Disclaimer: All the characters from the "Magnificent Seven" T.V. series are property of Trilogy Entertainment, The Mirisch Group, MGM Worldwide.
When Alexandra Styles saw Julia Pemberton walk into her office later that day, she viewed the arrival of the Emporium owner with little concern or distress. After their adventure in Denver or the adventure that kept them from ever reaching the city, Alex had come to an uneasy understanding with the woman who had driven herself and Ezra Standish apart. Considering how she felt about Vin now, Alex found it hard to imagine every caring for Ezra the way she now adored Vin and with that knowledge in mind felt a little of the dislike for Julia fading away.
However, the usual arrogance in Julia's face was gone and the look in her eyes as she seated herself in Alex's office was one of fear that immediately gave Alex concern from a medical standpoint. There was something in her manner that indicated to the doctor that something was causing her a great deal of distress and Alex immediately gave Julia her undivided attention. Instead of conducting the initial consultation in the cold confines of her clinic, she had led Julia upstairs to her house where they sat in the parlour and had tea. Alex had learnt enough about putting her patients at ease in order to gain their confidence to know that this was a necessary gesture if she wanted Julia to speak about what was troubling her so much.
Julia sipped tea as they spoke about trivial things, while she knew precisely what Alex was doing and felt guiltier than ever at how she had treated the doctor over Ezra. For the first time, she began to realise what Ezra so vehemently imparted to her that day but like everything else in her life, it was knowledge that had come to late.
"I appreciate that you are trying to put me at ease." Julia finally decided to move past the inane chatter Alex had been attempting to disarm her with. "I guess it shows just how frightened I am that you would go to so much trouble."
Alex nodded slightly. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"
"I believe I am pregnant." Julia revealed and saw the surprise on Alex's face. It took the doctor another few seconds to realise that this was not at all happy news.
"Are you sure? I should do an examination to confirm it." Alex offered.
"Yes I expected you would wish to." Julia said quietly. "But that is not what I am here for."
Suddenly, Alex had a pretty good idea what Julia required of her but she chose not to leap to conclusions. She prayed she was wrong about this but said nothing. "Go on."
"I don't want it." Julia said meeting her gaze. "I am not ready for a child. I am not and neither is Ezra. I won't force a child on him and I refuse to have it. I know that doctors can take care of these things."
Alex turned away, wishing she could give Julia the answer she wished but knowing that it was impossible. The ethical concerns aside, there was some professional ones that could not be hurdled whatever the justification and the justification in this case did not warrant her undertaking such a procedure. "Julia, please... " Alex stopped her from going any further. "I can't help you."
"But you can do this!" Julia cried out almost in desperation as she saw her last avenue of escape suddenly disappear before her eyes. "You're the best surgeon I know, you could get rid of it."
"I can but I professionally and ethically bound not to." Alex tried to explain and her words sounded hollow even as she spoke. "Julia, it against the law for me to perform a procedure like this. I am bound by the oath I took as a healer to do no harm and by the tenets of modern dogma this is considered wrong. I agree that it is unfair but if I were to do this and it were discovered, aside from the fact that I would probably lose my licence, it is a criminal offence. You would almost certainly be jailed for it and me right along with you."
"I don't care!" Julia snapped. "I don't care about jail, I just want it gone!"
There was never going to be an easy way to refuse her but Alex knew she had no choice but to do so. As much as she wanted to help Julia, her conditioning to the laws that bound her as physician was too strong to break. She understood all too well what Julia was going through and had concerned herself with the issue of contraception ever since she had began her sexual relationship with Vin Tanner. Thanks to her father's travels across the world, garnering medical knowledge from the most unorthodox sources, Alex had no need of Vin using any sort of protection. A concoction of herbs and juniper leaves drunk in tea on a daily basis had ensured that she would not have to face the possibility of children at least until she was ready. Otherwise she would find herself in the same position that Julia was now struggling to escape.
"I can't help you," Alex implored the frantic woman, trying to understand that her decision was not based on any personal desire but the laws that she had sworn to obey when she had taken the Hippocratic oath. It was not merely words to her; it was the creed by which she lived her life. "Perhaps if you should think about giving it up for adoption if you really don't want it." It was a shallow suggestion and not much comfort to someone in Julia's state of mind, but Alex had no idea what else to say to her. There was no way Alex could conceivably perform this procedure in good conscience and yet a part of the doctor wished that was not so because Julia's desperation concerned her.
"That's no answer." Julia retorted and confirmed how fragile her state of mind was. Ezra would never agree to it and that would mean sequestering herself somewhere for a year of her life while she had the child. She had a role in the community now, a public presence that would be questioned if she disappeared for a length of time. "Ezra may be afraid of fatherhood but there is no way he would allow me to give up a child of his, under any circumstances." The truth was, Julia did not know whether she could do the same as well. She may not want the child but if it arrived in the world, she could not shirk her responsibility to it.
"Julia, I'm so sorry... ." Alex tried to make her understand that Alex did not like refusing her. In her own opinion, Alex felt that no one had a right to dictate to a woman what should or should not be done with her own body. However, the determination of life in an unborn foetus was an area they knew nothing about. At what point did a collection of cells transcend the ignominy of being a growth into something that was alive and possessing consciousness? Perhaps in the future, the determination could be made but for now, it was considered nothing less than murder and the doctor in Alex was too abhorrent to the word to perform such surgery.
"This is because of Ezra, isn't it!" Julia barked, the refusal finally snapping the composure she had been trying to maintain.
"Julia of course not," Alex knew that there was no malice in her words, just the fear that was driving it. "Ezra is my friend and so are you. I just can't do what you ask." Even as the words left her mouth, Alex felt them sour inside her throat. She wanted to help Julia because Alex could see how terrified she was.
"You still hate me because of Ezra!" Julia declared and leapt to her feet. "You've finally getting your revenge! I'm sorry about Ezra! I was wrong to treat you that way but I have nowhere else to turn!" She started to cry and Alex felt her heart sink because that was not it at all. More than anything, she wanted to help Julia but what Julia was asking for was something she could not do. Alex had never even seen the procedure done before and it was delicate surgery that could have serious ramifications if she made a mistake.
"Julia please!" Alex tried to calm her down, desperately attempting to convince her that her decision had nothing to do with Ezra at all. "We'll think of some other solution but I do want to help you! I just can't help you this way." She placed a hand of comfort on Julia's shoulder.
"Please Alex," Julia started to beg. "I don't know what else to do. I just know I can't carry this child. I'm so afraid."
