By JudyL

October 29, 2003

Bugger! You'd think I'd be used to how these Yanks operate by now. It's been, what… over a year, hell, going on two since I came to Cascade. Never thought I'd be here this long. I didn't plan on staying when I followed Bruenell here.

Heaven knows Cascade's not the safest city in the world to settle down in. Of course I'd be bored in a backwater little town. I suppose I'll just have to admit, if only to myself, that it's the people that have kept me here.

People like Blair Sandburg, Simon Banks, and yes, even Jim Ellison. As frustrating as he can be, I'd miss the man if I went back to Australia. Which may be tomorrow if Sandy finds out what a poor job I'm doing Guiding his Sentinel.

Personally I think Captain Banks is wonkers for keeping Ellison on the streets without Sandy. He should have made Jim take the boatload of vacation time he's accrued and just run Major Crime short handed.

I was crazy enough to make that suggestion. You've never heard such an ear-bashing in all your life. I'm not sure who was worse, Banks or Ellison. Needless to say it put me on Jim's shit-list. I don't think he's forgotten it yet either.

I practically got the silent treatment all day yesterday. We had a new case to investigate and I know Jim came away from the crime scene with a headache. But every time I tried to Guide him, the stubborn fool would shrug me off.

So far this morning hasn't been much better. I'm worried that he's not in top form. I really don't like pulling Jim out of zone-outs.

~~~~~

"You coming, Connor?" Ellison asked loudly as he exited the elevator and stormed toward his truck.

As if he'd let me drive. "Yeah, don't get your knickers in a twist," she mumbled under her breath.

Jim glared at Megan as she climbed into the old blue and white Ford to let her know he had heard her comment.

She lifted a challenging eyebrow and surprisingly Ellison let it go. Great. So now what do we do? Megan sighed. "You know, Jim, I didn't mean to insult you when I suggested you take leave while Sandy's at the Academy. I just knew how difficult it would be for everyone." She cast a quick look at his profile and saw the famous Ellison tick.

"It's not that you can't function without Sandy, but it's more stressful for you. And it certainly puts a lot of stress on the rest of us. None of us could ever hope to fill Sandy's shoes." Megan took another peek at the Ellison earthquake meter and exhaled in relief.

Jim's lips were slightly upturned. She couldn't really call it a grin, but it was better than the tooth grinding jaw clench.

Connor turned on the seat to face him. "Come on, Jim. Give me a break already. Don't make me have to report that I'm a total failure as a relief Guide. You know how much Sandy's opinion means to me."

"As opposed to mine?" Ellison asked, a true grin tugging at his lips.

Megan popped him on the shoulder and faced forward, a small, satisfied smile on her face. Maybe we'll be all right after all.

~~~~~

Okay, as frustrating as the Jenkins case is, at least I can see us making progress. But these pharmacy cases are driving us nuts. Jim started investigating the pharmacy robberies with Rafe, and we still haven't gotten a break on them.

Whereas with the Jenkins case, I think we're close to breaking it. Martha Jenkins reported her husband missing three days ago. His body turned up twenty-eight hours later in a ditch outside of town.

Perry Jenkins had been beaten to death. His wallet and other valuables were missing including the car he'd been driving. The car surfaced, literally, in the river forty-two hours after Mrs. Jenkins reported her husband missing.

No prints other than the Jenkins' were found in the car. Mr. Jenkins' credit cards have not been used and inquiries were sent to all local pawnshops with descriptions of the missing jewelry.

The victim appears to have been semi-conscious when he was attacked. No unusual drugs were found in his system, but he did have an exceptionally high level of antihistamine in his bloodstream.

Mrs. Jenkins told us that her husband has… had horrible allergies and took the pills by the handful. Dan Wolfe advised us that the level in the victim's blood would be enough to tranquilize a small horse.

A little background search revealed a huge debt owed by the Jenkins, they were teetering on bankruptcy. We also found evidence of a girlfriend on the side. The wife's girlfriend. Evidently a divorce was in the picture.

Needless to say, the wife is currently our main suspect. We just need to tie up a few loose ends and I think we'll have enough evidence to arrest her.

As for the pharmacy cases, we're on our way to yet another crime scene. Eight robberies in the last three days making a total of thirty-three since the spree began. The perp seems to know exactly what meds to take. Always controlled drugs, high resale dollar value on the street.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"That's it, Jim. Nice and easy, just let it flow."

I never really know where the words come from when I help Jim with his senses. I've seen Sandy do the same thing and whenever I ask him about it he just shrugs. I've come to believe it's not the words so much as the tone of voice he uses. So I've tried to copy that tone. It seems to work, when Ellison listens to me.

"Did you find anything, Jim?" I ask, watching closely for any sign of a zone-out.

Jim is carefully sniffing around the controlled drug safe. At each and every crime scene he's detected an unusual scent in the safe but hasn't been able to place it. He exhales noisily and straightens shaking his head.

"It's the same damn smell, but I don’t know what it is."

