"Hell, no!"
Leave it to Agent Ezra Standish to say in sixteen words what it took the others about four words to say. Or in Chris Larabee's case, two words.
Federal Judge Orrin Travis sighed. He knew that this would be a hard sell, but the higher ups were adamant about this, they wanted Chris Larabee, Vin Tanner, Ezra Standish, JD Dunne, and Buck Wilmington to work this particular operation.. Not that the Judge blamed them. In fact, he could understand why they were chosen. From the looks that the women were giving the five men, they were very good choices for the job.
"C'mon, guys, I think it'll be fun!"
"Only you, Buck, would think that this would be fun! There ain't no way in hell I'm gonna do it!" Vin Tanner set his face and his stance, making it clear of what he thought of that particular idea. He wasn't budging from his position. They could just find some other poor schmuck to do it.
Vin glared at Nathan Jackson and Josiah Sanchez, knowing that they were enjoying the whole thing way too much. Nathan was laughing silently, his shoulders shaking and Vin could have sworn he saw his friend's eyes fill with tears. Josiah was simply looking everywhere else except the other six members of their ATF team.
"Gentlemen," Travis tried to placate them, "I know that this particular assignment is not your usual case, but there is a higher authority to consider and they want you five to go undercover."
"No." Chris Larabee said only a single word, but it held such an undertone of authority that Judge Travis seriously considered getting someone else. But then he strengthened his resolve, straightened his shoulders and faced Larabee head on.
"Agent Larabee, you, Agents Tanner, Wilmington, Dunne, and Standish are hereby ordered to go undercover as male strippers at the Hot Bodies Strip Club and Bar!"
Mary Travis choked on the water that she just swallowed. She stared in surprise at her father-in-law, "Orrin, you're joking right? Please tell me you're joking!"
He just shook his head and grinned rather evilly, "Its true, Mary. Chris and four of his boys are going in as strippers."
Mary couldn't help it, she laughed and laughed and laughed, (I think you get the point.) until she had to hold her sides.
"I can't believe Chris would agree to that!" Mary managed after she finally got her breath back.
"He didn't. Not until I ordered him, in no certain terms, to follow my instructions. And the others, being loyal to Larabee, reluctantly agreed. Oh, but Mary, you should have seen their faces!" The Judge had to wipe away some tears of his own at the memory.
"Seen whose faces, Orrin?" Evelyn Travis had just joined her husband and daughter-in-law at the dinner table and was quickly filled in. Once aware of the facts, not only did Evie laugh until it hurt, but an evil glint entered her eyes as well.
"Mary, dear, are you free Saturday night?"
"Yes, I think I am, Evie, why?"
"Oh, I just thought of something that you, Inez, Casey, Maude and Rain could do together."
Orrin just knew that whatever his beautiful, loving wife had planned for those seven unfortunate souls was bound to be funny as hell.
Saturday night
"Chris?"
"Yeah, cowboy?"
"I quit."
"What?" Chris turned to look at Vin. The two were preparing for their night of torture in the dressing room that they were sharing.
"I figured if I quit I won't have tha do this." Vin couldn't even look in the mirror without blushing.
"How the hell do you think I feel about this! I'll never be able to live this down at the office."
"Hell, Chris, you could just scare everybody away! I don't got your 'mess-with-me-and-I'll-shoot-you' glare. I'm gonna be dead meat!"
"Well, gentlemen, it seems that possibly every female in law enforcement is waiting in the audience tonight." Ezra said dryly as he strolled in. He did a double take at Chris and Vin, but then thought 'Who am I to speak?' Ezra never felt more ridiculous in his entire life, not even that time he had to go undercover as a cross-dresser.
"SHIT!"
Chris nodded his agreement with Vin's assessment of the situation. The word had somehow gotten out that the ATF team known as the "Magnificent Seven" would be undercover in a strip joint and that five of the men would actually be taking off their clothes. Once the women in law enforcement found out, they went crazy. Mike Allen, head of team 4, said that he couldn't get any men on the roster that night for backup because the female agents had stormed his office and signed up before any males could be assigned. Mike thought it was damn funny and took every opportunity to needle the five, until Chris told him quite sincerely to shut up or he'd be eating a bullet.
Nathan and Josiah thought it was pretty funny too, until they found out that they would be going in as a bartender and a bouncer/waiter, respectively. And to their dismay, it seemed that this particular strip joint was high class and into costumes, so their employees walked around in tight black pants and bow ties and cuffs and nothing else.
"Well, you boys ready?" Buck came sauntering in and grinned at his fellow 'dancers'.
"Buck, you're having way too much fun." JD grumbled as he pushed his way into Chris and Vin's dressing room. "I'm gonna puke, I just know it."
