By JudyL

December 13, 2003

This is my first song fic, well, I think you can call it that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay gang," Captain Simon Banks said loudly to get everyone's attention. "We've been asked to participate in the Cascade Christmas Charity Pageant again this year…"

A dull roar began in the bullpen as people began mumbling excuses for not being available to "participate."

Simon frowned and cleared his throat. "Let me put that another way people. The Chief wants Major Crime to do a number and everyone will be involved, without exception." His glare circled the bullpen landing on each of his detectives and the other support personnel as well.

"So, I need some ideas of what you want to do. Any suggestions?" Simon looked around the room. The sight reminded him of high school when the teacher asked a question and everyone ducked their head to avoid being called on. Everyone except the class egghead. Right, shoulda known he'd have an idea.

Blair met Simon's gaze with a knowing grin. Teaching college students wasn't that different from high school sometimes. "I have an idea, Simon."

Banks grinned. This ought to be good. "Spit it out, Sandburg." I am so glad he toughed it out and joined Major Crime.

"Well, how about we do "The Twelve Days of Christmas," with a twist," Blair looked around the room for any objections.

Not seeing any other suggestions, Simon nodded. "Very well then. You're in charge Sandburg. Set it up. Everyone else, do what he says or you'll answer to me." With one last glare at everyone Simon headed back to his office, winking covertly at Blair as he passed his newest detective. This skit is going to be something else.

~~~~

"Whatcha got in mind, Hairboy?" H asked coming to Blair's desk and propping one hip on the edge.

Blair looked up at H and then around at the other wary faces in the bullpen. "Trust me. It'll be fun." He grinned at the groaned protests. "Give me a little while to work out the logistics and I'll let everyone know what we need."

*********************

"Thank you Fire Station 7 for that rousing rendition of Frosty the Snowman. I don't think poor Frosty will ever be the same." Chuckles from the audience greeted the Chief's words. "And now, our fearless officers and staff from the Major Crime Unit of the Cascade PD will be sharing their version of The Twelve Days of Christmas."

The Chief left the stage as the lights went back down and the curtains drew back. On stage were two women sitting comfortably in plush recliners sipping out of mugs. A spotlight lit the area right around Rhonda and Megan. The rest of the stage was dark.

"So," Megan started, "what did your sweetheart get you for Christmas this year?"

Rhonda shrugged. "Oh you know the usual. Lords a leaping, swans a swimming, five gold rings, partridge in a pear tree. Same old thing." She sipped from her mug. "What did you get?"

"Well, you know my sweetie's a cop, right?"

Rhonda nodded.

"Well," and Megan started singing with a rich alto.

"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me….

A cat burglar in a old oak tree."

"You're kidding?" Rhonda said sitting forward. Behind them a spotlight came on lighting up the side of a house and a tree. A man climbed out of the window and out onto a limb of the nearby tree. Just then sirens sounded and a uniformed man appeared below the tree. The burglar raised his hands in the air.

"Nope," Megan said shaking her head. The lights on the tree went dim and the audience laughed.

"What else did he get you?" Rhonda asked intrigued.

"On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me….

Two latex gloves."

Off stage voices joined in for the chorus.

"And a cat burglar in a old oak tree."

The spotlight followed Henri across the stage as he went to the tree where the burglar, Rafe, sat forlornly handcuffed to the limb of the tree. H climbed up the ladder that now leaned against the tree and handed Rafe the pair of latex gloves. "Here, hold these," he commanded. Rafe rolled his eyes, but took the gloves.

The light went out again, leaving Rhonda and Megan in view.

"Oh, my," Rhonda exclaimed.

"Yeah," Megan replied.

"On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me….

Three mug shots."

The off stage voices joined in for the chorus again.

"Two latex gloves, "Rafe waved his gloved hands.

"And a cat burglar in a old oak tree."

Three six foot mug shots of Rafe, Blair and Henri were brought out and stood beside the tree where Rafe sat on the limb.

"I hope it gets better," Rhonda said with a concerned look on her face.

"Oh yeah, it gets better," Megan replied sarcastically.

"On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me….

Four phone calls."

The choir joined in.

"Three mug shots,

Two latex gloves,

And a cat burglar in a old oak tree."

An old fashioned rotary phone was handed up to Rafe. "Where am I supposed to put this?" he asked as Blair raced back off stage.

Rhonda shook her head sadly.

Megan continued.

"On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me….

Five gold badges."

The choir sang with her.

"Four phone calls,

