've lost someone, I think Buck thought that perhaps if you could talk to it with someone who actually know what its like to lose everything that matters, it might make you feel better about things."
"I need to mourn them to feel better." Chris stared at her.
"You have mourned them for three years and I am sure if your wife is here, she'd be the first to say that after mourning comes healing. Buck was just trying to help you do that." Mary declared.
Chris opened his mouth to speak but could not think of anything to refute her statement. "I wish people would stop trying to help me. I don't want anyone's help. They're gone and I haven't yet dealt with it, that's my choice."
"It is," Mary agreed with that. "But you can't take out your anger on Buck. It's not right. Even you know that."
He did and she was right. He was angry all the time and when he wasn't angry he was despaired. He moved through his life with an open wound slashed across his heart, never knowing a moment's peace because the moments were empty and desolate. The pain of their loss had not diminished in three years although the urge to kill himself had. Still what he was doing now could not really be considered living. Until a few weeks ago, his life had been progressing with him going through the motions like a sleepwalker. However, the sleeper was starting to awaken. He was becoming aware of things around him as more than shades of gray. People were starting to mean something to him again.
"Hell," Chris muttered and then rolled his eyes in frustration. "Has anyone told you that you can be damned annoying?"
"On several occasions," Mary retorted. "But I deal with those comments in more or less the same manner that you do, with complete indifference."
Chris gave her a look and drawled, "thanks."
"Always pleased to help." Mary said sweetly and drew a slight chuckle from him. She rather liked the smile on his face and wished he did it more often. However, she supposed one miracle in a day was enough for her. "You should go talk to him." She suggested.
"Meddling again?" He stared at her. "Don't you know when to quit when you're ahead?"
"No," she shook her head. "I live for pushing the limits of my safety."
His brow rose up sharply, "I sort of noticed that."
"But I'm right," she pointed out.
"You don't give up do you?" He shook his head.
"No, especially when I'm partially to blame for this situation between you and Buck." Mary stated.
"It's not your fault," Chris said quickly even though it was a little. "Mostly its mine. I guess things are changing between us and neither of us have quite caught up but we both need to calm down, I'll talk to him tomorrow."
"I hope you do," Mary replied softly. "He's a good man with a big heart but he bruises easily."
"Don't I know it," Chris agreed, aware of that much when it came to Buck. Chris just hoped Buck stayed put long enough for him to tell his old friend that.
Vin saw Buck storming out of the house and wondered what words had Chris said now to inspire the dark hurt he saw on the man's face as he strode towards the saloon, not even looking back as he drew further and further away. Vin hoped he was not the cause of the argument between Chris and Buck because he knew that his deepening friendship between the two was cause for some friction. Vin watched Buck and debated whether or not he ought to go after them, perhaps try to soothe the tension which he was certain was caused by him.
"I should go after him." Vin said to Jenny with whom he was seated on the swing on the back porch.
"I don't think that's such a good idea," she said softly, glancing anxiously at the retreating form of the ladies man. "I think he might need to calm down a little."
She was not blind to the expression on Buck's face as he left, nor were either of them able to avoid the hearing the shouting that had occurred between Chris and Buck.
Vin turned his attention to the lovely young woman seated next to him and could not deny that he was reluctant to leave her side just yet. After what she'd been through today, it seemed a little insensitive of him to go rushing off, especially when she wished him to be in her company. They sat on the swing seat, staring into the descending blanket of stars, speaking quietly of ineffectual things whose only purpose was to prolong the time they spent together. Vin who was not exactly the most verbose person or charming in speech, found it easier than he thought it would be to carry on a conversation with a woman when the subject was himself. He had not been this close to a woman for so long.
Since Lozen.
Even now it hurt to think about her and he wondered where she was now. Had she married someone else? He supposed that she had moved on with her life and it was time that he did the same. Jenny seemed nice and he could not deny that he liked her, Buck's tasteless ribbing aside. She listened to him intently when he spoke about himself, he had omitted the part about there being a price on his head because something like that needed occasion. Like him, she did not like crowds and enjoyed the open spaces. She even asked him to show it to her sometimes and he had not met a white woman who did not think that the wide-open spaces were anything but a place fraught with danger.
"Besides," she said to him with a little smile. "I like listening to you talk."
