Disclaimer: Don't own the boys, only wish I did, cuz they'd still be working in Four Corners. Thanks to all the wonderful writers and creators of this magnificent show. Thanks to Trilogy Entertainment, The Mirisch Group, MGM Worldwide, CBS and TNN for bringing them to us in the first place.
This story is loosely set in the ATF Universe in Denver. Thanks Mog for inventing that setting in the first place.
When we heard the song this story talks about, we immediately thought of Vin Tanner and what it might have been like for him as a child. It's probably the saddest Christmas song we've ever heard, but it really gets you thinking.
The song is from: Natalie Cole's Christmas CD called Holly & Ivy
Words and Music by: Michael Carr, Tommy Connor and Jimmy Leach,
1937 Shapiro, Berstein & Co, Inc
Thanksgiving night found all seven members of ATF Team Seven at the home of Ezra Standish. Ezra had offered to host the now third annual Turkey Day Dinner for the team. The first two had been at Chris Larabee's ranch house, and the others thought that everyone should take turns hosting the evening. They joked that Ezra just wanted to get his turn out of the way so he could relax for the next six years. He just laughed, but didn't disagree.
Dinner had been delicious. Even though Ezra hadn't cooked the bird himself, having a local butcher shop do the honor, it had been mouth-watering. The others had each brought a side dish, so they had feasted on green beans, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, cornbread. Eggnog and whiskey had both flowed freely.
After dinner, they settled in to watch some football, much to Ezra's chagrin. The southerner hated football — at least that's what he told the others. Called it a barbaric, uncivilized form of competition. He didn't fool the others though. Seeing as how he was cheering on the Atlanta Falcons. Which of course brought on the argument of which team was better. Tanner of course was a Cowboys fan, being Texas born.
"Oh, come on, Ez! Ain't no way the Falcons are better than the Cowboys! Dallas football is legendary."
"Legendary? Mr. Tanner, your vocabulary is improving with leaps and bounds."
"Talk about leaps and bounds, did you see that play!" Buck yelled, jumping up from his seat. He tucked a pillow against his side, like he was carrying a football. "He leaped over the one guy," he said, jumping over the ottoman, "then he bounded past the linebacker," he said as he sidestepped around JD Dunne, who was coming back into the room from the kitchen.
JD yelped as he just missed getting run over by the side-stepping, pillow-carrying Wilmington.
"Dang it, Buck, watch where you're going. You nearly made me drop the beer!"
"And that would have really pissed off Chris," Nathan Jackson said with a smirk.
"Damned straight," Larabee said, accepted a bottle from JD with a nod of thanks. "Nobody messes with my beer." Chris glared at Wilmington, the glare tempered somewhat by the small smile that tilted up the corner of his mouth.
As the game ended, Ezra stood and began clearing up bottles and glasses from the various tables in his living room.
"Anyone care for some dessert?" he asked.
"Some of that pumpkin pie would taste wonderful about now," Josiah Sanchez said. "I'll help dish it out."
The two men headed toward the kitchen. Ezra turned back. "Feel free to put on some music," he told the others. "I finally completed cataloging all of my CDs. You should find something you like."
"Why not try for some holiday music?" Nathan suggested as Vin and JD headed toward the state-of-the-art stereo system.
"Try the third shelf down, Mr. Tanner," Ezra advised.
The two men had helped their teammate install the system a few weeks earlier and were anxious to use it. Vin started looking through the CDs while JD powered up the system.
"Geez, Ez, you must have fifty Christmas CDs here. I ain't never heard of half these people," Vin commented.
"One of my favorites is the Natalie Cole Christmas CD," Standish called from the kitchen. "She has the voice of an angel."
"Oh, I love Natalie Cole," Nathan enthused. "I have several of her CDs at home, as well as a couple of re-mixes of her father's music."
"Her father?" Vin asked, as he pulled the mentioned CD from the collection.
"Nat King Cole. He's dead now, but, oh, could that man sing!"
Vin opened the case and pulled the disc out, handing it to JD, who placed it in the slot and hit the play button.
Josiah returned, carrying a tray of plates filled with slices of pie, following by Ezra who held another tray with coffee and cups. The men settled down to savor their pie and listen to Christmas music. Halfway through the third song, someone noticed it had started to snow.
