AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story was written for Gina for her high bid during the recent Auction (June,1999). I would like to thank her for letting me post this so that others can enjoy it. I would also like to thank "The Bad Element" and "J.B. Saks" for beta reading this piece and for their kind words and support.
For the next 24 hours Chris tossed and turned and occasionally asked for his late wife. Each time he did, Dallas would speak to him. He would hold her hand and relive some horrible, painful moment from his past, but having her there gave him comfort. She didn't ask Ezra any further questions about his past, or about his wife, Sarah. She felt that if Chris wanted her to know these things ... he would tell her himself, perhaps when he was feeling better she thought.
The pinkish ray of sunrise filtered into the cabin on the morning of the third day. The room was just starting to brighten and the soft glow of dawn made the somewhat sparse interior of the cabin seem more cozy than it actually was. Dallas stretched and got up and walked out to meet the beautiful sunrise that gave a promise of what would be a beautiful day. She sat down on the steps and watched the sun as it peeked over the mountains and warmed her face. She was lost in her thoughts and didn't notice that someone else was up and enjoying the sunrise with her.
"It's a beautiful day ... don't you think."
She turned around to find Chris on his feet and looking none the worse for wear, considering what he had been through the past couple of days.
She smiled up at him. "Yes indeed Mr. Larabee ... it's going to be a mighty fine day for sure."
He smiled back at her and took a seat next to her. "Dallas." He hesitated. "I want to thank you."
She watched him and knew what he was saying was hard for him. "You don't owe me any thanks Mr. Larabee ... if anything I owe you and Ezra a heap of thanks. If it hadn't been for you ... " She hesitated. "You saved my life ... and my baby's."
He looked at her and reached up and brushed away the auburn curls that fell in her face. "No Dallas ... you saved my life ... more than you know." He got up and walked towards the rise, he didn't want her to know the affect she had on him, or what the events of the past few days meant to him.
Ezra stepped out onto the porch. "I see Mr. Larabee is feeling better this morning."
Dallas nodded her head. "Yep ... I think he's doing a lot better."
For a moment Ezra wasn't sure if he should ask her, but decided nothing ventured nothing gained. "Did ... he ... say anything to you, about ... all this?"
She frowned. "No ... not really." She thought about it a moment longer. "Except ... he did thank me for saving his life. Of course I'm not exactly sure what he's talking about."
Ezra knew ... .and he smiled. Well ... Mr. Larabee, he thought, perhaps your past won't haunt you as much as it did.
"Perhaps ... Miss McCormick, I could interest you in a little breakfast." Ezra asked coyly.
"As a matter of fact.I am starving." Ezra offered her his arm and she took it and walked with him through the front door.
She let go of his arm and turned around. "Mr. Standish ... why don't you go and fetch Mr. Larabee ... and I'll whip up some biscuits. I don't think there's much else left."
Ezra looked back at Chris. "That won't be a problem madam ... if Mr. Larabee can ride, we'll be out of here today." He turned back to the young lady and took her hand and kissed it. "And tonight Miss McCormick, I will buy you the finest steak dinner in Jacksboro."
Ezra walked up quietly to stand beside Chris as the sun finished its ascent over the far mountains. Neither of them said a word for several minutes, then Chris broke the silence. "Something on your mind Ezra?"
"Well, Mr. Larabee.if you feel up to it ... I think we should make our way back to civilization post haste for a hot bath, clean clothes and a meal you don't have to shoot first. What do you think?"
Chris had to smile. If anything, he was truly amazed by what Ezra had accomplished over the past few days. "I think that sounds just fine."
The two of them made their way back to the cabin. As they came through the door Ezra announced. "Miss McCormick ... it looks like tonight we will have steak after all."
She turned around with an announcement of her own. "Well gentlemen ... I don't think we'll be leaving ... not today anyway."
Both men looked at her and noticed the peculiar look on her face. "What exactly do you mean?" Ezra inquired.
She had a grip on the table and the other hand on her belly. "I'm not exactly sure, but, I think the baby's coming ... now!"
Chris and Ezra looked at one another and then at Dallas. Chris walked over to her. "Are you sure?"
"Well Mr. Larabee ... as sure as I can be ... I've never done this before." She replied.
Ezra walked towards her and took her arm and carefully guided her to the bed. He helped her lie down and removed her shoes. Then walked back over to where Chris stood.
"Chris ... I'm going to ride for a doctor ... I'll be back as soon as I can." He turned to leave and Chris grabbed him.
He looked directly into his eyes. "Oh no you don't ... you're not leaving me here with ... with ... this."
"Mr. Larabee, you've been through this before ... with your own wife ... I'm sure you know what to do ... correct." He asked pleadingly.
"Wrong Ezra ... I was there ... but there was a mid-wife ... I know about as much as you." He replied anxiously.
Ezra shook his head. "Poor girl."
Chris grabbed his shirtsleeve and dragged him to where Dallas laid. He shoved Ezra down on the side of the bed. "Ezra you've got a watch ... I want you to time the contractions and let me know how far apart they are."
He looked at him somewhat bewildered. "You want me to time what."
Just then Dallas grabbed his arm and held on for dear life as a contraction started to build and set every muscle and nerve on alert for the pending arrival.
Chris pointed to the girl. "That is what I want you to time." He replied as he walked to the kitchen, his head hurt and when he moved to quickly he felt dizzy.
Ezra held Dallas's hand and was amazed at her strength when a contraction hit her. He was talking to her, telling her everything was going to be alright and that she didn't need to worry. He figured he could worry for both of them.
Chris was at the washbasin, trying to think. He was talking to himself. "Ok, ok, I need ... hot water ... strips of cloth ... scissors or a knife ... and something to wrap the baby in." He started searching for the items. He put the water on the fire to heat, and tore strips of cloth from a shirt of Ezra's. He was looking for something to wrap the baby in when his eyes fell upon a certain red jacket. He wasn't sure how Ezra would take that ... but if he needed it ... well the red jacket would just have to be used.
If they were going to be there a while, and it looked like they would be, they needed food. Chris asked Ezra to see what he could scare up ... but not to be gone to long. Ezra was only too happy to comply with this request.
