Chris stood near the fireplace holding tightly to Ezra, letting the warmth from the flames wash over his chilled body while constantly reassuring him he was all right now. Nathan took one look at the narrow rickety cot against the wall and had JD and Vin spread out several bedrolls on the floor near the fire. As soon as it was ready, Nathan motioned Chris over and reached to help him lower the gambler onto the makeshift bed.
"Let's keep him sittin' up til I can get his back cleaned up and bandaged... you wanna hang onto him while I finish with his leg and check that ankle again?" Nathan asked and then smiled slightly as he glanced over at Chris and saw Ezra's fingers still clutching his shirt. "Guess ya' got no choice, huh?"
Chris settled himself down beside the smaller man and eased him over to lean against his chest. "That's okay... Ezra and I'll just sit here and prop each other up." He looked down and was thankful to see the flow of tears was slowing. Chris smoothed the southerner's hair off his forehead and frowned at the numerous bruises that marred his handsome features. His guilt at allowing this to happen to one of his own still ate at him. He couldn't let go of the idea that all of Ezra's pain and torment could have been avoided if he'd only worried more about him, but the gambler had a way of making that an extremely hard thing to do. He'd had to take care of himself his whole life and was finding it nearly impossible to accept help from anyone now... even his friends. His present emotional state revealed exactly how thoroughly Parker had demoralized him. He never would have allowed them to see how much he needed them otherwise or never would have accepted the touch he was actively seeking out now. And he definitely would never have let them see him cry.
Nathan gently unwrapped Ezra's ankle and was thankful to find that though the swelling was worse, the bones didn't need to be reset. He replaced the splints and wrapped it back up before returning to the task of caring for the gambler's right leg. Some of the wounds had to be stitched again, but it only took him a few minutes to finish that chore and turn the bandaging over to Vin, leaving him free to tend to all of Ezra's other injuries.
Buck and JD made several trips for firewood knowing they'd need to keep the cabin as warm as possible for the gambler, then positioned themselves on either side of Chris... comforting Ezra with an occasional gentle touch and the knowledge that they were there for him. Josiah busied himself at the fire... making a broth to help Ezra regain his strength, simmering more herbs to help ease his pain and lower his fever... anything to keep himself from dwelling on the guilt he felt for not being there when his friend needed him. Every whimper and cry of pain Ezra uttered cut through his heart like a knife, just as he knew it did with each one of the other men present.
Vin gently took Ezra's hand and held his arm out for Nathan to work on... cleaning and bandaging the scrapes on his wrist and the multitude of cuts and scratches that covered his skin. He found several pieces of glass still embedded in the wounds and glanced at the boarded up window and then back at the gambler. Ezra nodded weakly and whispered, "Seemed... like a good... idea at... the time." He tried to smile but it immediately turned to a grimace of pain as Nathan began unwrapping the dirty bandage that covered the knife wound in his upper arm.
"Josiah, could you hand me another cup of the herbs." One look at the red, swollen flesh that surrounded the wound and Nathan knew this wasn't going to be pleasant for the gambler. He held the cup to Ezra's lips, waiting patiently while he sipped slowly, stopping several times to let him catch his breath. The healer could see he was getting weaker and knew he needed rest but he had to try and get as much of the infection out of the wounds as he could if he hoped to bring his fever down. While he waited for the herbs to take effect, he took care of Ezra's other arm and his face. Nathan gently washed the southerner's face, shaking his head at the assortment of cuts, scrapes and bruises that marred his pale skin. He took special care with the small scrape on his temple, making sure not to press on the bruise Nathan now knew Ezra had probably received from Parker's evil game of Russian roulette. He stared long and hard at it, imagining what it must have been like for his friend and had to blink away the tears that suddenly filled his eyes before continuing. By the time he finished, Ezra finally seemed to be feeling the effects of the herbs and Nathan began to clean out the knife wound. Vin and Buck held the arm tightly while he carefully reopened the laceration and continually ran the cloth through it, painstakingly removing all of the sweat and dirt that had built up in it. Even with the numbing effects of the herbs in his system, the gambler still struggled to get away from them, crying out weakly at the pain that tore through his arm.
"Nathan... please... it hurts..." Ezra felt fresh tears welling up in his eyes as the pain intensified with every touch of the healer's hands and quickly buried his face in Chris' shoulder to hide them. He didn't know what was wrong with him... crying like this in front of the others. He hated it and wanted desperately to stop, but just couldn't seem to get control of himself.
