Here are the responses to the May 4, 2003 Challenge.
Have one of the guys driving, riding, operating, or traveling on something totally 'not' him.
Disclaimer: The Mag7 men do not belong to me... I am just borrowing and playing, carefully, with them. I will return them in good health... I promise.
JD was looking through the newspaper when he spotted;
"Need a car?"
"Then come on down on the double!"
"Rocket-mobiles will find the car that's just right!
"Name your price, for our delight...
JD headed right over and was approached immediately by the salesman, "Looking for a car? Well this here is our deluxe model. It comes with four wheels and runs." Pointing towards a hunk of rust held together with duck taped and dirt.
"Hey! That's great! I always wanted one of those! I'll take it!"
Signing the papers, JD then drove off... in his new Hearse...
Universe: ATF
It's a first attempt guys, I think I bit off more than I could chew!
Ezra normally detested using such a common word for himself, but he had been suckered. The betting pool among Team Seven had seemed straightforward enough, but who was to know that Chris would ride a go cart through the halls of a Federal Building? Buck knew, it had turned out. Staking his bet as riding in a hearse to the annual party, without a date if she objected to the conveyence, Buck had convinced Ezra to agree to 'helping Chris with the horses' on Buck's duty turn.
Yes, Ezra was a sucker. He'd be sore from driving this tractor for days to prove it.
Universe: Little Britches ATF
JD and Vin were listening to their uncles tell stories of how things used to be. Vin had giggled aloud at the time that Chris had been part of the short-lived roller skate patrol on the police force. JD was trying to remember everything about Nathan's exploit with the hang glider, so he could try it himself. Both boys had trouble imagining Josiah pulling something called a 'rickshaw', but he said that he'd bring pictures next time to prove it. Quiet was all well and good, but hilarity was better.
Universe: ATF
The air show was an amazing success to all who attended. Thanks mostly to Nathan knowing how to fly an ultralight. They had stopped the attempt to steal aircraft with less than the usual injuries and Chris had only yelled three times! Vin shifted a little in his seat, making sure that he could see all the mirrors. Driving a minivan was drastically different from his usual travel.
"Josiah, you okay?" Vin asked.
"Yeah, just a tad sore."
"Well, you ought to be, chasing that guy onto the kiddie tram!"
Universe: ATF
JD was puzzled, the guy had said he had a bike for sale! Since it was only five dollars JD had paid for it sight unseen. Josiah was chuckling.
"I didn't know that you liked velocipedes, JD!"
"Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer do!"
"Standish, shut up"
"I'm half crazy, All for the love of you!"
Larabee tried to swat at the head of his undercover agent with his black stetson. Ezra just leaned forward, out of reach. As far as he was concerned, Larabee had no right to make demands, as it was he who instigated this event.
"It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage" The others had already pulled ahead, to get away from the bickering he suspected. "But you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle made for two."
Universe: ATF
"He's not here?!"
"I'm sorry, but..." The ER nurse was at a loss.
"Someone called me and said Vin had a concussion. Now you're telling me you let him waltz out of here?" Chris's face was turning a lovely shade of fuchsia. "What kind of place..."
"Excuse me?"
Turning around at the sound of his name he stared bewildered at the construction worker behind him.
"What?!" After being awakened by a phone call at three in the morning he was not in the mood for this.
"I believe the man you're looking for just took off on my front-end loader."
Universe: Little Britches ATF
"C'mon, uncle Ezra..." seven year old Vin called out, "it's fun!"
"Pleasssse, uncle Ezra," five year old JD added as he whizzed by.
"Lord, please promise me that no one sees this." Ezra intoned as he joined the boys.
On the other side of the park, Buck focused his new telephoto lens on the small metal merry-go-round as his co-worker hopped on with his two 'adopted' nephews.
"Good thing I had my camera..." Buck mused as he took the shot, "Chris never would'a believed this one."
Universe: ATF
He chased the suspect into an alley and had nearly caught up as they reached the other end, then the man ahead tipped a trash can into his path. He fell, twisting his ankle.
The suspect ran on, but he slowed as he saw the man's pronounced limp. There were no other agents in sight.
He loped on another block then stopped to catch his breath and was surprised when another agent rounded the corner, gun out.
He nearly escaped again as the longhaired agent started laughing when Chris Larabee arrived with a buzz, leaning over to hang on to the short handle of a child's motorized scooter.
Universe: ATF
"Oh, God... please don't let me hit anything." JD prayed as he sped down the narrow alley in hot pursuit of the vehicle.