He liked sitting by her and watching her eyes soak him up. He liked how she smelled and wondered how women managed to smell so good all the time. He was certain the scent was rose water and knew that many ladies liked using it. He breathed it in and immediately attached the aroma to the memory of her. He watched her hair shimmered in the moonlight and could spend the next month immortalizing her in one of his poems.
"Ain't got that much to say," Vin replied after awhile. "I think this is the most I've done in months."
"You've got a nice voice," she smiled sheepishly at him, her eyes suddenly becoming very preoccupied with the pattern on her dress. "I like it."
"I like yours too," Vin returned, feeling his inside swell with anticipation.
"I was so scared," she started to speak. "I thought he was going to kill me. If he had, I would have died and have done nothing with my life, nothing at all."
"Don't say that," he retorted. "You're here ain't ya? You're smart and you're pretty. You gone out on your own when most girls would have upped and married the first guy that asked her. I think that you makes you special."
"Only reason I 'm not married is no one's ever asked me," she said shyly. "I'm just not pretty enough to catch anyone's eyes but I'm not sorry," she raised her eyes and they sparkled at him. "If I had married, I would never have met you."
Vin did not know what to say but there did not seem any need for words when she sat up, pausing the gentle motion of the swing and rested her hand on his lap. He swallowed slightly as she leaned over, her loose hair gently caressing his cheeks as her lips met his in a soft kiss. It was tentative at first, filled with exploration and hesitation. She tasted sweet and he opened his mouth to feel her tongue dart past his teeth and drive all sense from his world. His body flushed with arousal as his hands slid up her arms, his palms soon caressing her forearms gently. He could feel her hands on his face, touching his skin while kissing him at the same time. It was easy to get lost in the power of it and it had been a long time for him. He was not a man who went to working women often and when he did it was only out of the most desperate of needs. However despite her intoxicating feel next to him, Vin knew that this was not right. She was not an Indian who had strict codes of moral conduct to f
ollow that could see her publicly ruined if he did not kerb her desires and he cared too much for her to let her fall into that situation.
It was almost torture to pull away but he had to. Her lips still sought his as he parted from her and her eyes soon lapsed into an expression of hurt, not understanding. Vin swallowed, still tasting her on his lips and wanting to continue doing so but he would reach a point of no return and he was not ready to do that yet. Unlike Buck whose idea of a relationship meant sleeping with every woman he met. Vin was not built that way and he was something of a romantic though the person who made that statement to his face would die a terrible, terrible death.
"Not like this," he said breathlessly. "I want you so bad but not like this, it ain't right."
She was panting too but managed to steady her breath in light of his words. She looked at him curiously then, in an expression he could not quite fathom. If he had to put a name to it, he would have sworn she was more surprised then hurt.
"I don't care," she said trying to kiss him, only to have him draw away.
"I do," he kissed her gently on the forehead. "I want you so much Jenny," he swallowed thickly, wondering what kind of fool the others would think him for pushing this beautiful young woman away. "I want you so bad it hurts but I don't want to take advantage of you."
"You won't be," she insisted. "I want this. I want you."
"You don't know me," he returned. "You don't know what's in my past and it wouldn't be right until you did. I don't feel like this a lot but I want to do things right by you."
"You're a rare man, Vin Tanner," she said softly in a voice that was different from the one she normally used.
"Thanks," he smiled, glad that she understood his reasoning. He did so want her badly and after this exchange, a cold shower was more than in order for the day. "I hope you understand. I want to see more of you but I think we ought to take it slow."
"Whatever you want is fine with me," she smiled, kissing him again but this time without as much passion as earlier. "I better get inside," she said rising to her feet, leaving him on the swing alone after she entered the house.
Vin sat there for a time alone, pondering his feelings and thinking to himself that this was the absolute worst time in his life for a relationship with a woman. His future was up in the air and he had no idea that he would be alive in a week or dangling from the end of a rope when the inevitable bounty hunters finally came hunting for him. He could not even think about marriage or anything to do with Jenny, not with that hanging over his head. As it was, he worried for the safety of the men he rode with. They at least were capable of taking care of themselves but Jenny was not. The same threat that endangered her today could come from a bounty hunter or some other varmint looking to use her as a way to reach him.
All this preyed heavily on his mind and yet he could not forget how that kiss had tasted on his lips. It felt so good. Nothing had felt that way since Lozen and after that the working girls he had gone to was to satisfy a need, not to feel anything deeper. She was getting him inside him and that was dangerous. It would get him killed if he was not careful. Whatever he had with Jenny could be good and he knew it, felt it with a confidence he never thought he might have with a woman but there was just one little problem.