"Julia, even if I wanted to do this operation, barring the legalities of it and all, I have never even seen it done. Its not that kind of procedure one attempts with no prior knowledge. We know in theory how it works but not actually how to do it. If I were to make a mistake, the damage to you would be severe and I'm not prepared to risk your future ability to have children on what I hope I can do." Alex explained, moved by Julia's tears to a point where she actually considered doing it. "Think about what I'm saying Julia. I know children may not be what you want right now but in the future, it might be and I won't jeopardise that for you by going in blind."
Julia composed herself and nodded, surprised by the honesty in Alex's voice, knowing that she was genuinely attempting to help. Alex was right, even though Julia was abhorrent of having children now, it was not to say that she would be similarly disposed in the future. She knew Ezra talked about a family some day and despite his cavalier scorn towards the subject, there was just enough hint of longing in his voice to indicate that he had not discounted the possibility.
"I'm afraid Alex," Julia whispered softly, knowing now that while Alex wanted to help, Julia could not look to her for assistance. She had one other alternative left, which she would keep to herself for now. While she felt some measure of resentment at Alex's refusal to perform the surgery that would make her problem disappear in a haze of sedatives, she knew that it was not motivated out of any sense of malice. Julia could see that Alex held an honest fear that her inexperience might do more harm than good. "I know I can't have a child and while I wish it gone, I am not comfortable with that idea any more than the first." Julia sucked in her breath as she tried to will some of the fear away.
"I wish I knew how to help you," Alex said truthfully. "But I cannot do what you ask."
"I understand," Julia nodded and met the doctor's gaze after a moment of thought. "Can we please do the examination anyway? I would like to know how far a long I am, it would assist me when I make a decision."
"Of course," Alex replied. "Does Ezra know?"
"Yes," Julia nodded slowly as they rose from the seats in the parlour and started moving towards the clinic again. "He proposed."
"Always the gentlemen." Alex found herself smiling, pleased that Ezra had at least tried to do the right thing even though Julia was not receptive to the idea.
"This time out of obligation, I think." The redhead sighed. "Its not the way I wish to hear his proposal."
Alex could not disagree with that wish, although now that she had thought about it, Vin had never really spoken anything in the nature of a commitment. Alex knew he loved her and she certainly loved him but they had never once approached the subject and she could not help wondering why. After all, they felt for each other with great intensity, why hadn't he proposed or even make some formal acknowledgment that they were courting. A question for another time, she decided. Right now, Alex was determined to see to it that Julia did not do anything rash. If there was one thing she had come to learn about Julia Pemberton during their past association, pleasant or unpleasant, it was that she was prone to taking extreme measures to get what she wanted.
Alex prayed it would not come to that because Julia may not survive it.
"Are you sure its him?" Josiah asked Nathan as the healer was pacing the floor of his infirmary. The rest of the seven were watching him closely, perfectly aware that it was only their presence that kept Nathan from running to the hotel where Nicholas Serfonteine was currently in residence with his sister Violet to kill the man.
"Of course I'm sure!" Nathan barked. How could they even ask such a question? "Its him. A lot years can go by and but I'll know that son of a bitch until I die or until I kill him, which ever comes first."
"Nathan, that was a long time ago." Josiah tried to reason with the man but knew that there was nothing that anyone of them could say that would reach Nathan or make what Serfonteine did right. No words had the power to right that much pain. "I know he can't be prosecuted for what he did during his slave owning days but killing him ain't right."
Josiah better than anyone, knew what Nathan had endured at Serfonteine's hand. When Josiah had found Nathan all those years ago, a mere boy, lying in the dirt after exhaustion had beaten him as surely as the whip that had torn his flesh, Josiah had wanted the man dead too. No one could look at those rips of torn skin on the boy's back and not be moved by the amount of determination and sheer will that had driven Nathan to escape and elude his captors over two states. For five days, Josiah had tended his wounds, fought the fever that had boy made whimper and sob for the sister who was obviously dead.
"Killing him is the least he deserves." Nathan glared at Josiah with a voice that so filled with hatred that it sent a cold shiver through the spine of everyone in the room. "I aim to make him pay."
"You're not a killer Nathan." Chris spoke up, seeing Josiah was not reaching the man although Chris had not really expected that anyone of them could. This was something deeply personal that none of them understood. Chris could not imagine what horrors a man might endure or what memories he might hold of those times when he was held in servitude to another man. Chris remembered the plantations of the south well enough to know that if Nathan wanted this man dead, then he probably had a good reason for it.
"For him, I'm make a goddamn exception." The healer said with unbidden venom. "Don't underestimate how much I want this bastard dead. He done things that he's going pay for, one way or the other."
"Mr Jackson," Ezra spoke, feeling weary enough as it was at the way things were progressing in Four Corners today. As it was, Julia's situation had him in knots and he was poised on the edge of panic. "I am probably the last person who ought to make comment on this but I feel I should. If you harm this man, you will be bringing to an end everything that you worked so hard to build here. You are a respected healer in these parts by the townsfolk and certainly everyone in this room, do what you intend and you will end all that as surely as if he had a put a bullet to your head and pulled the trigger."
"Yeah Doc," Vin took up Ezra's slack, seeing the indecision that crept into Nathan's gaze as Ezra brought this most convincing argument to light. "Alex said you can be a doctor in four years if you work at it. Don't throw it away because of that kind scum."
Nathan said nothing and bit down hard, feeling the rage bubble inside him each time Serfonteine's face surfaced in his mind. Beneath that terrible visage was something else that made him burn with even more fiery hatred and it was that face he could not ignore. It was Rebecca who demanded justice not him; he was its instrument of its delivery. "The scum as you called it," Nathan said quietly but loud enough for everyone to hear. "Raped and murdered my fourteen year old sister. He beat to death after he forced himself on her and I couldn't do nothing but watch! Do you have any idea what its like? Any of you? To have to see that and then have to look at the man and still be forced to call him Master?' Do you!"
No one could answer and Chris realised how unmovable Nathan would be on the subject. Of course, he was right. No one could possibly imagine what it was like to go through that. Chris would have killed the man on the spot oblivious to the consequences to himself and he had a feeling that the terrible scars he had once seen on Nathan's back might have been the result of just one of those consequences.
"Jesus Nathan," Buck said softly. "I'm sorry." Of all people in the room, Buck knew what it was like to lose a loved one to such villainy and yet Nathan's situation was completely different to what he had faced when his young fiance Alice had been raped and later forced to take her own life.
"I can't let this go." Nathan paced the floor once again, grappling with indecision. He wanted to kill Serfonteine. The desire to do so was so incredibly potent that the healer could think of nothing else and despite his ambivalence to the entreaties made by his friends, some of what they had said penetrated. He did have a life in Four Corners. He had the respect of his friends and the townsfolk who saw him as a healer and the dream of becoming a real doctor was no longer just a fantasy, it had in the last day taken on tangible substance. If he were to take Serfonteine's life in vengeance, everything that he had accomplished in Four Corners would die with the man.