The big truck bucked, potholes adding another challenge, along with trashcans and dumpsters.
Then God smiled on the young agent. Buck's pickup pulled up to block the alley, the suspect abandoned the car and ran while Vin and Buck raced to the vehicle and released a still stunned Chris Larabee from the trunk.
JD climbed out of Chris's beloved, brand new Ram, quickly checking for and scratches or dents before joining the rest of the men.
Universe: ATF
This one was harder - it was almost impossible to picture anything that Vin wouldn't be game for...
Vin lowered his eyes as the doors opened and another crowd of people swarmed in, calling out their demands as they entered. He nodded, averting his eyes and taking a deep breath.
The door closed and the small car started to move, after numerous stops he was alone with a middle aged woman who couldn't seem to take her eyes off of him. As they arrived and the doors opened, she exited, brushing against him and pinching his ass as she whispered in his ear. "Nice hat." The elevator doors closed and the red faced agent swore. "Goddamn it, Ezra's supposed to do the undercover jobs."
Universe: ATF
Now I think I gotta do one for each...
"You have to do it, Buck." JD insisted, "We can't afford to lose our deposit."
"So you do it." Buck growled back, knowing it was futile, JD had been assigned to team 4 for a special survellience.
"I would..." JD stated, "but I've gotta work, it's really easy, all you have to do is put the cleaning solution into the top, plug it in and go."
As JD left, Buck looked at the filthy carpet at the now empty apartment they were just moving out of. "Well, how hard can it be to run one of these carpet cleaners anyhow?
He soon found out.
Universe: ATF
Josiah cringed as another car drove by, honking at the sight he presented.
He looked up and realized that he recognized the battered blue Jeep. He waved at the driver. Tempted to use only one finger, he that one of 'them' was probably watching. Instead, he manuvered the tiny lawn tractor around another shrub, wincing as his knee brushed against the prickly branches. The mower was not designed for anyone over about five feet tall so his long legs made him look like he was riding a child's tricycle. But when the Sisters asked him to mow the convent lawn how could he say no.
Universe: ATF
OK — I'm done...for what it's worth.
"I'm sorry, Nathan." Chris said truthfully. "But everyone else is busy and JD sprained his ankle and we need to keep up the surveillence."
The tall man shook his head before answering. "Isn't there any other way to keep an eye on the neighborhood?"
"No, not that we can get organized on time, you'll just have to do it."
Nathan took a deep breath, eyed his boss and mounted the vehicle. He adjusted the small mirror, strapped on the helmet and started to pedel, ringing the bell and calling out as he went. Ding ding ding..."Ice cream."
Universe: Old West
"Boy's you laughing at my burro? JD do you reckon them boys is laughing at my burro?"
"Reckon so Mr. Larabee."
"More like sniggering I would say," Ezra supplied.
"He hates that," Vin warned.
"Brothers, brothers." Josiah shook his head. "Such rudeness."
"Howdy boys," Buck tipped his hat, as he passed the hapless cowboys and sat himself down behind them. "You're braver men than me."
Nathan gave a dramatic sigh and started unpacking bandages.
"He don't like it, it upsets him, so why don't you apologise?" Chris warned, dismounting and patted the patient donkey.
"Sorry."
"Sorry."
"Sorry."
"Sorry."
"That's better."
THE END
Rating: G
Universe: ATF
Disclaimer: They never were and never will be mine.
"It's for the kids," Vin repeated to himself, breaking out in a cold sweat. He hated small places. As he drove around the ring, he glanced in the rearview mirror at the chaos in the back seat.
"Aw, hell," he whispered. These shoes were the worst and the hat and nose were no picnic either. Tanner made a wide circle and pulled the vehicle into the center and parked.
"Everybody out!" yelled the normally quiet man. Seven clowns unfolded themselves one by one from the diminutive car to stand center ring, among the cheers from the children enjoying the circus.
Rating: G
Universe: ATF
Disclaimer: They never were and never will be mine.
"It's for the kids," was the mantra Ezra repeated to himself over and over, while swaying precariously to and fro. He would exact his revenge as soon as his stomach and legs cooperated.
The balloon pants and turban were embarrassing enough, but the vest with no shirt underneath was barbaric, exposing his chest to the masses.
An appendage reached up and nudged him in an inauspicious place. "Now, Sheba, I'm not that kind of man," admonished Ezra batting the trunk away from his person.
The elephant ignored him and her trunk counterattacked from the rear. The children howled their appreciation.
Universe: ATF
"Don't go glarin' at my camera," Vin said, catching his breath. "Already have the film on it's way to bein' developed."