While he was gone Chris helped Dallas get more comfortable. He helped her out of her clothes and into a nightshirt. The contractions were coming pretty regularly and Chris was pretty sure it wouldn't be long.
Dallas was resting and he got up from the bed. His head still throbbed, but not like it did. Where was Ezra he thought, he had been gone for several hours. He was standing at the door and saw Ezra ride up with what looked like rabbits hanging from his saddle. He walked out to meet him. "Where have you been ... you've been gone a long enough."
Ezra dismounted and tried to straighten up. "Mr. Larabee." He said sarcastically. "I am not Mr. Tanner, however, I have returned with dinner."
Before Chris could speak a scream came from the cabin. Both men ran towards the house. As Chris approached the bed he knew the baby was coming ... now.
"Ezra ... get the hot water and the knife on the table ... make sure the knife is sterile."
Ezra nodded and retrieved the knife and opened his flask of whiskey, took a swig and poured the rest over the blade of the knife. Then walked back to the bed all the while mumbling to himself. "I can do this ... I can do this ... I can ... "
The moon rose high in the sky and illuminated the tiny cabin where life renewed itself. A baby's first cry filled the night with hope for the future, and absolution from the past. They watched as a young woman they barely knew, yet knew so well, touch their lives with the innocence of youth, and the trust she gave them without hesitation as they helped her give birth to her firstborn child. The two gunmen stepped back and marveled at the miracle they just witnessed, each of them a little less cynical than before.
Neither of the men could sleep and as they sat on the porch each of them reflected on the past and what had come before ... and realized the only thing that mattered was what they did with the life the had from this moment on.
Chris remembered the night his son was born and holding him for the first time as Sarah looked on. He looked at his hands and remembered holding the newest miracle to touch his life and sat in awe ... with the realization that whether he held a newborn child or the Colt in his holster ... he held the awesome responsibility of life in his hands.
A battle royal was raging within Chris over the paths he'd taken, the choices he made and the consequences of those decisions. The sweat that soaked his shirt was not from the fever but the sudden insight of what he had become and his profound desire to put as much distance between the girl that lay inside the cabin and his conscience. For whatever reason ... this girl brought every emotion within him to the surface, exposed for all to see ... especially him.
Ezra didn't notice the battle being played out in his friend until he stood up and in a dozen long strides covered the yard to the barn. He threw opened the barn door and walked to where one of the horses was stabled. He looked around and saw some gear stacked in the corner. He walked over and yanked it up off the stacked hay and when he turned around he saw Ezra in the doorway.
He hesitated for just a moment then continued over to the horse. He threw the saddle on the horse's back and started to tighten the cinch.
Ezra slowly walked over to the hay and sat down. "May I inquire as to where you are going ... just in case the lady asks."
Chris glared at him. "I'm getting out of here, tell her what you like ... I don't care." He continued saddling the horse.
His back was to Ezra as he approached the gunslinger. "I don't believe for a minute you don't care, just the contrary ... you care a great deal." Chris stiffened. Ezra stepped even closer and very softly, in almost a whisper. "It's alright to care Chris ... it's what makes us human." He placed his hand on his shoulder. "You learn from the past ... you don't have to live in it."
Ezra left him there in the barn to deal with the demons that haunted him ... only this time there was a good chance that Chris would defeat the intruders and find a peace he thought he'd never know. If only he gave himself the chance.
Ezra was pouring himself a cup of coffee when he heard the cabin door open and then very quietly close again. He didn't have to turn around to know who had just come through the door, the clink of the spurs was all that was necessary to announce his arrival. He walked over to Ezra. "I could use a cup myself."
Ezra handed him a cup of coffee and he walked over to the table and sat down. Ezra's eyes never left him as he joined him.
He stared at the cup and Ezra knew he had something on his mind. "She can't go back to that kind of life." He said quietly.
Ezra nodded his head. "Absolutely not ... a lady of quality deserves a life of quality, wouldn't you say so ... Mr. Larabee."
Chris looked up at him with a puzzled expression. "What are you talking about Ezra?"
He raised his hand. "Mr. Larabee ... when we get back to Four Corners ... I will make some inquiries ... I believe I have a solution to Miss McCormick's predicament. Until then ... I'm sure she will be welcomed by Mrs. Travis ... don't you?"
Chris nodded in agreement. "I'm sure Mary wouldn't mind." He leaned across the table and stared at the gambler. "Whatever it is you have in mind Ezra, it better be the best we can do for her."
Ezra nodded. "I can assure you it will be Chris ... of that you have my word."
Chris walked down the boardwalk of Four Corners, grateful that the ordeal of what happened several weeks ago was behind them and everyone was on the mend. He still had the headaches and sometimes it was hard to focus on any one thing, but Nathan assured him that it would soon pass and the headaches would go away ... it was just going to take a little time and he needed to make sure he got enough rest.
Rest he thought, how can he rest when Dallas was talking about leaving Four Corners and going back to Texas. Ezra left Four Corners over two weeks ago, to take care of some business he said. What business was more important than Dallas and her baby. He said he had a plan and then he just packed up and lit out. Well ... JD saw him last night at the hotel and Chris wanted some answers ... and they better be good.
Chris swung open the door to the hotel and marched up to the desk clerk. "I'm looking for Ezra Standish ... have you seen him?"
The clerk lowered his head and looked at him over the rim of his glasses. "No ... I haven't."
He pounded his fist down on the desk and then turned around and practically ran over the lady standing directly behind him. "Ah ... sorry Ma'am." He had her shoulders to steady her and then he tipped his hat.
"I'm fine young man ... I heard you asking for Ezra Standish ... is that correct?" She inquired.
Chris removed his hat. "Well, yes Ma'am ... I am."
"Then I can presume you are Chris Larabee ... is that correct?"
He was taken back by this obviously well to do woman. Her manner and dress certainly supported that, and the familiar use of his name made him smile. "Yes Ma'am I am ... may I ask who you are?"
She took his arm and led him into the dinning room. "Yes you may Chris ... my name is Julia ... Julia Standish Westland, I'm Ezra's aunt." They continued to walk over to the table in the corner. When they got to the table Chris pulled out the chair for her and then walked around to the other side and took a seat opposite her.