"Nah, you're gonna be fine, kid! Just do everything that Antonio dude taught you and you'll be great." Buck tried to encourage the rest of them, but it just wasn't working.
But the worst was yet to come. And it came in the form of Josiah and Nathan.
The two of them burst into the dressing room and literally slammed the door shut behind them. They leaned against it, both breathing heavily.
"Chris, I don't know how she found out!" Nathan pleaded with Chris.
"I want tha know how they all found out!" Josiah demanded to know.
"What the hell is goin' on? Nathan, Josiah, calm down. What happened?" Chris feared that something had gone wrong and tried to calm them down enough to get the information out of them.
"Mary Travis, Inez Rosillos, Casey Wells, Maude Standish. . ."
"Rain, don't forget Rain!"
". . .are all sitting at the table at the end of the stage!"
"WHAT!" All five men yelled, horrified beyond belief.
"You mean they're here?" JD didn't think he heard them right. He hoped he hadn't heard them right.
"You're lyin'!" Ezra accused, eyes narrowed.
"Ez, you're ma's been all over me for fifteen minutes. We just barely escaped back here!" Josiah bluntly told the younger man. Ezra glowered at him until he became distracted by Buck and Vin.
"Chris? Chris?" Buck and Vin noticed that under Chris's tanned skin, he had gone noticeably pale. He was having trouble getting air into his lungs.
"Nate, I think he's hyperventilating!" Vin called Nathan over.
"Chris, you need to breathe!" Nathan instructed.
"You fucking breathe, you're not the one dancing out there in front of those women!"
Once in the club, Maude and Rain had spotted Josiah and Nathan right off.
Maude basically jumped on Josiah's bones the moment she saw him. Maude immediately claimed her prize from Josiah, his green bow tie, distracting the large man by kissing him silly and running her hands over the solid wall of muscle of his chest and back. Maude laughed in memory, Josiah had blushed deep red, successfully untangled himself from her and ran for it.
Rain had walked in and spotted her Tall, Dark and Handsome behind the bar. With a wicked wink to her friends, she strutted up to the bar and caught his eye. Nathan reacted just as she thought he would, he stopped dead in his tracks, surprise and fear on his face. Grinning wantonly, Rain used her arms to push herself onto the bar, basically laying across it, grabbed Nathan by his red bow tie, and gave him a sizzling hello kiss.
Mary grinned at the other women at the table. They were waiting for five certain men to make their appearance.
Just then Spanish music was queued up and out stepped the scoundrel himself. Inez grinned as Buck Wilmington began to swivel his hips to the sultry Latin beat. Buck was dressed in black leather pants, a white poet's shirt that wasn't laced up, a black cape and Spanish sombrero. He had a red rose clamped between his teeth.
Buck spotted Inez immediately and grinned, as the music started he danced his way towards her, hips swivelling, cape swirling, and blue eyes twinkling. He bent, pulled her towards him and fitted his mouth over hers, offering her the rose with a soft brush of his lips. Inez blushed to the roots of her dark hair and then, looking straight into the rogue's eyes, kissed the rose petals. The other women went wild.
Buck grinned and winked at the audience. Then he began to dance in earnest, flipping off the cape and launching the sombrero into the screaming crowd. Josiah and the other bouncers had their hands full when Buck pulled off his shirt, revealing a wall of solid muscle and tanned skin. When Buck finally pulled off his black pants to reveal tight black speedos, the women went ballistic! Buck left the stage to screams of 'more'.
Inez looked at her friends and had to fan herself. They all grinned back at her, except for Maude. She was too busy salivating over the sight of Josiah in tight black pants and nothing else.
Two other dancers came on, which Mary and the others ignored. However, when the song "Bad Boys" -- the theme song to the television show "Cops"-- came on and the young officer came strutting out, the women, especially Casey Wells, came to attention. JD was dressed as a rookie cop: black pants, blue shirt, black gloves, mirrored sunglasses, gunbelt (complete with guns), and black metal night stick. He grinned as several women screamed 'Take me, I've been very, very bad!'
JD started his routine, just like the pro dancer had taught him. Heading for Casey, he knelt at the edge of the stage and leaned over. Using his night stick, JD traced Casey's jawline and then hooked his arm around her neck, pulling her in for a heated kiss. The women loved it. When JD straightened, he started his dance. The first thing to go was the night stick, right into Casey's lap, then the shirt. When his pants went, Casey's face went up in flames. JD was wearing cop blue speedos with the words 'trigger happy' on the butt!
JD's performance was immediately followed by Ezra's.