It was a disaster waiting to happen.
Buck Wilmington did not go to the saloon. On his way there, his rage took on a different turn and he started to wonder why he bothered sticking around at all. Chris certainly did not need him to be a constant reminder of the life he had and the friendship that was no more. What left of it were embers that were as cold as the ashes that remained of Chris' old life. Buck wondered if Chris knew how much he missed Adam and Sarah too. When Chris' family was whole it felt as if Buck had been apart of it too and in truth, he had. Sarah had loved him like a brother and Adam loved him like the uncle who would let him get away with things his pa would never let him do. He had in his way love them as much as Chris and it had broken his heart to find their corpses. Probably not as much as it had done Chris, but nonetheless the pain was there.
So why was he still here? Why was he reliving his own pain by attempting to help Chris deal with their loss? It was pointless and Chris did not wish his aid anyway. Buck took all this into consideration and came to the conclusion that it was best he move on. He made his way to the livery where his horse Beavis was being stabled and decided that there was nothing to keep him here. Sure he liked the men he rode with and he would probably miss the kid but Josiah and Nathan would watch out for him. Besides, he had his fill of trying to help people who did not reciprocate or acknowledge the effort. JD did not wish his help anyway, he kept saying that he was grown enough to take care of himself and who was Buck to think any differently.
Buck entered the livery stable and found his horse soon enough. He had very little in the way of belongings, which he could pick up at the lodging house on his way out of town. Four Corners could function on just as well on seven peacekeepers instead of six.. He began preparing his horse for the trip, wondering where he would go and trying not to think too much on what he was doing. He had no wish to make his farewells to anyone because he could not stand it. The best thing he could do for everyone was to just leave. If they needed to know why, he was certain Chris would enlighten them.
He knew it was a cowards way out, to merely leave without offering any explanations but if he were to face the others, he might not be able to leave. He did not want to think how much JD's age and exuberance reminded Buck of his own youth. He did not want to admit that he would miss playing cards with Ezra who had a great sense of humor when he was not spouting incomprehensible works like some damn sissy. He missed teasing Josiah, especially about women when the old fool had such a romantic soul about the opposite sex to his more carnal view. He missed Nathan's resignation that he was incorrigible and he even missed Vin's attempts not to listen when he spoke about his many conquests. The young tracker tried to hide his inexperience with silence but in truth Buck knew he was listening closely, shifting through the information to gain what was needed. Buck liked Vin, he liked him ever though it was Vin who had Chris' favor not him.
He would miss Chris too.
He did not know why he should miss the ornery cuss who had not been the same since Sarah and Adam. The man he had known was nothing more than a shell of what he once was even though Buck saw sparkles through the ashes of his persona on occasion. It was those little glimmers of hope that had kept Buck coming back for more, trying to reach his old friend and coming away, time after time, burnt back to the fingers for his effort. Buck could not abide being a fool and he was when it came to Chris Larabee.
"Buck?" Buck heard a voice behind him as he was saddling his horse. It was a familiar voice that made Buck groan inwardly upon hearing it. Of all the people that had to find him here, he wished it had been anyone but who was standing behind him right this minute.
"Yeah JD?" Buck did not turn around as he answered shortly but he heard JD come closer. His horse had come down with a case of colic a few days ago and JD had made it an effort to look in on the animal whenever he had a chance.
"What are you doing Buck?" JD asked coming around Buck so that the older man could see him and he could look Buck in the eye.
"What does it look like?" Buck said shortly as he continued with what he was doing, unable to look JD in the eyes as he was doing it.
JD could tell by the expression on Buck's face that there was something wrong. How much JD knew about Buck would have surprised him if the older man was aware of it. Buck was under the impression that since JD did not know anything about life in the West, he did not know anything in general. In truth, he knew a great deal he was not confident to voice often and he knew his friends. Buck was clearly troubled. His first instinct was to get someone and tell them what Buck was planning to do. Josiah perhaps or maybe Vin. He knew instinctively that it was best not to let Chris become involved in whatever problem Buck was having because chances were good that it had something to do with the gunslinger. Nothing else seemed to get Buck's attention, except maybe him.