"Nathan I don't know what to say to you." Josiah tried once more. "He ain't fit to live for what he's done. You got no argument from anyone in this room on that point but kill him and you throw your own life away. Ask yourself if that's what your sister wanted."
Nathan blinked and stared at Josiah at the mention of Rebecca and found himself faced with an argument that he could not brush away because he was right. Rebecca would not want him to die at the hands of the man who had taken her life when he had so much to live for in his own. Nathan let out a breath that was almost a shudder. It wrenched him inside out to admit they were right, that Rebecca would not want this and he could not bring himself to shame the memory of her by another brutal act of violence. It was not how she would have wanted things.
"We gotta live Nathan," she always whispered when they spent the night staring into the stars, talking about nonsensical things that would never in their reckoning through . "We gotta survive this cause I know it ain't forever."
He had not believed her because an eternity of servitude was all he had ever known as it was for his father before him and his grandfather whom Nathan never met because his father was sold away as a babe. However, Rebecca had believed it because she was hopeful and her faith was well that could not run dry. So he had to survive for her.
"All right," Nathan nodded begrudgingly, his dark eyes moving across the faces of the men in the room, men who would have move heaven and earth for him for them. He had never believed that such loyalty could exist between people of different coloured skin but the seven was a circle of power. It was a mystical number that strengthened them all even though none would speak of it out loud. "I'll let it go." His voice had almost disappeared into a whisper. "I'd let it go because you're right Josiah," his eyes glistened like black onyx as the emotion welled in them. "Becky wouldn't want this."
He was a visible sigh of relief in all their faces as held breaths were released and the tension seeped from the room like rising mist. It was at that point Nathan understood just how afraid they were for him even though they each wore the façade that hid that fear from their visage. It was clearest in JD because he was the youngest and six men who allowed him into their fellowship had become his family and its dissolution frightened him even more than the worst gun-totting bandit.
In Vin Tanner it was relief, pure and simple. Vin knew all about being marked as Ely Joe had marked him so terribly that he now lived the life of a fugitive when all the tracker wanted to do was fade away. It had never mattered so much to Vin before, having a bounty on his head but his world had expanded beyond the seven and now encompassed a woman with whom he wished to build a future and could not as long as he was still a wanted man. Nathan could see it in Vin's usually impenetrable eyes that he did not want Nathan to squander a second chance he would give dearly to have.
There was fear in Ezra's face but it had nothing to do with Nathan's situation, this much the healer was certain. However, what he saw in the fancy man's blue eyes was still concern although his thoughts seemed preoccupied. Nathan remembered how Ezra had spoken so eloquently and felt his anger diminish knowing that Ezra had defied convention to call him friend even though when they had first met, there was a narrow margin of difference between the gambler and Serfonteine.
Buck Wilmington looked at Nathan and the healer saw understanding wrestling with the similar to see justice done. He knew what it was like to lose a woman in such a heart breaking way and had suffered the same arrow of pain through his heart when he was forced to let her killer walk away.
"Why don't you go to see Rain as planned Nathan." Josiah suggested after a moment, breaking the silence in the room "Get out and see the folks up the village. Its gotta be time for you to be checking up on them." Josiah wanted Nathan far away from Four Corners while Serfonteine was in town. While his former master was in his presence, it would be a constant reminder of what Serfonteine had done to his sister and even Nathan was capable of losing his temper, no matter how much he may have been resolved to keep his word to them.
"You mean leave town so I don't tear Serfonteine a new one." Nathan managed a humourless smile.
"Something like that." Chris made himself heard. The gunslinger had allowed Josiah to do the talking because the preacher had known Nathan the longest, it now appeared. Josiah had not told him the specific circumstances of their meeting but Chris had a feeling that the death of Nathan's sister was not a surprise to him. He reminded himself to ask Josiah just what he knew about the specifics of the tragedy when they were away from here. "In the meantime, some of us will perhaps make it a little easier for him to understand its time he be leaving."
"Yeah," Buck agreed wholeheartedly, giving Chris a sidelong glance that told the latter that he had every intention of participating in what Chris like to a call a 'friendly show of force'. "A little friendly persuasion never hurt anybody."
"Count me in." JD replied, showing his determination to help by following the other's lead. He had never seen a plantation in his life but he had read books and Uncle Tom's cabin by Harriet Beacher Stowe had burned itself into his memory and later his hide when his mother caught him with a copy. She called it a testament to human ugliness that he had no business tainting himself with knowing. He had forgotten about it until the day he had heard Vin and Buck speaking in whispers about the scars on Nathan's back and the terrible things he had read in that book surfaced once again in JD's mind.
"I'll make it easy for you. I'll got to the Seminole village first thing come dawn." Nathan sighed, knowing that this was their polite way of asking or rather Chris Larabee's attempt at diplomacy. Nathan had no doubt that if he had refused to go, it was highly likely that the gunslinger would have him guarded by the others until Serfonteine was no longer in danger. Chris cared for no one's sensibilities when it meant protecting their life, whatever their reasons might be. "You don't gotta worry about me doing anything stupid."
"I hope not." Chris replied and a sliver of ice crept into his voice that made all of them shiver. "If you do anything to harm that man, we won't be able to protect you. It may not be us that come after you but you can bet your ass someone will. If that little sister of his is anything to go by with at how his family will react to you killing him, they'll send everyone they can after you."
"Marks not an easy thing to live with Nathan." Vin added. "You don't want to be carrying one." He spoke as someone who had perfectly understanding of what it was like to be a hunted man.
"You just keep him out of town." Nathan growled as he tried to submerge the hatred he felt inside for Nicholas Serfonteine. It attacked him relentlessly, even though he was being overwhelmed by the good intentions of his friends. The hatred seemed to rebel at the attempts to pacify it, making the reason slip form his mind like the pull of a taut piece of a string until breaking point was just a tug away. "You keep him out of town and away from me."
"Rest assured Mr Jackson," Ezra spoke, breaking out of his silence long enough to make that comment. "I am certain that after your very public announcement regarding his former activities, there would be very little reason for Mr Serfonteine to remain in Four Corners."
Nathan was sceptical because he knew Nicholas Serfonteine better than any of them. The man was as soulless and remorseless a creature as Nathan had ever encountered. Even before he had had raped and murdered Rebecca, Nathan had heard about the terrible punishments inflicted upon the others slaves in the plantation. Amputations for constant runaways, whippings and tortures just for his pleasure, the man was a brutal sadist but he dared practice his savagery only on the slaves. Nathan had been his fencing partner for years and if he had not quickly learnt the art, Nathan was sure he would have been dead by now, run through by a sword long before the man had even considered putting his filthy hands on Rebecca.