Chris knew the gambler was ashamed of his continued display of emotion because his whole life had been built around his ability to hide his feelings from the world. And now the nightmare he'd just been put through had torn down the walls he'd so carefully built around them and exposed them for everyone to see. Chris bent his head, resting his cheek against the younger man's sweat-soaked hair. "This is nothing to be embarrassed about, Ezra. It's just a natural reaction to all that you've been through in the last few days."
JD knelt down beside them and ran his fingers tentatively over the hand Ezra had fisted in Chris' shirt. Tears flowed openly down his face as he listened to the strangled sobs of his friend, knowing instinctively how much it was hurting the gambler to be seen in this condition. "We're your family now, Ezra... it's okay to cry in front of us. It'll make you feel better to get it all out, I promise."
Josiah had knelt to press gently down on the smaller man's legs, holding them still as he tried to move away from the pain in his arm. He smiled and nodded at his young friend in approval of what he'd said before adding his own reassurances to Ezra. "JD's right, son... you don't need to hide your feelings from us, we're not going to think less of you... we just want to help if you'll let us."
Ezra's sobbing slowed as he thought about their words. Family. It was a new concept for him, one he'd been trying to come to terms with over the last few months. He thought that was what he was beginning to feel... a sense of family... but he just wasn't sure. He'd never had anyone that actually cared about him before. Maude had drilled it into his head since he was a child that he had to remain detached from everyone around him otherwise he'd never be a successful conman. And he'd done exactly that... kept people firmly at a distance and become quite proficient at her chosen career for him. Until he'd come to Four Corners and met the six men he now lived and worked with... and considered friends. He wanted more than anything to let them behind the walls he'd been forced to build to make it through his lonely life, but in all honesty he was scared. Scared they'd see the real Ezra Standish and push him away like everyone else had, leaving him on his own once more... just as he'd been his whole life. But now he was so beaten and lost, he decided he had to take that chance... decided he needed to let them past his defenses in order to make it through this nightmare in one piece. He was finally able to admit to himself that he needed and wanted their help. Nathan speaking softly in his ear brought him out of his pain-filled haze and he turned his head slightly to stare into the healer's worried eyes.
"You still with me, Ezra?" Nathan saw him nod weakly, but he could tell by the dazed look in his eyes that he wouldn't be for much longer. "You just hang in there. We're gonna take a little break and try and get some broth into ya before I take care of your chest and back and then ya can lay down and get some rest." He saw the gambler frown and shake his head slightly. Nathan knew after going so long without much food the mere thought of it probably was turning his stomach, but the longer he went without eating the harder it would be to start again. "Just a little, Ezra... we've got to get your strength up so we can get ya back home."
Chris felt the smaller man tremble slightly in his arms and heard him softly whimper "home". He looked down quickly to see if he was all right. "Ezra?"
Tears trickled slowly down his bruised cheeks as he mumbled, "want'a go... home..." Chris saw his eyes slowly drift shut and his fingers loosen their grip on his shirt until his hand fell limply into his lap. The gunslinger felt his heart stop as Ezra slumped against him. "Nathan?!"
But the healer already had his fingers pressed to Ezra's neck... then checked his pupils and smiled up at the others. "He's just sleepin'," he announced, his voice shaky with relief. He smoothed back the few damp strands of hair that clung to the smaller man's forehead before moving to refill the basin with more of the herbal concoction. Kneeling back down beside Ezra, he began washing out the cuts on his chest. "I'm gonna try and get this done while he's asleep... maybe spare him at least some of this damn pain." Nathan knew that everything he had done to the gambler had been necessary to save his life, but that didn't ease the guilt he still felt at being the cause of him hurting so much now.
He'd just about finished with the wounds on the conman's chest when he suddenly stopped, throwing the cloth into the basin in disgust. "Damn... will you look at this?" Nathan said, his voice tight with anger as he tipped Ezra's head back slightly so the others could see what he'd just discovered. Chris had been holding the gambler almost every minute since they'd found him so nobody'd noticed the marks before, but now everyone stared at the line of purple bruises that encircled his throat. "The sonofabitch must have tried to strangle him... and judgin' from the looks of these, he almost succeeded."
JD reached out a shaky hand and gently touched the bruises, sickened by this latest evidence of the inhuman torture that the gambler had been subjected to. "I don't understand... why would he do this to him? He was the one who cheated... not Ezra. How could anyone do things like this to another person for no good reason? Can someone really be that evil?" JD's voice dropped to a horrified whisper as he waved his hand at Ezra's battered body. "To do... this... just for the fun of it?"