"It looks like you're leaving." JD stated, hoping that he was wrong but he was certain that he was not.
"You got it boy," Buck retorted and continued to tighten the straps laid out before him.
"Why?" JD asked puzzled. "Why are you going?"
"Because its time." Buck returned, wishing he would go away. Didn't he know that this was hard enough already without having to explain himself?
"Its time?" JD declared, wondering if Buck thought him foolish enough to accept that lame excuse as a reason. "That's all you've got to say?"
Buck stopped and raised his eyes to JD. "Yeah, that's all I got to say and what's it to you anyway? You're always telling me that you're big enough to look after yourself, well here's your chance to prove it."
"I know what I said," JD snapped, feeling a little hurt that Buck would use that in their argument but he could see that Buck was hurting too and he could afford to be a little magnanimous for all the times that Buck had been there for him. In their first adventure together, JD's impetuousness had almost gotten Buck killed and JD was not about to forget that, nor was he about to withdraw when it was so obvious that Buck needed help. "But I'm just a dumb kid. Since when did you start listening to me?"
"Since I smartened up," Buck replied. "I ought to leave well alone, let you deal with your own problems. Problem with me is I can't seem to get it out of my head when I'm not needed. I keep butting in and that just gets people madder."
So that was it.
JD did not have to be blind to know that there was something going on between Buck and Chris. He did not know exactly what the nature of the argument was but he knew that it had to do with Chris' wife and child. Even JD knew that was one subject that no one ought to discuss with the gunslinger, not even a friend who was as close as he and Buck Wilmington had once been. Even Vin Tanner who was closer to Chris these days, then anyone else, knew how to leave that subject alone. However, Buck was not like Vin. He did not know how to butt out when necessary and his determination to help placed him in the vulnerable position of being told that his assistance was not wanted nor required and JD had no doubt that Chris had made that perfectly clear to him.
"Your problem is you don't know the fights you can win and the fights you can't." JD replied.
Buck stared back at him. "What makes you say that?"
"Because I may be a dumb green horn from the east but I know when to stick my nose out of another man's business." He declared.
"What are you talking about?" Buck demanded, feeling the rage filling him at JD's presumption. What did the kid know about anything? He was a baby in diapers when Chris and Buck's friendship began.
"I'm talking about you trying to help Chris," JD said firmly. "Some people can't be helped Buck! That doesn't make you any less for trying and it doesn't mean that you should take it as your own failure that you couldn't do anything for them."
"What do you now about anything?" Buck hissed coming towards him. "I was there when his wife and son died. I was there when he had to lift their bodies out of that burning wreck of a house, to see their charred faces and their dead eyes. I had to help him bury them! I was there for everything! I was there to see him go to complete hell because of losing them!"
A fountain of sorrow escaped him as he spoke and emotions he had kept in for so long finding expression as he faced this...this boy and purged himself of them. They were things he had spoken to no one about, things buried deep inside him because they seemed incidental compared to Chris' own pain. JD listened without speaking, his eyes dark and suddenly, he did not look like a young boy any more but Buck was too far gone to take notice beyond that initial observation.
"I loved them both. I loved Sarah. She made me feel welcome in that house. I miss her dumplings on Sunday and the coffee she used to make. I miss how much she'd tell me that someday I would find someone like her and I miss how I used to pray she was right. And Adam," his voice started to break. "I never knew what it was like to have my own child but the first time I saw Chris hold Adam, it was like my soul had woken up and I had something to look forward too. I think my heart melted the first time the kid called me Buck. They were my family and I loved them! I was so sick with envy over what Chris had that there were times it actually hurt and then that night when he wanted to come home, I convinced him to stay with me in Mexico. I talk him out of going home!"
"Its not your fault," JD said softly, his eyes staring at Buck with sympathy. All those years that Buck had been there for Chris, supporting him through the worst of his grief, giving all his strength to the gunslinger who never had any idea that Buck had submerged his own agony too. Who was there for Buck? Nobody, that's who. "You didn't know something like that was going to happen."
"That ain't no excuse!" Buck snapped, feeling tears starting to fill his eyes.
"There's nothing to excuse," JD replied, wanting to help and knowing he had to. "It just happen. Fires happen Buck. They happen everyday, like floods and lightning strikes. It was an act of God that took Sarah and Adam away. It wasn't anyone's fault. You've tried to help Chris when I think the person who needed help was you."
