RATING: PG
CATEGORY: Challenge - OW
MAJOR CHARACTERS: JD, Ezra and Buck
DISCLAIMERS: This is fanfiction. No profit involved. This story is based on the
television series "The Magnificent Seven". No infringement upon the
copyrights held by CBS, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment Group, The Mirisch Corp. or
any others involved with that production is intended.
NOTE: This is my response to the May 2004 Challenge - Offered by Lady Catherine:
Write a story in which the boys discover the magic in a word or words- for
better or for worse. This challenge is in celebration of the magic of the
written or spoken word!
SUMMARY: Just a bit of messing around with one of those "Pet Peeve"
words
FEEDBACK: Yes please! comments
are greatly appreciated.
SPOILERS: None
DATE: May 7, 2004
Literally Speaking
By NotTasha...who literally has problems with this word...
"I had to go talk to
Chris, but he was still pretty upset, so I was literally walking on
eggshells…” JD explained to Buck.
From the next table, Ezra
leaned toward them and uttered, “Pardon?”
“Huh?” JD returned, not
ready for Ezra’s interruption.
“Literally? On egg
shells?” Ezra stated, echoing JD’s words.
“Yeah,” JD responded.
“Because Chris was mad over the trouble this morning. Ya know, when Mr. Conklin got those folks riled up about havin’
gunslingers guarding the town?”
“Lordy,” Buck murmured.
“Hiram sure does know how to stir up trouble.”
“I ain’t seen Chris that
mad in a while,” JD added. “I thought he was literally going to explode.”
Ezra, looking astounded,
asked, “Was dynamite involved?”
“Dynamite?” JD returned,
perplexed by Ezra’s questioning.
“A little nitro, a bit of
black powder?” Ezra tried. “It would be a pity if that sort of thing were to happen to our
illustrious leader.” Standish
looked to Buck, seeing the ladies’ man’s eyes light with mirth. “Ka-boom!”
Ezra raised
his hands as if they’d been flung back by explosion. “Bits of black everywhere!”
“I’d go with
dynamite,” Buck responded, catching onto what Ezra was doing. “Nothin’ like it.”
“What?” JD tried, not understanding at all.
“No, guys, there wasn’t any dynamite. Not that I knew about anyway. Heck, you two are always thinking about
dynamite.”
Not letting loose of his
point, Ezra continued, “So you were in a chicken coop when you met up with a
dynamite toting Larabee? Eggshells
scattered throughout the area…perhaps he’d made a trial run at the coop?”
“Exploded a couple chicken
nests,” Buck decided, rubbing his chin. “That’d
explain all the eggshells.”
“…Just as a
demonstration,” Ezra conjectured.
“…To see how much
dynamite it’d take to blow something up real good,” Buck said, grinning.
“What are you guys talkin’
about?” JD asked, turning from one to the other.
“We were just trying to
get a feel for the circumstances,” Ezra replied smoothly. “This occurred in a chicken coop…where the hens had been
generous, but there was some foul play.”
“Fowl?” Buck put in.
“Yes, foul,” Ezra
confirmed. “And a certain amount
of eggs, and perhaps a few chickens, were destroyed in a test detonation.”
“Yeah, that’s when JD
caught up with Chris!” Buck looked
satisfied at that resolution.
“You know what I meant,”
JD shot back angrily. “I was so
nervous, I was literally about to fall apart.”
Ezra shot out one hand,
fiercely grabbed hold of Buck’s arm and cried, “Get Nathan!”
At that call, Wilmington
leaped to his feet, shouting, “Good God! The boy got blown up, too!”
Ezra’s eyes were wide with
a tremendous worry. He released
Buck to hold his hands to his face in horror. “JD suffered severe injury due to Larabee’s unorthodox
experimentation with poultry!”
Grabbing hold of the kid,
Buck pleaded, “You’re okay, ain’tcha, boy? He didn’t blow off any of your parts, did he?
None of the important parts at least.”
“I’m okay, Buck!” JD
cried. “Lemmie go!” He tried to
jerk his way out of Wilmington’s grip, but Buck had a frantic grasp on him.
Wilmington looked on in disbelief, as if he expected JD’s arm to come
off as the young man fought with him.
“But you were nearly in
pieces earlier today,” Ezra gasped, looking about fretfully. “Your tendons must have been torn loose!
Your joints coming apart! Flesh
disintegrating! Oh, what shall we
do if you fall into tiny pieces?”
“Would be a pity,” Buck
decided, letting go of Dunne. The kid jerked away from him. “Nate might be able to sew him back
together.”
Laying a hand over his
heart, Ezra declared, “Mr. Jackson is a marvel and capable of almost
anything.”
“What the heck are you
guys goin’ on about?” JD uttered, as he stumbled away from the table. Buck gave him a heart-wrenching look.
“Now, let me just get this
straight…” Ezra started. “Mr.
