Universe: Alternate ATF Universe - The Silence AU
Rating: PG13 (Some Language)
Disclaimer: I don't own them and I don't have any money.
Comments: This is a four page introduction to The Silence AU. This started out as a focused freewriting exercise about my favorite guy and turned into a series.
Thanks: Thanks to everyone who has encouraged me to write this series. You've all been a lot of help with your e-mails and feedback. Thanks to Lady Angel's Library for posting them.
He still didn't know what to do. All this time to think about his situation and when it came down to the wire, he hesitated as to how to end it all.
He did know one thing. His job was over. And his job was his life. So that meant his life here in Denver was over.
Ezra Standish, undercover agent for the elite Team Seven of the Denver ATF, stood beside his garage and studied his home. His current home was a small two-story stone structure with ivy-covered walls and old brick walkway and driveway. It looked like something from an old painting of the Olde English county side. There was even a rock fence with an old iron gate that topped off at a man's waist. The garage was nestled to the right side with matching ivy.
Ezra liked this neighborhood for the moment he started looking for a home. It was a part where the city hustle and bustle met the old time green lawns of family oriented neighborhoods that thrived in the 1940s and 1950s.
He breathed in the early morning air and sighed it back out. He glanced at the house again and went into the garage to step inside his black Jaguar.
It was finally here, the time that he had dreaded for the last few months.
Contrary to what everyone believed, he did have friends. Well, sort of. When his crisis started, he had gone to one of them and quietly sounded out the job qualifications that an ATF undercover agent needed to possess.
Soon, he would no longer have all of them. No amount of smooth talking was going to help him. No amount of charm was going to change it.
The others of Team Seven didn't know. And he wanted it to stay that way until he said goodbye. His mother, Maude, also didn't know. She would probably disown him over this. She was already close to it over him being a 'public servant' and wasting his 'god given talent.'
Ezra fidgeted in the leather seat of his car and then forced his mind back to his current problem. He was going deaf and there wasn't a thing anyone could do about it.
It was a long battle to force this realization. He went through all the steps denial, bartering, blame and a hundred other emotions that were hard to peg with a label. In the end, he just accepted.
The best thing to do was to put in for his retirement from the job and simply disappear from life here in Denver. Spare his friends. Go quietly.
So, he had gotten ready. He packed up his house, sold off items he wouldn't need where he was going and closed up his phantom bank accounts that he used during his undercover work.
He had also taken sign language classes. Ezra told his instructors it was just a language credit to further his education. When he got home, he spent hours in front of the mirror teaching himself to lip read.
If nothing else, his mother had taught him to survive. He would survive all on his own and on his own terms.
Lord, he was scared.
For the past few months at work, Ezra listened intently to the chatter of his office mates. He wanted to imprint their voices on his subconscious. He played CD after CD of the classics in his Jag to and from work, stocking up on their beauty.
But, he knew in the end he would forget. Even someone with a perfect memory such as himself would let the memories slip away.
His mind came back from his trip down memory lane as he pulled into the parking garage at the Federal Building. It was funny how time drives you to points in your life that you didn't want to face. Now, the time was here to leave. It was time to leave his chosen profession behind and start all over. The doctor only gave him another two weeks at the most and he wanted to be settled in his new life before his hearing was completely gone.
He didn't want to go. Lord, his heart hurt. And before this, before Team Seven of the ATF, he didn't even know that he possessed a heart.
He looked into his rearview mirror and rubbed a hand across his eyes. His poker face was a shambles and his emotions were running wild. Ezra knew that they would take one look at him when he walked in the door for his last day and see right through him.
He couldn't do it. The tears were already running down his face when he stepped out of his Jag in the parking garage. He leaned against the door and cried like his whole body was breaking.
It was some time before he could control himself enough to talk. He looked at his watch and noticed that he was an hour late for his last day of work. He shrugged and pulled out his personal cell phone and called Chris Larabee's office number. Ezra knew the phone had a speaker option. He slowly got back in his car as he waited for the pick up.
"Larabee," Chris barked out in his usual 'don't give me any shit today because I'll bust your balls' voice.
Ezra cleared his voice, a lump still in his throat. Lord, this would be the last time he heard that growl. "Mr. Larabee, could you call the others into your office and put me on speaker phone, please?"
Larabee was silent for a moment. He didn't like taking orders or requests from anyone, but something in Ezra's voice made him move away from his desk and call the others in.
"Okay, Ez, you're on."
Ezra cleared his voice again. "I'm calling, gentlemen, to tell you that I've handed in my resignation from the ATF." He ignored the shout downs and noise from the other end of his phone. "I wanted to tell you before the Judge came down and told you this afternoon."
The team was stunned.
Ezra took a moment during the silence to collect himself. "I was coming in, but ... but ... I just can't face ya'll knowing that I'll never come into the office again. To never hear Mr. Wilmington and Mr. Dunne fighting over who won the paper tossing contest. Never hear Mr. Jackson harass me about my gambling nights over at the saloon on Saturday nights. To never-" his voice cracked and the tears began to leak from his eyes again. He sniffed and tried to cover it up with a sigh. "I'm sorry. I truly am. If this was at all up to me, I'd be in that disagreeable cubicle with Mr. Tanner until I retired. To be an undercover agent of the first grade until they gave me the boot for being over the hill." He steeled himself. He was never good at this kind of thing.
"And I just wanted to tell you before I go that ... that I love ya'll like brothers and was glad that I've known you for the past three years. Ya'll was the family that I never had growing up. And I want you to know that I'll be all right."
Before anyone could say anything, he pushed the end button on his phone and let the sobs come. He didn't know how long he sat in his Jag and cried on the steering wheel, but he did hear the driver side door open and a pair of hands settled on his back, rubbing him as his lungs heaved for air.
"Ezra, I don't know what the hell is going on, but I do know one thing about us. We're not letting you go without a fight," said Chris Larabee as he kneeled beside the car. "We care about you too. Whatever it is, we'll face it together and we'll get through it like we always have."
And before he knew it, he was pulled out of the car and surrounded by his friends, his family, as he cried his heart out.
Each teammate telling him how much they cared for him and how much they wanted him to stay.
Ezra sobbed himself out and looked at his teammates from over Chris Larabee's black clad shoulder. Their voices ringing in his ears and Chris's rough voice whispering comfort as he hugged his undercover agent close.
Then all was silence.
The End?
Date: November 2002
Revised February 29, 2004
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