"It's not funny, Vin" Chris growled, hands clenching in frustration and anger. It wasn't bad enough that Travis had somehow talked him into doing this for charity, but then Vin had showed up with some of the kids from his apartment... and a camera. "I want the pictures burned and I want the negatives."
"Sorry, Chris," Vin replied not sounding sorry at all. "So, tell me, how man clowns can they get in that little bitty pink flowered car?"
Universe: ATF
Speechless. Ezra was speechless.
"Isn't that Vin?" JD asked in a hushed voice.
"Sure is," Buck replied in an equally awed voice.
"That's a Rolls Royce, isn't it?" Nathan asked.
"Yep," Josiah responded as the car in question pulled to a stop and a liveried chauffeur stepped out to open the back door for Vin.
The young sharpshooter exited the car, exchanging a few words with the chauffeur before turning toward his friends.
"Is that an Armani suit?" Chris asked, his eyes narrowing.
"Boys," Vin said, nodding his head toward the group. "I got somethin' I need ta tell ya."
Universe: ATF
"You've really been a lot of places," Casey said in wonder. She was doing a report on an area of Africa that Josiah had visited and wanted some first-hand opinions.
Josiah smiled down at the young woman. "Yes, I had a wandering youth," he admitted.
"Do you have any pictures?" she inquired.
"In fact, I do," Josiah responded. "Just let me get them.
The two spent some time over Josiah's pictures. When she turned a page, her hand froze and her mouth dropped open. After several minutes she found her voice. "Josiah," she asked, "Is that you riding an ostrich?"
Universe: ATF
"That was an awesome race!" JD exclaimed as the winning Indy car crossed the finish line.
"They're amateurs," Buck scoffed, giving JD a hard time. It had been an incredible race. The top cars had hit almost 200 miles per hour — very high speeds for professionals, let alone amateurs.
"Here it is," JD said excitedly, "They're announcing the winner. Can't wait to see who it is."
The two men sat in their living-room stunned, jaws hanging open, unable to believe their eyes. On the winner's stand, stood Nathan Jackson of ATF Team 7, the most cautious driver in the department.
Universe: ATF
I am doing this to ensure the safety and security of the people of this state, Ezra repeated to himself again. He sat stuck in traffic, his teeth gritted until jaws ached, and honestly contemplated whether or not killing Chris for putting him in this predicament would really be considered murder.
He tried thinking of his Jag and the great joy he would have when he slipped behind the wheel. He thought of its smooth handling and gentle ride. A definite difference from the beast he was driving now. The Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile handled like a stubborn cow.
Universe: ATF
He sighed. The things he did for his friends. He supposed it was a good thing the only women around were 4 year old girls, but still...
He tried to think how he got stuck being inspector at Saftey Town. He remembered Chris saying in the meeting that each of them would have to sign up for some sort of community service and all of the boys rushing to get the best pick. Somehow he had missed out on everything and ended up with this.
With a sigh, he turned his Big Wheel down another "street" and watched his class.
Universe: ATF
"Not a word, Buck. Not a word," JD threatened his best friend. It had been humiliating enough to be taken hostage at the bust, but then the "vile cretins", as Ezra would say, had taken his clothes, leaving him only with his boxers. He would have walked, except he had sprained his ankle and it wouldn't support him.
Buck bit his lip trying to suppress his laughter. The boys would never believe him without proof. Then again, maybe they would.
Sliding of his mount and supporting himself against Buck, JD let the cow wander back to its pasture.
Universe: ATF
Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine. The silliness, unfortunately, is.
"Explain to me again why we're doing this?˛ Ezra demanded, adjusting his balance.
"I already told you, Ez," Buck said patiently. "It was either these or the tiny cars. These have at least a little dignity."
Don't want to hear it," Chris said. He'd already fallen twice, much to his team's amusement. Vin, JD and Josiah seemed to be naturals; a fact which only increased his frustration.
"Settle down, Chris,˛ Nathan cautioned, avoiding Chris' wobbling path.
"I'm a team leader," he ground out, "I shouldn't be subjected to this humiliation. After today, I am never riding a unicycle again."
Universe: ATF
You will pay for this, Standish, Chris thought for about the thousandth time. He knew, rationally, that it wasn't Ezra's fault. The case had come to his team while the undercover agent was recovering from an injury.
Turning down yet another tree-lined street, he popped two aspirin and tried to focus on toning down his glare.