The women squealed when the handsome Southerner came out dressed in Union blue. The general's hat and the sabre at his side completed the look. His gold tooth sparkled as he strolled to the end of the catwalk. He gave his mother and her companions a rakish wink and then launched into his routine. The first thing Ezra did was to brandish the long, steel sabre as if fighting off an opponent. Strutting to the edge of the stage, Ezra used it to trace the outline of a female ATF agent's thighs before she grabbed it and pulled him towards her, demanding a kiss, which Ezra happily obliged her with. Two overzealous women ripped the tunic of his Union uniform from his body, each one clutching a half.
Ezra finally began to dance, his lean torso undulated to the music, hips swaying in time, and his emerald green eyes twinkled with undisguised amusement. Ezra slowly teased the audience with the 'one button at a time' method, taking his sweet time with the removal of his dark blue uniform pants. The pants were specially designed, just for him. Once the pro dancer who taught him the routine saw Ezra's loose hip walk, Antonio had the pants made to literally fall apart with one specific move. Finally, when Ezra felt like he tortured them enough, when the yelling and screaming had reached a crescendo, Ezra did a little shimmy with his hips, causing the pants to disintegrate to the floor and the women to literally storm the stage. He winked once more, smiled broadly and then for his own safety, Ezra had to be hustled backstage.
Three dancers later, it was Vin's turn.
The women hooted and squealed as the long haired sharpshooter stepped onto the stage, silver spurs clinking on the wooden catwalk. Vin smiled shyly at the audience from under the wide brim of his cowboy hat and they fell in love with him. Vin was wearing soft leather chaps, and tan pants underneath. A rawhide vest covered his upper body and a faded red bandana was around his neck. The first thing off was the vest. Vin grinned wickedly and let it slowly slide down his long, lean arms. It was thrown towards the back of the stage, and with his hips moving to the beat of the music, Vin untied the bandana, slowly rubbing it down his glistening chest.
When Vin threw it into the audience, five different women, two of them agents, literally fought for it. One of the agents was victorious and used it to claim a kiss from the handsome ex-bounty hunter. Hips grinding, long hair swinging about, Vin continued his routine. For the finale, Vin reached behind him, grabbed his waistband, and pulled. The tan pants went easily, leaving the sight of his tone, tanned, firm buttocks nicely framed by the rawhide chaps for the women to go crazy over.
By the time it was 11:30 p.m., it was the height of the party, the club was filled to the brim and the drinks flowed freely. The women had been worked into a near frenzy by the time that Chris was suppose to dance. But when the lights went out and the first strains of a song from the 'Tombstone' soundtrack were played, the audience was completely silent. Somehow, everyone in the room felt the electricity that suddenly filled the air. The women waited, breath bated, as a single spotlight was shown on the stage revealing a totally black clad figure.
He stood with booted feet braced apart, hands behind his back. His head was down so that the only his mouth, hard, sensual, was visible. Slowly, he brought his head up. Women gasped as clear, hard green eyes scanned the crowd. Just as slowly, he brought his hands to the edges of his black duster, pulling them apart to reveal a long, lean, muscular torso. His black leather pants rode low on his lean hips, and his gunbelt, complete with two pearl handled revolvers, just added to his dangerous air. Chris easily drew the guns and then sauntered to the end of the stage.
Mary was startled when Chris jumped off the stage and landed cat-like right in front of her. Mary licked her lips nervously as Chris used one of his guns to trace the smooth graceful line of her jaw. The other women in the room all leaned forward, trying to see what the gunslinger was doing to the pretty blonde woman. Mesmerized, Mary forgot about the other gun until she felt the cold metal slip under the hem of her rather short skirt and in between the seams of her legs. Mary couldn't help it, she clamped her legs to stop the slide of gun, trapping the barrel. She saw Chris grinned, then let go of the gun, leaving it nestled in her lap. Mary stopped breathing as she drowned in his crystal clear green eyes, and then watched as he lowered his head to her, his lips were a mere hair's breath away, when suddenly he smiled a truly unholy smile and pulled back. He gracefully jumped back onto the stage.
Once there, the music got louder, the beat pulsated, and the quietly frenzied women watched in breathless anticipation as the dangerous gunslinger strolled towards the back of the stage, black duster swirling about his legs. Suddenly he turned, the duster now off his broad shoulders, hanging at the crook of his elbows, his black hat pulled down low over his eyes, Chris grounded his hips hard to the pulsating beat. And the women went ballistic!
Chris would shimmy his hips and the women would scream. His pelvis thrusts were met with moans of pleasure. And the only time Chris truly smiled from beneath the brim of his hat, had the women swooning back into their chairs or screaming for more. Chris's magnetic, dangerous air allowed him the luxury of making the women insane without having to remove a single piece of clothing. By the end of his dance, the women were rioting, climbing onto the stage and reaching for him. Josiah, Nathan and every single bouncer in the club had to be called in to subdue the uncontrollable women.