"You would think wouldn't you Ezra," he said softly . "But I'll be it ain't so. It ain't gonna be that simple at all."
Chris saw the burning inside Nathan's eyes and could not admit to himself or anyone else that the healer was right. It was not going to be over with that much simplicity for there was a chill in the air that promised a storm on the horizon. They could all feel it in their bones.
They just could not bring themselves to admit it.
She was so beautiful.
Her skin was soft and firm. The kind a man could lose his touch in a thousand times over. When he held her lips to his, he knew she wanted him. Nicholas could feel the taut desire in her young body even though she fought him with virgin naivete. Her hands had tried to force him away as she clung to the shreds of her virtue, her body writhing underneath him, the bedding trapping her against him. Her legs clamped shut and he had to admire her restraint as she fought the will of her mutual lust, even when he had slipped his own between her slender thighs and forced them apart.
"Please no Master... ." He had heard her moan.
Her pleas made him more aroused than he ever believed and when he held his hand over her mouth to silence her, for the moment was simply to beautiful to ruin with words, she had responded erotically with a bite that barely registered as pain. It served only to force the urgency building in his manhood and he decided to play her rough games, striking her hard and delighting into her loud cries of pain and pleasure.
He had watched her for some time now and wondered if her mother was perhaps not a full negress for there was elements of her features that spoke a beauty that was present in none of the others in the slave quarters. Her brother was no half-caste but he was certain she was. He watched her acting as a serving maid in the house, his eyes always following her only to be rewarded with an apprehensive stare in return as she scampered away into new hiding places where he could not taunt her with his presence.
When he had willed courage enough into himself to visit the slave quarters, the others had stepped aside, knowing that the Master emerging into their realm by night was finally coming to claim what was his and only his. He had sent her brother away earlier that evening on some errand and expected that she would be alone when he arrived. She was. He knew her name was Becky because the others called her that.
"Please Master!" She heard him plead and felt himself harden knowing that desired voice wanted him as lustily as he wanted her. He pressed his mouth against her and swam when her lips tasted like honey. She fought him but then he expected that for she was young and all virgins whatever colour their skin might be were naturally shy and inhibited. It only required him to draw out the sensuality beneath the years of conditioning that all women were forced to obey.
When her nails dug into his skin, he felt himself slide into heaven and the pleasure that came with her sharp nails tearing his arm as she forced him away or tried to resist her own raging needs, snapped the restraint within him. Her words said no but they were meant to deceive for her tone spoke a urgent want to be taken that was so fierce he could not do anything but surrender completely to it.
Nicholas Serfonteine remembered little of what happened after that knowing only that when he was done with the slave girl everyone called Rebecca, he was covered in her blood. He stared into her face and saw a multitude of bruises. She was pretty when he had first lain with her but not any more. The features that had struck him so completely while she played the part of serving girl was little more than pulpish flesh. It was fortunate that her eyes were so swollen that he could not see them for Nicholas doubted he would have been able to stomach the sight of human eyes from that grotesque mess of ruined skin.
The haze lifted over his eyes then as the drink worked its way out of his system at about the same time he reached apex in his release of orgasmic pleasure. She lay before him still and through the vague shape of his memories, remembered that she had stopped struggling shortly before he had climaxed, although he could not recall which one it was. He had been with her for several hours and had pleasured her in so many different ways, giving her neither time to recoup as his lust made him virtually inexhaustible. He had staggered away from her squalid quarters, bumping into her brother on the way out... what had been his name... that's right, Ajax.
The boy was no more than seventeen but already he was starting to become a full grown buck. It was time to move him into the fields, Nicholas had found himself thinking as he staggered out of the room, spent and sticky with the sweat from the exhilarating encounter. It was a shame, he thought as he moved towards the house of white marble that was the centrepiece of the plantation called Avalon. The boy was a skilful fencing partner but he had to be practical. It was not wise to give a slave too much experience in the use of such deadly weapons. Nicholas made his way up the wide steps, seeing the dim light of his sister's bedroom illuminating the night sky through her window.
"Bastard!" He heard a tortured cry that forced him around and he saw Ajax glaring at him at the foot of the steps, looking like devil had crossed into this world and had paused in the young man's face. "You killed her!"
That was the extent of the threat he posed. No sooner than that vicious remark had been made, his trusted foreman and lackeys descended on the boy like a pack of wolves, they had him bound and ready for punishment even before Nicholas was aware of the danger that might have been. Of course, there had to be an example although in retrospect, there was little relish to be had from a whipped slave that would do nothing but weep for the sister who had died. They had cut him down and left him to the ministrations of the other slaves and Nicholas was content that it was definitely time for Ajax to make his debut in the fields.
However, the next day he was gone.
They tracked him as far as the Georgia state line and a little further into Kentucky. Nicholas was sure he had died, the injuries on his body were simply too extensive to allow him to make that journey without fatal consequences. Nicholas shrugged it off and accepted the loss, knowing that it was probably better that he were dead for he would not like the punishment if he ever set foot in Avalon again.
But he had not died. He had escaped and was now a free man. Nicholas stared out the window of the dusty town of Four Corners, watching the place that Ajax had now called home. He could understand why a runaway slave might make a home of this place. There seemed to be every kind roaming the streets, Nigras and Mexicans. There was certainly a varied assortment in occupation in this principality and knowing that Ajax was apart of all this made Nicholas sick to his stomach, particularly when he had seen how the man was defended by a host of white men against their own kind. Even southerner had stood with the slave against him. A southerner! The outrage Nicholas felt at that state of affairs was more than he could stand.
What they needed here was some decent values and a firm reminder of how things should be instead of how they had been allowed to disintegrate.
"I cannot believe those men represent the law in this town." Violet exclaimed, fanning herself with the lace fan as she sat on the divan, recovering from the excitement earlier that day. The entire experience had left the young woman so astonished and outraged that she had no wish to leave the room, which in itself was something of a minor miracle. After all, she seldom preferred to remain indoors for any reason and was always out for a stroll to absorb local culture as she liked to describe it.
"This is a small frontier village," Nicholas remarked, still staring out the window, when he caught sight of a most dazzling creature. For a moment, Violet's words seemed to drift off into the distance as he watched the siren walking down the boardwalk, trailing a cascade of shimmering gold hair behind her. He saw her purposeful walk as she continued down the street and wondered who she was and knew without doubt that he was going nowhere until he found out. "Decent values do not seem as set here as they do in more respectable locations my dear sister."
"Well something ought to be done." Violet snapped, pouring herself another cup of lemon tea as she complained. "It is a sad state of affairs when a Nigra can address a gentlemen in that manner. It seems the days were must simpler when the slaves were still on the plantation."