Seeing the crowd gather at the side of the road, he pulled over and shifted into park. Moving to the window on the side, he heard the cheers that had followed him every day for the past three weeks: "It's the good humor man!"
Universe: ATF
Nathan strolled around the vehicle, his fingertips lightly caressing the metal. The salesman stood quietly off to the side, until the tall ATF agent made eye contact.
"Did you like the ride?" the older man asked.
"Nice, very nice." The medic sighed.
"Shall we go inside fill out the paperwork?"
Nathan stared at the vehicle, lust in his eyes. "I'm not sure. It's a lot more than I planned on."
"Well, there are less expensive models, but this has everything you wanted. It's top of the line."
Smiling, Nathan nodded. He couldn't wait to show the guys his new jetski.
Universe: ATF
Driving slowly, the profiler frowned as he twisted and turned once again in an attempt to get comfortable. He just couldn't understand why it was so small inside. It would probably take a can opener to get him out of the dang thing. And then a week at the chiropractor.
The only reason he was even in it was to receive a large donation for the shelter. He would be driving this tin can for three more days, four down and three to go.
Normal sized people wouldn't fit in this thing and Josiah had never been considered normal sized.
Universe: ATF
Vin steered around a slower moving vehicle, following Chris' black Ram down the mountain, the engines on both screaming. The sharpshooter had tried to wave the man off, but was ignored. JD's hazel eyes were huge and round in the mirror.
Tanner wanted to laugh-at the expression on the boy's face, at the valiant charge of the team leader, at the whole situation. But he didn't have time.
Finally, there it was. He hit it doing seventy-six, but quickly slowed and rolled to a stop. Larabee's face appeared in the window.
Vin grinned, "Lost my brakes, cowboy."
"Cowboy? Me? Right."
Universe: ATF
Wilmington fired the engine, moving along the track smoothly. The steam engine chugged along as the man tossed wood into the stoke. The smoke blew back, causing his eyes to water. He frowned as he glanced back at the cars hitched to his engine.
'How did I get the duty? What kind of gunrunner does business out in the open like this?'
He watched the track, scanning for any obstructions. The crossbars were down, but sometimes people did not pay attention. Passing the crossroad, the station came into view and he slowed and stopped.
"Welcome to Adventureland. Enjoy your day."
Universe: ATF
The pickup bounced over yet another pothole. The bed slammed down with a resounding crash, threatening to leave the vehicle entirely. Smoke puffs trailing the ancient truck as it chugged along the crowded highway, passing vehicles blasting their horns.
Ezra cringed, praying that he wouldn't die in thisŠthis disintegrating disgrace to Detroit. He pulled into the appropriate parking lot at the appropriate time, disguised as a migrant crop worker. Minutes later, the deal went to hell, bullets flying.
Afterwards, he stood beside the old Chevrolet, looking at the holes that adorned her door.
"Thanks" he said, patting the old truck.
Universe: Little Britches ATF
The two boys stood quietly, tearfully watching as Buck assisted Chris. They knew they were the cause of the blond's ill health.
"Buck?" Vin implored.
The big man glanced over his shoulder at the two boys. Seeing their distress tempered the smile on his face.
"He'll be okay."
"We didn't mean to make 'em sick. Honest." JD said, clutching Vin's hand.
"Wasn't ya'll 's fault. It was eating three hotdogs and then going on 'Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin' followed by the 'Mad Tea Party'. He should've known better."
"Shut up, Buck," Chris implored, bending over the toilet once again.
Universe: ATF
The six men jumped the fence, following the path of destruction, outdistancing the emergency crews. The vehicle was a twisted mass of metal and their hearts pounded in fear.
Hands grabbed at the metal, ripping it even more in their attempts to reach the trapped driver. Finally a helmet was revealed and they laughed as the face looked up, wide-eyed.
"What took ya so long?!" JD exclaimed.
Buck reached, slapping the helmet. "Just cause it has a wing, don't mean it can fly, kid."
"I only 'thought' driving a Sprint car would be fun. Want to me outta here?"
Universe: ATF
"I will kill them all. There is no place those miscreants can hide." Ezra coughed.
"I know they are sitting in the van laughing at me. If I see one picture of me riding this this... hellspawned contraption the consequences will be dire. Oh Lord..."
"Maybe I should allow one picture, after all Mother's Day is coming and I am sure Mother would like to see my new job." A wide evil smile graces his face at the thought of his Mother's reaction.
Ezra pets the riding lawn mower. "Maybe this isn't so bad after all."
Vin looks at Chris, "So, who's gonna tell Ezra we busted the homeowner an hour ago?"