He just stared at her.waiting to see if she offered any explanation for her being there. So wrapped up in his thoughts about the lady, Chris didn't notice that Ezra and Dallas were entering the dinning room.
"Well ... Mr. Larabee ... I see you've met my aunt." Ezra reached over and gave his aunt a kiss on the cheek as Chris stood up and helped Dallas with her chair.
Ezra stood up and looked at Dallas then his aunt and then back to Chris. He sat there very pleased with himself for what he felt was a coupe'. He turned to his aunt. "Aunt Julia this is Miss Dallas McCormick ... and of course you've met Mr. Larabee."
She smiled at Dallas. "How do you do Dallas?" Dallas nodded her head in Mrs. Westland's direction. "And yes ... I have met your Mr. Larabee."
After all the proper introductions, things got uncomfortably quiet until Julia spoke up. "Well Miss McCormick ... Ezra tells me you are a remarkable young woman ... and that you have a beautiful baby boy. I would love to meet him."
Dallas looked at the elegant lady opposite her and the two men on either side of her that had become her family and beamed with pride. "Well. ma'am, I don't know how remarkable I am ... but I sure do have a beautiful baby and I love to show him off."
The men laughed with her as she told Julia about her son and how the three of them met. Even though Ezra saw fit to tell her the story at least a half a dozen times already, coming from this young lady it all seem fresh and new. When she spoke about Chris's wife, Sarah, she noticed he bowed his head and then looked at her approvingly. She never wavered as she continued on with her story even though some of what she said seemed very personal. She had to admire her integrity and honesty, she was just as Ezra had described she thought.
During the course of the meal, small talk was exchanged and occasional stories concerning Ezra as a boy, spending summers with his aunt. When the dishes were cleared and the coffee was being served Julia became quiet and thoughtful. "Dallas, ... how would you like to come back east with me? We could leave by week's end."
Dallas was startled by her question. "Ma'am ... excuse me? Go back east?"
She smiled at the young woman. "Yes indeed ... to Philadelphia ... that's where my home is and I would love for you and your son to live there with me."
Chris stared at Ezra in disbelief as the prospect of her leaving Four Corners started to sink in. He studied the fine lady for quite some time, then he looked back at Ezra, then over to Dallas, not quite sure about Ezra's intentions.
Dallas was stunned by Mrs. Westland's offer. She looked at Ezra and then to Chris, she never received such an invitation in her life. "Mrs. Westland ... I don't know what to say ... I don't know if Ezra told you ... but ... I don't have much book learnin ... and well ... I don't talk real well ... but I'm willing to learn and all.and ... but ... what exactly ... " She stopped in mid sentence.
Julia watched her and then smiled. " ... exactly ... what my dear?"
"Well ... " She stammered for a moment. "Well ... exactly what kind of job did you have in mine for me? Remember, I ... " Julia lifted her had to stop her.
"Yes ... I know ... you don't have much book learnin', Ezra told me everything." She emphasized the everything part. "And the job I had in mind ... well ... you see ... my husband I and were never blessed with any children. I have several nieces and nephews from my husband's side of the family and only Ezra from my side. Well ... Harry and I always wanted children, and ... well I guess that's what the good lord decided was best for us." She hesitated for the briefest of moments. "And then that leads us to you."
Dallas was just a little confused by what she was saying and looked to Chris for help. He placed his hand over hers' to reassure her. "Mrs. Westland ... "
She interrupted him. "Chris, I insist that you call me Julia."
He took a deep breath and then glanced over to Ezra who seemed to be having a delightful time with this. "Julia ... what leads to Dallas. Exactly ... "
Julia was some what taken back by his question. "Well ... that will be up to Dallas of course. She can be my traveling companion, my social secretary, lord knows I need one, my confidante, my house guest ... or perhaps she could be my daughter."
She grabbed Chris's hand and stared at the lady. She looked at Ezra who had stopped smiling when he saw the expression on her face and the tears roll down her cheeks. She then turned to Chris and then back to the lady. "You want ... me?"
The grand lady reached for a hanky in her purse and dabbed her eyes. "Well of course I want you my dear ... and that precious baby of yours also ... as I told you I have a big house to rattle around in and it's just too quiet . ... there needs to be some noise." Then she smiled at her. "Perhaps the question I should ask is ... do you want me?"
Chris was staring at Ezra ... so this is his plan for Dallas and her baby. He was not very pleased with the gambler, he didn't mention any of this to him. He started to get up and take Dallas and leave the dinning room when Dallas rose from her chair. "You want me and my son to live with you ... and be ... a family."
Julia got up from her chair and walked around the table to the young lady. She took both of her hands in hers and smiled at her. "Yes ... I want you both to be part of my family."
Dallas stood there motionless, trying to comprehend everything at once. She then threw her arms around the lady and between the tears that flowed down her face. "Yes ... .I would love to be your family ... we both would."
Both women hugged each other and through the tears managed to begin a relationship that would rival the bond of any mother and daughter. When they separated they began to laugh. Ezra found both women entertaining and sat back in his chair to admire his work. He noticed the frown on Chris's face.
"Is there something amiss Mr. Larabee?" He asked with a smile.
"No ... nothing's wrong, if this is what Dallas wants." He replied quietly.
He got up from the table and stepped closer to the women. "Ladies ... if you don't mind, I have a few things need taken care of." He picked up his hat and said good-bye to Ezra.
He proceeded to walk out of the dinning room, leaving the others to wonder what came over him. Julia was genuinely concerned that she said something out of line. "Ezra. what's wrong with Chris ... was it something I said." She turned to look at her nephew. "You did tell him about this ... didn't you?"
The look on Ezra's face was that of a small child being caught in a lie. "Ah, well ... not exactly."
Dallas was standing over him with her hands on her hips. "You mean to tell me that Chris didn't know your aunt wants me to come live with her ... that we would be leaving Four Corners ... you never told him."
"Well ... ah ... not exactly." He replied somewhat sheepishly.
Julia was annoyed with her nephew's answers. "Ezra, perhaps you should tell us what you did tell Mr. Larabee ... exactly."
Ezra rose from his chair to face the ladies. "Well, actually ... nothing ... exactly."