"Of course they were," Nicholas said with a faint smile, glancing at her long enough to feel a swell of pride at the spectacular success of the values he had instilled in her. "Those were wonderful times. You were of course too young to remember the days before daddy and I were forced to go fight the damn Yankees."
"Yes," she said longingly, feeling a pang of sadness at being born so late and having missed the height of southern glory. "I for one shall not be sad to put this place behind us. It is utterly appalling."
Nicholas paused, knowing his next bit of news was not going to be received well and braced himself for the eventual discourse that would arise after its announcement. "Actually, I do not believe we will be moving on so soon."
Violet's eyes flung open. "Pardon me, I thought I heard you say we were remaining here in this god forsaken pit."
He turned away from the window now that his golden haired goddess had disappeared from view, making a mental note to seek her out at a later date. "Your hearing is as impeccable as ever. We are indeed remaining here for the time being."
"Why?" She exclaimed in open dismay. "Why on earth would you want to stay in this place!"
"Let us say that it has inspired my sense of order to bring some morality into this oasis of contamination." Nicholas grinned, enjoying her annoyance very much.
"They will kill you brother dear!" She rose to her feet and declared. "Those men have guns and that awful, awful Nigra said that he was going to hurt you!"
"He won't do anything." Nicholas assured her, meeting her at the seat and reinforcing his promise by a comforting hand to her shoulder. "I am protected by the law because the crime he believes me guilty of is not a crime that is punishable in any court of law. Fortunately, no one wishes to see the upheaval of slave practices in any shape or form so I am free and untouchable."
"Not to a bullet." She pointed out directly.
Nicholas smiled faintly, "not judging by how fas they pulled him off me. Ajax doesn't have it in him to be a killer. He never did."
"Nathan," she said not ready to believe him. "His name is Nathan now."
"Whatever," he dismissed the notion. "In any case, I shall be remaining in town for a few days, just to see what develops. If you like, I shall put you on the stage when it is repaired and you can return to Avalon."
She considered it. He could tell by the way her lips pursed that she was thinking about going home but he knew his sister well. While Violet may purport to being the genteel southern belle, she did hated being away from the centre of any excitement and she could tell that his remaining in Four Corners was certainly going to generate a great deal of it.
Predictably, she responded in the answer he had expected. "Well perhaps I shall linger here and keep you company." She said breathlessly. "I am in no mood to make the journey home alone Although your attempts to bring decent southern values to this godless place will provide me with some entertainment."
"You are indeed a vicious creature." He laughed and then remarked. "However, I have no intention of endeavouring such a herculean task on my own. I am afraid I shall have to make a trip to the local telegraph office and request some of my associates to make a little trip."
"Brother dear," she looked at him critically. "Are you attempting to create some mischief in the fair town of Four Corners?"
Nicholas Serfonteine did not answer but rewarded her with nothing more than a smile, which was response enough to those who knew how to read it.
Ezra Standish stared into the amber fluid at the bottom of his glass so far away from where he was that even Chris Larabee was moved to curiosity by the expression of utter blankness in those normally observant eyes. After the situation with Nathan had been concluded to some degree, the group had disbanded with Chris and Ezra making their way here while Josiah and Vin stayed close to Nathan for the time being and Buck and JD had retired to the jailhouse.
If there was one thing that Chris had learnt about Ezra during all the time of their acquaintance was that the man did not know how to shut up. Ezra enjoyed speaking, sometimes just to hear his own voice, Chris decided. However on this occasion, the gambler was strangely silent. He had been somewhat distracted even when they were trying to pacify Nathan and although Chris sensed his concern to be no less than the rest of the seven, there was something else on Ezra's mind that the gambler was unprepared to reveal.
Although they were not close, not the way Chris was close to Vin Tanner or held old friendships with Buck, Chris had come to consider Ezra a friend. He knew that Ezra was no longer the person that had run away during their first adventure and left his comrades in arm to face a fanatical Confederate army. Ezra had put his life on the line for the others and himself personally more times than Chris could even begin to count to ever distrust the man again. Intrusion was not in Chris' vocabulary but he was mellowing these days, Besides, with Nathan threatening to go off the rails at any moment over the escalating situation with Nicholas Serfonteine, Chris wanted to head of any problem that might arise from Ezra's sudden lapse.
"Something wrong?" Chris asked having sat at the same table with Ezra for almost twenty minutes without the gambler saying a word. Chris had asked just to break the length of silence that had slipped beyond awkward to ridiculous.
"Nothing that you could help me with Mr Larabee." Ezra said not looking away from his glass.
"Try me." Chris probed deeper, feeling properly challenged now.
Ezra's gaze shifted to meet Chris. His fluid blue eyes, with tinges of sea depth green stared into the similarly coloured pool of ice that was Chris Larabee's eyes and considered the question. Ezra found himself debating whether or not he wanted to let anyone in on this most private turmoil he now found himself trapped within. Of course, as a confidant, he could pick no one better. Chris had more secrets than anyone of them and it was not often that the gunslinger cared to ask. That had to count for something.
"At the risk of you taking my head off, I'll need to ask you a rather personal question."
Chris stiffened, wondering what Ezra's game was and whether or not he really wanted to get himself involved. After a second, Chris realised he had been the one to make the opening gesture and so he should at least try to help before he slammed the door back in Ezra's face. "Okay, ask me." He said shortly.
"When you found out that you were going to be a father, how did that effect you?"
Of all the questions that Ezra could have asked of him that was the one Chris least expected. For a moment, he had to make sure that the gambler was actually serious and not softening him up for an even worse invasion of privacy, but no such thing happened. Ezra was looking at him with expectation, waiting for an answer. Chris considered the question. How had he felt when Sarah told him?
"Happy, a little scared maybe but mostly happy." He remembered her face, her smiling face when she had announced the news and how she felt in his arms as he picked her up and embraced her from the sheer pleasure of learning that they were not just two but soon to be three. Suddenly, Chris could truly appreciate why he had found Mary sobbing earlier this morning. He crushed the twinge of pain that tugged at his heart at the memory.
"Did you ever think that you weren't ready?" Ezra asked. "That it was not time?"
"Hell Ezra," Chris shrugged, starting to understand why Ezra was so far away. He wondered if the question was mere curiosity or had something happened to Ezra that forced the gambler to give the subject serious thought. "I was married by then. I wasn't ready to be a father a hundred percent, I don't think any man ever is but I knew that it could happen and so I was a little prepared when it did. I do know when I held Adam in my hands for the first time, it was like nothing I could describe." Chris felt the emotion surfacing again and cleared his throat to force away the pain.