Mary was in shock. If she had thought him dangerously seductive before, it was nothing compared to now.
And Mary wasn't the only one. Inez, Casey, Rain, and Maude were all equally shell-shocked.
Inez wasn't so sure she could keep fending off the rogue after that performance. A small voice in the back of her head wondered if he had chosen the Latin tune for her benefit. 'Nah.' She dismissed the thought.
Casey was feeling like a woman for the first time in her young life, and thanks to JD's little dance, she knew exactly who to blame.
Rain grinned, even though Nathan didn't dance tonight, she had never seen him like this before, flirting with all these pretty women, letting them run their hands over his bare muscular chest. Oh, but she was going to have fun reminding him about her own charms!
Maude couldn't wait to torture and tease her son about his exhibition tonight. But what she was really looking forward to was developing the pictures that she had paid a young photographer to take of the seven men. Her mind wandered as she tried to find the perfect frame for the one with Josiah, leaning over, tight pants stretched taut over his firm butt and his abdominal muscles rippling and bunching with his exertions. Maude absently licked her lips in memory.
Those men had been absolutely outrageous!
The bust went down as planned. Distracted by the hot new dancers, Miranda Meyers, the leading female gunrunner, was conned into selling weapons to the undercover ATF agent. She was quickly arrested, as were her lieutenants, and hustled out of the club, with no one the wiser or a single shot being fired.
Chris sat in his huge black Dodge Ram, delaying the inevitable. He couldn't believe he did that ... that ... dance in front of all those women, in front of Mary! He didn't know if he could ever face her or any of the other women in his circle of friends ever again.
Suddenly, Chris turned his head when he heard the rumble of a Harley enter the parking garage. Vin parked his hog right next to Chris's truck and paused, looking through the black tinted glass. Vin knew he was there. Getting off the hog, Vin reached into his saddlebags and pulled out some Danishes and other morning fluff food. He pulled down the tailgate and sat down, waiting for his best friend to join him. Chris didn't disappoint, handing Vin a black coffee, Chris settled back to wait for the others.
Josiah came in next, taking a huge swallow of coffee before calmly saying, "If I ever have to do something like that again, I'm quitting and moving to Africa."
Chris chuckled as Vin said, "Amen brother."
Nathan came rumbling into the garage next, looking very exhausted.
"Brother Nate, are you alright?" Josiah queried.
"Rain ... gotta hold of me ... all day Sunday ... God, I'm tired."
Nathan slowly sat down on the tailgate, but frowned when his three friends laughed their heads off at him. "Not funny."
"Hell, yeah, that's funny! Funniest thing about the whole damn fiasco!" Chris exclaimed just as a beat up Chevy truck roared into the garage.
Chris and Vin each handed Buck and JD cups of coffee and they filled them in on Nathan's little weekend adventure with Rain. Needless to say, they would be messing with him for weeks to come.
Six heads turned at the low growl that indicated Ezra's arrival. Parking his black Jag next to Vin's Harley, Ezra joined his friends. Chris handed him a cappuccino, that he had ever so thoughtfully brought for Ezra.
"So, gentlemen, how are we going to get to our offices without being mobbed? Or being subjugated to the ridicule of our colleagues?" Ezra addressed his friends, sipping the hot liquid.
"I think we should just take off until everything dies down."
"I'm with Vin."
"JD, Vin, we can't just take off. We do work for a living." Nathan pointed out.
"Are there any back ways up into the offices?" Josiah wondered.
"Yeah, how about the freight elevator?" Buck volunteered.
So the seven men headed for the freight elevator, hoping to God that they could reach their offices and barricade themselves in until the end of the day.
Yeah right, no such luck.
The doors opened and revealed all the female agents standing there, grinning. The song 'Too Sexy' was playing in the background.
"Aww hell." Was the only thing Vin could say as several women came forward and literally dragged him out of the elevator. He turned back to see the others getting the same treatment.
Chris, who was in the very back of the elevator, eyed the hatch in the ceiling, planning his escape. But he looked back down when he got a whiff of a very familiar perfume.
Mary stood in the doorway, his gun from Saturday night aimed right him, "C'mon out cowboy."
Mary shivered as Chris's eyes leisurely traveled from the tips of her strappy red shoes, up her legs and stomach, across her breasts and shoulders, to the gun in her hand, and then finally the jade green eyes met hers. Mary nearly stepped back as Chris prowled forward, like a panther stalking its prey.
Chris's black clad body was mere inches from hers, when he reach out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her towards him with enough force to knock the breath out of her.
"Don't call me cowboy." Chris said, before his lips crashed into hers.
Finis
Okay, how about that for some fantasy mind candy?
Once again, I would really like feedback, especially for this one. Thanks!
Feedback to Author