"Oh ... Ezra ... " Dallas turned and rushed out of the hotel to try and find Chris.
Julia watched Dallas leave and then turned to Ezra. "Really Ezra ... you could have mentioned it to him ... he obviously cares what happens to the girl." She then turned and followed Dallas.
Everyone in the dinning room was staring at him as he sat back down in the chair. The woman who had served their meal came over to him. "Excuse me sir ... but is everything alright?" She asked.
"No ... not exactly." Was his reply.
Dallas burst through the batwing doors of the saloon and stopped. She looked around and didn't see the person she was looking for, but she did see Buck. "Buck, have you seen Chris?"
Buck looked up from the cards he was holding. "No darlin' ... can't say that I have. Did you lose him?" He replied with his usual humor.
She turned and glared at him. "No, I haven't lost him." She replied as she stomped towards the door. "I just can't find him."
She was just about through the doors when Buck yelled to her. "If ya' can't find him. then I think he's lost." He was sincerely pleased with himself as he went back to the card game. "Now, gentlemen ... let's see what you've got."
Vin noticed Dallas as she came rushing out of the saloon and was curious why she was in there to begin with. She was walking towards him but he didn't think she saw him, and when he stepped down from the boardwalk to greet her, she practically ran him down. "Whoa, little lady ... what's the hurry?"
She was startled when she bumped into him. "Oh, Vin,I am so sorry ... I guess I wasn't looking where I was going."
Vin stepped back and took a good look at her and liked what he saw. "You look mighty pretty ma'am." He said as he tipped his hat.
"Pretty ... ah, oh ... yes ... .thank you. New dress." She replied, somewhat preoccupied with the missing Mr. Larabee.
She started to walk past the tracker and then she turned around. "Vin ... have you seen Chris?"
He was curious why she was asking, considering the conversation he had with him only 15 minutes ago at the livery. "Yeah ... just left him."
She grabbed his arms and smiled at him. "You did ... where?"
"At the livery." He replied.
She let go of him and took off towards the livery only to stop in her tracks. "But he ain't there." Vin said.
She turned around and walked back to him. "Ok ... then where is he?"
He started to back up a bit as she came towards him. "I think he said something about his cabin."
She looked around, she needed to get to Chris's cabin. As she made her way over to Vin's horse, she removed her hat and gave it to him to hold. Then she took off her gloves and removed her jacket. As she removed each piece of clothing she handed it over to Vin for safe keeping, then slipped one foot into the stirrup and mounted Peso. Vin stood there speechless as he watched her mount his horse. "Vin ... I'm borrowing your horse ... I'll be back later."
She reined him around and took off out of town towards Chris's cabin with Vin staring at her as she left. Buck came out of the saloon just in time to see her mount up and as he walked over to a bewildered Vin he noticed him holding some of her clothing. "Well now Vin ... you could try to get her up to your room first." He said with his usual sense of humor.
Vin turned towards Buck and gave him a disgusted look. "That ain't what I'm doin' Buck ... she took my horse."
"Took your horse ... what for?" He asked.
"How am I suppose to know ... all she said is she was looking for Chris."
"Well ... well ... the little lady has two gentlemen vying for her attention ... good for you Vin ... give Chris a little competition." Buck said with a smirk as he slapped Vin on the back.
Vin had just about enough. "Here Buck." He dumped her clothes in his arms. "You know what to do with these better than anybody I know." He said as he stomped off shaking his head. Women, he thought ... he would never figure them out.
Dallas rode due south out of Four Corners. She'd been to Chris's cabin only once, with Vin when he delivered supplies to him after they returned from Twin Buttes. She was pretty sure she could find it on her own, she had too. After 5 or 6 miles Dallas left the flat rangeland and was met by the rolling hills that surrounded Four Corners. She wasn't sure of her bearings until she passed a windmill that stood tall against the sky, like a beacon in the night. She knew she was headed in the right direction.
When she topped the last hill she saw the cabin, and noticed Cinco in the corral. She smiled at herself and said. "I knew I could do this." She spurred Peso forward and galloped up to the house.
Chris heard the sound of a horse riding up to the cabin and came out the front door to greet the visitor. He saw Vin's horse in the distance but the rider didn't match the horse. When they got closer he saw that it was Dallas riding Vin's horse.
He stepped out from the porch as she rode up to the cabin. When she stopped he took Peso's reins and helped her down.
"You shouldn't be riding by yourself, don't you know you could get hurt?" He said sternly. "What are you doing here Dallas? And what are you doing with Vin's horse?"
He stood there holding the reins to the horse and waited for an explanation. She walked towards him. "Well Mr. Larabee ... I came to see you and get a few things straight." She left him standing there and proceeded to walk into the house.
Once in the house she looked around, and noticed the sparse furnishings. She saw the bed in the corner and the table and chairs in the middle of the room. This certainly looks like you Chris, she thought ... functional.
She turned around and watched him unsaddle Vin's horse and put him in the corral with Cinco. He finished caring for the animal and walked back to the house. He opened the door and found her sitting at the table ... waiting.
He walked up to her and leaned against the table. "Ok ... now ... what are you doing here?"
"Like I said Mr. Larabee ... you and I have a few things to talk about."
"Is that right." Was his reply as he sat down opposite her.
The two of them sat there, staring at one another, neither of them willing to yield to the other, a battle of wills being fought between friends. She took a deep breath. "You didn't know what Ezra had in mind with his aunt ... did you?"
He shook his head when he answered her. "No ... I didn't, but that don't matter, sounds like a nice offer."
She sat back. "Offer ... you make it sound like she's buying me ... is that what you think?" She said with just a hint of ache in her voice.
"No ... that's not what I mean and you know it." His tone was harsh. If Dallas didn't know this man as well as she did, she might have been intimidated by him, she just smiled at him.
"I'll miss you too Chris ... and Ezra ... you're the only family I've ever known and you've been kinder to me than anyone in my whole life."
Chris's eyes soften and a smile crossed his face as she spoke. He saw so much of his past in her ... at times she scared him ... and at times he wanted just to protect her ... and then there were times like this, when he knew she didn't belong to him ... either in his past or in his future, and like the memories of his wife and son ... he needed to let her go.