The moment was etched forever in his mind that first instance when the doctor handed him this small bundled wrapped in soft wool. Pink, wrinkly and hardly looking at all happy to be where it was in Chris' arms and yet the gunslinger had felt the world change for him the first time he looked into that tiny face. He was a cynical man most of his life, with little faith in people and the way of the world but when he looked into his son's face for the first time, he felt his faith restored the way nothing had been able to do, not even Sarah. Perhaps now he understood why he had been plunged into oblivion when Adam was gone.
"Julia's pregnant." Ezra found the words tumbling from his lips, knowing Chris would keep the news absolutely confidential.
Chris had more or less expected it. "What are you going to do?"
"She is frightened to death and frankly Mr Larabee, so am I."
"Doesn't change things Ezra," Chris replied. "A child is still coming."
"She is not ready." Ezra swallowed, never realising how difficult it was to speak of such a thing. He had never considered the idea of having a family or even a wife for that matter. He loved Julia but he had this strange notion that they would remain as they would, untouched by time or the world in the little universe of their own making. "She is even less ready than I am. I at least had the presence of mind to propose but she is terrified. She cannot even conceive of it."
"She's young and unmarried. She's got plenty reason to be scared." Chris reminded him. "It ain't so easy for women as it is for us. We can walk away but the moment it starts showing, she better be married or she'd be ruined in the eyes of the others."
"Was Mrs Larabee ever afraid at the thought of impending motherhood?" Ezra inquired.
"She was but I tried to help her through it. It helped that we both going in blind together, kind of partner in misery sort of thing." Chris said with the barest hint of a smile. "Maybe you ought to show her that it ain't just her that's scared."
"Julia is not as accommodating as your sainted wife Mr Larabee," Ezra sighed. "If truth be known, she is actually quite an unmitigated pain in the ass."
"Who is carrying your child."
Ezra looked at him abruptly and then was forced to concede that point. "Yes and I could just ride out of here and not ever look back It would be so easy to do so wouldn't it Mr Larabee? To be completely without responsibility or conscience?" Ezra mused.
"It would be," Chris nodded and then added. "Except that you ain't that person no more."
Ezra smiled, touched that Chris would go so far on a limb to make that statement. "No I am not and it looks to me that I have a great deal of thinking to do."
Chris could not argue with him there. He certainly did have a great deal of thinking to do.
When Nathan emerged from his infirmary having been convinced by Josiah that that a decent game of cards was what he needed, the healer that actually believed it was good idea. He knew that both Vin and Josiah were reluctant to leave him alone, not when the anger he felt towards Nicholas Serfonteine was still so fresh in his mind. In truth, Nathan knew that they were not far wrong from that assertion for if it would not go against everything Rebecca had dreamed for him and at the cost of everything he had achieved in this town, he would have killed the man without a moment's hesitation. There were too many painful memories inside Nathan Jackson's mind to ever let bygones be bygones. While he could not act upon it, Nathan nonetheless wanted the man dead.
It was mid afternoon in Four Corners and the townsfolk seemed to have forgotten all about his altercation with the new arrivals when the healer finally made a public appearance once again. People were enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon and Nathan felt a pang of guilt knowing that Vin was here guarding him when he was actually meant to be with Alexandra Styles on their ride.
"You know you don't gotta nursemaid me." Nathan replied, a good deal calmer than he had been. "I know you and Miss Alex were supposed to go riding." He pointed out.
Vin shrugged as they continued up the boardwalk past the shops that were closed on Sunday. There were still people about window shopping though and the mood was one of relative peace that is as peaceful as it ever got in a frontier town like Four Corners. "There's still plenty of daylight and Alex don't mind watching sunsets."
"You're a poet and a romantic." Josiah pointed out and immediately sent the tracker into wave of crimson embarrassment at such a description.
"Well if you're going to get all sappy on me preacher, I'll just leave now." He grumbled, unable to hide the bashful look on his face.
Josiah laughed, enjoying Vin's discomfiture a great deal. Although they were accustomed to seeing Vin and Alex together, it was the tracker who had more trouble discussing his relationship then they were seeing it. While it was obvious how deeply he felt for the lady doctor, Vin was still shy about the whole subject and that gave the others a great deal of amusement at his expense. "Are you at some point intending on cementing the relationship?" He inquired, knowing that a response from Vin was unlikely unless it could be answered in one or two short words.
"I don't know." Vin retorted, decidedly uncomfortable about the whole subject.
"Is Miss Alex the marrying kind?" Nathan inquired, not all having the impression in any of their conversations that Alex had any desire to be a wife even if Vin should ever brave asking her.
Vin was about to answer when suddenly, Nicholas Serfonteine appeared on the boardwalk and was headed in their direction. Nathan saw him almost immediately and both Vin and Josiah were poised to act with Josiah quickly making a cautionary statement. "Easy Nathan, remember what we talked about."
"Don't worry." Nathan said coldly, his eyes never shifting from Serfonteine's face as the man approached. The southerner had spotted the former slave and both men glared at each other as they crossed the space between them, neither willing to make the sensible gesture of stepping aside to avoid each other.
"Come on Nathan," Josiah urged. "We'll go this way."
"I ain't stepping aside for him." Nathan said firmly and meant it. "Not again."
"Then ignore him." Vin responded. "Just walk on by Nathan, this isn't the place or the time for another fight."
Nathan had no intention of fighting Nicholas Serfonteine because the words spoken so earnestly by his friends had meant something to him and Nathan was not breaking his oath to them. He would not kill his former master but neither was he going to yield any inch of dirt before or after him for this man's convenience. He had the right to walk on this boardwalk and he was going to do so whether or not Serfonteine liked it.
"Hello Ajax." Nicholas responded as soon as Nathan was close enough to hear it. The greeting was purely provocative, instigated to force Nathan into acting rashly However, the healer was not biting today.
"My name is Nathan." Nathan replied, perfectly aware of what Nicholas was attempting to do. Beside Nathan, Vin and Josiah watched the healer carefully, knowing that it was just a matter of time before the restraint slipped and another altercation ensued. This time, it may be just a little more than feathers that were ruffled. Someone could get killed.
"I suppose it's your little gesture of freedom to discard your rightful name." Nicholas shrugged, contempt oozing from those pristine features of deep green eyes and sunny blond hair that made him a shining example of bigoted purity.
"My father gave me that name." Nathan replied "He gave me that name, long before I became your property."
"Nathan," Josiah prompted. "Let's just go to the saloon. You don't need this."
"You surround yourselves with powerful friends," Nicholas glanced at Vin and Josiah with obvious dislike. "Or are they your new masters now? Do you play house boy for them or stable hand?"
"He plays doctor." Vin could not help voicing out loud. The man's sick diatribe was enough to penetrate the normally cool veneer of Vin Tanner's sensibilities.
"Doctor?" Nicholas laughed. "It will be a cold day in hell before any darkie becomes a doctor."
"Well hell's freezing." Vin retorted before Nathan could. "You're in a place where anything can happen and does. Maybe its best you leave while you can."