The beautiful stains of music continued as the men finished and one by one took their dirty dishes into the kitchen. Josiah and Nathan washed the plates and silverware, with Ezra supervising. Buck filled coffee cups and JD wiped down the tables.
Vin was sitting on the floor, listening to the CD, following the words on the foldout from the case, softly singing along. As another song began, he suddenly went very still. His eyes took on a far-away look.
Chris had been leaning back, his eyes closed, remembering past Christmas's with Sarah and Adam, not really paying attention to the music. He opened his eyes at the noise from across the room.
Vin looked like he'd been pole-axed. He was fighting for breath and looked pale.
Larabee shifted his body, ready to go to his friend. "Vin? Are you okay?" Buck and JD had returned to the room and were watching the by-play between the two men.
Receiving no answer, Chris stood. The movement registered with Tanner, who looked up, almost in a panic. Quicker than Chris could move, Vin was on his feet and headed down the hallway. His raced into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Chris followed, stopping when he heard retching noises from behind the closed door.
"Chris, everything okay?"
Larabee turned to find Buck and JD behind him, concerned looks on both faces.
"Not sure." He gave the two men a small smile. "He probably just ate too much. His stomach is rebelling."
"Yeah, he did put away quite a bit," Buck agreed. "You want me to get Nathan?"
"Give us a minute, okay?"
"Sure. C'mon kid, let's finish up."
"I'm not a kid, Buck," JD complained as the two men walked away.
Chris waiting until they were back down the hall, then knocked on the door. "Vin, you okay?"
"Yeah," a strangled voice answered. He heard the water being turned on. Half a minute later, the door opened. "Sorry."
"Nothing to be sorry about, Vin. Something about dinner disagree with you? You want me to get Nathan?"
"No," Vin said, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. "I'll be fine. I guess I just ate too much, too fast." His attempt at a reassuring smile fell far short of the mark. One look at Chris proved he hadn't been successful. "I ah...I think I just need some air..." he ventured, before heading toward the closet. He grabbed his coat and headed for the large balcony off the living room. He slid open the door and looked back over his shoulder, not surprised to see Chris slipping on his own coat.
Chris didn't immediately follow his friend. He paused to speak to Buck, who handed him the fold-out page from the CD case Vin had been reading. After reading what Buck was pointing out to him, Chris closed his eye briefly before buttoning up his coat and heading outside.
Larabee closed the door behind him. He joined Vin at the railing, both leaning against the metal and watching the snow begin to cover the city. After several minutes of silence, Vin began to speak.
"Sorry."
"For what? Being human?"
"I don't usually puke up dinner over a song."
"Pretty powerful song."
"It coulda been written about me."
He's the little boy
That Santa Claus forgot
And goodness knows
He didn't want a lot
Chris didn't respond, knowing that Vin would continue.
"You know my childhood wasn't the greatest. Hell, most of it was downright hell. But my Ma always tried her best, ya know?" Vin glanced at Chris, who nodded.
Larabee knew that Vin still held a deep love for his mother, he died when he was just a small child. Although he didn't now much about how she died, he knew that Vin's memories of his mother were good ones, if you could judge by the smile that always graced his face when he talked about her. But he also knew, that after her death, Vin had spent a lot of time in and out of numerous foster homes.
He sent a note to Santa
For some soldiers and a drum
It broke his little heart
When he found Santa didn't come
"Christmas was a big thing for her. She loved it. She said people were always happier at Christmas, more friendly. I've only got vague recollections of her, you know? But, a lot of those memories are centered around Christmas time. We would make cookies together and watch Christmas movies. She loved to sing. Sometimes, I can still her voice when I hear Christmas songs on the radio. White Christmas was her favorite."
"She loved the songs about families getting together and playing in the snow. I remember some of the songs on Ezra's CD. She used to sing them to me when I was little. But that song..."
In the street
He envies all those lucky boys
Then wanders home
To last year's broken toys
"I was that little boy, Chris. I remember watching other kids having fun with their new toys and hating them because they got what they wanted from Santa. The Christmas before my Ma died, I got a present, a GI Joe doll. But I remember that year, I really wanted a wagon. A shiny red one, just like Tommy down the street had. I figured I must have been the only kid on the block who didn't have one. So I wrote Santa and told him that's what I wanted for Christmas. When Ma saw how disappointed I was, she told me that Santa probably just forgot, and would bring it for my birthday. It was the first time I didn't get at least one thing I put on my Santa list." He laughed bitterly. "Pretty silly, huh, I'm pushy thirty and still crying over a toy I didn't get when I was five."