"I'll miss you too ... more than you know." He replied softly. He got up from the table and walked over to the window peering out across the open range, part of him wanting to run and part of him wanting to stay.
She sighed as she saw the battle going on inside him. "I promised myself I wouldn't ask ... but, I'm asking now."
He turned towards her. "Ask me what?"
"About Sarah." She said gently. "I know I have no right to pry but ... when you were hurt ... you said things to me ... to Sarah actually ... and ... why me?"
He continued to stare out the window and leaned against the wall for support. "Sarah was the most beautiful woman I ever saw ... she was kind and loving ... don't know why she loved me ... I only know she did." He looked back at her.
"Don't you think you're worth loving Chris?" She asked meekly.
"Maybe ... maybe not." He walked past the window and framed the doorway. "Back then I liked to wander some, drink ... did some stuff when I was younger I'm not real proud of. Never thought about settling down until Sarah came along, and when she did ... .settling down was all I could think of." He paused for a moment. "We talked about raising horses and building a home to raise a family." When he turned to face Dallas and she could see the pain in his eyes. "I never knew life could be that good."
She got up from the table and walked over to him and placed her hand on his arm. "Life is good Chris ... everyday is a gift ... .and the people that touch our lives are the blessings god gives us."
Chris looked at her and smiled. "You've been spending to much time with Josiah."
She had to laugh. "Well ... maybe I have ... but most of the time I think he's right."
He shook his head. "Yeah ... he is."
He reached out and held her. She slipped her arms around him and laid her head on his chest. Comforted knowing he cared about her, and not just because of Sarah. They stood they're for a moment then Dallas asked. "Who's Adam Connelly?" Chris stiffened and let her go.
She watched him walk outside and followed him. He got as far as the corral, then turned around to face her. "Adam was my wife's brother. He was 7 years younger than Sarah and she doted on him." He paused to collect his thoughts. "Adam is how I met Sarah to begin with. He was always hangin' around, asking questions, wanting to learn to shot, to be part of the bunch I rode with back then." He chuckled. "JD sometimes reminds me of Adam ... always wanting to please, to fit in ... always getting into trouble." He shook his head and took a deep breath before continuing. "Ben Rawlins, Buck and I rode together back then." He looked up at Dallas to see her reaction, she merely smiled at him. "After I met Sarah I started spending less time in town with Rawlins and Buck. Then after we were married, I hardly saw Ben at all, he never came around the ranch. Buck would see him more than me ... but usually over a beer or a card game. Nothing like before. Buck and I were busy building the ranch up and all."
He walked over to the chair on the porch and sat down. "Adam started to ride with Rawlins ... there were a few scrapes with the law, but nothing to serious. Sarah was pregnant with our son by then." He paused for a moment, "When I first saw you on the stage you reminded me so much of her and those last days before the baby came."
He let out a heavy sigh, as if a great burden was about to be lifted off him. "I knew the baby would be coming soon and we had horses that needed to be delivered to a rancher south of us. So Buck left that morning, promising to return by the next evening."
He leaned back in the chair. "It was almost midnight when we heard riders coming up to the house. It was the sheriff and some men and they were riding hard. We got up and met them on the porch. The sheriff said that Ben and some others robbed the bank at Eagle Bend and that Adam was one of them." Chris paused. "He wanted me to ride with them and track them down ... I told them no ... that I couldn't ... but Sarah told me I should ... that when they were caught ... Adam would need me. So I saddled up and left with them." He leaned over and shook his head. "I figured I knew where they might be, and they were. We surrounded them ... I persuaded the sheriff to let me go in first ... I was hoping to get Adam to surrender. I walked down into the camp and saw Ben and Adam. Adam was scared. I tried to talk him into walking out with me, that it would go easier. Ben and I got into a fight, then the shooting started ... everyone had their gun drawn ... and was firing ... Ben and I got into it again ... there were shots ... and then Adam fell to the ground. I always thought it was my bullet that killed him, but it wasn't .. Ben told me the truth at the cabin right before he died."
He shook his head. "When I got home ... I had to tell Sarah what happened ... that I killed her brother." He bowed his head.
Dallas walked over and knelt down next to him. "Chris, it wasn't your fault ... you didn't make Adam do what he did ... that was his choice."
Chris jerked his head up and looked at this amazing young woman. He stood up abruptly and walked out into the yard, not wanting her to see the tears that seldom filled his eyes.
She stood up, "Chris, did I say something wrong?"
He turned around. "No." He hesitated and then walked back to her. When he reached her he lifted her chin, "You didn't say anything wrong ... what you said is exactly what Sarah said to me when I told her what happened."
She stared at him for the longest time. "And you named your son after her brother."
He shook his head. "Yeah ... it's what Sarah wanted. She said it was like giving her brother a second chance at living."
Chris was a little uncomfortable about what just transpired between Dallas and himself. Other than Buck ... no one knew what he just told her. No one. He bowed his head and then looked towards the mountains.
"Sun will set before we get back to town ... better get started." He walked to the corral and started to saddle the horses.
They rode in silence back to Four Corners. The beautiful green rolling hills did nothing to lighten the mood. Occasionally Dallas would take a quick glance towards the rider next to her. From what Dallas gathered from Buck, Ezra and Mary, Chris didn't say much about his past ... yet today ... he opened up his past for her to see. Part of her felt privileged that he would trust her with such a meaningful part of his past, but at the same time she felt remorse because there was nothing she could do for him.
When they arrived in town he took Dallas straight to Mary's ... he knew there was a young man that probably needed his mama.
When they stopped in front of the Clarion Chris dismounted and was helping Dallas down when Mary, Julia, Ezra and Vin walked out onto the porch.
"Hello Chris ... Dallas ... did you have a nice ride? Mary asked.
Dallas looked at Mary and smiled and then she looked back at Chris. "Yes ma'am I did." She stepped up to the boardwalk and saw Vin. "Vin I'm sorry I just took your horse like that, but, well ... I needed to find Chris."
"That's just fine ma'am ... Peso needed a good run anyway." He tipped his hat and walked towards Chris and the horses.