"But if I help him," Buck swallowed, "then maybe I won't feel so bad."
With that the long held sob escaped him and Buck turned away, not wishing to let JD see if own grief and for a moment there was no sound except Buck shedding the tears that had waited so long to come. He wept silently for an interminable amount of time, feeling weak for showing the younger man his vulnerability and yet unable to deny that it felt good just to let out his sorrow, instead of hiding it for the benefit of someone else.
"Buck," JD spoke after Buck had regained some measure of composure. "The only one who can make you feel better is you. Chris has his own way of dealing with what happened and you have to let him find his own way back. My ma always said that there were some roads you can't walk for another person and it's not good pushing them when they aren't willing to walk it."
"Your ma was a wise woman," Buck said quietly. "I guess I can't be expected to help Chris when I can't even help myself."
"You cared about his family like your own and it must be awful to lose that. I know my world ended because of my ma but I had to let her go Buck," JD spoke with wisdom beyond his years. "I had to let her go or else I wouldn't have been able to leave to find my own way. I don't know whether this is what she would have wanted me to do and I can't spend my time worrying about whether or not she'd approve. I know that this is right for me and sometimes you have to let go to do what's right for you."
"I guess you're right," Buck said wiping his tears and facing the young man once more. "Thank you JD."
"I don't need thanks from you Buck," JD looked at the older man not quite finished with him yet. "I need you. I don't know how to make it on my own just yet and without you looking over my shoulder being a general pain in the ass, I won't see my next birthday."
"You trying to get me to stay?" Buck raised an eye at him.
"Something like that," JD replied, glad he did not have to be any clearer.
"You got Nathan and Josiah to watch your back, not to mention Ezra, Vin and Chris. Why do you need ol' Buck for?"
JD dropped his gaze to the ground, studying the hay with particular scrutiny. "Because you saved my life and you're always there to answer even the dumbest questions I get into my head. You don't wait for me to tell you what's wrong, you just seem to know. Only my ma watched out for me the way you do and if you go, I'll miss you." JD volunteered, feeling a little embarrassed. He did not think he could stand if Buck made a joke about his feelings at this moment and waited for the rogue to speak with abated breath.
Buck was not about to do any such thing. He could see JD's difficult in making that admission and feeling touched because the young man had forced himself to say it because he knew that was what Buck needed to her.
"Thanks kid," Buck responded, feeling fresh emotion choking his voice from escaping his lips clearly. "I really needed to hear that you know."
"I know you did," JD smiled.
Buck sucked in his breath and let the anger and frustration that had almost driven him away from Four Corners, bleed out of him. It left him hollowed out and raw but Buck had a feeling that he had been bottling these emotions up for too long and they needed release. He could not for a moment imagine that it was JD who would make him give up his innermost pain but he was glad of it nonetheless.
"You want to help me unsaddle this horse?" Buck asked as he gazed at Beavis briefly, knowing that neither of them were going anywhere tonight.
"I used to be a stable boy Buck," JD reminded as he and Buck turned towards the animal. "I can do this stuff with my eyes closed."
"Yeah, yeah," Buck retorted with a little mischief in his voice. "All that smarts and you can't even buy yourself a decent hat."
"I told you Bat Masterson wears a hat like this," JD reminded him immediately. Apparently his choice of headgear was a source of consternation to Buck on more than one occasion.
"You ain't Bat Masterson," Buck reminded.
"So you keep telling me," JD declared as he started to undo the saddle straps before him.
"But you're alright," Buck grinned squeezing his shoulder. "And that's good enough for me."
Vin felt uncomfortable sitting alone in the parlor of the Travis house even though he was keeping watch on Mary and Jenny. After his argument with Buck, Chris had decided belatedly to take the ladies man's advice and get some sleep. Personally, Vin did not think this too bad an idea since the gunslinger was in a foul mood as it was and exhaustion would exacerbate the problem. Besides, Vin genuinely believed Chris needed the rest. He had been taking watch for almost the entire day and though Vin was pleased to see he was getting along better with the fair Mrs. Travis, Chris did need the rest. He had assured Chris he was capable of taking care of things and he meant it.