Three mug shots,

Two latex gloves,

And a cat burglar in a old oak tree."

Jim darted out with the badges, climbed the ladder and dumped the badges into Rafe's lap. As Jim departed, Rafe tried to juggle the phone and the badges and succeeded in dropping all the badges to the ground below. He sighed loudly. "Ah, man!"

"I hope they are real gold," Rhonda said looking at her own beringed hands.

"I'm getting them appraised," Megan answered sagely.

"On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me….

Six pairs of handcuffs."

The voices joined in for the chorus.

"Five gold badges,

Four phone calls,

Three mug shots,

Two latex gloves,

And a cat burglar in a old oak tree."

Simon brought out the handcuffs. They were all linked together. He realized that Rafe already had a pair, so he fished out a key and unfastened them and stuffed them into his pocket, then he put one end of the linked cuffs around Rafe's wrist and attached other end around a narrow part of the tree limb.

Rafe protested. "Hey, I want my lawyer."

"Use the phone," Simon replied gruffly as he left the stage.

"I bet I know what you wanted to do with the handcuffs," Rhonda said.

"Oh, don't you know it, girl," Megan replied emphatically.

"On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me….

Seven bulletproof vests."

Her backup singers joined in.

"Six pairs of handcuffs,

Five gold badges,

Four phone calls,

Three mug shots,

Two latex gloves,

And a cat burglar in a old oak tree."

Seven officers came out and piled the vests at the base of the tree. "Thanks guys," Rafe said sarcastically.

"I hope he saved one for himself," Rhonda commented.

Megan rolled her eyes.

"On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me….

Eight powdered donuts."

The off stage voices joined in sounding slightly hungry.

"Seven bulletproof vests,

Six pairs of handcuffs,

Five gold badges,

Four phone calls,

Three mug shots,

Two latex gloves,

And a cat burglar in a old oak tree."

Jim came out with a box of donuts. At the bottom of the tree he opened it and counted them coming up with more than eight. He lifted four from the box, stuffed one in his mouth and climbed up to hand Rafe the box. "Thanks, I'm hungry," Rafe replied.

Rhonda just closed her eyes and shook her head.

Megan sang the next verse.

"On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me….

Nine signed subpoenas."

The choir pitched in.

"Eight powdered donuts,

Seven bulletproof vests,

Six pairs of handcuffs,

Five gold badges,

Four phone calls,

Three mug shots,

Two latex gloves,

And a cat burglar in a old oak tree."

These pieces of paper were stacked neatly beneath the donut box by Joel.

"For witnesses at your trial to prove you were temporarily insane when you killed him, right?" Rhonda asked.

Megan chuckled.

"On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me….

Ten holstered pistols."

The others sang with her.

"Nine signed subpoenas,

Eight powdered donuts,

Seven bulletproof vests,

Six pairs of handcuffs,

Five gold badges,

Four phone calls,

Three mug shots,

Two latex gloves,

And a cat burglar in a old oak tree."

Several detectives brought out what were obviously toy cowboy pistols and set them by the donuts. One of the officers offered one to the burglar with a smirk. "Gee, thanks," Rafe said as he ate one of the donuts.

"That wasn't very smart of him," Rhonda grinned.

Megan grinned evilly back at her.

"On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me….

Eleven lawyers names"

The backup singers rushed through the chorus.

"Ten holstered pistols,

Nine signed subpoenas,

Eight powdered donuts,

Seven bulletproof vests,

Six pairs of handcuffs,

Five gold badges,

Four phone calls,

Three mug shots,

Two latex gloves,

And a cat burglar in a old oak tree."

Blair came out to the center of the stage glanced at the list in his hand. He shrugged dramatically and shredded the list tossing the pieces up in the air as he exited the stage.

Rafe cried out, "Wait just a minute, I need those!"

"They might be useful, you know," Rhonda added.

Megan sang on.

"On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me….

Twelve dozen roses," all the Major Crime people came out on stage carrying red or white roses and joined in the final chorus.

"Eleven lawyers names,

Ten holstered pistols,

Nine signed subpoenas,

Eight powdered donuts,

Seven bulletproof vests,

Six pairs of handcuffs,

Five gold badges,

Four phone calls,

Three mug shots,

Two latex gloves,

And a cat burglar in a old oak tree."

Blair gave a dozen roses to Megan while Simon gave a dozen to Rhonda. H hammed it up climbing the ladder to give Rafe a dozen roses too.

Everyone took a bow to the applause and when the curtain dropped they hurried to clear the stage. Blair received pats on the back as they worked and they all had to be asked to quiet down backstage as the next act was introduced.

Back in the dressing room the euphoria kept things spirited as they boxed the props and removed stage makeup. Fortunately only Rafe and the uniformed officers had costumes to change out of for the reception.