"I'll put them up Chris." And in a voice only meant for him. "You need to talk to these people about the girl, it's gonna be Ok." He patted Chris on the shoulder, then led the horses to the livery.
It had been a few days since Julia asked Dallas to come and live with her in Philadelphia. Chris was slowly adjusting to the fact that she and her son would be leaving Four Corners by the end of the week and in all likelihood, he would never see her again. For some reason this bothered him tremendously but knew it was for the best. He knew he cared for the girl like he would a sister or niece, but there was still something about her that kept bringing him back to Sarah. Some kind of bond he couldn't shake.
Chris walked into the saloon and made his way up the steps to the elevated landing where Ezra, Vin, Buck and JD were engaged in a heated poker game with Buck accusing Ezra of cheating. As he strolled up the steps Buck turned to him. "Chris ... I think that you should shoot Ezra ... right now ... this minute." He turned his attention back to the gambler.
"What's the matter Buck ... losin' again?" He asked with a smile.
Buck gave him a dejected looked. "No I ain't losin' ... he's cheatin'. There's a difference and I want to know what you're going to do about it?"
"Well Buck ... " He began as he sat down between Buck and the cause of his irritation. "I'm going to have a drink." He looked directly at Ezra. "And I ain't playing poker."
"As you wish Mr. Larabee ... however I would like to say ... in my defense, that Mr. Wilmington is a rather poor loser ... or perhaps ... just a poor poker player." Ezra said.
Buck was half way out of his seat when Ezra and Chris stood up. "Dallas ... is everything all right." Ezra said as he walked towards her and offered her his arm.
Dallas took the gambler's arm with pleasure and walked with him as he led her to where he and Chris sat.
She smiled at each of the men at the table. "Gentlemen, I'm so glad to catch you here, I have an invitation for each of you."
They looked at each other and then back to the lady. Buck in his usual scoundrel manner spoke up first. "Well now ... exactly what kind of invitation did you have in mind?"
Chris and Ezra gave him a look that would normally have told him he went too far. But not with Dallas, she could go toe-to-toe with him if need be ... he knew it and so did she. "Well ... Mr. Wilmington, I can assure you the kind of invitation I have in mind is not one you receive that often."
"Is that a fact ... well don't keep me waitin' darlin'." He replied with his most enchanting grin.
"Buck ... " Chris said sternly. "What is the invitation Dallas?"
"Yes ... .well ... I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have finally decided on a name for my baby. I've been trying it out and I think it's perfect." She replied.
"And what is your son's name going to be my dear?" Ezra asked.
She smiled at him. "Not yet ... first ... .I have spoken to Julia and we have decided to wait until Monday to leave and on Sunday ... we're going to have a christening at Josiah's church and I would like all of you to come."
Each of the men smiled and acknowledged her invitation and assured her they would be there.
"Good ... now there is just one problem though." She looked at Ezra and then to Chris. "Julia and Mary tell me I need a Godmother and a Godfather. Personally I don't see why I need one of each ... I already have two Godfathers ... "
Ezra frowned. "Two ... Godfathers Dallas, isn't that just a bit unorthodox ... even for the west?"
She folded her hands in front of her and announced. "I don't see anything wrong with it. If it hadn't been for you and Chris ... my son and I might not be here ... so I don't see what's so wrong ... do you?"
Chris stiffened. "You want Ezra and me to be your son's Godfather?"
She stood up. "Yes I do ... Mary explained what the responsibilities of a Godfather are, someone I would want to raise my son if something happened to me ... to raise him to be a fine and decent man. And I can't think of two men I'd rather give my son to than you and Ezra."
Ezra was stunned and Chris was visible moved by her request. No one spoke as she made her way towards the steps.
Buck jumped up and grabbed her arm. "Darlin' ... aren't you going to tell us what you decided to name your baby?"
"Hmmm ... no Buck I'm not. I've told Mary, Julia and Josiah and they think it's perfect. So gentlemen ... if you want to knew what my baby's name is ... you'll just have to show up on Sunday ... now won't you?"
Ezra looked at Chris ... Chris looked at Ezra.
"Mr. Larabee ... she has to be joking ... right?"
"I don't think so Ezra ... not this time." He said as he got up from the table.
"Where you going Chris?" Buck asked anxiously. "Chris ... "
There was no reply as he pushed the batwing doors open and stepped out onto the boardwalk. He had stifled the urge to run for so long ... now with what Dallas wanted from him ... he didn't think he had anything left to give. He needed to go ... to leave ... to run ... now!
Everyone watched him leave wondering what had come over him to make him bolt from the saloon like he did.
Ezra and the others turned to Buck for answers. "Mr. Wilmington ... Mr. Larabee won't be gone long ... right ... he will be back ... before Sunday ... correct?"
Buck shook his head and sighed. "Can't say Ezra ... that'll depend on Chris."
Buck walked towards the saloon to talk to Ezra. He found him engaged in a poker game with some of the locals who hadn't learned their chances of winning were pretty slim against this southern boy.
He leaned down and whispered. "Ezra ... we need to talk."
Ezra looked up at him and with one of his most mischievous smile. "Mr. Wilmington ... can't you see that I'm previously engaged."
Buck grabbed the gambler and yanked him up from his chair. "I said now ... and I mean now."
With one hand on the scruff of his neck and the other hooked under his arm, Buck practically dragged Ezra out of the saloon into the side alley. Buck finally let go of Ezra and towered over him ... demanding answers.
"Buck ... what is it?" Ezra said as he started to brush off his jacket.
"I want to know what happened in that cabin ... I want to know what happened to set Chris off like this and I want to know now." He demanded.
"Buck ... I don't know what you mean."
"Oh I think you do Ezra ... you know exactly what I mean. Chris has been real spooky ever since the three of you got back. Yeah ... I know he was hurt, but that ain't it. There's more ... what is it?"
Ezra could tell by the expression on Buck's face he was worried about Chris, and perhaps he had every right to be. He walked over to the wooden crates stacked up next to the building and sat down. He looked up at Chris Larabee's best friend and knew he above all others might understand the affect that Dallas has on him, and maybe he could enlighten them both.
"What do you mean by spooky?"