Of course that was several hours ago and now that the ladies had gone to bed, Vin was left alone by himself until either Josiah or Buck came to relieve him. After the argument he and Jenny had overhead between Chris and Buck, Vin did not expect to see the ladies man well after daybreak. No doubt, Buck was somewhere consoling himself the only way he knew how, in the arms of an accommodating saloon girl. Vin would not have minded the solitude if he were out on the plains, where his harmonica could keep him company or where he had the freedom to recite poetry that seemed to form in his head at times of quiet serenity. However, he was in Mrs. Travis' home and with the two women sleeping upstairs, he certainly could be playing a harmonica waking them up with the noise. He did not even play songs on it, just tunes that seemed to break the monotony of the night.
With his mare's leg resting comfortably on his lap, Vin resisted the urge to go to sleep and wished he could read. A good book would keep his mind of the tedium and he suddenly found himself longing for Chris' company. Instead, he passed the time with the deck of cards that Ezra had left behind, attempting to learn some of the card tricks the gambler performed with such ease, with somewhat embarrassing results when the cards flew everywhere when he made a mistake. The clock on the wall seemed to tick louder and Vin force himself to concentrate and stay alert.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming down the staircase and tensed. For a moment, he thought it might be trouble but when he listened closely, hearing the soft sounds that could only be bare feet against the wooden floorboards, he rested a little easily. In a moment, he saw Jenny descending down the staircase, wrapped warmly in a thick robe and a high necked nightgown. Her hair was loose and though the clothes she wore were very appropriate for a good Christian woman, Vin could not help thinking how lovely she looked.
"Hi," she greeted upon reaching the floor, her voice nothing more than a whisper as she tried not to wake Mary who was still asleep upstairs.
"What are you doing up?" Vin asked still seated in the wing chair.
"I couldn't sleep," she confessed readily. "I thought I'd come down and make myself some hot cocoa. Would you like some?"
The tracker found his stomach leaping in excitement at the idea. He had been almost adult age the first time he had chocolate and confessed to having a great affinity for it. Unfortunately, he never seemed to master the art of making it and soon came to the conclusion that one had to be a woman to know how. "Yeah," Vin smiled. "I'd wouldn't mind some."
In truth, what he did not mind was the company and as she retreated into the kitchen to make the hot beverages, he wondered if he ought to follow her in so that Jenny would not have to bring it out to him like she was a serving maid. Upon entering the kitchen, the aromatic smell of hot cocoa immediately taunted him and he took deep breaths of the scent. Lowering himself into the kitchen table, he watched her as her back was to him, weaving gastronomical magic into two steaming cups.
"I guess it's been a hell of day for you," Vin spoke up, hating the awkward silence between them, especially after their kiss earlier. "A lot has happened."
"Not all of it was bad," she smiled as she turned around and approached him with the two cups. Placing one before him, Jenny then sat down in the chair next to his own. "Some of it was very nice," she added, a pink hue creeping into her cheeks.
"I reckon it was," Vin agreed and took a sip of the hot cocoa, which tasted heavenly. The initial taste flared through his senses and made him take a second, deeper sip of the beverage.
They did not speak for a few seconds as Jenny watched him drain the contents of his cup before she spoke again. "I enjoyed kissing you Vin," she smiled. "If you have let me, I would have done things to you that would have something to remember forever."
The tone of the conversation surprised him and the longing in his gut made itself felt most prolifically. "What do you mean?" He stared at her, wondering how she had become so forward.
"I don't make it a habit of offering myself to men," Jenny said leaning towards him and kissing him deeply.
Vin tasted chocolate in her mouth and hungered for more. For a few seconds she indulged him, allowed his hands to run over her back. She felt so dreamy and after awhile all he could feel was this hatred of the material that made up her robe. He wanted to touch her so badly, to make love to her. He had never felt so at ease with anyone, he actually felt drowsy from her soft kisses.
It was too late that he realised that he had been drugged.
She pulled away as the effects of the drug started to take effect and the room began to spin around him. She stood up and watched as Vin tried to regain his equilibrium with little or not effect. Vin stared at her, watching her transform from the sweet, sensual young woman that had awakened his desire for love with her soft words to become someone with cold eyes, looking down at him with expectation of his eventual collpase.
"Jenny....."
"I'm sorry Vin," she sighed with genuine sorrow. "I really did like you but the fact is, business if business and I don't have a lot of time. Mrs. Travis and I have an appointment to keep."
Vin opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out and the next thing he knew, he was on the floor of the kitchen with the color bleeding out of his world as his mind lapsed into deep, despairing darkness.