~~~~~~~~

The reception after the pageant provided the hard working entertainers with food and drink and a chance to unwind.

"I have to admit, Chief," Jim said with feigned reluctance, "that was a lot of fun."

"Yeah, Sandy, I think we had the best act," Megan concurred sipping at her wine.

"Well," Rafe added, "next year someone else can sit in the tree." Everyone chuckled as Rafe rubbed his rear end. "That branch was not the most comfortable place to sit."

Blair grinned. "Oh, I think we can come up with something different for next year."

Simon nodded smiling. "I'm quite sure the Chief will volunteer us again and he always wants new acts. No repeats."

"So we should start thinking about what to do now," Rhonda said slyly casting an innocent look at Blair.

Sandburg held up his hands. "Hey! I'm not the only creative person in this group. You guys can come up with something too. You've got eleven months to figure it out."

"Okay," H responded, "no prob Hairboy. Let's see…" he said rubbing his chin thoughtfully. Henri's eyes lit up and a grin split his face. "We could do Alvin and the Chipmunks. Blair gets to be Alvin…"

"Oh that's priceless," Rhonda said. "With Simon as Dave…"

"I thought I'd be Simon," Simon pouted.

"Naw," Joel replied, "Jim's Simon…"

Jim shook his head. "No way. I don't do chipmunks."

Blair piped up. "And H is Theodore!" He grinned at the big detective who shook his head in mock horror.

"Sounds like a plan," Rafe said with a grin. "No trees in sight for me, I like it."

"Uh uh," Jim denied. "I don't think so. I don't sing."

"Aw, come on Jim," Simon cajoled. "If I can be Dave, you can be Simon. Besides, we heard you sing, you'll make a perfect Simon."

"Are you saying I sing like a chipmunk?" Jim glared unconvincingly at Simon.

The others laughed while Simon shrugged smiling broadly.

"Come on, Jim," Blair teased. "We'll borrow those horn rims of Simon's and get you a cute little bow tie," he tweaked Jim's chin. "You'll look adorable with your hair… oh, well, you'll have to let it grow out a bit."

"Sandburg!" Jim growled reaching for his partner.

Blair backed away from Jim with a grin. "Well, we could get you a wig, but they're pretty itchy if you don't have any protection." He continued to back away from his friend. "Be good Jim or Santa won't come."

"That's okay," Jim replied chasing Blair around H. "I know where he lives."

"Children," Simon chastised unable to contain his own grin. "We are in a public place here, let's try to act our ages."

Blair stopped to look at Simon. "Then tell Jim to stop chasing me."

Jim caught him in a headlock and gave Blair a noogie.

"Ah! Not the hair man!"

"I think I know where I can get the hair for my wig," Jim teased ruffling Blair's hair again.

"Ahhhh! Help!" Blair exclaimed trying to get free.

The Chief walked up at that moment and they all stood a bit straighter, although it was difficult for Blair whose head was still caught in Jim's grasp. "I just wanted to congratulate you on your performance tonight," he said barely acknowledging that anything was out of place.

"Inspector Connor," he continued, "you have a lovely voice. I hope we can hear it again next year."

"Actually," Blair said from his awkward position, "Captain Banks, Detectives Ellison and Brown and myself have a skit in mind for…" Jim tightened his hold just a bit and Blair squeaked out the last few words, "next year."

The Chief raised his eyebrows with a smile. "I look forward to seeing it. Good job tonight," he said turning to intercept another group.

Jim sighed and released his Guide. "I guess we're stuck for it now."

Blair ran his fingers through his hair to try and tame the mussed curls. "I told you not to mess with my hair man."

"Don't worry, Jim," Simon consoled. "I think I have a copy of the song somewhere, it was one of Daryl's favorite Christmas carols when he was little. You can get started practicing right away."

"Great," Jim groaned. He aimed another glare at Sandburg then perked up suddenly.

"Uh oh," Blair said. "I don't like it when he gets that look in his eyes."

Jim grinned and grabbed Blair's arm. "Come on, Alvin, I see a piece of pie with my name on it."

Blair's eyes widened with dismay. "Ah, man! You are not calling me that all year, Jim. Jim? You hear me man? Ah, geeze!"

End.

Merry Christmas.

Go to "The Spirit of Christmas Present" - the 2nd story in the Christmas in Cascade Series.

Comments are always welcome, please let me know what you think. JudyL

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