"Ah Ezra ... you know ... like he's walking on egg shells. He's spent a lot of time by himself lately ... but not drinking, he's spent a lot of time in the saloon ... but doesn't take a drink. Hell ... he's been drinking his way through life the past four years pretty regular ... but now ... it's almost like ... " He stopped and walked away.
Ezra picked up on his hesitation. "Almost like what Buck?" Buck turned around as if to speak but couldn't, so Ezra said it for him. "Almost like ... Sarah." This came out as a statement ... not a question.
Buck was startled that the gambler could possibly know these things and in almost a whisper. "How did you know Ezra?"
Ezra tried to smile. "I guess you could say Mr. Larabee told me. When we were in the cabin and Chris was hurt ... he would sometimes come to and call Dallas by his wife's name. He would talk to her ... he told her he loved her ... and then he kissed her." He got up from where he was sitting and walked towards Buck. "It was almost like he was saying good-bye."
Buck shook his head. "The first time I saw Dallas I thought there was a resemblance. but I had no idea it had that kind of affect on Chris ... not till now anyway."
"She has a profound affect on him ... even more than she knows."
Buck walked past the gambler, thinking about his friend and the life he had with the woman he loved and the son he adored. "Rawlins and the girl ... damn ... I shoulda' seen it."
"Seen what Buck?"
Buck turned and ran from the alley. Once on the boardwalk he made his way to the livery to saddle his horse.
Vin, JD and Josiah saw Buck haul Ezra out of the saloon into the alley way and were standing on the boardwalk just out of ear shot when Buck came running from between the buildings.
Vin stepped down and started into the alley. "JD you come with me ... Josiah, see if you can get anything out of Buck."
Ezra practically ran into Vin and JD as they ran into the alley.
"Gentlemen ... what's the hurry?"
Vin and JD just stood there and looked at him and then looked at each other. Vin walked forward and leaned towards the gambler. "Thought that maybe there was a problem Ezra."
Ezra walked passed them. "Oh there's a problem ... but not that kind of problem."
"Ezra ... are you going to tell us or not ... we saw Buck fly out of here ... what's going on?" JD said.
Ezra turned towards them. "They say history repeats itself ... let's hope not." Then he made his way to the saloon for a much needed drink.
"Vin?"
"I don't know kid." Vin said as he slapped JD on the shoulder and walked towards the saloon.
"Yeah ... well Josiah, you shouldn't sneak up on a man when he's busy."
"Busy at what?"
Buck was tightening up the cinch on his saddle. "Gotta ride Josiah ... be back as soon as I can."
Just as he was about to mount his horse Josiah walked up next to him. "You're not the only one who cares about him ... or can see what he's been going through the past few weeks. We all have ... but only you know why ... don't you?"
He placed his foot in the stirrup and was just about ready to swing up in the saddle when he paused, then removed his foot from the stirrup and stared at the stable floor. "I'm not sure I do Josiah ... ... but I think so. I think I know where he might be ... at his old ranch outside Eagle Bend. That's were I'm headin'."
Buck led his horse through the barn doors and mounted him. Josiah followed him. "Buck ... when you catch up with Chris ... tell him something for me, well you?"
With a heavy sigh. "Sure Josiah ... what is it?"
"Tell him that he's not alone ... .and hasn't been since that day ... there's always been someone to care."
Buck walked his horse over to where the big man stood and held out his hand. "I'll do that Josiah ... you can be sure of it."
Buck wasn't exactly sure Chris would be at the ranch, but it was the most logical place under the circumstances. Half way to Eagle Bend he knew he couldn't beat the darkness that was about to overtake him and he would have to stop and make camp for the night.
After Buck made camp and settled down for the night he replayed much of the past four years over and over again as he tried to get some much needed rest. Just when he was about to succumb into the deepest recess of unconsciousness, where the mind is left to its own devices, where the demons that haunt us live to torment us, he awoke to the sound of a woman screaming and the sound of roaring fire. He bolted upright. It took him several minutes to realize where he was, his sweat soaked shirt clung to him. He tried to stop the haunting memories, but couldn't. Two hours before dawn he saddled his horse and started out for the ranch, he had enough sleep ... he needed to find Chris.
The gentle hills that surrounded the Larabee ranch rolled like the waves on the ocean as Buck approached the house. As he came closer to the house he noticed Cinco in the corral by the barn. He gave a deep sigh of relief ... he was here.
Buck walked over to the corral and dismounted. He tied the gray to the rail and when he looked around he saw Chris by Sarah and Adam's grave. As he walked over to where he stood he removed his hat and stood beside him.
Without looking up at him. "Buck ... what are you doing here?"
Buck knew that tone ... but he was determined to take Chris back with him. "Well Chris ... I'm just here ... that's all."
He faced his friend and as cold as he could, "You shouldn't have come ... I don't need you and I don't want you here. Now ... .go!"
He shook his head. "Can't do that pard." He took a deep breath. "There's a little gal back in Four Corners that's counting on you. And whether you like it or not she needs you ... about as much as you need her."
"I don't need anyone." He snapped as he walked away.
"We all need somebody Chris." He yelled at the gunman.
Chris stopped in his tracks and spun around to face him. "I'm telling you Buck, stay out of it ... this has nothing to do with you ... I don't need anyone and I want to be left alone."
He started to turn and walk away when Buck reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him. When Chris felt his hand tighten around his arm he spun around as if to hit him. "What are you going to do Chris ... hit me? That's not what you want to do now is it?" He could see the struggle being played out in the green eyes that were like a window to his soul.
Chris lowered his fist and Buck continued. "Ya' know ... when I first laid eyes on that girl ... I said to myself ... Buck ... she could almost be Sarah and after I got to know her some, she seemed more like her than I care to admit." Chris started to relax. "Her hair and those hands ... just like Sarah's." He looked up and saw Chris watching him. "And put Rawlins in the mix well ... I guess she could stir up a lot of memories, couldn't she?" His voice became low and in a whisper. "And that baby of hers, sweet as he can be."
Chris dropped his arm and walked back to the grave of his wife and son. A tear rolled down his cheek as he remembered the day he and Buck rode away from the ranch on their way to Mexico ... that last time. "I can still see them waving good-bye ... I never got the chance to say good-bye to them Buck." He turned to face his friend.