Buck tried to put his arm around the boy to calm him, but JD just threw it off and stood up, tears streaming down his face. "And why didn't we do anything to stop it?! Why didn't we believe his threats and guard Ezra?! Take care of him... like a real family would have!!" The boy's voice shook as he continued to demand answers from the other men. He was almost shouting now in his desperate attempt to find a reason why Ezra had had to go through this nightmare.
Chris felt the gambler stir in his arms and quickly pulled him tighter, whispering softly in his ear and stroking his hair as he tried to lull him back to sleep. He caught Buck's eye and motioned sharply with his head toward the door.
Buck and Josiah both saw him and quickly grabbed JD's arms, pulling the boy gently toward the door while warning him to lower his voice before he upset Ezra. He glanced worriedly at the southerner and stopped shouting, but he was still pelting them with questions, sobbing now as they led him outside. "Why, Buck? Why didn't we take it seriously... just because it was over a poker game? Or just because it was Ezra?"
Nathan, Vin and Chris all winced as JD's words hit home. He was right and they all knew it. They also knew they all had a lot to make up to their friend once they got him home. Ezra was going to be pulled into their newly developing family... kicking and screaming if need be... but he was definitely going to know he belonged there. And they were sure he was going to need all the support and help they could give him... this was all just too much for him to have to deal with on his own.
Ezra raised his head up off Chris' shoulder and peered groggily up at him. "s'JD all right?" Chris stared down at him for a minute before answering... wincing at the pain and exhaustion he saw etched on his face .
"Yeah, he's gonna be okay. He's just worried about you." Glancing up he saw Nathan walking toward them with a cup of broth and with Vin's help, sat the gambler up. Ezra clutched at Chris' shirt as he felt himself being pushed away and the gunslinger quickly wrapped his arm around Ezra's shoulders to reassure him. "Easy now... it's all right. Nathan's just going to give you that cup of broth now... you need to get some food in your stomach."
Ezra shook his head and tried to pull away as Nathan moved toward him. "'m not hungry..." he mumbled weakly as he turned his head away from the proffered cup.
Chris and Vin held him still as Nathan cupped the smaller man's chin in his hand and gently turned his head back around. "Come on now, Ezra... you'll feel better once we get some of this in your stomach. We'll go nice and slow so's t' not make you sick... okay?"
"You better do as he says, Ezra... you lose any more weight and none of your fancy clothes'll fit ya. I'll have ta loan you some of mine til ya can get more made." Ezra stared at Vin for a second while his words slowly penetrated his sluggish thoughts and then trembled as what he was suggesting finally registered. Vin chuckled as he saw the look of horror that passed over the gambler's face at the vision of himself dressed in the tracker's clothes.
"Good Lord..." Ezra turned to Nathan and allowed him to slowly feed him the broth, his eyes straying back to Vin when he felt his stomach churn at the forgotten sensation of food. One look at the buckskin clad tracker and he was able to force himself to finish the cup. It took a slight struggle and a few more glances at Vin, but he finally managed to get his stomach to stop rolling.
"You okay now?" Nathan wiped the sweat from the smaller man's face as he waited to make sure the broth was going to stay down. He could feel the tremors of exhaustion running through Ezra's body as he ran the cool cloth down his neck and across his shoulders and knew the gambler had used up the last of his energy forcing the nourishment down. He set the cloth back in the basin and had Vin help him get the gambler turned around so he faced Chris, leaning him against the gunslinger so that his back was fully exposed for him to work on.
Nathan stared at the dozens of angry red sores and shuddered as he thought about the agonizing pain Ezra must have felt when the salt water began soaking into his exposed flesh. Glancing at Vin, he saw his feelings of sympathy for the gambler reflected back at him and taking even more care to be gentle, they started working together to get the wounds cleaned and bandaged as quickly as possible.
Ezra moaned and clutched at Chris as the water soaking into his sores ignited the searing pain from the salt all over again.
"Hang on, Ezra... the pain'll ease up soon as I get them all washed out... just a couple more..." Nathan finished cleaning the last cut and then moved up beside Chris. Ezra's teeth were clenched against the pain as he fought to keep the screams in... refusing to give into it this time. The gentle healer reached out and stroked the smaller man's face, smoothing back the sweat- soaked hair that clung to his forehead in an attempt to calm him. "It's all right, Ezra... the burning should stop now... I got all the salt rinsed out of 'em... just try and take some deep breaths and it oughta help ease the pain."
Chris felt him tremble as he struggled to get his breathing under control and tightened his hold on the younger man's shoulders. "Easy now... you're gonna be okay. Take it easy."
Ezra rested his head weakly against Chris' chest and eased his grip on his shirt as his breathing slowly returned to normal. He turned his head to the side, saw Nathan watching him anxiously and gave him a small tired smile. "I'm all right, Nathan... you can finish now."