Larabee was experimenting with dynamite on chickens when you approached him and
he attempted to blow off all your limbs.” Ezra’s worried expression was
replaced with a mild and annoying grin. “Go
on…”
“Ezra!” JD, perturbed,
crossed his arms over his chest. “I
was trying to tell a story.”
“A story, well yes, it has
all the earmarks of fiction.” Ezra
made an encouraging gesture. “Go
ahead.”
“Fiction? No! It really happened.”
“Exactly as you said?”
“Yeah.”
“Word for word?”
“Yeah!”
“Literally?”
Annoyed with Ezra’s
pointless questions, JD sniped, “I wasn’t even talkin’ to you.”
“Keep goin’, JD,” Buck
uttered, allowing himself a grin.
With an unhappy expression,
JD sat down and continued, “Okay, Chris was already upset, so when I had to
tell him about the problem with the stage, I was… worried about how he was
gonna take it.”
“You had to gird your
loins?” Ezra asked innocuously.
“Yeah…” JD answered
apprehensively.
“Literally?” Buck added.
“Well, yeah,” JD
responded, looking to Buck hopefully.
“Hey, Ez…” Buck
started, turning toward the trickster. “I
know what a loin is…” He laid a hand suggestively on the area, “But what
the hell’s a ‘gird’?”
“‘To gird’ is a
verb,” Ezra explained, his tone turning instructional. “It means to fasten a belt – to secure a sword to one’s belt,
perhaps.”
“Okay, so you put on your gun-belt…” Buck prodded,
leaning toward the kid. He looked over his shoulder at Ezra as he added,
“Might explain how JD got blown up, if he did it in front of Larabee.”
“It’s not smart to tempt
Mr. Larabee to a duel,” Ezra added. “Merely
touching your armament might be enough to set him off if he’s in the wrong
state of mind."
"He often is."
"It’s just asking
for trouble.”
“Especially when Chris’
got a handful of dynamite,” Buck reminded.
“In a chicken coop.”
“Oh yeah…. Chickens,”
Buck said with a shudder. “He
don’t like them much.”
“Unless of course,
they’re fried.”
“Or baked.”
“Or stewed with
dumplings.”
“Oh yeah… dumplings!”
“Dang it!” JD sputtered.
“Knock it off!”
In a quick movement, Buck
leaned forward and, with a sweep of his hand, sent JD’s bowler flying.
“What the hell?!” Annoyed and frustrated, JD shot Buck an infuriated look as he got to his
feet. “What the hell you do that
for?”
“You said to ‘knock it
off’,” Buck said with a laugh, as JD stooped to pick up his maligned hat.
Ezra, leaning comfortably in
his chair, drawled softly, “Buck, JD didn’t say the magic word. Without that
addition, you appear to be an ass.”
“Literally?” Buck
inquired.
Ezra brayed a laugh.
“Sorry, kid,” Buck said,
giving JD a friendly pat on the shoulder. “I
got ahead of myself.”
“I ain’t hangin’
‘round here no more!” JD
sputtered. “The two of you are
just too dang annoying.” And he
stomped toward the door.
“Oh, JD,” Buck sighed.
“We were just havin’ some fun.”
“No harm intended,” Ezra
called, not moving from his position. “Please
continue with your most amusing tale.”
Grumbling, JD responded,
“It wasn’t meant to be amusing…”
“Well, it sure as hell
was!” Buck guffawed. When JD’s face reddened, Wilmington continued, “Just sit and calm
down.”
JD responded, “I don’t
have to put up with this!”
“Mr. Dunne,” Ezra said,
with a long suffering sigh. “Anyone
would agree that our responses were literally justified.” A smile tugged at the conman’s lips.
“Oh, come on, JD,” Buck
kicked at JD’s chair. “Just get
on with it.”
With a quick shake of his
head, JD continued toward the door. “Both
of you are bein’ mean and you’ll end up with egg on your face when all’s
said and done.”
As Dunne pushed open the
door, Ezra and Buck called together, “Literally?”
At the word, JD paused and
hunched his shoulders, then strode out without another word.
Grinning with satisfaction,
Ezra and Buck turned to each other and extended their arms, giving each other a
self-congratulatory handshake. Ezra’s
gold tooth shown as Buck’s smile grew beneath his mustache.
But, their celebration was
short as the bat-wing doors were flung open with a bang. Instantly, a series of missiles
rocketed across the room.
There was no time to do anything. Their
hands encumbered by the over-long handshake, Buck and Ezra barely had time to
shield themselves as the purloined hens’ eggs flew…. And splattered.
“JD!” Buck bellowed as
yolk and white ran down from his hat.
Ezra said nothing,
shuddering in revulsion as the sticky muck gooed his face and matted into his
jacket. He held out his arms as the
goop dripped and the eggshells crunched beneath his feet.
With a wide grin, JD held
back the door and uttered, “Literally,” before he let the doors snap shut on
the horrible scene.
THE END
Hope you enjoyed the story. comments
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