He's frustrated. And so am I. If Sandy were here he'd be asking dozens of pertinent if peculiar questions and probably have the answer in about ten minutes. But Jim is stuck with me and damned if I can get him to answer one simple question without pulling teeth.

I put my hand on his shoulder. "Okay, Jim. Close your eyes and relax." I close my own eyes instinctively. "Now take a deep breath and focus on the scent."

Ellison shrugs my hand off his shoulder. "This is a waste of time, Connor." He pushes past me and heads for the front door. Damn Sentinel.

"Ellison! Jim!" I follow him out to his truck and grab his arm, forcing him to face me. "What is it with you?"

"Just forget it, Connor. We're done here. Get in the truck." He tries to dislodge my hand but I don't let go.

I'm a little surprised by the vehemence in my voice, but manage to keep the volume low, almost Sentinel soft. "What is your problem, Ellison? Why can you let Captain Banks and even Brian help you, but not me? Can you tell me that? What have I done to make you distrust me so?"

Jim ducked his head, but not before I caught a flash of something in his eyes. Guilt? Embarrassment? "Jim? I can't help you if you won't let me."

"I know, Connor," he looks up at me apprehensively. "Can we take this conversation some place a bit more private?"

I nod and get into the truck. Jim climbs in and we start to drive. After about ten minutes I begin to doubt we're going anywhere in particular. I'm shocked when he pulls into the parking lot at Rainier near Hargrove Hall.

"Jim?"

He turns off the ignition and stares out the front window. We can't see the fountain from here, it's actually on the other side of the building, but we both know it's there.

He starts to speak so softly that I have to lean toward him to hear.

"I come out here sometimes. Sandburg doesn't know."

I stare at the man, the sudden stranger beside me. "Why, Jim? Why?"

"I have to. I have to remember what I almost lost that day." He seems to be focusing on something outside the window. "I need the reminder so I don't ever make the same mistakes with Blair. He's too important to me. The fountain is my reminder."

"Good God, Jim! Can't you just write it down or something? This is… God!" I can't even think of anything to say. The man is torturing himself. I can hardly drive by the Uni without my skin crawling and Jim is coming here regularly?

"How often, Jim?" Okay, it's morbid, but I've got to know.

"Depends," he mumbles.

"On what?" I ask a little gentler.

"How crazy things are. Sometimes weeks or a month will pass, sometimes I come several days in a row."

Oh my god. Sandy needs to know this. He's got to do something. Jim's tearing himself apart. "Jim, you need to talk to Sandy about this."

He shakes his head, leaning forward to rest it against the steering wheel. "It's getting better, Connor. Don't tell him. The only reason I told you is because it… it relates to the problems we've been having."

"How's that?"

"In some ways it's been too easy to work with you as my Guide."

Okay, now I'm really confused. He's been balking like a colt in a halter for the first time and this is too easy? "I don't understand, Jim."

Ellison sits up and nods. "I know. I didn't either at first. But Blair has a theory, and I think he's right, that you have the potential to be a Guide."

"What?" They are both off their rockers.

"No, just listen, Megan. You've worked with me on a temporary basis before this and although your technique is a little rusty, you do a good job of keeping my focused. I have rarely had a zone-out when we worked together. When I work alone or with one of the others, I have more near-zone-outs. So far I've been pretty lucky, but I'm not sure how long that will last."

"So, if I help you, why have you been fighting me?"

Jim actually blushed. It was quite a sight and I wish I'd had a camera handy.

"ifeellikei'mcheatingonblair," he mumbled quickly.

"Say again."

Ellison sighed. "I said I feel like I'm being disloyal to Blair by working with you."

I blinked. What could I say to that? Obviously I needed to say something, but suddenly my brain kept spinning around one thought, I could be a Guide to my own Sentinel. I could have the kind of relationship, friendship that Jim and Blair have. I'm a Guide.

"Megan?"

"Hmm? Oh, Jim, I'm sorry. You don't have any reason to feel guilty about working with me. It was Sandy's idea in the first place. And I'm sure he'll be glad to know it was easier for you. Besides, you know and I know that no one could ever replace Sandy as your Guide."

"Yeah. It just reminds me of the whole mess with Alex."

"Say what!? How in the world can this even compare?"

Jim took a deep shuddering breath. "In my crazy messed up head, at the time, I thought Blair helping Alex was a betrayal of our partnership. My senses were driving me crazy, going off like hundreds of warning bells because this evil Sentinel was in my territory. Only at first I didn't know what was causing the problem.

Then I started having these dreams where I shot a wolf and it morphed into Blair. All I could think was that I was a danger to him."

"God, Jim. No wonder you were so crazy. Does Blair know this?" I'm beginning to see the picture a little more clearly. And my anger at Jim for the way that he treated Sandy is fading. I hadn't realized that I still held so much hostility toward the Sentinel.