The healer gave him a relieved smile in return and patted his shoulder softly before working on his back again. He had to stitch up a few of the cuts, but after the pain he'd endured before... this was nothing to the gambler. Soon Nathan and Vin had the wounds all covered in salve and began wrapping bandages around him, covering him from just under his arms to his waist. "Okay, Ezra... we're gonna lay ya down now and let you get some rest. Don't try and help none, just let us do all the work." The three of them eased him back on the bedrolls but the minute they got him lying flat he cried out in pain and they had to immediately sit him back up.
Chris held him as he gasped for breath, waiting for the pain to recede. "Hang on, Ezra... it'll pass in a minute... just ride it out."
"It's too much pressure on those cuts, we're gonna have to figure somethin' else out." Nathan stared worriedly at Ezra trying to think of a way they could lay him down that wasn't going to hurt some part of his body.
"His stomach?" Vin suggested. "He ain't got quite so many sores on the front of 'im."
"But then what do we do about that?" Chris said as he motioned to the splints holding his broken ankle immobile.
"He can't lay any other way but on his back with that leg." Nathan stared at Ezra as he lay cradled against Chris' chest and finally thought of a possible solution. "What if we got one of the saddles from the barn for you to lean up against? Then you could just let him lay across ya and sleep. Think you'd be able to manage if we switch and let someone else hold him after awhile?"
"Fine by me. You okay with that, Ezra?" Chris looked down and smiled as he saw that Ezra had snuggled his face against his shoulder and was sound asleep. "Well, I reckon it's okay with him, too. You mind grabbing a saddle for me, Vin... and check on JD while you're out there."
Vin nodded and headed out the door just as Buck, Josiah and JD came up on the porch. "You okay, JD?"
The young man blushed and nodded his head. "Yeah, sorry for the way I acted... is Ezra all right?"
"Yeah, he's doin' better. And don't fret about it, kid... we're all worried about him and feelin' guilty... you just had the guts to admit to it." He turned and started off the porch.
"Where ya goin'?" Buck asked before heading into the cabin.
"Gotta grab a saddle for Chris to prop hisself up against. Couldn't find a comfortable position for Ezra to lie in so we're gonna take turns holdin' him tonight so's he can get some sleep," Vin explained as he moved toward the barn.
Buck entered the cabin closing the door behind him and walked over to where everyone was huddled in front of the fire. He squatted down beside Chris and Ezra and ran a hand gently over the smaller man's sweat-soaked hair. "How's he doin'?"
"Better'n he was. Got everythin' bandaged and even got some broth into him with a little coaxin' on Vin's part. He fell asleep while we were discussin' how to lay him down. Guess he decided he was fine right where he was." Nathan smiled at the others as he continued to wipe Ezra's face and neck down with a cool cloth. His fever was still high but at least it wasn't getting any worse and hopefully now that his wounds had all been cleaned and he could rest, it might even start coming down.
Vin came in lugging the saddle and JD hurried to close the door behind him. Chris looked at the boy and then at Buck. "JD okay now?"
Buck glanced up at the youngster who was now being enlisted by Josiah to help fix some supper and frowned. "Yeah... he just needed to let all the worry out. You know, Chris... this just isn't something he should have to deal with at his age... the fact that there's this kinda evil out there."
Chris stared down at Ezra's battered face and spoke softly. "None of us should, Buck... not at any age."
Vin carried the saddle over, placed it behind Chris' back and piled some blankets on it to make it more comfortable for him. He watched as Nathan and Buck held onto Ezra while the gunslinger shifted back against the blankets and then motioned for them to lay the younger man across his chest. Ezra stirred slightly but settled back into a deep sleep almost immediately when Chris ran his hand gently down his cheek and spoke softly to him.
Nathan placed one of the folded up blankets under Ezra's left foot and then covered him up with another one, tucking it around his shoulders as Chris moved his arms to hold it in place. The healer rested his hand once more on the sleeping gambler's forehead and after making sure his fever wasn't any worse, he went to get something to eat.
"You want me to bring you some food?" Buck asked Chris as he stood and stretched.
"Naw... I'm not that hungry and I don't want to take a chance on disturbing him," he answered as he stared down at the younger man's face. "I'll grab some later." Chris just wanted Ezra to sleep as long as possible before the nightmares he knew would be coming started.
Everyone finished eating and after checking on Ezra once more, they all began finding a spot near the fire to stretch out in and get some sleep.
Vin took one last look out the door and smiled when he turned back around. "Finally quit snowin'. We can get Ezra outta here in the mornin' if he's up to the ride."