Buck walked up to him and placed his hand on his shoulder. "Maybe you did Chris, in a way."
"What do you mean?"
"Well ... do you remember anything that happened in the cabin with Ezra and Dallas?"
Chris shook his head. "Not much ... just bits and pieces ... most of it was like a dream ... why?"
"You kept on calling Dallas.Sarah ... do you remember that?"
Chris remembered more than he cared to admit. "Yeah ... I remember."
"Do you remember what you said to her?"
He bowed his head and leaned against the fence. "I can't do this Buck."
"What can't you do Chris?"
"I can't face her because I do remember what I said to her ... but I don't want her to go either."
"Well pard ... you're wrong about one thing, you didn't say those things to her ... you said those things to Sarah ... .and in a way, you were finally able to say good-bye."
Chris looked up at the man who knew him better than he knew himself sometimes and he smiled. "Yeah, maybe."
He paused for a moment. "And Dallas going to live with Ezra's aunt ... it's a gift Chris and you know it. Where could a girl like Dallas get a chance like this ... not that she doesn't deserve it, because she does ... and a whole lot more. But would you say ... Dallas don't leave because I don't want you too. She'd stay if you asked her too."
Chris thought a moment and then smiled. "No ... I wouldn't do that." He walked past the graves and walked up to Buck. "I told Ezra that whatever he had in mind it better be the best we could do for her." He shook his head. "And I guess that's what he did."
"Yeah it is."
Chris walked to the end of the fence and looked around. "How fast do you think we can get back to Four Corners?"
"Well ... .gotta let my horse rest a bit ... .we just made that trip ... but I'll bet we could be there by morning."
Everyone was at the church for the christening. Everyone but Chris and Buck. Dallas was pacing out front watching every rider as they rode past.
Julia was becoming slightly agitated. "Josiah ... Mary, we have to do something. It's obvious that Mr. Larabee is not coming."
"Julia ... we don't know that. They could just be detained somewhere ... that's all." Mary said trying to be optimistic.
"Mary, you are being kind ... he is not coming." Julia said loudly.
"Yes he will." Everyone turned to see Dallas in the doorway. "He will be here, I know he will." She tried to be brave, but the tears were starting to fill her eyes and no matter how hard she tried. ... she couldn't stop them once they spilled over and ran down her cheeks.
Josiah walked over to her and took her in his arms. "When you asked Chris to be your son's Godfather, well ... maybe that was too much of an obligation for him to accept right now."
She looked up at him. "Josiah ... I didn't want to hurt him ... I thought that being my son's Godfather would ... help somehow."
"I think it will ... someday ... but maybe not today. Even without Chris here, you can still name him as you son's Godfather and Vin can fill in for him." He paused for a moment. "What do you say?"
She smiled even though her heart was heavy at the absence of someone so important to her. She knew he would be here if he could, but maybe today was too soon for the kind of commitment she was asking of him. "Ok." She turned towards Vin.
"Vin ... do you think that you could step in for Chris?" She asked.
Vin was about to answer her, but instead of looking at her, he looked past her and saw two riders coming fast.
"I don't think I can ma'am." He replied with a smile.
Dallas's eyes widen when he declined. He then put both hands on her shoulders and turned her around. "Don't look like you'll need anyone standing in for Chris after all."
Her eyes locked on the two riders as they dismounted in front of the church. She ran out the front door and down the steps and leaped into the waiting arms of a kindred spirit. "I was so worried you wouldn't come."
He stepped back from her. "I'm sorry I made you worry ... but I'm here ... I'll always be here for you." He reached up brushed away the tears that rested on her cheeks.
She smiled at him. "There's something I need to tell you before we get started."
Buck was watching the pair as he tied up the horses and motioned to Chris that he'd meet them inside.
They watched as Buck went inside and then he turned to her. "What do you need to tell me?"
She looked at him and took a deep breath. "I need to tell you the name I'd like to give my baby ... and why."
When Buck walked inside the church he was bombarded with questions. He raised his hands. "Everything's alright ... everything's just fine." He said happily.
He turned back and saw Dallas and Chris talking. The serious expression on their face's soon turned to smiles and laughter as Chris once again held the young woman who had become so important to him. They turned and walked up the steps into the church.
"Josiah ... I do believe we can begin now." She said with a smile.
As the late morning sun streamed through the stain glass window of the small church everyone in attendance gathered around the large man presiding over the ceremony. Dallas placed her son in Chris's arms and with Ezra by his side the two men became one as they pledged their commitment to the spiritual upbringing of the child that lay in the gunman's arms.
Josiah looked at Ezra and Chris and the child he held. He glanced over to the child's mother and with a wink and a smile, he began the christening that he hoped would help to heal a wounded soul.
"Oh Lord ... bless those of us here today to welcome a small lamb into your house." Josiah paused for a moment and looked upon the faces of his friends, his eyes fell upon the gunman and the gambler and with promise of hope and the pledge of faith he began.
"It takes someone very special with the key of courage to turn the lock that opens the door to the human heart. Someone who will weed out the past, trim the roses of life, plant new memories, and polish the heart inside us. This child is like a garden that is yearning to grow, to bloom, and come alive. He wants to feel the warmth of the sun's rays of love and soak up the rains of kindness that surround him."
"Who will take the task? His mother will, because of the love that grew inside her before his birth."
"Who will help this mother? Many take on this task, only a few are able to complete it. For they cannot help this child search for the key to his life, until they are pure and open and honest with themselves in their search for their own key, a key that will make all things possible. There are those among us that search a lifetime for the key and never learn it's secret. A secret as pure as the child that will be named today."
"The secret, like the key, is buried deep within our souls, put there by our God ... ready for us when we're able to go on ... to search for the truths that seem hidden at times ... just out of our reach. And just when we think we can stand no more ... the key is revealed to us ... and we are able to unlock the enigma that surrounds us and accept the wisdom of the gifts he has given us."
"For some of us he has chosen the gift of a second chance ... a second chance at love ... a second chance at life. And with this name I give you, Adam Larabee, a second chance at life."
"I christen thee ... Adam Standish McCormick."
The Beginning Of A Second Chance