"We talked about it. Finally. Otherwise we wouldn't be where we are in our partnership. But I don't want Blair to feel the… jealousy I felt when I realized he was working with another Sentinel." He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead.

"It's really not fair of me to assume Blair would react the way I did. In fact, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't, but I don't want to give him any reason to doubt me." Jim turned and caught my eyes with his. "Does that make sense?"

I nod. It actually made a lot of sense. "I think we both need to sit down with Sandy and talk about this. That way you can be comfortable working with me as long as Sandy agrees. Will that work?"

Jim thinks for a moment then slowly nods.

"Good. Then maybe we can have him help with this smell at the pharmacy scenes."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jim called Blair right then and we set up a plan to meet for supper.

I followed Jim into the loft and closed the door behind me. Sandy was in the kitchen chopping something. He stopped and turned greeting Jim with a brilliant smile. Sandy looked past his partner and met my eyes.

It may have been my imagination or a trick of the light, but for a second I could have sworn that something in his eyes hardened, then it was gone.

"Hi, Megan. Glad you could come over. It sounds like Jim's been giving you a hard time." He grins at the Sentinel earning a tap to the back of the head.

Jim smiles indulgently and steals a piece of celery from the chopping block.

"Ah, it's not so bad, Sandy. I think we've actually figured out the problem. We just needed to talk to you about it, right, Jimbo?"

Ellison nods. "What say we wait til after dinner to talk shop, okay?" He seems a bit reluctant to discuss the whole thing.

"Right," Sandy replies. I think he recognized Jim's tone. "Megan, have a seat and make yourself at home. You want a beer?"

"Sure, mate." I sit on the couch and turn so that I can see them working in the kitchen. Jim hands me a bottle and rejoins his Guide.

"What do you need me to do, Chief?" he asks laying a hand on Sandy's shoulder.

I watch them realizing that something in the way they relate to each other has changed… no, that's not exactly right. Changed is too strong a word. Ever since I've known them Jim and Blair have been close. That disaster with Alex really threw me. I thought they might never recover from it.

That's how I know they are even closer now. Only true friends could have gotten past Alex. And now their bond is stronger than ever. Stronger, that's the word I'm looking for. Everything about their relationship is stronger.

Their friendship, the protectiveness, the need they have to be together, the need they have for each other. What must it be like to depend on another soul to complete your own? Will I ever find my soul mate?

"Megan?" Sandy calls, he looks a little concerned. I must not have heard him the first time or two. "Dinner's ready."

I nod and excuse myself to the loo. When I return, we eat and make small talk, mostly discussing Blair's classes at the Academy. I'm intrigued by the differences in training here versus back in Australia. Funny, six months ago I would have said "back home."

~~~~~~~~~

We settle onto the couches in the living area with another round of brewskies.

"Okay," Sandy says. "Are you two ready to talk about whatever is bothering you?"

I meet Jim's gaze and raise a questioning eyebrow. It's his show, so I let him decide how to start.

"Chief, do you remember when we talked about how Megan might be a Guide?"

Sandy's eyebrows climbed on his forehead then he frowned. "Yeah."

"Well," Jim continued reluctantly. "I think you were right. When she works with me, it's a lot easier than with any of the others. But it's making me a little uncomfortable feeling so comfortable with Megan." Jim fidgeted and refused to look at either of us.

I was watching Sandy. After the initial frown, he schooled his expression. Even his eyes were unreadable.

"Why do you feel uncomfortable with Megan Guiding you, Jim?" Sandy asked quietly, still masking his thoughts and feelings.

Jim looked up at his Guide and I suddenly felt as if they'd forgotten I was in the room.

"You're my Guide. I don't want to work with anyone else. It's not right."

Sandy's eyes came to life again. I could see a myriad of emotions, relief, joy, love. I took a look back at the Sentinel and saw the same emotions mirrored in his eyes.

After several seconds that seemed to last forever, Sandy turned to me. "I trust you to help Jim while I'm unavailable Megan." He looked back at Jim. Their eyes met and then Ellison nodded.

That was all he said. I stared at the both of them and realized I wouldn't get any more on the subject. Well! I took the last swig of my beer and cleared my throat.

"Let's talk about this pharmacy case then. Jim keeps picking up a smell that he can't identify."

We spent another hour on that and then Jim drove me home.

~~~~~~

"Thanks, Connor," he said as I open the door to get out.

"For what?"

"For not telling Blair about the fountain."

"I really think you should, Jim."

He shrugs. "I'll think about it."

"Are you sure you're going to be okay working with me for the rest of the week?"

Jim smiles. "Yeah. We'll be fine, Connor. I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night, Jim."

I turn at my door and see him waiting for me to go inside. Ever the protector. It warms me inside to know Jim cares. I wonder how it makes Sandy feel. I wonder if there's a Sentinel out there who needs me. Someone that I will feel just as strongly about as Jim and Sandy feel about each other.

My Sentinel. Where are you? Your Guide is waiting.

Finis?

Comments are always welcome, please let me know what you think. Judy

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