"Not silly, Vin. Something like that has a strong effect on a young child. It's not something that's easy to forget. You want to talk about that Christmas?"
Tanner glanced quickly at his boss and closest friend, than turned back to watch the snow fall. The graceful white blanket which seemed to cover up all the filth and scum that covered the city at times. Snow always made it seem so clean and fresh. Vin knew better. Denver was like any other big city. There were people out there who would go to bed hungry or sleep in a box in an alley. People who would be robbed of the last of their money, people who could ill afford the loss of even a dollar.
There were children who wouldn't have even the simplest gifts at Christmas.
I'm so sorry
For that laddie
He hasn't got a daddy
That little boy that Santa Claus forgot
"I never knew my Pa, it was just me and Ma. When I was five, my Ma lost her job. Oh, I didn't know it at the time. I figured that part out later. It was just before Christmas. Used ta be, she'd always be gone during the day, but suddenly she was home everyday. I would hear her arguing with the landlord about the rent. I think he was threatening to evict her, but at the time I was too young to really understand what was going on."
He took a deep breath, then watch the fog that appeared when he released the breath into the cold air. Chris pulled his gloves from his pocket and slid them onto his hands, preparing to stay outside with Vin for as long as the other man needed him to.
"We sat down together a couple weeks before Christmas and she helped me write a letter to Santa, asking for what I wanted. I remember she was crying, said we'd been moving around a lot and Santa might have a hard time finding us."
"Sounds like she was trying to make sure you wouldn't be disappointed."
"Yeah, I reckon she was. She was a good mother, from what I remember anyway. Don't remember much, though."
"It's enough, Vin. You remember that she loved you. That's the most important thing."
"Yeah." Vin closed his eyes briefly, the pain of losing his mother still a close thing, even twenty years later. He took another deep breath.
"I'm amazed you remember so much from such a young age. Most people don't. I mean, I can remember bits and pieces from when I was six or seven, but my best memories of childhood come from age ten or so."
"I've always been able to remember. Sometimes it's a curse. Sometimes I don't want to remember. That Christmas is one of those times."
"Then don't talk about. We can talk about something else. How 'bout them Cowboys, huh?"
Vin chuckled, grateful to his friend for the chance at a reprieve. "Thanks for the offer. The last couple of years, I've been able to put a lot of those bad memories where they belong — in the past. I guess that song just hit me wrong. I didn't expect it. The other songs were...happier, ya know?"
"Yeah. Well, we'll just be sure not to play that one again."
Vin nodded. "It doesn't stop it from being true though. I guess I'm lucky, Chris. When my Ma died the next spring, I was sent to foster care. I spent the next ten years in foster care. Some of the families were okay, but some weren't. I never again got anything I asked for from Santa for Christmas. After awhile, I just stopped asking for anything specific. It hurt less."
Chris reached up and placed his hand on the back of Vin's neck, the warmth of the move reaching into Tanner's heart. "After Sarah and Adam died, I used to make a wish every Christmas that I could join them. Then one year, I almost did. But by that time, I didn't want to anymore. Because I realized I still had family here that needed me. Family that I didn't want to leave behind. And I'd venture to guess that if you sat down and asked Santa for something this year, you'd probably get it."
"I got it already, actually. I never wrote it down, but I always wanted a family. A big family, with lots of brothers. A family that would get together on holidays and birthdays and just for no reason at all."
Chris smiled.
"I just wish..."
"What, Vin, what do you wish?"
"I wish every kid could have their wish for Christmas. No matter what it is. There are so many kids out there, Chris. So many kids who were like me when I was a young. Single parent homes where the parent just can't afford to get them anything. Or kids in foster care. I know there are places out there that give presents and money, places that try to give kids at least something to open up on Christmas morning. But how many of those kids open up a present, hoping it's what they wrote down in their letter to Santa, and are disappointed year after year when it's not."
"I don't know, Vin. I lot, I imagine."