"Don't worry, he'll be up to it. No way in hell are we making him stay here another minute longer than necessary." Chris' voice was soft but determined. One way or another they were getting Ezra out of there in the morning... taking him home where he belonged.
The others had been asleep for an hour and Chris' head was nodding as he unsuccessfully fought off the sleep that threatened to overtake him, when suddenly they were jolted awake by a scream.
Chris jumped, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest as his arms automatically tightened around Ezra who was now thrashing about wildly and screaming. He struggled to retain his grip on the smaller man while he tried to get him to open his eyes so that he could see he was safe. "Ezra!! Easy now... it's all right! I'm right here... I've got you and no one's going to hurt you!! Calm down and open your eyes!!"
Vin was lying closest to the two men and was awake the instant the scream left Ezra's lips. Quickly he rolled over and got a firm hold on the gambler's legs... pinning them to the floor to keep him from re-injuring himself. The others were all forced awake by the panicked screams of their friend and rushed to his side, each one trying to help bring him out of the nightmare that had him in its grip.
Josiah reached him first and cupped his face in his huge gentle hands and held his head still as he leaned over to speak softly into his ear. "Ezra... it's Josiah... I know you can hear me... focus on my voice and let all the others in your head go." He felt the younger man tremble as his words forced there way through the panic that was threatening to overwhelm him. "Nathan... grab one of those cloths and start wiping his face... Buck, JD, touch him... stroke his arm... his hair... anything to let him know you're here with him."
Chris bent to whisper in his ear, begging him to open his eyes while Nathan gently ran the cool, soft cloth continually across his feverish brow. Buck and JD did as Josiah had suggested... Buck smoothing his hair and reassuring him that they were all there for him while JD held one of his hands, running his fingers across the back of it in a soothing motion.
"It's all right now, Ezra... you know we're all here with you... you can feel us here... it's safe... let it all go and come back now... open your eyes, Ezra." Vin felt the gambler's legs go limp as he finally quit struggling against him and looked up to see Ezra's eyes slowly flutter open.
"Josiah?" Ezra couldn't understand why the preacher was holding his face, or why everyone was gathered around him. His mind was still fogged with fever and sleep and it took a few minutes of concentrating before it all came flooding back to him... Parker... he was back... he was doing it all over again! Ezra jerked his face out of Josiah's hands, his eyes wildly searching around the room for his tormentor. "Parker!! He's here... he's going to... he's..."
"He's not here, Ezra... it was just a nightmare. Shhh... you're all right now. It's all over... he's dead and can't hurt you anymore." Chris whispered soothingly in his ear, his arms still wrapped tightly around the younger man as he tried to calm him. "You killed him, remember?"
Ezra stared into Chris' eyes as he finally pulled himself out of the dream. "He's dead?"
"Yeah, Ezra... he's dead. It was just a bad dream... you're safe now." Chris eased his grip as he felt the gambler relax against him.
"Seemed so real..." Ezra whispered as he stared up at his friends who were all still gathered around him protectively.
Chris leaned back against the saddle again, settling the smaller man across his chest and cradling his head against his shoulder. He looked down and saw him struggling to keep his eyes open. "Don't fight it, Ezra... you need your rest." Chris smoothed his hair gently until his breathing evened out and sleep claimed him once more.
"You want one of us to take your place now?" Buck asked the gunslinger.
Chris shook his head and assured them he was fine, his eyes never leaving Ezra's face. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep now anyway. Besides... he wanted to be right here when the gambler's nightmare returned... and he knew from experience that it would.
The others laid back down and tried to sleep, but Chris had been right... three more times their sleep was interrupted by the sounds of Ezra's terrified screams and each time they had to repeat the process of letting him know they were with him as Josiah talked him awake.
Morning found everyone in the cabin exhausted and anxious to get Ezra away from that evil place. Hopefully when they got him back to town and safe in his own bed, the nightmares would ease.
While the others got everything ready for the trip home, Nathan fed Ezra a combination of the broth and some herbs to try and help make the ride a little more bearable for him. Then he checked over all his injuries one more time, padding his legs and torso with an extra layer of bandages to help protect the wounds as much as possible.