"No," the man shook his head with a broad smile. "I have not intention of going anywhere for a good deal of time my good man. I have found this little town of yours quite interesting and think I shall be remaining here for quite some time. Of course if you find my presence disturbing Ajax, perhaps you should leave."
Nathan clenched his fists as he stared into that smug face. "This is my home and it take more than trash like you to scare me from it."
"Times change." Nicholas retorted, deciding now that he wanted to see this former supplicant forced from this town, ejected like the nigger he was, not respected like some community pillar. "People's opinion shift so unpredictably. Whose to say you will be welcome here in a matter of weeks."
"Not this town." Josiah said confidently. "What you are preaching Sir is meant to frighten little children into talking their studies more seriously, hardly worth the effort of the speaking."
"Come on," Nathan urged, brushing past Nicholas because he had no wish to listen to the man's posturing rhetoric. "I need that drink more than ever. Suddenly, I'm sick to my stomach." Vin and Josiah could agree with Nathan's sentiment and followed the healer as he crossed the street. They were part way to the saloon when they heard Nicholas call out after them
"See you around Ajax."
Nathan flinched and let the words bounce of him, knowing that they could not hurt him if he refused to allow it. While none of them said anything, Nathan knew that Vin and Josiah were thinking the same thing; Chris was right.
There was a storm was coming.
He had never seen a girl like her in his life.
She looked nothing like Casey who was all practicality and lacked the elegance of crinolines and lace that were a staple of most women this day and age. The young woman that he was observing so intently did not walk down the street, she glided in a mist of a pale silk dress of blue as her hazel eyes took in the shops that were closed today. JD had never seen her in town before and he wondered who she might be as he became dazzled by the dark gold hair that glimmered under the afternoon sun. She paused under the awning of the Four Corner's Pemberton, which was in visual distance of the jailhouse, JD tried not to look as if he was gawking as he stared from his chair that was leaning against the front of the building.
She studied whatever lay behind the glass and then moved on along the boardwalk before she noticed his gaze. Her eyes narrowed and almost beckoned him to come which was something JD was almost powerless against as he found himself rising from his chair and making his way across the street. A pang of guilt crossed his mind as he remembered Casey and told himself that he was only going over to be friendly, not for any other reason. Still, as he approached the girl who did not seem much older than him, who had rewarded his approach with a smile, JD could not help admitting that he hoped Buck Wilmington was not rubbing off at him.
"Good afternoon ma'am." JD said as he reached her, raising his hat politely at the same time.
"Why goodness me, I do feel positively old at you calling me ma'am," she offered him another dazzling smile. Violet had noticed the young man when he was keeping watch outside the jailhouse, finding a little amusement in the awful hat that he was wearing on his head. He was trying so hard to rise to the silver star that was fixed on his coat that he failed miserably and Violet could not help finding herself intrigued. "Do call me Violet."
JD smiled, surprised that she was being so friendly instead of stand offish as most women as refined as her were likely to do. "Please to meet you Violet. I ain't seen you in town before, are you new around here?"
"Yes I am," she smiled. "I arrived this morning with my brother Nicholas."
Suddenly JD's expression darkened as he realised who this girl was. She was sister to the filth that had violated Nathan's sister. The discovery immediately ended any prior interest he may have had in her and he now wished he were as far away from her as possible. "You're Serfonteine's sister, ain't you?" He looked at her almost with accusation.
Violet had guessed he would have been friends with the nigger who had tried to harm Nicholas earlier that day. The men had claimed to be the law in this town and with JD's badge clearly labelling him the sheriff of Four Corners, it was only a natural progression to assume that he would be in acquaintance with those men. However, she was genuinely curious about this boy who wore the badge and assume to call himself the sheriff. He was no older than her but there was something about him that begged her interest and for the moment, Violet had little to do in the way of entertainment while Nicholas went on his holy crusade.
"You know the man who attacked my brother I take it." Violet used her words carefully, knowing how sensitive his friends were to the way the nigger was addressed.
JD held his tongue about Nathan's sister because it was not his place to make that private hurt public even to the perpetrator's sister. Besides, she may know nothing of her brother's crimes and JD did not intend to label her the same until he knew her a little better. He was mature enough to know that association did not necessary make a person guilty of another's crime. It also helped that Violet was so damn pretty but JD reminded himself repeatedly that she was sister to Nathan's enemy and so his interest was tempered with caution.
"Nathan had cause to Violet but I ain't bringing that up with you. You ain't guilty of your brother's crime."
"You're so sure a crime was committed?" Violet probed. "How do you know it happened the way your friend said it happen?"
"I believe Nathan more than I do any slave owner." JD retorted. "Nathan is one of the best people I know. He wouldn't lie about something like that."
"Maybe he is mistaken." She retorted.
"He isn't." JD said firmly and decided that she had wasted too much time in her presence. Just being around her made him feel uncomfortable. The young man felt like he was some how betraying Nathan and the others by consorting in any shape or form with Violet. "It was nice meeting you ma'am, he replied drawing away from her, formality oozing in his voice as he made a tactful retreat.
"They must really scare you." Violet spoke with calculation in her voice, completely aware of which button to push in her short acquaintanceship with JD Dunne to get the results she wanted. "For you to run off so afraid to even talk to me."
JD froze in mid step and turned to her. "I ain't afraid of nothing or no one, least of my friends."
"Then you seem to be scampering away in an awful hurry for someone who isn't afraid of anything." The derision underlying her sweet tone was unmistakable as she stared at him with unyielding accusation.
JD stiffened, feeling his ego wounded for any girl to think that he was afraid of Chris and the others. They were his family not just his friends and she was just a girl who did not know anything of the bond shared by the seven. "I ain't scampering anywhere," he countered quickly, his voice full of male bluster. "I just don't want to be around you."
"Then why did you come in the first place?" Violet asked. "I saw you looking at me JD, I know cause I saw you. You only decide you didn't want to know me after you discovered Nicholas was my brother, so that leads me to the conclusion that you must be afraid of your friends' wrath to allow them to see you near me."
JD did not know what to say because he had been attracted to her when he first laid eyes on her. It was impossible not to with that lovely face and the light scent of lavender that teased his nostrils each time he took a breath. However, out of respect to Nathan, which overrode his baser instincts, JD would not allow her to capture her in her skilful snare.
Besides, Buck would never let him forget it.
"Maybe I did." JD responded after considering what he should say. He hated appearing weak in her eyes and could not explain why it was important to him that it did not appear that he was just some kid who had been given the privilege of hanging around men who could do without him in an instant. "But my friends don't judge anyone cause of what their kin done and neither do I. I am leaving for your sake as much as Nathan's. I don't think your brother would be happy to know that you're talking to me and I wouldn't be much of a man if I got you in trouble now, would I?"