Chris glanced behind him when he noticed movement inside. The others were gathered around Ezra's fireplace. JD put another CD into the stereo. And they began to sing. Buck looked up and caught Chris' eye, wiggling his eyebrows. Larabee shook his head.
"Hey, pard, Buck's getting ready to start singing Christmas carols. I think we should go rescue the others."
Vin turned around in time to see JD try to place a hand over Buck's mouth. "I think our best bet would be to run...fast...in the other direction."
Chris laughed, but headed inside. Vin took another deep breath and smiled when the slightly off-key caroling drifted outside when Chris opened the sliding glass door. Shaking his head, he joined the others.
I'd like to tell you about a boy
Who lives across the way
To this little guy, well,
Christmas is just another day
So tell your kids this story
And hug them close and hold them near
And hope that little boy will have a real Christmas
This time, next year
"Buck, I need you to re-write the last paragraph of this report," Chris said as he dropped a file onto Wilmington's desk. "And this time, try to do it without the interruption of a phone call from your latest bed mate."
Buck looked up in confusion. Chris picked up the report and began to read. "...subject was ordered to drop the weapon at which time the lacy black bra and crotchless panties were placed into custody by Agent Sanchez."
A red-faced Wilmington snatched the report back from this boss, amidst the laughter of his co-workers. Glancing up at his now-smirking boss, he mumbled. "I'll fix it right away, Chris."
Larabee glanced at his watch. "It's almost lunchtime. Why don't you all head out early, take a few extra minutes. Just be back by one." Not wanting to take the chance that Chris would change his mind, everyone quickly began to save what they were working on and turn off their computers.
"So, boss, where are we going for lunch?" Vin asked.
"Actually, I have something I want to show you first." Vin nodded and followed his boss down to the first floor of the building, to the main cafeteria. Team Seven didn't venture down this way often, usually opting to leave the building when they had the chance or getting something from the smaller snack bar on the tenth floor.
"After our talk the other night, I thought you might be interested in seeing this. I was actually kind of surprised you weren't already aware of the program."
Vin's confusion was evident on his face as he and Larabee walked over to a set of bulletin boards on the wall next to the cafeteria doors. Along the bottom of the announcement boards was a string of garland. Suspended from the garland by clips were about a dozen colorful pieces of paper, all folded in half. On the front of each sheet of paper was the first name and age of a child, followed by another name.
"What is this?" Vin asked.
"It's a Christmas program for kids like you were when you were young. Kids in homes where the parents can't afford a lot for Christmas, foster kids. The county monitors the program. These kids are all under the county's care, for some reason or another. If they live with their parents, it could be that the parent is in rehab. All the kids are receiving counseling of some sort."
Vin looked closer at the names listed. Darien, age ten; Tamira, age seven; Michael, age two; and so on. He reached out and opened the sheet to read the inside. Listed there, he gave a brief history of the child's situation, whether he lived with parents or a foster family. It gave a run down of the child's favorite colors and clothing sizes.
And one of the last lines on the bottom was a note that listed: My Dream Gift would be. Vin saw that the paper he read was for Anthony, age eleven, who wanted an X-box. He smiled. It was a something every boy his age was probably asking for this Christmas. Then he frowned, because he knew that most likely, other kids would get it. Anthony probably would not.
Then he looked at Chris, who responded with a smile. "The idea is, you take one of the papers and you promise to buy them something for Christmas. From what I understand, they sit the kids down and help them write a letter to Santa. Then the case workers write out these cards, using the information from their letters. This way the kids have a chance to get what they really want for Christmas."
Vin looked down at the paper in his hand. Anthony wanted an Xbox. Vin knew they were expensive, not something that most kids in his situation would get, simply because their parents couldn't afford it.
"Where do I sign up?" he asked.
Chris smiled and handed him a clipboard that was attached to the wall. "Here. Just put down your kids name and this number here," he pointed to a number on the front of the paper. "That helps identify the kid so the presents don't get mixed up. Put their case workers name here." Chris watched as Tanner carefully copied the information onto the form.
"Now what?" Vin asked when he was done.