The last thing to be loaded on the horses was Nathan's saddle bags. Before Vin left the cabin with them, the healer removed his spare pair of pants and a shirt and moved toward Ezra with them. They had eased the smaller man onto the cot before checking him over once more so that the others could pack up the bedrolls and blankets he'd been lying on... and now he sat there, eyes closed, leaning heavily against Chris as he waited to be taken out to the horses. His total exhaustion and the fever were playing havoc with his emotions again and he struggled against the tears that threatened to fall at the prospect of finally getting out of this hell hole and going home. Chris could feel him draw an occasional shuddering breath, knew the battle he was waging to stay in control of himself and tried to help by talking softly to him... carefully avoiding all mention of his ordeal. He looked up and saw Nathan walking toward them with the clothes in his hands and knew this would prove a needed distraction for the younger man and a source of amusement for the rest of them... a welcome relief from the depression that had gripped them all since the gambler had first been kidnaped. He saw Buck glance at them as he re-entered the cabin and motioned for him to quickly get the others. The scoundrel saw the clothes in Nathan's hands and a huge smile broke across his face as he turned and hurried to bring the others in for the confrontation he knew was about to happen.
Nathan touched Ezra's shoulder to get his attention and watched in amusement as his eyes fell on the change of clothes he held in front of him. Ezra's eyes went quickly from the clothes to Nathan's face and then to Chris, who was trying desperately to contain the smile that tugged at his lips.
"You can't be serious?" He stared once more at Nathan in disbelief. "You can't possibly expect me to return home in those!" He saw the healer's quick frown and backpedaled quickly as he realized the insult that was implied by his last statement. "No offense, Mr. Jackson... um... not that there's anything wrong with your excellent choice in apparel but..." He paused upon hearing the loud snickers and snorts of laughter that emanated from the other end of the cabin, and leaning around Nathan's imposing form glared at the other men who were thoroughly enjoying his predicament. Looking back up at Nathan who had not moved and who was still scowling down at him, he used the only other argument his exhausted mind could come up with. "Besides, they're much too large for me..." He realized his mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth and knew they had him when Nathan's face broke into a huge grin and he felt Chris' body shake with laughter.
"And that's just why you're gonna wear these... they'll fit over all those bandages you're wrapped up in." Nathan and Chris took advantage of Ezra's shock at losing an argument and quickly pulled the healer's shirt on him before he had time to react. The glimpse of the old Ezra had definitely been a welcome relief, but by the time they got his pants cut off of him and Nathan's slipped on, he was leaning weakly against Chris and struggling to stay awake.
They'd discussed the best way to transport him back and after ruling out a travois due to the snow on the ground, they decided they would try laying him across Josiah's lap and let him cradle him against his chest while one of the other's ponied his horse, switching off with Nathan or Buck should he get tired.
They wrapped Ezra tightly in a couple of blankets and carried him out to the horses, Nathan and Chris holding him while Josiah got settled in the saddle. Then carefully supporting his injured legs they eased him up into the preacher's waiting arms and helped make the southerner as comfortable as possible. Josiah pressed Ezra's face gently against his shoulder and pulled the blanket up over his head to keep out as much of the cold as he could. Looking down, he saw the handsome features contorted with the pain caused by all the jostling and reached up to gently stroke Ezra's cheek as he spoke softly to him. "Just hang on, son... we'll get you home as quickly as possible. You just let me know if the pain gets too bad and we'll stop and let you rest, okay?" Ezra nodded slowly and raised a hand to wrap it in Josiah's shirt, his fingers clenching and unclenching with every stab of pain.
Josiah gripped the saddle horn with his free hand and looking up at the others, nodded that they were ready. Each man moved close to their injured friend and gave him one last touch of comfort and reassurance before they turned and rode away from the cabin. They all knew this ride was going to be another nightmare for the gambler... and they just wanted it to be over and to have him back home again.
Chris rode beside them and just before they turned away he saw Ezra take one last look at the cabin and the mound of snow where Parker's body lay. His eyes locked with Chris' and the gunslinger's heart broke at the overwhelming pain he saw shining back at him. Moving closer he reached out to wipe away the one lonely tear that trickled down the pale bruised cheek and held his hand there until the exhaustion finally won out and Ezra drifted off to sleep. The gunslinger tucked the blanket tighter around the younger man and then positioned himself beside him where he could keep watch over him until they had him safely back home.
Buck took the reins to Josiah's horse and after looking at them once more to be sure they were ready, turned their horses toward the woods and moved off across the clearing after the others.
They'd known the trip home was going to be hard on Ezra, but they'd had no idea it would be this bad. Nothing they could do helped alleviate the agony in his legs and back caused by the constant movement of the horse. By the time they were halfway home he was exhausted and sick to his stomach from the constant pain and Nathan finally had to have them stop and let him rest. Ezra protested that he was all right and just wanted to get home, but Josiah barely had the horse stopped before the gambler was twisting around in his arms and vomiting violently, almost toppling them both to the ground.