When JD saw her delicate brow wrinkle with nothing further passing her lips, he knew that he had won the argument. Before she could say anything further, he tipped his hat at her and said farewell polite and went on his way, smiling.
Nicholas had only one place to go after he had left Nathan Jackson with his intention to remain in Four Corners indefinitely and that was to the telegraph office which fortunately did not close for any reason because of the important need of communication in this region. He was there for almost an hour, dispatching telegrams to a number of people although the messages were all the identical. He estimated no more than a day before the results of his sending's bore fruition.
For the first time since he had seen the slave who had escaped his plantation so many years ago, Nicholas Serfonteine knew exactly what to do. Nathan as he now called himself had taken refuge in this town in the middle of the Territory and built himself a home. Nicholas had made inquiries and allowed enough money to be used as rewards for information to learn that Nathan had quite a little following in the town of Four Corners.
The man in the buckskin had not lied when he called the slave a doctor and furthermore, Nicholas had learnt, there was another doctor in town who had the qualifications to prove it, appeared to be nothing more than a half-caste woman. The outrage he felt at such a state of events offended Nicholas more than he would like to admit and decided that Four Corners did indeed require saving. He wanted to wake up this tiny community to the evil they had allowed into their midst and at the same time destroy everything that Nathan Jackson held dear.
Nathan had run from him once already and Nicholas intended to ensure that he kept running until he dropped dead from the exhaustion or killed himself first. In any case, Nathan Jackson's days of knowing any peace of mind was at and end because Nicholas was going to be dogging his every step, in every town that offered the slave sanctuary, the southerner was going to see him forced to flee. He was going to make Nathan run until the man was on his knees begging to make the torture stop and then Nicholas would oblige Nathan Jackson with a song in his heart and smile on his face.
And a bullet right between the eyes.
Of course that was Nicholas Serfonteine's own pet project but there were larger issues to be considered beyond his little construction of torture for Nathan Jackson's benefit. Four Corners did indeed seem contaminated with distasteful notions of interbreeding that would only weaken the race of white men in the future to come. A lady doctor was barely tolerable but a half-breed? Not only was she a role model to others like her but it might encourage the notion that such things were acceptable in decent society and it was not.
It was time to shake things up around here and Nicholas had friends who were quite adept at doing so.
Julia Pemberton was standing on the edge of an abyss and saw no choice but the step off into the uncertainty of oblivion below her. There was salvation in the dark, she only needed the courage to take that initial step forward and let it embrace her with its shadowy arms. She should have been surprised at Alexandra Style's response to her desperate plea but somehow the refusal was not that much of a shock. Even though she let the fear penetrate the cracks of her carefully held façade briefly, it had made little difference to the doctor who was too pure to be dishonest. Julia understood all of Alex's arguments and even appreciated some of it but knew she could not let the matter rest there.
There would be no conventional choices for her once Alex refused to help. Julia did not feel any resentment towards the doctor but she did find her safest route of escape now firmly closed, forcing her to seek other alternatives. She had not exaggerated when she confessed her fear of having a child. Julia would like to have children some day but not now. She was unprepared to let her life be ruined by an unwanted pregnancy and was willing to undergo any trial to do so.
As she prepared her travelling clothes to do just that, she heard the footsteps walking up the stairs of her house and knew immediately it was Ezra. Hastily, Julia hid the evidence of her departure and immediately sat on the bed, appearing as if she were catching an afternoon siesta instead of embarking on a most hazardous journey.
"Julia," Ezra greeted once he had entered the room. She sat up on the bed and he quickly joined her there, armed with Chris Larabee's advice and the determination that would not let her face this whole thing alone, no matter how desolate she may feel at this point.
"I think we should get married." He repeated his proposal, only this time it was not out of obligation but because he loved her and their child. He was no less afraid than when he had first heard the news but Ezra was adamant not to let a little fear hamper what could truly be the best thing he had ever accomplished in his life.
"Ezra," she turned away, unable to deal with this. "Its not what you want and I'm not forcing you into such a thing. I refuse to cornered into marriage simply because of this."
"Do you love me?" He asked firmly, expecting her response.
Julia let out a sigh. "Of course I love you but I do not want you this way."
"What way?" Ezra declared with a small smile. "I love you more than I've loved any woman in my life. You are carrying my child inside you and perhaps the babe has come sooner than he or she ought but the end result is the same, what you have there," he placed his hand on her belly. "Is the best thing you and I will ever create in this life. Why should we fight it? We should be celebrating its arrival."
He really did believe it, Julia realised. Even though there was still some apprehension in his eyes, he really did believe what he was saying.
"Ezra, I don't know whether I'm ready to be a mother." She confessed. "It frightens me that I'm so unprepared and I don't want to be rid of it but I don't think we should try this either. Neither of us are ready for parenthood."
"You are right on that my dear," he took her head. "Neither of us are ready. To tell you the truth, my first thought when you told me was to get out of town and head for Mexico but the point is, I am not going through it alone and neither are you. We are unprepared I agree but we can do this together, suffer the whole process together. It will be a learning experience for both of us."
Julia swallowed, wishing that he had not come to her with such beautiful words of comfort because in the end he was wrong. During the next nine months if she were to have this child, she would be very much alone. Nothing would change that, not even the respectability of marriage. He would offer his words of support but it would be her body that would change, her womb that would nurture its growth and there was so many variables of what she could do wrong, the least of which was choosing to have the child.
"I have to think about it Ezra," she said quietly.
"I understand." Ezra nodded, knowing what a momentous thing he was asking of her. In the end, their options were limited and he had every confidence of convincing her that they were doing the right thing.
"I need to be alone for awhile." She met his gaze, hoping he understood the need for privacy when grappling with such a choice.
"Of course." Ezra rose to his feet and started to walk away. "I shall be at the saloon if you need me Julia, for anything. I love you and we will endure this together, I promise you." With that, he left the room with a knife of indecision buried deep in her heart. She remained seated until his footsteps descending the steps had faded away into the distance and culminated with the closing of her front door.
She stood up once more and resumed packing, his words still heavy in her mind. Part of her wanted to believe that he was right but the part of her that was shivering in fright from the possibilities of what lay before her, compelled Julia to continue with what she was doing before Ezra's untimely arrival. Still, no matter how determined she was to be rid of this problem, Julia could not help being affected by his words.
Julia had a journey to make and she could waste no more time with miracle solutions. It was time to take the direct approach. Despite her resolve however, Ezra's words had affected her strongly and she found herself lingering on what he said. Finally, after minutes wasted by replaying their conversation in his mind, she decided that she could utilise the time to consider her situation.
After all, it was after all a long ride to Purgatory.