"Now, you go out and buy your kid something for Christmas. You wrap it and bring it back here and leave it in that box over there." Vin looked over at the large box on the floor that Chris pointed to. "One of the officers comes by a couple of times a day and picks up the gifts and takes them over to the county office where they store them until they get delivered for Christmas. But you'll have to do it quick. There's only a few more days left to get them back here."
Chris slapped Vin on the shoulder and started to leave the cafeteria, stopping when he realized the other man wasn't following him. He looked back to find Vin staring at the other slips of paper still hanging from the garland.
"Vin?" When Tanner didn't answer, Larabee walked back over to stand beside him.
"Chris, what happens to the kids whose names don't get picked?"
Larabee sighed. "I don't know. I imagine they probably just get some generic gifts from other gift donations. Don't worry, Vin, everyone of these kids will get something for Christmas."
"But maybe not what they asked Santa for."
"Maybe not," Chris agreed. "But they will get something. They won't be forgotten."
"Not by the county maybe, only by Santa." The sad look that crossed Vin's face as he looked down at the paper he held in his hand, then at the others that looked so abandoned still hanging from the colorful garland, almost broke Chris' heart. But then Vin shook his head.
"Not this year," he said. "This year, they all get what they asked Santa for."
Determination settled onto his face and he walked back over to the wall. He pulled the remaining papers from the garland and sat down with the clipboard, preparing to put his name on the sheet several more times.
"Vin, what are you doing? You can't buy gifts for everyone."
"Why not? It's not like I spend all my money on an expensive car or a huge house. My rent is small. I got more than enough money in the bank. Damn it, Chris!" He tapped the pen on the sign-up sheet. "These kids deserve a good Christmas. For once in their lives, they deserve to get what they asked Santa for."
Vin turned back to filling out the board. "Look, you said yourself that if nobody picked these names, they'd probably just get something that was donated. Something "age appropriate" I'm sure, but not what they asked for. This way, for at least one Christmas, they get what they want, not what someone else thinks they'd like. None of these kids will be the one that Santa Claus forgot!"
"Hear, hear, Junior!"
The two men turned to find the rest of their team standing near the door.
"We wondered where the two of you snuck off to," Nathan said. "And Vin is right. This kids do deserve it." He picked up two of the sheets. "Put my name down for these two, Vin. Rain and I can afford to buy for a couple more kids." Tanner smiled up at him and jotted down the kid's information on the sheet.
"I can certainly afford to purchase something for another child or two," Ezra said, pulling two more names from the pile. "After all, I shan't be visiting my mother this holiday season, as she is on a cruise in Greece. The money I save on airfare will easily cover the cost of presents for Keshia and Matthew," he said, reading the names from the papers in his hand.
Buck and JD grabbed a couple more sheets, as did Josiah. Three more lay on the table. Vin picked up one, adding it the four he had already signed up for.
Chris cleared his throat. The others looked at him. "I remember one year, when Adam and Sarah were still alive," he began, picking up the last three names from the table. "We were watching a news story about the Toys for Tots program that the Marines do every year. When we explained to Adam why the program was started and who the kids were who got the gifts, he dragged us out of the house and made us go buy some gifts for those kids. He even asked if Santa could give some of his toys that year to those kids."
Buck reached over and placed a hand on Chris' shoulder. "Adam always was a generous kid, just like his folks."
Chris smiled and nodded. "I guess this year, Adam gets to send gifts to..." he looked down at the sheets in his hand... "Margaret, Ashley...and Vincent," he choked out, showing the name to Buck.
"Damn, stud, ain't that appropriate. Wonder if that Vincent goes by the name of Vin, too."
Vin's smile beamed even brighter. "Well, hell, ain't that nice," he said, handing the pen to Larabee. "I bet Sarah and Adam are just pleased as punch knowing you're doing this for them." Chris reached for the pen. "I know I appreciate it."
Chris looked Vin in the eye, neither saying a word for several long seconds. "Merry Christmas, Vin."
"Merry Christmas, Cowboy."
In the street
He envies all those lucky boys
Then wanders home
To last year's broken toys
I'm so sorry
For that laddie
He hasn't got a daddy
That little boy that Santa Claus forgot
THE END
At the police department where we work, they have a program just like this. We sponsored two kids this year, and only wished we could have done more. I know it's late, but if any of you have the opportunity to ever do this in your community, I guarantee it'll lift your spirits.
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