Nathan quickly reached out to grab him as Josiah struggled to keep both of them on the horse. "Hang on, Ezra... it'll be over with in a minute." Chris managed to get his arm around the smaller man's waist so that Josiah could reach up and support his head until he finished. It seemed to go on forever but finally the retching stopped and Ezra coughed weakly and spat several times trying to rid himself of the foul taste left in his mouth. Nathan grabbed his canteen and gave the southerner several small sips of water so he could wash his mouth out and then eased him back into Josiah's arms. They walked the horses down the trail a ways to get Ezra away from the sight and smell of the vomit before it could trigger another attack and then stopped again to let him catch his breath before continuing on.
Nathan dug a cloth out of his saddlebag and wet it with some of the herbal mixture he had in one of the canteens. Reaching across Josiah's arm he gently wiped the sweat from Ezra's face and then frowning, pressed the back of his hand against the gambler's too pale cheek. "Fever's up. We need t' get him home soon."
Ezra moaned and began to struggle in Josiah's arms, his hand reaching up to push Nathan's hand away from his face.
"Take it easy, Ezra." Nathan took the southerner's arm and attempted to tuck it back down in the cocoon of blankets but Ezra jerked it away and turned his face up to the healer and urgently mumbled "... sick...".
"Shit..." Nathan quickly grabbed him and turned him away from Josiah just before he began retching again. He grimaced as he felt Ezra's shoulders heaving beneath his hands, knowing how much pain the violent spasms were causing him. The attack was mercifully brief this time because there was nothing left in his stomach to bring up, but it was long enough to leave the weakened conman trembling and gasping for breath as they bundled him back up in the blankets and settled him back in Josiah's arms once more.
Nathan waited until Ezra's breathing evened out and then leaned over to give him a few sips of the herbal water from the canteen. He wiped his face down again, noticing as he did so how hard Ezra was fighting to control his emotions. His usual poker face was gone and everything he was feeling was right there in his eyes for everyone to see. All the pain. All the fear. All the doubts. None of his usual self-assurance and confidence were there... they had been totally stripped away by the vicious abuse he'd been forced to endure the last few days. Nathan knew what that kind of treatment could do to a man and it wasn't something he'd wish on anybody... especially someone like Ezra who's whole life was built around being in control. The least he could do for his friend was pretend not to notice.
"Well, if you're done disposin' of that fine broth Josiah made... how 'bout we get goin' again. I don't know 'bout you, but I'd rather sleep in my own bed tonight... not out here in this damn snow." Nathan met Ezra's eyes and nodded slightly at the gratitude he saw revealed there.
"Sounds... like an... excellent idea... Mr. Jackson." Ezra's voice was weak as he thankfully responded to the healer's distraction. He held Nathan's gaze for a second longer before finally succumbing to the exhaustion that was draining every ounce of strength he had left.
Nathan reached over and settled the smaller man's head more comfortably against Josiah's shoulder and tucked the blanket gently around his face.
"You want me to take him the rest of the way, Josiah? You've gotta be gettin' tired." Buck knew the answer he'd get, but he figured he'd at least volunteer.
"Nope. Brother Ezra and I've made it this far, I guess we can make it the rest of the way just fine. Besides, I don't think he needs to be jostled around any more than he has been." Josiah responded exactly the way Buck had known he would and after making sure that the gambler was wrapped up tight again, they moved on down the trail toward home.
It was snowing again and nearly dark by the time they arrived back in Four Corners and the streets were deserted. This was a relief to all of them because it gave them a chance to get Ezra up to Nathan's clinic without any fuss. They knew the townspeople had been worried about him and would be glad to see him home, but they also knew he wasn't up to dealing with any of it at the moment... not physically or emotionally. They did want Mary and Inez to know that they were back, so they sent JD over to tell Mary at the Clarion and told him to have her go and tell Inez. Nathan and Chris helped lift Ezra down out of Josiah's arms and carried him carefully up to the clinic, grateful that he stayed asleep until they had him up the stairs. Buck helped Josiah down off his horse and made sure he was okay. It had been quite a strain on him holding Ezra the whole way home, but he insisted he was fine and made his way slowly up the stairs to the clinic as Buck and Vin hurried off to take the horses to the livery before they were noticed. They tipped the stable boys a little extra to keep quiet about their arrival back in town until the next day figuring that by then they'd be better able to fend off the well-meaning visitors and keep them from getting too close to Ezra. They fully intended to tell him how much he'd been missed and how much he had come to mean to the people of the town, but not until he was ready to handle that information. Right now he was in an extremely fragile emotional state and their immediate focus was going to be on getting him well again.
Buck and Vin arrived back at the clinic just as Mary, Inez and JD were going up the stairs. They exchanged a few words of greeting and then hurried on up to check on Ezra, quietly entering the room and standing against the wall out of the way. Mary and Inez had to stifle a gasp as they got their first glimpse of him and their eyes immediately filled with tears as they saw how badly he was injured.
Ezra was sitting on the edge of the bed being supported by Chris and Josiah while Nathan carefully removed the bandages that were wrapped around his middle. He wanted to make sure none of the stitches had gotten ripped out on the ride home and clean his wounds one more time before settling the gambler in the bed. Nathan hated putting him through it all again, but some of the wounds were infected and he needed to get them taken care of now if he was ever going to get his fever down. Ezra cried out weakly and tried to pull away as soon as the wet cloth touched his skin, his fever and exhaustion sending his thoughts back to the cabin and the vivid and painful memory of the salt water. "Please... don't... no more..."
Nathan was forced to stop as Chris gathered the trembling southerner into his arms and began stroking his hair and whispering in his ear. "It's all right, Ezra... it's Nathan not Parker... we're in the clinic now, remember? We're home, Ezra... no one's going to hurt you any more."
"Home?" Ezra stared around him in confusion. Could it be true... was he finally home? He blinked several times to bring everything into focus... his eyes gazing slowly around the familiar room. His tenuous hold on his emotions dissolved and he began to sob helplessly in relief as he realized that Chris was right... he wasn't in the cabin anymore... he was really home.
Nathan left Josiah and Chris comforting Ezra and moved over to stand in front of the two women, effectively blocking their view of the gambler. He knew the last thing Ezra would want would be to have them see him in this condition. "He needs to get somethin' in his stomach... do you think you ladies could get some broth up here without anyone seein' you?"
Mary and Inez exchanged a look of understanding and nodded at Nathan. They knew he was just protecting the southerner and they admired him for it. And they knew Ezra needed to be alone with his friends now, they had just wanted to see for themselves that he was really home and going to be all right. "Of course we can, Nathan... and we'll bring up some food for the rest of you, too. You all look like you could use a good hot meal. Please just tell Ezra that we're glad he's back and safe and that we'll come and see him when he's feeling better, okay?"
Nathan smiled, relieved that they weren't offended by his obvious attempt to get them to leave. "I'll tell 'im and thank you for gettin' that food for us."
Inez placed her hand on his arm before he turned away and looked worriedly into his eyes. "He is going to be all right, isn't he Nathan?"
Nathan's expression sobered and he glanced back at Ezra, who was still crying softly in Chris' arms before he answered her. "It'll take a while, but his wounds should heal up just fine in time... it may take a mite longer for 'im t' get over it emotionally though. The things that man did to 'im... well... no one should ever have t' go through somethin' like that."
They nodded in silent agreement and turned to leave, their eyes welling up with fresh tears as the sound of Ezra's quiet weeping followed them out the door.
Nathan moved back over to Ezra and put his hand gently on the smaller man's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Ezra... I should've explained what I was doin' before I started. I didn't mean t' scare ya none."
The gambler shook his head weakly as he looked up at the healer. "No... I'm sorry, Nathan... I don't know... what... came over me." His eyes still held a dazed, confused look and his voice shook with the strain of trying to control his emotions.
"Don't you be apologizin' for nothin', Ezra." Nathan knelt down so he could look into Ezra's eyes. "You been through hell the last few days... you got a fever and you're hurtin' and ya jist ain't gonna be reactin' to things the way you normally would. And there ain't no way you're gonna be able t' deal with all these emotions you're feelin' on your own anyway, so you're jist gonna have to let us help ya fer a change. Okay?" They all watched Ezra struggle with what Nathan was saying to him, each one of them fully expecting him to deny needing their help.
The part of Ezra that usually hid behind his walls just wanted to tell them he was fine and would get through this on his own. But it was the newly discovered part of him who desperately wanted to lean on these six men... these six friends... his family... that finally won out. He was just too exhausted and hurt to fight the need to belong that he'd been feeling lately and it was with a sense of overwhelming relief that he finally decided to give himself over to their care. He reached one shaking hand up and placed it over Nathan's, his fingers wrapping tightly around the healer's comforting hand and nodded at him. "Thank you, Nathan. I think you may be right... I might need some... help with this one." His voice was weak but the emotion in it spoke volumes. Every man in the room knew what it had cost Ezra to utter those words... to actually relinquish the control he thought he had to have at all times to survive in this world.
Josiah reached up and stroked Ezra's sweat-soaked hair and smiled softly at him. "Welcome to the family, Brother... it's about time."